| Subject: Episode 15: Shiver Me Timbers |
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Date Posted: 13:22:56 05/02/02 Thu
Life In General
EPISODE 12: Shiver Me Timbers!
OPENING SCENE i.
ANCIENT EGYPT. THE GROUP IS DRESSED IN PERIOD CLOTHING, AND WALKING THROUGH THE STREETS. EVERYONE IS THERE EXCEPT RICHARD. SAM IS WALKING WITH ALEC, AND ELLIE IS WITH ASHE. THEY ARE STOPPING AND TALKING TO DIFFERENT MERCHANTS.
ALEC
How is it that I can understand what they’re saying and visa versa?
SAM
Must have something to do with the Necromonicon…It’s freaky like that.
ALEC
You mean you’ve never tried to find out?
SAM
Hey, I don’t make the rules…I just enjoy them.
ASHE AND ELLIE WALK OVER TO SAM AND ALEC.
ELLIE
Any luck finding the book?
ALEC
None, maybe it’s not even in the city?
ASHE
It has to be…we’ve been in this God-forsaken time for two months, and tracked down every lead to here. The book has to be in this city…somewhere.
SAM
You’re just upset because there’s no air conditioning.
ASHE
…Perhaps…but it’s reason enough to want to leave.
ALEC
Come on, bro…
ASHE FLASHES HIM A DIRTY LOOK
ALEC
Er…Ashe…Look on the bright side. We get to see Egypt when it was new and alive. I mean, this city is beautiful.
ASHE
Let’s get one thing straight…This is NOT a vacation! We are trapped in ancient Egypt, with no way to leave…And if we DON’T find the Necromonicon…WE ARE GOING TO DIE!
ASHE TURNS AND WALKS AWAY
ALEC
What’s his deal?
ELLIE
…He’s high strung.
SAM
Well…let’s get back to looking. The sooner we find the book, the sooner he’ll stop bitching.
ELLIE
You know he’ll just start bitching again after we jump.
SAM
This is true…but I’ve been hearing the same rant for two months straight, I’d welcome the change.
ALEC
Hey…have any of you seen Richard?
SAM
He probably found something shiny to play with.
ALEC
You just let him wander off alone?
ELLIE
Pretty much…Usually he doesn’t cause TOO much trouble.
SUDDENLY A COMMOTION IS HEARD FROM THE NEARBY PALACE. THE GROUP TURNS TO LOOK. A MOMENT LATER RICHARD BURSTS OUT OF THE PALACE. HE IS WEARING A HAWAIIAN SHIRT AND BERMUDA SHORTS. SUNGLASSES ARE DANGLING BY A STRING AROUND HIS NECK. HE IS HOLDING THE NECROMONICON.
GUARD
STOP! That man has stolen the Book of Dead!
RICHARD RUNS TO ASHE AND HANDS HIM THE BOOK.
RICHARD
Here, Ashe!
ASHE
…What the…?
THE GUARDS REACH RICHARD AND THE GROUP. RICHARD STARTS WALKING LIKE A ZOMBIE.
RICHARD
Imhotep….Imhotep….
THE GUARDS LOOK PUZZLED. THEN THEY SEE ASHE WITH THE BOOK.
GUARD
Aha! That man who stole the book is under some kind of spell. The other one must be a sorcerer…Get him!
ASHE’S FACE DROPS. HE TURNS AND RUNS THROUGH THE STREETS, AWAY FROM THE GUARDS. THE REST OF THE GROUP IS LEFT STANDING THERE.
ALEC
You say this ISN’T trouble?
SAM
No…This is funny.
ELLIE
We’d better get to Ashe before those guards do.
RICHARD
Imhotep…Imhotep…
THE GROUP RUNS OFF. ELLIE GRABS RICAHRD AND YANKS HIM WITH THEM.
ELLIE
Come on!
SCENE CUTS TO ASHE RUNNING THROUGH THE STREETS, THE GUARDS RIGHT BEHIND HIM. HE SEES A WOMAN WITH A BASKET ON HER HEAD WALKING BY A MARKET STAND. HE PULLS HER DOWN IN FRONT OF THE GUARDS TO HOIST HIMSELF ON TOP OF THE STAND.
ASHE
Sorry!
ASHE CLIMBS ONTO A ROOFTOP AND RUNS AWAY FROM THE SCENE. THE GUARDS QUICKLY FOLLOW. ASHE LOOKS BACK AND SEES THEM GAINING. HE HOLDS THE BOOK IN HIS HANDS.
ASHE
Klatu Verata Niktu! Klatu Verata Niktu!!! Work dammit! Work!!!
ASHE LEAPS TO ANOTHER ROOFTOP. HE TRIES TO OPEN THE BOOK BUT IT WON’T. HE STARTS HITTING IT WITH HIS FIST. HE PUTS HIS HAND OVER THE BOOK’S MOUTH. IT BITES HIM.
ASHE
Ow!!! What the?!?
ASHE POKES THE BOOK IN THE EYES AND IT FLAPS OPEN. HE FLIPS RANDOMLY THROUGH THE PAGES AS HE JUMPS TO ANOTHER ROOFTOP. THE GUARDS ARE STILL IN PURSUIT.
ASHE
Conda…nos veractus…conda! Nos Livitus…CONDA!
SUDDENLY A COULD OF SMOKE APPEARS BEFORE ASHE. HE STOPS, AND SO DO THE GUARDS. MEANWHILE, DOWN ON THE STREET, THE GROUP HAS CAUGHT UP TO ASHE. THEY SEE THE CLOUD OF SMOKE AND STOP TOO. SUDDENLY, A HUGE MONSTER APPEARS OUT OF IT. THE MONSTER ROARS AT ASHE, WHO NEARLY DROPS THE BOOK. THE GUARDS SEE IT AND ARE FROZEN WITH FEAR. A SECOND LATER ASHE RUNS BY THEM. THEY FOLLOW BEHIND HIM AS THE MONSTER CHASES THEM. THE GROUP ON THE STREET FOLLOWS THE MONSTER.
ALEC
You say this’d be just another typical day for you?!?
ELLIE
Stop reciting lines!!!
ALEC
…It’s what I do…
ELLIE ROLLS HER EYES AND RUNS AHEAD. MEANWHILE, ASHE JUMPS OFF THE ROOF AND MEETS UP WITH THE GROUP. THE MONSTER SEES THIS AND JUMPS DOWN TOWARD THE GROUP. THEY ALL TOUCH THE BOOK JUST AS THE MONSTER REACHES THEM. SCENE FLASHES TO WHITE.
OPENING SCENE ii.
THE GROUP APPEARS IN A PITCH BLACK ROOM.
ASHE
…Thank God that’s over with.
SAM
What were you thinking…reading from the book like that?!?
ASHE
…Can we talk about this once we’ve found out where we are?
SAM
I mean honestly, ever since you read that stupid “Necromincon for Dummies” book, you think you’re some kind of expert…
MEANWHILE, ELLIE LIGHTS A MATCH. THE SCENE IS SLIGHTLY LIT UP. WE SEE RICHARD, ALEC, ASHE, SAM, ELLIE, AND THE MONSTER. WE ALSO SEE A ROOM FULL OF DYNAMITE. THE MONSTER ROARS AND ELLIE DROPS THE MATCH. SCENE CUTS TO OUTSIDE. IT IS A PIRATE SHIP ON THE OPEN SEA. THE SKY IS BLUE WITH BIG WHITE CLOUDS. SUDDENLY, THE LOWER PART OF THE SHIP EXPLODES OUT AND THE REST OF THE SHIP SINKS INTO THE WATER.
OPENING CREDITS ROLL
SCENE I.
THE GROUP WASHES UP ON SHORE, ALL EXCEPT ASHE. HE IS BRUIED FACE DOWN IN THE SAND, HIS BUTT ON FIRE. ALEC WALKS OVER AND PULLS HIM OUT OF THE SAND. ASHE DUSTS HIMSELF OFF, PUTTING HIS BUTT OUT. THE GROUP CONVERGES.
SAM
How are we still alive?
ELLIE
The monster must have shielded us from the blast.
ASHE POINTS TO HIS SMOLDERING BUTT.
ASHE
Did it?!?
ALEC
Where are we?
ASHE
I think the better question would be when are we?
RICHARD
Hey, maybe these guys know…
RICHARD RUNS OFF. THE GROUP TURNS AND SEES HIM FLAGGING DOWN A LARGE GROUP OF PIRATES RUNNING FROM OUT OF THE WOODS. THEY ARE CARRYING SACKS OF TREASURE. WHEN THEY REACH THE BEACH AND SEE NO BOAT, THEY LOOK AROUND IN CONFUSION.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Yar! Where be our ship?!?
RICHARD
Live long and prosper…
RICHARD MAKES THE VULCAN HAND SIGN, THE PIRATES LOOK AT HIM STRANGELY.
FIRST MATE
Maybe this land lubber knows, capin’.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Yar! Do ye know where our ship be, boy?
RICHARD
,,,Aye, I know where it be.
FIRST MATE
Well, out with it then!
RICHARD
It’s a submarine now.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
A what? Blast be yer riddles! Tell us where our ship be or I’ll run ya through!
THE PIRATE CAPTAIN POKES RICHARD WITH HIS SWORD.
RICHARD
Oooooooh, pointy. Can I play with it?
ASHE COMES UP BEHIND RICHARD, AND GRABS HIS SHOULDERS.
ASHE
Oh, there you are, Richard…We’re sorry if this man was causing you any trouble…He’s just a wandering idiot, who will be on his way now…Won’t he?!?
RICHARD
But, Ashe…
ASHE
Shutup and keep walking!
RICHARD
But, Ashe, I was just about to tell him how we sunk his boat.
ASHE CRINGES. THE PIRATE CAPTAIN POINTS HIS SWORD AT THEM.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Get them!
THE PIRATES START TO CHASE AFTER ASHE AND RICHARD. HOWEVER, THE CHASE IS BROKEN UP WHEN ARMED MEN ON HORSEBACK APPEAR FROM THE WOODS. THEY SURROUND THE PIRATES, ASHE, AND RICHARD. THE LEAD MAN DISMOUNTS.
CONSTIBLE
Looks like you have nowhere to go, Blackbeard! You can surrender peacefully, or die right here, it’s your choice.
PIRATE CAPTAIN
Yar…throw down yer weapons boys….As for you two…We’ll be seein’ you again real soon.
THE PIRATES ARE HAULED AWAY. THE CONSTIBLE LOOKS AT ASHE AND RICHARD.
CONSTIBLE
Why was he after you?
RICHARD
We sunk his boat.
ASHE ELBOWS RICHARD.
CONSTIBLE
Really? Then, you have our thanks. Blackbeard the pirate has been wanted for quite some time now. He had just sacked our town and was on his way back to his ship.
THE GROUP APPROACHES ASHE, RICHARD, AND THE CONSTIBLE.
CONSTIBLE
Come, you will be guests of Port Hope. May I ask your names?
ASHE
I’m Colonel…*
SAM ELBOWS HIM IN THE STOMACH
ASHE
I’m Ashe…this is Richard…this is Sam…that’s Ellie…and this is…Alec.
ALEC
We’re brothers.
ASHE
No we aren’t.
CONSTIBLE
Yes, I can see the resemblance.
ASHE
No, you can’t.
THE CONSTIBLE WALKS TOWARD THE WOODS…AND THE TOWN. THE OTHERS FOLLOW HIM.
SCENE II.
PORT HOPE. THIS IS A TYPICAL PIRATE TOWN. THERE IS A BAR, A FEW SHOPS, AND BOAT DOCK, HOUSES, AND A HOTEL. AS THE GROUP WALKS THROUGH, THEY GET STRANGE LOOKS FROM PEOPLE. SINCE THE GROUP IS DRESSED IN ANCIENT EGYPT PERIOD CLOTHING…EXCEPT RICHARD WHO IS STILL WEARING HIS HAWAIIAN SHIRT. THE CONSTIBLE LEADS THEM TO THE CENTER OF TOWN.
CONSTIBLE
May I have your attention, please! These five were the ones who destroyed Blackbeard’s ship, which led to his capture on the shores of Port Hope.
PEOPLE GATHER AROUND AND SHAKE HANDS WITH THE GROUP. THEY CONGRATULATE THEM, AND CHEER.
ASHE
It’s about time something went our way…
TOWNSMAN
Let’s give em’ a ship and crew as a sign of our gratitude.
ALEC
How about you just give us the Necromonicon instead?
CONSTIBLE
The what…?
SAM
Big book of the dead, with a rotting face on the cover.
CONSTIBLE
Um…No, I can’t say that I’ve seen any such book. You might want to talk to the Voodoo Priestess who lives in the woods beyond the town. She is powerful in the black arts.
RICHARD
Voodoo? Now we’re talking! Bye guys!
RICHARD TRIES TO RUN OFF BUT ALEC GRABS HIM BY THE COLLAR.
ALEC
Ohhhhh, no! You’re staying with us this time!
RICHARD SETTLES DOWN. THE GROUP PROCEEDS INTO THE WOODS.
SCENE III.
THE WOODS. THESE WOODS ARE SIMILAR TO AN EVIL DEAD STYLE OF FOREST. THE TREES ARE OLD, AND A MIST HANGS IN THE AIR. EERIE MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.
ASHE
Why does it always have to be creepy whenever we go into the woods?
ALEC
Probably just the Evil messing with our minds.
ELLIE
They’re doing a good job of it.
SAM
….Turn that damn music off, Richard!
RICHARD PRESSES THE STOP BUTTON ON HIS SMALL BOOMBOX. SAM ROLLS HER EYES AND CONTINUES WITH THE GROUP. SOON THEY COME UPON A WOODEN BRIDGE LEADING TO A SHABBY HUT ON TOP OF A HILL IN THE MIDDLE OF A SWAMP. THERE ARE HUMAN SKULLS DECORATING THE PIKES ALONG THE BRIDGE. THIS IS THE HOMEOF THE VOODOO PRIESTESS. AS THE GROUP GETS NEAR THE BRIDGE A SKULL SHOUTS AT THEM.
MURRY
Halt! Beware, mortals…For death and damnation lie beyond this bridge! Turn back…Tuuuurn back or be consumed by evil!
ASHE
…Didn’t I see you in a computer game?
MURRY
Mwhahahahahhaha! I will be the last thing you ever see mortal!
ASHE
Can I call you Bob?
MURRY
You may call me Murry! The all knowing, all powerful demonic skull. Look upon me and despair! The demons of the dark world shall reward me when I stride through the gates of hell, carrying your head on a pike!
ALEC
…Stride?
MURRY
Alright then, roll! Roll through the gates of hell! Must you take everything so literally?
ELLIE
You know you’d look great on my altar with a melting candle on top of your head.
MURRY
I get the feeling you’re not taking me very seriously…
ELLIE
No no, it’s not that…
MURRY
Then let me hear you scream in terror!
ELLIE
…(sarcastically)…Eeeeeeeek.
MURRY
Mwhahahahahahaha!
SAM
You’re about as fearsome as a doorstop.
MURRY
Is it a really evil looking doorstop?
SAM
Ugh…let’s just go see the voodoo chic.
THE GROUP WALKS TOWARD THE HUT.
MURRY
That’s right, puny mortals…RUN! Mwhahahahahahaha!
RICHARD TURNS AROUND, PICKS UP A NEARBY PEBBLE AND THROWS IT AT MURRY, KNOCKING HIM OFF THE PIKE AND INTO THE RIVER SURROUNDING THE SWAMP. RICHARD SMILES AND WALKS INTO THE HUT WITH THE GROUP.
SCENE IV.
VOODOO HUT. THE GROUP ENTERS, AND SEES A HUGE EVIL LOOKING CHAIR TURNED AWAY FROM THE GROUP. THERE IS A POT IN FRONT OF THEM THAT IS SIMMERING SOME GREEN LIQUID.
ALEC
….ahem…Excuse me? Have you by chance heard of the Necromonicon Ex Mortes?
THE CHAIR SLOWLY TURNS AROUND TO REVEAL BITCHY IN A VOODOO GET UP.
BITCHY
So you seek the Necromonicon, do you?
ASHE
Ugh…We should have listened to the talking skull.
BITCHY
Oooooooh, who’s the cute one?
ASHE
…I’m going to wait outside.
HE LEAVES. BITCHY FROWNS.
SAM
So…do you know where the book is?
BITCHY
Silence! My spirits have told me that you are seeking the Book of the Dead…
ELLIE
We just told you we were…
BITCHY
Oh…right. Well it was stolen from me by that heinous Blackbeard the pirate.
ALEC
Oh, well then we can just go ask the town Constable to get it from the sack of loot Blackbeard was caught with.
BITCHY
It will not be that easy!
SAM
Is it ever?
BITCHY LEANS INTO THE POT AND STARES AT THE BUBBLING SLIME.
BITCHY
Even as we speak, Blackbeard has escaped from prison and is on his way to retrieve his loot. Then, he plans to get revenge on you’re two friends. You must defeat him in order to retrieve the book.
ELLIE
Goody
SCENE CUTS TO OUTSIDE. ASHE IS TALKING TO MURRY, WHO IS COVERED WITH MUD.
MURRY
I did not need you’re help in getting out of that river, mortal!…But, don’t get me wrong I do appreciate the gesture.
ASHE
No problem. So, how long have you worked for Bitchy…er…the Voodoo lady?
MURRY
…Too long.
ASHE
Heh, she gets on you’re nerves too?
MURRY
You have no idea. She was the reason I’m just a bodiless skull. I refused to go on a date with her when I was alive so she cursed me to remain like this for all eternity.
ASHE
Ouch…tough break.
MURRY
Do you know how hard it is for a disembodied head to get a decent job?
ASHE
Well look on the bright side, at least you won’t have to worry about what to wear.
MURRY
This is true…
ASHE
And accessorizing is really easy.
MURRY
This is also true, and I do look good in hats.
THE GROUP COMES OUT OF THE HUT. ASHE STANDS UP.
ASHE
What’s up?
ELLIE
Blackbeard has escaped from prison, and he has the Necromonicon….And he wants revenge.
ASHE
Goody
ALEC
We’d better get moving before he tracks us here.
ASHE
Ok, see you later Murry.
MURRY
Be gone weak, pathetic mortals! Mwhahahahahaha!
RICHARD LOOKS DOWN AT MURRY. MURRY LOOKS UP AT RICHARD. RICHARD SMILES AND KICKS MURRY BACK INTO THE RIVER.
SCENE V.
THE TOWN. THE GROUP WALKS DOWN FROM THE WOODS PATH AND INTO THE TOWN. HOWEVER, THEY ARE SHOCKED WHEN THEY SEE THAT THE TOWN IS ON FIRE. PEOPLE ARE SCRAMBLING TO PUT THE FIRE OUT AND RESCUE THEIR LOVED ONES.
ALEC
What the hell is going on?
CONSTIBLE
Thank heaven you’re all safe…It was Blackbeard, he escaped and ransacked the town looking for you. I’m certain he went to his secret hideout in Skull Cove.
SAM
Skull Cove? Give me a break…So, why didn’t you chase after him and arrest him again?
CONSTIBLE
What? We aren’t sailors…
SAM
But, what about all those boats in the dock?
CONSTIBLE
They’re mostly fishing ships…well except that one…
THE CONSTIBLE POINTS TO A LARGE BOAT AT THE END OF THE DOCK.
ASHE
Can we take that?
THE CONSTIBLE AND TOWNSPEOPLE AROUND GASP IN SHOCK.
CONSTIBLE
What? Are you serious? No one has dared touch that ship since it’s captain left it here twenty years ago.
ELLIE
Who was the captain?
CONSTIBLE
Although I never met him, stories floated through the islands that he single handedly put an end to an army of undead pirates.
ALEC
What was his name?
CONSTIBLE
…Captain Campbell.
THE GROUP EXCHANGES GLANCES. SAM ROLLS HER EYES.
SAM
Yeah that figures. Well look, we know Prof…er…Captain Campbell. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind lending us his boat.
CONSTIBLE
Hm…and you would be going after Blackbeard…Alright then. I’ll have whatever people we can spare ready The Sea Bitch Monster of Death.
ELLIE
The what?
CONSTIBLE
The Sea Bitch Monster of Death…That’s the name of the ship.
SAM
…Oh no, that’s gotta go before I take one step on that thing.
ASHE
Hahahaha! Good old, Professor C.!
SAM FLASHES HIM AN IRRITATED LOOK. ASHE STOPS LAUGHING. THE GROUP STARTS WALKING TO THE BOAT. RICHARD RUNS PAST THEM.
RICHARD
Shotgun!
SCENE VI.
THE DECK OF THE SEA BITCH MONSTER. THE TOWNSPEOPLE ARE SCRUBBING THE DECK WHILE THE GROUP IS HELPING PREPARE THE SHIP FOR LAUNCH. SAM IS ON THE UPPER PART OF THE MAIN DECK. SHE IS STANDING BEHIND THE WHEEL. SAM IS DRESSED IN PIRATE CAPTAIN CLOTHES, WITH A PATCH OVER HER RIGHT EYE AND A BANDANA OVER HER HAIR. ASHE AND ALEC ARE PUSHING A CANNON INTO POSITION.
ASHE
((hmph)) How come she gets to be the Captain…I’m the Colonel!
ALEC
Well technically it IS her boat. And besides that’s the only way she’d let us keep the name.
ASHE
Heh…Yeah, I think it might be worth it.
SAM
Arrrr! Ye scallywags, look alive there or I’ll make ye walk the plank!
ASHE
…Or maybe I’m just an idiot.
CUT TO SAM ON THE UPPER DECK. SHE FOCUSES ON THE WHEEL.
SAM
Yar, tis be a fine day for sailing wouldn’t you agree Cabin Boy?
RICHARD STEPS BEHIND HER. HE IS WEARING A RED AND WHITE STRIPED SHIRT WITH SUSPENDERS. CUT OFF PANTS. HE HAS MURRY GLUED TO HIS SHOULDER, WITH A SOCK STUFFED IN HIS MOUTH, AND A FAKE EARRING ON HIS EAR.
RICHARD
Aye, Capin’. This be a fine day fer piratin’!
RICHARD SALUTES SAM, BUT ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS MURRY OFF HIS SHOULDER, KNOCKING THE SOCK OUT. FRANTICALLY HE SCOOPS MURRY UP AND PETS HIM AS HE WALKS AWAY.
RICHARD
I’m so sorry Copernicus. I’ll never ever do that again.
MURRY
My name is Murry! And I refuse to be manhandled by a lesser creatur….mmmph!
SAM
Yar, there not be something right about that boy…Ah, nothin’ beats the fresh smell of the ocean. Makes me feel like a wee lass again. Aye, a wee lass riding on the Pirates of the Caribbean for the first time. Brings a tear to me eye. Now look at me…Capin’ of me own ship. Yar, tis be a good life!
SAM SPINS THE WHEEL, THE SHIP LURCHES TO THE SIDE IN THE WATER. SAM LOSES HER BALANCE FOR A SECOND. QUICKLY SHE LOOKS AROUND TO SEE IF ANYONE SAW HER.
ELLIE
What the hell are you doing up there! Knock it off and help us so we can launch!
SAM
Abast be ye scurvy lubber. No one talks that way to Captain Widowmaker!
ELLIE
Stop it already, Sam…You’re beginning to sound like Ashe!
SAM PAUSES AND THINKS ABOUT WHAT ELLIE JUST SAID. SUDDENLY SAM RIPS THE EYE PATCH OFF AND HEADS FOR THE STEPS.
SAM
Uh…Be right down!
SCENE VII.
DECK OF THE SEA BITCH MONSTER. THE GROUP IS SAILING THROUGH THE WATERS AT NIGHT. SAM IS AT THE WHEEL. ASHE AND ALEC ARE MANNING THE CANNONS. RICHARD IS PLAYING CARDS WITH MURRY. ELLIE IS STANDING LOOKOUT ON THE MAST.
MURRY
Stop looking at my hand!
RICHARD
You don’t have a hand…
MURRY
Don’t play dumb, I know you’re cheating!
RICHARD PULLS AN ACE FROM OUT OF MURRY’S JAW.
RICHARD
I’m cheating?!?
MURRY
…er…I have no idea how that got there. It’s a mistake, and honest mistake!
MURRY SEES ANOTHER ACE IN RICHARD’S SLEEVE. IT FALLS OUT.
MURRY
Aha! What’s this?!? You accuse me of cheating?!?
RICHARD
I cheat very little! You cheat very big!
MURRY
I do not!
RICHARD
That’s it…Playing with you is no fun!
RICHARD GETS UP AND STORMS AWAY. ALEC AND ASHE WATCH HIM GO.
ASHE
…Idiot.
ALEC
So, what are we going to do when we find Blackbeard?
ASHE
…Um…Get the Necromonicon?
ALEC
I meant how…
ASHE
Well…I suppose asking politely would be out of the question. All we need to do is get close enough to it so we can all touch it. That shouldn’t be too hard…should it?
ALEC
Nooooo…of course not. After all, this Blackbeard is soft as a cream puff, right?
ASHE LOOKS DISTRAUGHT.
ELLIE
Skull Cove sighted off the Port bow, Captain!
ALEC AND ASHE RUSH TO THE PORT SIDE OF THE SHIP. THERE IS NOTHING BUT OCEAN.
ELLIE
…Er…Maybe it’s the starboard side…
ALEC ROLLS HIS EYES AND FOLLOWS ASHE TO THE STARBOARD SIDE. SKULL COVE IS LIT UP BUT SEVERAL CAMPFIRES OF THE SMALL PIRATE HIDEOUT. THE GROUP ANCHORS THE SHIP AND PROCEEDS TO USE THE ROW BOATS TO APPROACH THE ISLAND. ONCE THEY ARE ON THE BEACH, SAM LEADS THE GROUP INTO THE FOREST HEADING TOWARD THE TOWN.
SAM
You have to be careful…one wrong step and we’ll be discovered.
A PIRATE JUMPS IN FRONT OF SAM.
PIRATE
Arrrr! Tis be intruders, get them!
ASHE
…Thank you fearless leader.
SAM
Oh be quiet.
SCENE VIII.
THE GROUP IS TIED TO A STAKE IN THE PIRATE HIDEOUT. THE PIRATES ARE DANCING AROUND THEM SINGING AND DRINKING. MURRY IS GONE. BLACKBEARD WALKS UP TO THE GROUP.
BLACKBEARD
Yar, tis be a fine night, wouldn’t you agree. A fine night for a barbeque that is. Yar har har har!
RICHARD
Oooooh, a barbeque. I love a barbeque!
ELLIE
Shutup…
BLACKBEARD
So, what do ye think of me Pirate Carnival?
ALEC
Your what?
BLACKBEARD
Me Pirate Carnival. That is why I was robbing the towns of the Caribbean. I needed money to finance me endeavor as a Carnie. Soon I’ll open the Carnival to the world and sit back and let the money roll in.
ASHE
What makes you think people would come here?
BLACKBEARD
What’s not to love about pirates?
ASHE
Hmm…you’re dirty, smelly, foul mouthed…Smelly.
BLACKBEARD
Yar, ye be using smelly twice.
ASHE
…Yar…ye be smelly enough for me to mention it again.
BLACKBEARD GETS ANGRY.
BLACKBEARD
Put them over the pit! We’ll roast the lot of them!
AS SOON AS THE PIRATES TRY TO MOVE THEM, SAM USES HER HIDDEN DAGGER TO CUT FREE. THE GROUP SCATTERS THROUGHOUT THE PARK. ASHE RUNS TOWARD THE STANDS, TRYING TO BLEND IN.
PIRATE CARNIE
Yar, matey! Come try the Cannonball Challenge!
ASHE
Er…aye, I thinks I’ll do that.
PIRATE CARNIE
Step right up, try to hit the bullseye. If ye do, ye win a prize.
ASHE SHOOTS THE CANNON. HE HITS THE TARGET.
PIRATE CARNIE
Yar that be some fine aim. Claim yer prize.
ASHE LOOKS AT THE PRIZE SHELF, HE SEES MURRY SITTING ON THERE AS WELL AS SEVERAL OTHER ITEMS, AND AN ANCHOR.
MURRY
Well if it isn’t Ashe, my best friend in the whole world. Come to rescue me from hours as a carnival prize.
ASHE NOTICES PIRATES RUNNING TOWARD HIM, SHOUTING. HE QUICKLY TAKES THE ANCHOR TO USE AS A WEAPON.
MURRY
That anchor?!? You picked the anchor?!? I thought we were friends, Ashe!
ASHE
Uh…I’ll make it up to you!
MURRY
Sure, fine. Just leave, I know you don’t care…
MURRY LOOKS UP, BUT ASHE IS ALREADY GONE. SCENE CUTS TO THE GROUP CONVERGING TOGETHER. THE PIRATES ARE ENCIRCLING THEM. RICHARD IS NOT THERE.
ELLIE
This looks bad…
SAM
Really, I hadn’t noticed!
RICHARD
Fear not! I shall save you!
THE GROUP AND PIRATES LOOK TO SEE RICHARD ON TOP OF A POLE. HE IS HOLDING A ROPE IN ONE HAND AND THE NECROMONICON IN THE OTHER. HE SWINGS DOWN TO THE GROUP. RICHARD SWINGS RIGHT PAST THEM ON THE FIRST TRY. BUT ON THE WAY BACK, ALEC STOPS HIM. QUICKLY THEY ALL TOUCH THE BOOK AND DISAPPEAR.
BLACKBEARD
Yar! What voodoo is this!
SCENE IX.
THE GROUP APPEARS IN AN AMERICAN PURITAN TOWN DURING THE PERIOD OF COLONIZATION. THEY ARE DRESSED IN PERIOD CLOTHING. THANKFULLY, NO ONE NOTICED THEY JUST APPEARED. THEY WALK TO THE CENTER OF TOWN, WHERE A LARGE CROWD IS GATHERED.
TOWNSWOMAN
Burn the witch!
THE GROUP SEES THE PEOPLE LIGHT A PYRE WITH A WOMAN TIED TO A STAKE ABOVE IT. THEY ALL LOOK AT ELLIE.
ELLIE
…I think we were better off at the Pirate Carnival…
END OF EPISODE
THANKS TO THE CREATIVE TEAM AT LUCAS ARTS FOR THE UNFORGETTABLE CHARACTER OF “MURRY”
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