| Subject: Episode 12: Arabia Bites |
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Team Bravo
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Date Posted: 16:03:12 03/19/02 Tue
LIFE IN GENERAL
EPISODE 12: Arabia Bites
SCENE ONE: The group lands in an Arabian village. They are dressed in the appropriate
attire.
ALEC
Any guesses as to where we are now?
ASHE
Hell?
ELLIE
Ya know, that answer is getting old
ASHE
Nonsense
SAM
My guess is the Middle East
ALEC
What makes you so sure?
SAM
Lots of sand, dry weather, and both of you are wearing a turban
ASHE
Fine. Lets try to stay out of trouble this time
(Looks at Richard who is making sand angels)
If that's possible
ALEC
Here come some people, maybe they can give us some information
(A group of men dressed in black are headed in their direction fast.)
ELLIE
(To Sam)
Something tells me they aren't here to help us
SAM
Is anyone?
ALEC
Excuse me, gentlemen-
(The men continued to run past them)
Well that was rude
(Arabian guards run to the group. They hold their swords at Ashe, Alec and Richard)
GUARD 1
They are part of the 40 thieves! Arrest them!
ALEC
What?! We're not thieves! We're Americans!
(Guards grab Ashe, Alec, and Richard)
Let me go!
ELLIE
What are you doing? Let them go...they didn't steal anything
SAM
Ellie, don't get involved
ELLIE
The thieves went that way
GUARD 1
She's an accomplice, arrest her too
ELLIE
What? No! Oh damn!
(Guards arrest Ellie. They look at Sam)
SAM
Uh...They...uh...stole my...my...(See's Richard is holding a clay vase)...my vase
GUARD 2
(Takes vase from Richard)
Unhand that...thief
RICHARD
Hey! I found that!
GUARD 2
(Smiles as he hands the vase to Sam)
Here you go ma'am
(He winks at her)
It's my pleasure
SAM
(Smiles at Ashe and Alec)
No, the pleasure is all mine
ASHE
Oooo you! I'll get back to you
SAM
Right...bye bye then
SCENE TWO: Jail Cell. They were separated into two cells. Ashe and Ellie were in one,
and Alec and Richard were in another. Alec sat at the opposite end of the cell that Richard
was in. Ashe sat in the cell with his back resting on the wall. Ellie lay on his lap
ELLIE
This seems oddly familiar
ASHE
At least this time we don't have to share a cell with Richard (smiles)...or Alec
ELLIE
So how do you think we'll get out this time?
ASHE
Beats me...Sam better think of something
ELLIE
Well its not like she can simply go to a casino and win our bail like last time
(Ashe nodded)
ASHE
We'll think of something
ALEC
Well you better do it soon...Richard is beginning to annoy me
ASHE/ELLIE
Beginning?
ELLIE
Why don't you draw a line down the middle of the cell? Or play the quite game
ASHE
(To Ellie)
That didn't work
(Ellie smiled at Ashe, and he smiled getting what her intention was)
...Yeah, Alec...drawl a line down the center of the cell.
(Heard from Alec and Richard's cell)
ALEC
See this line...you stay on your half and I'll stay on mine
RICHARD
I played this game before...
ALEC
This isn't a game!
(Ellie and Ashe count down silently '3...2...1...')
RICHARD
Mfhthshghtlsoghf....
(Ashe and Ellie laugh to themselves)
ELLIE
(To Ashe)
I guess this experience has matured you a bit
ASHE
Oh yeah...
ELLIE
All you need now is to increase your intelligence level
ASHE
(Glares at Ellie)
I'm ALLOWING you to lay on me...
ELLIE
Sorry
(Sam entered the jail room. There were only two guards, one per cell)
GUARD 1
(To Sam)
What are you doing here ma'am? These are lowly thieves
SAM
I came to thank you two for helping me
GUARD 2
For returning your vase?
SAM
Yes...for that
(She smiles as she walks up close to Guard 2)
Its so nice to have big strong men like you around...
ALEC
Oh my god...
ASHE
I'm gonna be sick
SAM
(She kicked some sand at Ashe)
ASHE
Hey! Bitch
ALEC
What does she hope to accomplish by flirting with those guards?...it's sick
ELLIE
(Sits up)
...jealousy rears it's ugly head
SAM
(Touches Guards chest)
Are you required to workout?
GUARD 2
Yes
SAM
(secretly takes keys from guards. She slyly backs toward the cell door, still facing the
guards)
ALEC
This is sick
ASHE/ELLIE
Shutup!
SAM
(Holds keys behind her back so Ellie could grab them. She continues flirting with the Guards
while Ellie unlocked her door. Sam took the keys again and made her way to Alec's cell)
So, do either of you have a wife? Or a girlfriend?
(Ashe and Ellie stood ready to escape as Alec unlocked his door. Sam then moved toward
the back wall, so the guards were facing her and the group could escape out the door.)
GUARD 1
Ma'am, You shouldn't be here. I'm going to have to ask you to leave
(Group is slowly sneaking out when guard starts to turn)
SAM
(grabs Guard)
No!....I...can't leave yet...
GUARD 1
Why not?
SAM
Right...why not...uh...(getting frustrated)...oh damn I'm no good at this!
(Ellie was the first in line, followed by Ashe, then Alec and Richard)...Uh...(She lifts her shirt
and flashes the guards. Ellie happened to look up and see her. Ellie's mouth dropped)
ASHE
(See's Ellie's face)
What?
(He glanced over his shoulder and did a double take at Sam. Ashe and Alec both stood
speechless. Richard smiled and nodded. Sam dropped her shirt and ran to the others)
SAM
Go! Go! Go!
(They all ran. The guards didn't chase them, they were still in a state of shock. When they
were a safe distance away. Everyone stared at Sam speechless)
What?
RICHARD
(Smiles)
How YOU doin'?
ELLIE
You flashed them...that was the only thing you could think of
SAM
Well, hitting on them wasn't working
ALEC
That's no excuse to flash them...that's just...just
ASHE
(Laughing)
Hilarious!!
SAM
(To Ashe)
You just wait...you're day will come
ASHE
Right, right...I'm sure it will...just keep your shirt on
(Ashe and Ellie laugh. Alec rolls his eyes. Sam looks at Richard)
RICHARD
How YOU doin'?
SAM
(Groans)
Why me
SCENE THREE: The group found a cave to hideout in. Ashe, Ellie and Richard are
searching the cave for drinking water. Sam and Alec were arguing so they left them alone.
ELLIE
(To Ashe)
I think Alec is growing on you...
ASHE
What makes you think that?
ELLIE
Well, you don't yell at him as much
ASHE
Sam does enough of that for me...which is cool. I mean it is so nice to see her chew out
other people
ELLIE
Now you know how I feel whenever she yells at you
(Scene switches to Alec and Sam)
ALEC
How could you do that?!
SAM
What is the big deal? It worked, you're free...stop whining
ALEC
You showed you're breasts!
SAM
Really? I had no idea, that's for pointing that out
ALEC
How can you be so calm about it
SAM
How can you not? Its not like we're dating. I can't help it if you're unexplainably attracted
to me
ALEC
You were attracted to me first
SAM
I was not!
ALEC
Yes you were
SAM
Was not!
ALEC
Were too!
SAM
Was not!
(They stop and glared at each other. Then they grabbed each other and kissed. Ellie returns
to inform them that they had found drinking water)
ELLIE
Hey guys, We...
(The break apart and stare at Ellie. Ellie is dumbfounded and not sure how to react)
...Oh...uh, I...uh...just....bye
(She turned to leave)
SAM
Ellie, wait
ELLIE
You know the funniest thing just happened...I just saw you and Alec...you've got a lot of
explaining to do!!
SAM
It's nothing...I swear
ELLIE
Sam, you two were just...
SAM
Don't say it! It's nothing...and if you tell Ashe I swear I'll kill you
ELLIE
...having a nice conversation
SAM
Yeah...uh...make it believable
ELLIE
...you were bitching about something....
SAM
Better
ASHE
(From down the tunnel)
Hey guys! Look what I found!
(Group joins Ashe who had found a room that held several oil lamps)
RICHARD
(Smiles at Sam)
How YOU doin'?
SAM
(Rolls her eyes)
Lamps....you dragged us here to show us lamps
ASHE
(Points a wall that had writing on it)
Ellie, can you read that?
ELLIE
(Reading wall)
They're all magic lamps
ALEC
What kind of magic?
ELLIE
Like Genies and three wishes kind of magic...
ASHE
Yes! Our ticket home!
ELLIE
Wait...(Points to a passage)...They're all different.
ASHE
Meaning...
ELLIE
Some contain an Evil Genie...(She points to a black lamp with a ruby stopper in the end of
it)..like that one
ALEC
Fine then, we just won't...
RICHARD
Ooo, pretty
ALEC
No!
(Richard picks up the black lamp and rubs it)
ELLIE
No, no...it's ok. The genie won't be unleashed unless someone removes the ruby stopper
ASHE
(Takes lamp from Richard)
Give me that!
(Looks at lamp)
Uh...Ellie, what ruby stopper?
(They all look at Richard who is holding the ruby stopper)
RICHARD
I found this....(Looks at Sam)...How YOU doin'?!
(Smoke started coming out of the lamp. Ashe dropped the lamp. It fell behind him)
ASHE
(His back is to the lamp. He's facing the rest of the group)
Don't worry guys...we just won't make any wishes...
(The smoke formed a huge genie behind Ashe. Sam, Ellie and Alec's eyes grew in horror)
Let me guess...it's huge, ugly and it wants to drink my blood
ELLIE
No, a vampire would want to do that...
ASHE
Well, I guess I should be thankful...at least its not...
GENIE/BITCHY
I'll swallow you're soul
ASHE
(Eyes widen. Then he closes his eyes in frustration)
Damn, damn, damn
(Group glares at Richard)
RICHARD
Hey, Genie looks like Betsy....(Sees group glaring at him and moving closer to hurt
him)...Hey guys make love not war...can't we all just get along?
GENIE/BITCHY
Wish Granted
ELLIE
What? Nobody made a wish
GENIE/BITCHY
Only two of you shall make it out of this cave alive....those two will share an uncontrollable
love...
ASHE
So...in other words...it'll be hell no matter what happens
(Cave bursts into flames)
ELLIE
Wait...how is this possible? This cave is too damp to catch on fire...
ASHE
(Grabs Ellie's wrist)
Stop analyzing everything and run!
(They start to run. Alec, Sam, and Richard are in front of Ellie and Ashe)
ELLIE
Wait! We have to go back
ASHE
What?!
ELLIE
We have to destroy the lamp!
ASHE
I think leaving is a better choice
(A wall of fire forms between Ashe, Ellie, and the rest of the group)
Or we could try your idea
(They run back into the cave as Alec, Sam and Richard escape)
GENIE/BITCHY
You shall not escape!
ELLIE
(points to the lamp)
Over there! Keep her busy
ASHE
Say what?
(Looks at Bitchy)
Uh...Hey! Over here!
(Grabs a nearby lamp)
GENIE/BITCHY
I'll swallow your soul
ASHE
Come get some
(Genie starts to come after Ashe)
Ellie...anytime!
(He threw the lamp at the Genie. The genie caught it. She looked at it and smiled. She
looked at Ashe and crushed the lamp in her hand)
Not good
(The Genie attacked him again. Ashe dove and rolled under the genie. He ran over to Ellie)
ELLIE
(Held the lamp in front of him)
Any ideas?
ASHE
(Looked around)
Yeah...put it down
ELLIE
Right here?
ASHE
Yeah...now help me
(The climbed up the wall and pushed a boulder onto the lamp)
GENIE/BITCHY
NO!!!
(The boulder crushed the lamp. The Genie screamed)
ASHE
Uh...duck...
(They ducked behind a rock as the Genie exploded. The fire calmed. Ashe and Ellie peaked
from behind the rock)
We did it....Bitchy's dead...(Smiles)...Bitchy is dead. Man that felt good
(Leaned against the wall)
Ouch! Damnit!
ELLIE
What?
(The Necromonicon flew out of the wall and the face on the cover was attacking Ashe. Ashe
began running back and forth in the cave trying to get the book off of him)
Get it off me! Get it off!
(Ellie ran over, grabbed the book and slammed it on the ground. The book stayed there and
returned to normal)
ASHE
(Feeling the back of his head)
That...thing, took out some of my hair
(Points to the book's mouth that had a chuck of black hair in it)
ELLIE
Let me see
(She looked at the back of his head)
Ashe...that's not your hair
ASHE
What? Then how do you explain the pain
ELLIE
(She yanked a large vampire bat off of Ashe's head. There was a chunk of hair missing on
the bat. Ellie held the bat in front of Ashe)
It's fangs were still in your head
ASHE
That's sick...
(He kicked some sand on the book. The book sneezed. Ashe and Ellie paused and looked at
each other)
SCENE FOUR: Outside the cave. Ashe and Ellie strolled out of the cave holding the
necromonicon
SAM
hmm...whatta know, they lived
ALEC
So what do you make of that curse?
ELLIE
(Shrugged)
Don't know...but we all survived. So maybe it's off.
ASHE
Since when were we that lucky?
RICHARD
(Smiles at Sam)
How YOU-
SAM
Say it, and I'll break you
RICHARD
...been
ASHE
(Holds the book in front of him for everyone to grab onto)
We need a vacation...
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