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Loving Life w/o Abuser
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Date Posted: 14:14:15 10/10/06 Tue
In reply to:
Deneisa
's message, "Newly out from a VAH." on 12:01:22 09/20/06 Wed
I said "no more" like Tracy did. For me as time went on the kids and I more good than bad days. Sometimes I would even miss the passion I thought he had for me (ugh). I came from a Christian family background, I believed I HAD to marry a man I had been intimate with before marriage and once married had to stay in spite of abuse. I held the strong belief God did not approve of our break-up (initiated by me due to his abuse and substance issues). We reconciled a few times even after the divorce (my believing he would change if I was a good enough wife/mother/Christian), but as I found out quickly that although it was clear the kids love him, we continued to take turns being targets of his anger, it was not a safe environment because the threat of his rage was enough to keep us cringing around him. Too much time went by before understood God might not 'like' divorce, but he dislikes abuse of His children MORE. My children and I will not get back the time lost giving him chances to get better while we paid for his inner turmoil, we are still healing. But the life we live now is much more peaceful (steady) even though seeing him for visits remains awkward and tense at times. The custody requires he pick up & deliver the kids for brief visits at my front door where I installed a video camera in plain view to encourage him to be civil during exchange of kids, it helped. I have read Tracy's book "The Courage To Say No More" and found it helpful to hear how she walked through fire to get away from her abuser. I cried all over again because the experience was so similar. Feeling isolation and humiliation at first was tough. My emotions ran the gammut from anger to sadness within the same day, which I went into counselling for. I learned taking care of my own finances as though no child support would ever some made me feel much less concerned with HIM. I could go on, but don't want to overwhelm. My prayers and wishes for a brighter peaceful future are with you. Please check back in again soon and let us know how you are.
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I am no professional, but went through abusive relationships until (click in for more)