| Subject: Episode 11: Zero |
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Date Posted: 16:00:57 03/14/02 Thu
EPISODE 11: ZERO
**Continued from Christmas in General**
SCENE ONE:Mexico, turn of the century. The group is following Ashe to the spot where he claimed to
have knocked a man off a balcony
ELLIE
Come on Ashe, how bad can it be? It's not like we're that high off the ground...
SAM
Yeah, Professor LUNATIC Campbell jumped out a window much higher than this
ASHE
I just hope it wasn't anyone important
(They went to ground level to look at the body. The unconscious man is dressed in black. He has a
black cape that covered him and a small mask over his eyes. Ashe examined the man)
Maybe he was a robber...
SAM
Since when were we that lucky?
RICHARD
(Wearing a black had like Zorro's and holding a sword)
Hey guys, guess who I am
(Begins swinging the sword around)
ELLIE
Let me guess... Zorro
ASHE
(Eye's widen as he stares at the body)
SAM
(Glaring at Ashe)
A robber, huh
ALEC
So, Ashe, let me get this strait...you're chasing a little mexican boy and you failed to see a man
dressed completely in black, wearing a cape, a big black hat, and had a mask on...what are you?
BLIND?!
ASHE
It was an accident
SAM
Ya know...you keep saying that...
ASHE
It was, I swear
ELLIE
Look, right now I don't care whether or not it was an accident...what matters is that Ashe seriously
screwed up history...how are we supposed to fix it?
SAM
Find Antonio Bandaras?
ELLIE
Seriously Sam...
ASHE
(He had been looking at Zorro when his eyes lit up with an idea)
I've got an idea
ELLIE
Is it any good?
ASHE
I'll be right back
(Grabs Zorro and begins dragging his body around the corner of a building)
ELLIE
Ashe, what-
ASHE
One minute
(When he returns he is dressed in Zorro's suit. The suit only semi fits him, it is very baggy)
ELLIE
You've GOT to be kidding
SAM
You just left Zorro naked in the street didn't you
ASHE
I know what you're thinking, but I can pull this off
ALEC
Maybe you better let me do this...
ASHE
Why?
ALEC
Well, I-
ELLIE
Let me guess, you played Zorro in a movie once...
ALEC
Well, not exactly....but I did play a musketeer once
ELLIE
Should've seen that one coming...(notices Ashe heading for a large, black horse)...Ashe, don't even
think about it
ASHE
Why not? I'm Zorro now
SAM
(mumbles)
More like Zero
ELLIE
Ashe, you've never ridden a horse before
ASHE
Please, how hard can it be
(He looks at the horse again. He runs to the back of the horse and tries to jump on the horse from the
back. Instead, he only makes it halfway up and falls on the ground)
ELLIE
Since it's your first time, you may want to climb on using the stirrups
ASHE
Right
(He climbs on and seems satisfied with himself. In the distance men are shouting to arrest Zorro.
Ashe looks at the horse. Shaking reigns)
Go horsey...go horsey
SAM
Tornado
ASHE
What?
SAM
The horse's name is Tornado...stupid
ASHE
Oh, I knew that....Giddy up Tornado
ELLIE
Oh, Ashe, just make sure you don't...
(He kicked Tornado and he took off in a flash, almost sending Ashe to the ground)
...kick him
(The watch Ashe attempting to control Tornado as he rides around a field)
ELLIE
I can't believe he's doing this...
SAM
I can't believe he's still on that horse
(Tornado ran by a tree. A low branch knocked Ashe off the horse)
ALEC
(Smiled at Sam)
You spoke too soon
ASHE
(Stands up)
That was part of my plan...
ELLIE
Ashe, run! The soldiers are after you!
(Sees spanish soldiers headed his way. He takes off, running into woods)
SAM
And lose the costume!
RICHARD
Use the batwing!
ALEC
Richard, he's not Batman
RICHARD
(Smiles)
Batman is cool
SOLDIER 1
(To Ellie)
Which way did he go?!
ELLIE
Who?
SOLDIER 2
Zorro
ALEC
Zorro who?
SOLDIER 1
(Points sword at Alec)
Don't play games with me boy
RICHARD
Cool sword...
ELLIE
Richard, now is not the time
SOLDIER 1
I'm not going to ask again...
SAM
(Smiles)
Ask what again?
SOLDIER 2
(Holds sword at Sam's neck)
I grow tired of your games
ELLIE
He ran to the left of the woods
SOLDIER 1
Thank you ma'am
(He glares at Sam and Alec. Meanwhile, Ashe had been running through the woods trying to find a
safe place to hide. He is still wearing the Zorro costume. He ran into a cave.)
ASHE
Hello? Please let there be no - (he hears a growl) - Crap...(Ashe runs out of the cave. He sees a
swampy lake not far away and leaps into it. He stays low in the lake waiting for a sign to come out)
ELLIE
Ashe? Where are you?
ALEC
Oh sure Ellie, just start yelling for him to come out...that way all the soldiers can follow and grab him
ELLIE
The soldiers are looking for Zorro...Am I calling for Zorro?
(Alec doesn't respond)
SAM
(To Alec)
Your level of intelligence never ceases to amaze me
ALEC
Your level of bitchiness never ceases to amaze me
RICHARD
(He runs in the middle of Ellie, Sam, and Alec screaming)
OH MY GOD!!!
(Everybody jumps)
ELLIE
What?! What?!
RICHARD
My dagger's gone!
ALEC
No it's not, I've got it...I didn't trust you with it
RICHARD
Oh...carry on
ELLIE
(shouts)
Ashe?!
(Everyone jumps)
SAM
Would you people stop doing that!
ASHE
Over here...
(The group walks over to the swampy lake to see Ashe climbing out. He is scratching his skin)
SAM
A swamp....of all places to hide, you chose a swamp
ASHE
It worked, didn't it
SAM
(Wrinkling her nose)
Just....stay away from me...you stink
ALEC
Why are you scratching?
ASHE
I don't know. I'm so itchy...I think I was allergic to something in there
ELLIE
(watching where he was scratching)
Ashe, take off your shirt...
SAM
Ellie, rethink that statement...
(Ashe removed his shirt. He was covered with leeches)
ELLIE
That's what I thought. You're not allergic to anything. You're just covered in leeches
ASHE
Oh is that all...(looks at his chest)...this is nothing...(He suddenly gets dizzy and faints. Instinctively,
Sam grabs him. She suddenly realized what she did)
SAM
Get off me, you big baby
(She drops him. Ellie notices a medallion on Ashe's costume. She pick it up and looks at it as Alec
and Richard pick the leeches off Ashe.)
RICHARD
(singing)
99 little black leeches on Ashe, 99 little black leeches...
SAM
(To Ellie)
What's that?
ELLIE
I'm not sure...it almost looks like a map
SAM
A map? To what?
ELLIE
I don't know...Zorro's secret hide-out maybe
ALEC
Can you read it?
ELLIE
I think so...When you're done getting the leeches off Ashe, we'll check it out
SAM
(To Alec)
You're carrying him
ALEC
Why me?
SAM
I thought you wanted to get to know your brother...
ALEC
Not like that
ELLIE
Because you're the strongest...come on, Alec...I'm sure you've played some sort of character with super
strength, like Hercules, or He-man, or Superman...
ALEC
I could've played superman....If it weren't for Tom Welling...
SAM
Yes, we know
ALEC
Besides, Ellie, this is real life, not a movie. Just because I had super strength in a movie doesn't mean
I have it in real life
SAM
Yeah, you'd think that, wouldn't you
SCENE TWO: The group is following Ellie, who is using clues on Zorro's medallion in order to find
Zorro's hide out. Sam is walking just behind Ellie. Alec his behind Sam with Ashe, still in Zorro's
costume, minus the shirt, slung over his shoulder. Richard is wearing Zorro's shirt. He is walking off to
the side of the group picking up rocks, tossing them in the air, and hitting them with a stick that he is
using as a bat.
RICHARD
He steps up to the plate....(Tosses rock in the air then smacks the rock with his stick. The rock flies
into the distance. Ellie glances up as the rock flew in front of her)...YES!! Homerun!!
ALEC
Somebody make him stop that
SAM
I don't think so
ALEC
Why not? He could hurt someone
SAM
Because as long as he's doing that, he is entertaining himself and not getting in the way
(They stop in front of a moss covered rock wall)
ALEC
Why'd we stop?
ELLIE
(Looks at the medallion and then at the wall)
I don't get it...
SAM
What?
ELLIE
According to this, we're here...but, I don't see anything that looks like it could lead to a secret hide out
(Alec puts Ashe on the ground as he, Sam and Ellie begin examining the wall for a camouflaged
entrance. Richard picks up another rock and smacks it with his stick. It smashes into the rock wall,
nearly hitting Alec's head)
ALEC
Whoa! (Glares at Richard) Alright that's it!
ELLIE
(Grabs his arm)
Wait, (she points to where the rock smashed) look...
(There was an engraved "Z" in the rock. Ellie brushed some of the vines aside. There was a carved
circle in the stone)
ALEC
What do you think it is?
ELLIE
Ever see The Mummy?
ALEC
See it?! I was up for the part of Rick O'Connell...but-
SAM
Brendon Frasior got it instead
ALEC
Apparently I wasn't old enough for the part
ELLIE
(She placed the medallion in the circle. There was a low rumble and the stone wall loosened from the
rest of the wall. Ellie smiled)
Who says you can't learn anything from movies
(Sam and Ellie opened the stone door as Alec picked Ashe up again. The grouped entered the cave
slowly. Ellie picked up the medallion again and the door closed behind them)
RICHARD
The batcave!
SAM
No, Zorro's cave
ALEC
Uh, Ellie, how are we supposed to see where we're going?
ELLIE
Give me a minute...
(She gave her eyes time to adjust to the darkness, then walked forward down a narrow passage)
SAM
Ellie? Ellie?! Where did you go? Don't leave me here with these freaks!
ALEC
Hey!
ELLIE
(From a distance)
This way guys. Just follow the path
RICHARD
(Skips down the path singing)
We're in the batcave. We're in the batcave
(There was light up ahead. The entered in large open room. Ellie stood in the center of the room
where there was a large circle drawn on the floor. Surrounding the circle were ropes, a table with a
number of swords, daggers, and other weapons, a set of candles which Ellie had lit, and a small stream
of running water.)
ALEC
Whoa...this is amazing
SAM
Let me guess, this is a training circle
ELLIE
Yep
RICHARD
Hey, where's the batmobile? And the batwing? And all of brucey's computers?
ELLIE
Richard, this isn't the batcave
(Richard gives her a vacant stare. Ellie rolls her eyes)
Everywhere Richard, start looking
(Richard wonders around the room)
ALEC
Why did you tell him that?
ELLIE
We've learned that its best to keep him entertained
ALEC
(Sets Ashe down in the center of the training circle)
So what do we do now?
SAM
I vote for finding food. I'm starving
ALEC
Me too...someone should stay here with Ashe
(Ellie and Alec look at each other, then at Sam)
SAM
What? (Looks at Ashe) Oh no, you are NOT leaving me here with him
ELLIE
Relax Sam, he's unconscious...we'll even take Richard with us
ALEC
(To Richard)
Come on, boy
(Richard runs over playfully)
ELLIE
See you in a little bit...
SCENE THREE: Alec and Richard return to the cave. Sam had been leaning back in a chair throwing
pebbles at Ashe's head
SAM
(Noticing that Ellie is missing)
Alec, where is Ellie? And where is the food you said you'd bring?
ALEC
We have a bit of a situation
SAM
What did you do
ALEC
We were bargaining with one of the vendors for some bread...
SAM
We?
ALEC
Ok, Ellie, was bargaining with one of the vendors when a couple of the Spanish soldiers grabbed her
and some other people in town. They said they were going to kill an innocent civilian every hour until
Zorro surrenders
SAM
(Smirks)
I'd be delighted to turn "Zorro" in
ALEC
You're NOT going to surrender my brother
RICHARD
Yeah, especially without him knowing it
SAM
He got us into this
ALEC
That doesn't mean he should die for it
SAM
Well why don't we ask Ellie what to do
(Alec looks at her waiting for the light to go on)
Oh damnit! She's not here...why didn't you rescue her, you Superman wanna-be
ALEC
I had no choice...
(Watches her carefully)
What's wrong with you, Sam? You usually come up with much better come backs than that
SAM
I don't know what you're talking about
ALEC
Why don't you admit that you want me
SAM
(Anger growing)
What?
ALEC
I saw you during the last General Docks shoot. You were all over me until you found out I'm Ashe's
brother
SAM
What does this have to do with anything
ALEC
Admit it! You're attracted to me
SAM
You're in love with yourself enough for the both of us
ALEC
(Smiles at her discomfort)
Admit it
SAM
You make me ill
RICHARD
Uh, guys
ALEC
Not now, Richard, the grown ups are talking
RICHARD
Ashe is awake
(Alec and Sam look at the training circle where Ashe had been. He was no longer in the cave)
ALEC
Richard, where did Ashe go?
RICHARD
He's gonna visit Ellie
SAM
He must have heard Alec talking about the soldiers
ALEC
He can't take on the Spanish Soldiers...he'll be killed!
SAM
What a shame
ALEC
Come on, I've got an idea
SAM
What?
ALEC
The soldiers want Zorro, they're going to get Zorro...but they won't know who the real one is
SAM
I don't like where this is going...
ALEC
We'll all dress up as Zorro...that way we'll confuse the soldiers enough to rescue Ellie
SAM
I want no part of this
SCENE FOUR: Center of town. A crowd has gathered by the wall of a building. Ellie and Several
other people from the town are standing with their backs against the wall; hands tied behind their back.
Sever spanish soldiers are facing them with rifles pointed at their heads.
ELLIE
Hey! Aren't we supposed to be blind folded?!
SOLDIER #1
Only those who wish to die honorably are blind folded
ELLIE
And who robbed us of our honor? You?
SOLDIER #1
(Approaches Ellie)
You are nothing but a petty commoner. Honor is beyond your reach
ELLIE
Oh and I suppose killing a dozen innocent people in an attempt to apprehend another makes you
worthy of my time
SOLDIER #1
(Trying to hold back anger)
ELLIE
What's the matter? Panties in a twist?
SOLDIER #1
You have a wicked tongue, young lady...it's a wonder you lasted this long
(Turns from her to face the soldiers)
The loud one shall be first!
ELLIE
(Under her breath)
Figures
MAN #1
Look! Over there...it's Zorro!
ELLIE
(See's Ashe)
Oh no...could this get any worse
WOMAN
No, over there...Zorro!
(Points to Sam in one of Zorro's old costumes)
SAM
(Smiles, snaps her fingers and does a double point at the woman who pointed her out)
MAN #2
No...there!
(Points to Alec who is dressed in a rubber Zorro costume that looks like a cross between the batsuit
and Zorro's suit. He stood tall with his hands on his hips)
CHILD
Look at the funny man, Mommy
(Points to Richard, who is wearing a zorro costume with uneven sleeves and pant legs, the cape has a
jagged edge, and the face mask has about twenty eye holes. He smiles and waves playfully)
ELLIE
(Starring at them stunned)
Kill me now
ASHE
(Uses his whip on a flag poll in an attempt to swing from the balcony he was on to another, slightly
lower to the ground. Halfway into the swing, the whip detached from the flag poll and he went crashing
to the ground. He stands up quickly and puts his hands up)
I'm OK...
ELLIE
No you're not...
(Ashe pushes his way through the crowd. Meanwhile, Alec swung to the ground and began fighting the
soldiers. Soldier #1 became furious, stormed up to Ellie and held a pistol at her head)
Now you're cheating...you have Zorro....all of them
SOLDIER #1
Shut your hole, wench!
ELLIE
Wench?!
SOLDIER #1
(Looks at Alec and Ashe who were the only two taking Action. Richard was playing games with the
kids and Sam was signing autographs)
Hold your sword...both of you!
(Ashe and Alec were side by side now)
Which one of you is the real Zorro?
(Ashe and Alec exchange glances)
If you do not answer me now, I will kill each of these peasants for each minute you have me
wait...starting with this one
(motions to Ellie)
ASHE/ALEC
I'm Zorro
SOLDIER #1
(He looks at Ellie and begins to pull the trigger when someone used a whip to knock it out of his hand)
ZORRO
(Who is in an old faded Zorro costume)
I believe your quarrel is with me
(To Alec and Ashe)
You boys know how to use those swords?
ALEC
(smiles proudly)
Absolutely
ASHE
Yes...(points the tip of the sword)...the pointy end goes into the other man...like this (stabs Soldier #1)
(The other soldiers attack Zorro and Alec. They begin fighting. Ashe runs over to Ellie.)
Don't fret, Ellie...
ELLIE
Don't fret? Don't tell me you've lost it again
ASHE
(Unties Ellie's hands. He faces her and has his hands on her arms)
You're safe now
ELLIE
(Looks at his face. She is uncomfortable and almost scared)
What are you doing?
ASHE
This is the part where the damsel gives her hero a kiss...
(Ellie smacks Ashe. He blinks several times. Realizing he is holding Ellie, he quickly releases her)
ELLIE
That's more like it....you freak
(Sam, Alec, and Zorro join Ashe and Ellie)
ALEC
Are you ok?
ELLIE
Fine...so what's with Richard's costume?
ALEC
You mean the eyes? He hasn't mastered the art of using scissors yet
ELLIE
Right, silly me. (Looks at Sam and smirks)
SAM
What?
ELLIE
How'd they get you to do it?
ALEC
(Smiles)
I have my ways
SAM
(Makes a face at Alec)
ELLIE
Well?
SAM
He did me a favor
ASHE
Which is...
SAM
Right, like I'm gonna tell you
ZORRO
(To Alec)
Young man, I must tell you, you are wearing the most ridiculous version of the Zorro uniform I have
ever seen. (Nods to Ashe and Sam) and Thanks to you two I had to use one of my older suits. I hope
you plan on returning them
SAM
Don't worry
ZORRO
Well, I must be on my way
(He runs off. Richard runs over to the group holding the Necromonicon)
RICHARD
Hey guys, look what I won...Little Richie
ELLIE
Alright then...lets get out of here
(They crowd around the book. Ashe stands next to Ellie. Ellie looks at him and then switches places
with Alec)
ASHE
(To Ellie)
What?
ELLIE
Just touch the book
(He does and they disappear)
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