I just need some help -- WIN Foundation

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Subject: I just need some help

Author:
katle
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Date Posted: 09:53:38 01/10/08 Thu

I've finally decided to cut my father out of my life and I'm terrified even though all he does is make me feel depressed and anxious. I'm in therapy and in the process of getting meds but I still feel alone a lot and basically like I don't fit into normal. I've always been a loner kid and could always relate to adults more than other kids. My mother treated me as a friend which I'm just finding out wasn't the best thing for me. My dad never really hit me, but he would physically threaten (throwing/punching/breaking things) and criticize and ignore and overprotect. He didn't let me do many things and he's tried to control who I was friends with before. I feel like a lot of what I've had to deal with, pulling hair out, overeating, purging, cutting, compuslive thoughts, hypochondriac like worries, general anxiety, social isolation and depression have been primarily caused by him. I figured since he didn't hit me or call me overtly negative names like ugly or whatever that it didn't count. Anyway, I'm graduating this year and my mother and father are still together and probably will be forever. My mother's not happy, but I'm also angry at her for never helping me and for discouraging me getting therapy before I went to college (I started last year). My sister's still stuck in the house for one more year. I basically want to leave them completely because being near them makes me feel more depressed and anxious and disconnected. I know this is something I have to do so I can actually grow as a person, which is something that my parents stunted, but I am scared that I'll fall back into my dependency on them. I'm very scared of that because I feel alone now, even though I do have friends. They may think I'm overreacting, but I've rationalized enough things to myself. I just need some support now and I don't know where else to get it, although the therapy does help - that goes when I no longer have insurance through my father. I'm afraid I can't exist on my own.

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Hi Katie - thanks for the email. I am not seeing a question to me, so I will send you some thoughts. #1: It is normal to feel fear when creating change. No matter how old or young, 'normal' is to fell a little nervous when we make a life change. #2: Stay in counseling. Friends are great, but during crises, counselors are better! #3: Normally during this time, the fear of not having a relationship with your father, or feeling anger toward the parent who did not 'protect' is normal. In time, you with the right skills will be able to re-define your relationship with your father. In time, you will be able to dialogue through the pain with your mother. Take your healing one step at a time. And stay connected! Dr. Tracy Kemble 18:25:10 01/20/08 Sun