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Date Posted: 06:23:01 08/12/13 Mon
Author: Nettie (C)
Subject: Don't Ask!

Disclaimer: the usual legalese

AN: This was inspired by an episode of Everyone Loves Raymond and in my head it was going to be comedy...didn't turn out that way but them's the breaks!

Thanks, Beth!

--Don't Ask --

Embarrassed? No.

Humiliated? No.

Horrified? No.

Harmon Rabb could not think of the most appropriate word to describe the current emotion coursing through him. Deciding mortified was the most apt, his next task was to extract himself from the situation he had found himself in with as much dignity and grace as he could.
“Harm, are you alright?” asked Kelly, his blonde dinner companion, with a distinct southern drawl.
“Ah, yes, I’m fine,” he replied with a lie, his heart and mind racing.

Picking up his water, Harm took a few gulps. It didn’t help matters. Neither did Kelly’s gesture of reaching out and patting his hand. Shaking his head, Harm couldn’t believe he was in this situation, worse still, it was his mother who had done this to him.

‘This’ situation was a blind date his mother had organised for him to go on. Well, technically, it wasn’t a blind date as such, but Kelly was a colleague in his mother’s gallery who was single, delightful, his mother’s words, and visiting DC alone for the purposes of business. She had said that Kelly was a good match for him and she was sure they would hit it off. Trish had spoken highly of Kelly and he had seen no harm in going out for dinner, especially as Mac was TAD and had been for a month and wasn’t due back until Tuesday week leaving him at a loose end.

It was Harm who had chosen the restaurant. The Crown was a favourite of his and Mac’s and while it was a little more expensive, it had a more intimate feel and you could engage in conversation without the overwhelming noise which was plaguing some of the local eateries lately. Besides, he was doing this as a favour to his mother and decided the extra expense would earn him bonus points. Now, he would give anything for pounding noise, impersonal surrounds and maybe a trap door underneath his seat.

Kelly was everything his mother had described; well spoken, educated, tall, blonde, with pleasant features, clear blue eyes and a winning smile. It seemed his mother had covered all the bases but one – Kelly was a man. Well, two actually – Kelly was a gay man. And right at this moment, he didn’t even want to know whether his mother thought he was gay or not as he was too busy trying to work out a plan of escape.

“I’m not who you expected, am I?” Kelly finally asked when Harm hadn’t spoken, except for introductions, since Kelly had slipped into the seat opposite.
“Um, no, you’re not,” Harm replied honestly.
“Anything specific?” he asked. “You’re just as your mom described, so I figured her description of me would have been accurate.”
“She was quite accurate,” he answered, his focus everywhere but on his ‘date’. “Just left out the important fact that you are male.”
“Oh!” Kelly’s eyes widened. “You were expecting a woman?”
“Ah, yeah,” he said with a nod. “Mom was talking this up as a date and so, yeah, I was expecting a woman.”
“But you’re gay,” he stated simply. “At least that’s what Trish said.”
“She what?” Harm nearly choked on the water he was drinking.
“Well, she didn’t say it in so many words,” he said, not sure if he should be embarrassed or amused by the situation and the obvious discomfit of his dinner companion.
“Which words did she use exactly?” he asked, wondering if it was possible to kill her long distance.
“Trish indicated that you had lots of ‘relationships’ with um... how did she put it, ‘women of little substance’. She said they didn’t last long and as you were fast approaching 40 she had to wonder if they were just a facade,” Kelly replied honestly.
“I’m 37,” he said, it was the only retort coming to him. “And seeing someone...” he added as an afterthought.
“Trish did mention that,” Kelly conceded with a nod. “Someone by the name of Mac, right?” Harm nodded in agreement. “She said that she had never met or seen a photo of you and this Mac, and, while you refer to Mac with feminine pronouns, Trish thinks maybe you’re just doing that for her benefit.”
“I am not!” he snapped, not quite believing his evening had gone this way. “Her name is Sarah MacKenzie, she’s a Marine Colonel and a woman,” he added, just in case Kelly hadn’t got the information from his first clues.
“Settle, petal,” Kelly said with a wave of his hand. “It doesn’t matter to me either way but you might want to talk to your mother.”

Harm took a long drink before placing the glass back on the table. “She really thinks I’m gay?”
“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “I think she’s looking for reasons you haven’t settled down and given her grandchildren.”
“And that leads her to thinking I’m gay...not that there’s anything wrong with it,” he added quickly.
Kelly smirked. “And I bet you know lots of gay people...” he said, adding the second most uttered line when straight people were flustered by the topic of being gay.
“Yes, well...no, actually,” Harm amended. “I know one...well, I know one who has told me she is gay ...I know statistically I must know more but they have never said anything and the Navy had a ‘Don’t ask. Don’t tell’ policy in place and really, it was none of my business anyway and ...”
“Take a breath, Harm,” Kelly said with a laugh.
“Look, I don’t want to be rude or insulting,” Harm said quietly. “After all, your lifestyle is your business, just like mine is mine. I’m just a bit...bit...”
“Flustered about your mother outing you?” he said, picking up his drink.
“Yes,” Harm said with a nod before realising what he’d just agreed with. “No! She hasn’t outed me because I’m not gay...right?”
“If you say so,” Kelly laughed. “Shame,” he continued with a sigh. “Tall, dark, handsome, lawyer, pilot ...you’re quite the catch and I would have loved to have had the opportunity to ‘catch’ you.” With his cheeks flushed, Harm didn’t know whether to be flattered or crawl under the table. “Look,” Kelly continued, “I know you are finding this difficult. I won’t take offense if you want to leave.”

With his first genuine smile of the night, Harm contemplated fleeing from the restaurant but he still needed to eat and figured staying was probably the best thing to do. Well, it was the politest thing considering Kelly was a stranger in town.
“Well, now we know this isn’t a date,” he whispered, lest he be overheard, “There’s no reason we can’t enjoy the food...and a few drinks.”
“True,” he replied, shaking his head. “Just as shame...we could do with a sexy man like you on our side...”

As the evening wore on, Harm actually found he was enjoying Kelly’s company. The man had an adventurous side his mother hadn’t mentioned and often spent weekends and vacations hiking, scuba diving, rock climbing, sailing and participating in a wide range of outdoor pursuits that Harm had often thought about doing but had never had the time. By the time the last of their coffee had been drunk, both had offered to share their pursuits next time the opportunity arose.

Standing outside the restaurant, Kelly declined a ride to his hotel citing it was only two blocks away. They had shaken hands and said their goodbyes before Kelly brought them back to the first topic of the night.
“It’s a shame you’re not gay,” he said with a sigh. “I think we could have been great together.”
“Ah, yeah, okay,” Harm muttered. “So, goodnight then.”

Home, Harm started pacing as he thought about calling his mother. What would he say to her? What was she thinking? Did she really think he was gay? Did she really think Mac was a man? Did she ... did she ... did she know just how rattled he now was? Then he thought about not calling her, not until tomorrow or the day after. Maybe he’d wait until she called him and tell her they had gotten along famously and had plans to see each other again, which technically they had, and judge what her reaction was to that. He just wouldn’t mention the extremely uncomfortable beginning of the night.

Deciding to do the later, Harm went and showered before slipping between the sheets. Thinking about the night all over again, Harm was jolted out of his thoughts when his phone rang; it was his mother.
“Kelly texted me to say you had had a great night and to thank me for setting it up,” Trish said without greeting, something very unusual for her, as to was getting straight to the point.
“He was right, mom,” Harm said, emphasising the ‘he’. “We had so much in common.”
“You did?” she questioned. “Really?”
“Really,” he confirmed. “That’s why you set us up, wasn’t it?” He smirked when he heard a flustered mumbling from his mother. “Wasn’t it, mom?” he repeated when she hadn’t spoken.
“Well...um...yes, I guess it was,” she said, shaking her head.
“I must admit, I was a little shocked you’d sent me on a blind date with a man,” he continued. “But, well, mothers know best, right?”
“So, are you saying...what exactly are you saying?” Trish asked, her mind spinning.
“Well, I had never thought of dating men before,” he said. “Especially as I am involved with Mac and ‘she’ doesn’t like me having relationships on the side but if you think Kelly’s the one for me, maybe I have to re-evaluate my ‘orientation’.”
“Harmon!” she said sharply. “Are you telling me you are homosexual or not?”
“Does it make a difference?” he countered, now with the upper hand. “You think I am ...so maybe I am.”
“I don’t think you are, really!” she said quickly.
“Not what you told Kelly,” he replied. “Imagine my surprise to find my date is a man and my mother thinks I’m gay.”
“I may have said it but I don’t believe it,” she said. “I just figured there has to be a reason you haven’t found ‘the one’ and thought that if there was any chance you were ...homosexual...that maybe you’d enjoy your time with Kelly and be able to tell me. I mean I wouldn’t tell anyone else... I know all about ‘Don’t ask. Don’t tell.’ I just want you to be happy, truly happy, and if it happens to be with a man...then, I can live with that. I love you very much...either way...you know, and ...”
“Mom,” Harm interrupted to stop the rambling. “For the record, I am not gay...not that there’s anything wrong with that. Kelly is a great guy and we both have a passion for outdoor recreational activities. I am seeing Mac and you have seen photos ... the woman who has appeared in some of the photos I’ve sent you from balls and christenings is Mac.”
“Those photos were labelled ‘Sarah and Harm’,” Trish interjected.
“Sarah MacKenzie – Mac,” he said pointedly. “It is a masculine name but, mom, as you can see by the photos there is nothing masculine about her.”
“No, no, there’s not,” Trish conceded. “So why are you nearly 40 and haven’t settled down?”
Harm drew a deep breath. It was a question he’d asked himself a lot lately. “Lots of reasons, mom,” he said quietly. “A fear of commitment is one,” he said deciding to be honest with her, and himself. “Maybe a fear of being abandoned...again. Of not being good enough for her. Of ... of not being able to love her like she deserves...”
“Oh, sweetheart,” she said in a sigh. “Does...um...does Sarah know about these fears?”
“She knows about some but she has fears of her own, so it’s a slow process,” he said, amazed he was having an open, candid discussion about his love life with his mother. Oh well, this evening was proving there was definitely a first for everything. “But we are working on it.”
“I’m glad to hear that, son,” she said. “I like her more than that Renee woman already. I could never fathom what you saw in her.”
“She wasn’t that bad, mom,” he said in Renee’s defence.
“Well, the one time I met her I thought she was very ... artificial,” Trish explained, trying to choose her words carefully. “And you saw her for what, a year? I just couldn’t understand the attraction. Your attraction to her, I mean. I know what she saw in you.”
“Renee was always good at getting what she wanted and she had decided she wanted me. She loved me...was in love with me...I thought that would be enough,” he said, as his mind wandered down memory lane.
“Did you love her?” Trish asked, quietly.
“Yes, I think on some level I did,” he replied honestly. “But I wasn’t in love with her and she knew that.”
“You dated her for a year and you weren’t in love with her?” she sounded exasperated.
“How could I be?” he countered. “You can’t be in love with two people at once and ...”
“You were already in love with Mac?” Trish offered and Harm answered in the affirmative. “Harmon, that was five years ago...how long have you been seeing Mac now?”
“Three months...two if you take out this last month she’s been TAD,” he said, closing his eyes and sighing. God, he missed her.
“You’ve been in love with her for five years and ...” she began, trying to understand her son.
“It’s been longer than five years, mom,” he interjected. “I can’t say when exactly I fell in love with her but it feels like forever ago.”
“I’m so glad to hear it,” Trish said with a smile. “Above all else in this world, I want you to be happy, to be settled and content.”
“Thanks, mom,” he replied softly. “I appreciate that.”
“So, Mac...any chance I’ll get to meet her?” she asked with a grin. In her heart she knew that this was the woman who would become her daughter-in-law and she loved her already.
“Every chance, mom,” he answered with a smile. “She is the one for me and so long as I don’t screw things up or take on an alternative lifestyle, she will be by my side forever.”
“Oh, Harm,” Trish said tearfully. “I’ve never heard you talk like this before.”
“That’s because we’ve never talked like this before,” he replied as he tried to stifle a yawn.
“True,” she conceded. “But we should ...talk like this more often, about the important things in life.”
“I agree,” he said. Once, he would have cringed and considered it a chore to talk to his mother about such personal things but tonight’s call had been quite an eye-opener.

After Harm had yawned twice, Trish decided to end the call.
“Well, I’ll let you go to bed and, Harm, I’m sorry about Kelly...and all of that,” she apologised.
“That’s alright, mom, you didn’t mean any harm,” he conceded. “But maybe next time could you talk directly to me about me.”
“I will,” she said, with a nod Harm couldn’t see. “I promise.”

With goodbyes and ‘I love you’s’, the call was concluded and Harm hung up the phone and reclined in his bed. What he wouldn’t do for Mac to be here right now. Over the course of their partnership and friendship, he had always missed her when she was out of town, or when they were on the outs but now they were in a relationship and he missed her deeply and desperately. On several occasions he had called her apartment, just so he could hear her voice on the answering machine.

Still, she had another week to go, eight days to be precise. He knew this as it was the first and last thing he thought of each day, that and the fact she had put a countdown clock app on his phone and programmed her return date. Once a day it sent him a reminder as to how many days there were to go...it was always too many.

Closing his eyes, he thought of what they could do had she been in bed with him. It was easy to imagine that he would strip her clothes from her in a slow and sensual manner – that or just tear them from her body. Then he would devote a good portion of the night, and the rest of his life, worshipping every dip and curve of her amazing body.

With a newfound sense of masculine pride and an overwhelming desire for the woman who was the world to him, Harm yawned before letting his mind drift to an extremely pleasant place.

Content, yet unsatisfied with his meanderings, Harm rolled over and yawned once more. Little more than a minute later a knock on the door disturbed him. Grumbling to himself, Harm pulled on his robe to hide the evidence of his thought processes and headed to the door.

Opening it, he was ecstatic to find it was Mac. Not giving her a chance to speak, nor to even step into the loft, Harm took her in his arms and kissed her tenderly, passionately, deeply and very, very thoroughly.
“Wow!” was all she could mutter when he finally pulled back and caressed her face. “Wow! I should come home early more often. What was that for?”
Harm pulled her close and brushed his lips over hers once more. He contemplated all which had happened that night and simply said, “Don’t ask.”

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Replies:

[> clever -- Laurence, 07:19:13 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> Chuckled my way all through it. Really cleverly written. -- jan, 07:23:15 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> Can't you just picture his face in the beginning of this. Too funny. -- Beth, 08:17:17 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> I loved it. Thanks Nettie. -- Debbi, 10:51:18 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> Agree w Jan and Beth, two great conversations, very nicely done, too funny! -- JoyZ, 11:08:58 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> LOL so funny Nettie -- Bev uk, 14:25:44 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> LOL - that was great -- JagFanUK, 18:55:03 08/12/13 Mon [1]

Nettie, You crack me up when you are funny. It may not have turned out exactly as you envisioned - but it turned out great just as it is.


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[> I just love it when you get inspired Nettie C and this was perfect. You really know how to write "Harm." Thank you so much for another great story. -- Can Sheshe, 19:26:42 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> Very Fun -- Shazam, 21:20:28 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> Just plain cute! Chuckled and smiled all the way imagining the looks on Harm's face. Thanks. -- carramor, 22:27:52 08/12/13 Mon [1]


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[> Thank you all x -- Nettie, 05:13:32 08/14/13 Wed [1]


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