| Subject: Episode 13: Don't Ask |
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Date Posted: 16:05:33 03/19/02 Tue
LIFE IN GENERAL
EPISODE 13: DON'T ASK
SCENE ONE: Group lands in the middle of a Las Vegas casino. Alec has a shiny suit on.
Ashe is wearing a black suit. Richard is wearing a colorful hawaiian shirt with kakki shorts.
Sam is wearing a cocktail waitress outfit. Ellie is and elaborately sequenced bikini,show girl
outfit, equip with feathers in her hair and high heeled shoes.
ELLIE
Oh what the hell
ASHE
(Laughs)
Ellie, you look good
ELLIE
Shutup
RICHARD
How YOU doin'?
ELLIE
Don't start
ALEC
Sam...I've never seen you show this much leg before
SAM
Well take it in now boys, because this is the only time you're gonna see it
ASHE
Thank god
(Looks around him)
Do you think we're home?
ELLIE
No...That sign over there says 1985 Happy New Year...so I guess the least we could do is
enjoy our time here...that is before we look for the Necoromonicon
ASHE
Right...Now, onto the vacationing...
(The split up to enjoy their time at Las Vegas. Sam went to the slot machines, followed by
Richard. Alec went to a card table)
ASHE
Uh...Ellie, are you gonna change out of that? It's kind of weirding me out.
ELLIE
You?! You're not the one wearing it!
ASHE
So go buy something else to wear. I'm sure they sell Vegas t-shirts here.
ELLIE
With what money?
ASHE
Well, lets play a few rounds and win some money
(Ashe picks up the dice and shakes them in his hand)
Here...(He holds the dice to Ellie's head)
ELLIE
What?
ASHE
Blow on the dice
ELLIE
Say what?
ASHE
It's good luck
ELLIE
How is that good luck?
MAN 1
It's always good luck to have the dame by your side blow on your dice...its a tradition
ELLIE
(Sees everyone looking at her and quickly blows on the dice)
MAN 1
Hard Eight
(Crowd cheers)
ELLIE
I take it that's a good thing...
ASHE
Really? What gave you that idea?
ELLIE
Shutup and give me your jacket
(Ashe takes off his jacket and gives it to Ellie. Ellie notices Alec at the card tables. He is
surrounded by a large group of beautiful women)
Looks like Alec is a real charmer
ASHE
What?
(Sees Alec)
It's a casino...they're only around him because he's probably winning...you just wait, they'll be
around me soon
ELLIE
Really? This I gotta see
ASHE
Oh, you will
TWO HOURS LATER
ELLIE
So, Ashe, where are your ladies? You're must be up to what? $200,000 now...and still, no
ladies
ASHE
(Through his teeth)
They're all with Alec
(Looks at Ellie)
Or maybe your feathers scared them away
ELLIE
Yeah...that's it
ASHE
(Watches Alec)
ALEC
Alright, which ladies are next?
(Two women stepped up. One woman had a slice of lemon in her mouth and the other had
sugar smeared on her chest. Alec drank a shot of alcohol, sucked the lemon juice from the
lemon in the first woman's mouth and licked the sugar off the second woman's chest.)
So what's good here?
(Looks at one woman with a silver bikini top)
Ooo, how much do I have to win for you?
ASHE
He makes me sick
ELLIE
Jealous much?
ASHE
Shutup!
(He watched Alec a little more then grabbed Ellie's wrist)
Come on, I'm cashing in my winnings
ELLIE
...And how exactly does this involve me?
ASHE
You're the whore by my side
ELLIE
(Shakes her wrist free from his grip)
I don't think so
ASHE
Fine, then give me my jacket back
ELLIE
(She hesitates, then reluctantly returns to him)
Fine...but if you refer to me as your whore to anyone, ANYONE...I'm leaving
ASHE
Deal (A man walked by and checked out Ellie)...Don't even think about it pal, she's MY
whore
ELLIE
That's it (She turned to leave. Ashe grabbed her)
ASHE
Aaww, come on...I was just joking around
ELLIE
(Glares at him)
Funny
(Ashe cashed his winnings and he and Ellie sat at the bar. Sam was already there. He eyes
were red and she gripped a glass of alcohol in her hand)
ELLIE
Sam? What happened to you?
SAM
Nothing...I'm fine
ASHE
You're blood shot eyes and would prove otherwise
SAM
Look at him...flirting with those women like he's God's gift to woman...
ELLIE
(Ellie and Ashe exchanged glances)
Sam, I think you've had a little too much to drink...
SAM
No I haven't!
ELLIE
Sam, you're trashed
SAM
I am not! I'm perfectly normal...(Her glass slid and her head almost hit the counter)
ASHE
How many have you had?
SAM
I lost count
ELLIE
After how many?
SAM
I can't remember
ASHE
Uh huh...Sam, did you win any money at the slot machines?
SAM
(Rubs her eyes)
No...I lost all of it...all of it I tell ya!
ASHE
Ok well...(Pulls out some money)...here some cash...
SAM
(She yanks the money from Ashe's hand)
Bartender! Get me another one of these....this...ya know...drink thingys
ASHE
No, Sam...use the money to rent a room....you've had enough to drink
SAM
YOU'VE had enough to drink!
ELLIE
Sam...Alec isn't worth this...go rent a room
SAM
Fine...I'll do it, but only because I have this pretty green paper...money, yeah...that's the word
for it
ELLIE
Are you sure you can walk?
SAM
Of course I can...(She gets off her stool and falls down. Ellie and Ashe help her up and she
stumbles out of the casino to the front desk) Let me go! I can walk! (She falls again)
Shutup!
ASHE
(Smiles at Ellie)
That has got to be the funniest thing I've ever seen
(Looks at Alec)
THAT isn't...Bartender...get me the strongest alcohol you have
ELLIE
What are you doing?
ASHE
Getting a drink
ELLIE
Do you wanna end up like Sam?
ASHE
Please, Unlike our bitchy friend, I know when enough is enough
ELLIE
SURE you do...but promise me you won't...
ASHE
I'd like to see Alec show the knowledge to know when enough is enough....look at him. One
drink after another...just to impress some girls...
ELLIE
....whine about Alec. Are you going to whine about Alec the entire time?
ASHE
I haven't got anything better to do
(The bartender set a bottle of alcohol in front of Ashe)
ELLIE
(Sighed)
Bartender...bring me the same...This is gonna be a long night...
SCENE TWO: NEXT MORNING. Sam woke up in a hotel room bed. She moaned from a
horrible headache. Rubbing her forehead, she turned and looked at herself in a mirror next to
the bed. Her hair looked like a tornado hit it. She moaned again and looked at the messed
up covers next to her. Her eyes widened when she realized she was not alone. She heard the
running shower being shut off.
SAM
Oh god...this can't be happening
(She looked under the covers and find that she was only wearing a bra and underwear)
Oh god...
(The door to the bathroom slowly opened. Sam watched with horror as Richard stepped into
the room wearing a towel.)
RICHARD
Hello Darling
SAM
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Shot pans to outside the building, then to a helicopter shot of the city, then an airplane shot,
then a shot of the Earth, then a shot of the solar system. A passing satellite cracked and
exploded.)
SCENE THREE: Ashe and Ellie are sitting at the bar. Both are wearing dark tinted
sunglasses. Ellie had changed into a t-shirt and sweat pants, both had the casino's logo on it.
Alec stood behind them feeling superior about being the only one who didn't have a hang
over.
ELLIE
How can you not have a hang over? You had a lot of shots of...whatever it was you were
drinking...
ALEC
It's not my first party
ASHE
What makes you think it's ours?
ALEC
Oh, I don't know
(He yanked the sunglasses off Ashe's face. Alec winced and covered his eyes)
ASHE
Hey! (He grabbed his sunglasses back and put them on) My eyes are still a little sensitive
ALEC
Ya think?
ELLIE
So where are your little women now?
ALEC
What does it matter? Last night was just a good time
ASHE
You make me sick
(Sam and Richard entered the bar)
ELLIE
(Weakly)
Hey Sam, how did you make out last night?
SAM
(Defensively)
What? What are you talking about? I didn't make out with anyone last night
ELLIE
(Confused)
No, how did you make out last night
SAM
Oh...I rented a room...that's all
ASHE
(Notices Richard's confident smile)
What?
SAM
Nothing...nothing happened
(Ashe and Ellie remove their sunglasses to look Sam in the eye)
What are you doing? Put those back on
(They looked from Sam to Richard)
ELLIE
What are you trying to hide?
SAM
Nothing...There is nothing to hide
ASHE
Richard?
RICHARD
It appears Victoria no longer has a secret
(Ashe and Ellie stare at them wide-eyed and mouths open)
ASHE / ELLIE
What? You?
You? Him?
Him? What?
(They pause and look at each other)
ASHE/ELLIE
Ew!
SAM
Nothing happened!
ASHE
Right, like we're gonna believe that
ELLIE
Sam, that's just wrong
ALEC
Oh look who's talking
ELLIE
What are you talking about?
ALEC
Sam and Richard aren't the only ones who did something crazy because they were
drunk...right, Ashe?
ASHE
(Ashe and Ellie exchange glances)
What are you talking about? Ellie and I didn't do anything
ELLIE
Yeah...
(They look at each other)
Did we?
(Suddenly the both remembered something and their eyes widened)
ASHE/ELLIE
No
(They look at Alec)
ALEC
(Proudly)
I hold in my hand a key and a piece of paper
ASHE
Alec, give me those
ALEC
The key unlocks the door...
ASHE
I'm warning you...not another word
ELLIE
How did you get that?
ALEC
...to the honeymoon sweet here in Las Vegas...the best they have to offer
SAM
Honeymoon sweet?
ALEC
And the paper...
ELLIE
Alec no (She gets off her stool) no...no (she tries to take the paper from his hand but he
raises it so she can't reach it. Ellie jumped on his back and tried to reach again. Ashe
grabbed his arm and tried to bring it down)
ALEC
...the paper which proves that these two are now Mr. and Mrs. Ashley Trent
(Ashe and Ellie froze now that their secret had been revealed)
SAM
Oh my god!
RICHARD
(Took a bottle of wine from the bar, shook it and popped the cork, spraying it everywhere)
Congratulations to the newly-weds!
SAM
Ok, your hangover is ten times worse than mine
ELLIE
You slept with Richard...
SAM
You got married! To Ashe!
SAM
I don't even want to know what you did in the honeymoon sweet
ALEC
Ellie, would you mind getting off my back?
(She climbed off Alec. Alec put his arms around Ellie and Ashe's shoulders)
I would like to congratulate my little brother and my new half sister-in-law on their wedding.
I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't invited...
RICHARD
Yeah...me too
ALEC
But...(Reaches into an inside pocket in his jacket)...at least I'll be able to watch the re-
runs...(He held a video tape in his hand)...and so will you
SAM
This, I gotta see
ASHE
(Grabbed the marriage certificate from Alec)
A match....I need a match!
ALEC
That won't to any good, Ashe....they have records....you two are officially married
ELLIE
(Hands on head)
This is the worlds worst hangover!!
ASHE
We have to get a divorce lawyer
ALEC
No time for that...I won the Necromonicon in a card game...it'll take weeks for you get a
divorce lawyer and go through with the divorce...I'm not willing to wait that long
SAM
(Smirks)
Me neither...I wanna get home
RICHARD
You can't get divorced
ELLIE
(To Alec)
Why are you doing this to us?
ALEC
Revenge is so sweet....this is payback for Ashe being such a jerk to me
SAM
I like it
ELLIE
What did I ever do to you...
ALEC
You're just a minor casualty of my revenge
ASHE
This can't be happening
ALEC
Oh, it is....now come along you two
(Ashe and Ellie looked at each other miserably)
You two look so cute together
ASHE/ELLIE
Shutup
SAM
The perfect couple...I can't wait to get home and tell Bitchy...she'll be heart broken
ASHE
At least one good thing is coming from this...
ELLIE
How do ya figure?
ASHE
Bitchy will leave me alone
ELLIE
Do you honestly believe that?
ASHE
(Hangs head)
No
ALEC
Come on...lets get jumping...
ELLIE
(Glares at Ashe and mocks him)
I know when enough is enough...
ASHE
(Sighs)
Come on Wifey...lets get jumping
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