| Subject: Episode Six: Two Girls, A Guy, and an Acid Trip |
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Date Posted: 20:26:40 11/08/01 Thu
EPISODE SIX: TWO GIRLS, A GUY, AND AN ACID TRIP
INTRO SCENE: RICHARD LANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUGE PARTY. WOMEN
CROWD HIM AS HE SITS BACK IN A BEANBAG CHAIR. SIXTIES DANCE MUSIC IS
PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND
Richard
(HAND ROLLED CIGARETTE IN HAND)
This is the life....
SCENE ONE: ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM LAND IN A HIPPIE COMMUNE. ALL THE
HIPPIES ARE STARING AT THEM IN AMAZEMENT
Hippi
Whoa...they were like, sent from above man...
Ellie
Where are we this time?
Ashe
(HEARS SIXTIES MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND)
We're in Hell....I know we're in Hell
Sam
What are you talking about?! This is classic music
Ashe
My music is ten times better than this
Ellie
What? You mean your Mortal Kombat and Matrix soundtracks?
Ashe
Shut up Dumbass
(LOOKS AT HIS CLOTHING)
This is why this is Hell
Ellie
Oh, heaven forbid you can't wear black
Ashe
It's not just that I'm not wearing black...I'm not even wearing earth tone colors! Look at this!
I look like a bag of skittles!
Sam
And we don't?!
Trent
(LOOKS LIKE TRISTAN. TO SAM)
Hey there Star Shine
Sam
That's not my name
Trent
My name is Trent...
Ellie
Is it just me, or does this "Trent" guy look a lot like Tristan?
Sam
Trent? What kind of a name is Trent? Aren't you guys supposed to have names like "Love
Bead" or "Flower" ? Trent is so unoriginal
Trent
Hey now, put the negative vibes to rest. Labels are given by those who hate
(MOTIONS TO A SMALL CIRCLE)
Come, join our friendship circle.
(ASHE AND SAM JOIN ONE CIRCLE AND ELLIE FOLLOWS TRENT TO ANOTHER)
Sam
(TO ASHE)
You do realize this is a majiuanna circle, don't you?
Ashe
Yeah...why?
Sam
Does Ellie?
Ashe
(SMIRKS)
She'll figure it out...
(SITS DOWN NEXT TO SAM. LOOKS TO HIS LEFT AND SEES BETSY. SHUDDERS.
TO SAM)
Why didn't you warn me?
Sam
I didn't realize I was supposed to be on the lookout
(BETSY HANDS ASHE A JOINT)
Ashe
(TAKES THE JOINT AND LOOKS AT IT, THEN LOOKS AT BETSY. CRINGES AND
LOOKS AT SAM FOR HELP)
Sam
If I have to take it after you, you have to take it after her
(ASHE SHUDDERS AGAIN, QUICKLY TAKES IT, AND PASSES IT ON TO SAM WHO
DOES THE SAME)
So what do you think happened to Richard?
Ashe
Who cares
Besty
Who's Richard?
Sam
A friend of ours...
Ashe
Hey, hey...speak for yourself
Sam
This guy we know...
Ashe
Have you guys seen a book...
Hippi
...There are lots of books, man...
Ashe
No, we are looking for a specific book
Hippi
All books are specific
Sam
This book has a large, hideous face on the front
Hippi
Groovy
Ashe
You know Professor Campbell?
Hippi
Hey, man, no one is ranked here. We're all the same...
Sam
Right...Look, we just want to get home
Hippi
Home is where the heart is, man
Ashe
Uh huh...this book is made out of human flesh, and written in blood
Hippi
In the book of life, we are all made from flesh, written in blood, and the heart is the home
Ashe
Yeah, that made perfect sense
(TO SAM)
This is getting us no where
Sam
Really? How long did it take you to figure that out?
Hippi
A negative attitude clouds the mind, and the heart
Sam
That's not the only thing that clouds the mind.
Come on Ashe. Maybe Ellie found out something.
(THEY STAND UP AND PULL ELLIE ASIDE)
Did you find out anything?
Ellie
Love is the key to happiness
Sam
What?
Ellie
(LOOSES HER BALANCE, BUT DOESN'T FALL. SHE CATCHES HER BALANCE,
AND LAUGHS TO HERSELF)
I can feel all the molecules in my body
Ashe
Oh she found something alright...(TO TRENT)...What did you give her?
Trent
She's feeling the healing power of love, man
Ellie
I'm gonna try to count them...(CLOSES HER EYES) 1...2...3...
Ashe
I'm talking physically. What did she take?
Trent
Three fun letters, and she's feeling the power of love
Sam
LSD?! Ellie took LSD?!
Ashe
I guess they really do make them in the shape of little crosses
Sam
I can't believe Ellie is tripping on LSD. This changes everything...
Ashe
What? What would it change? So Ellie experimented a little in college...that's all anyone
will ever say about it
Sam
Yes,...but it's Ellie
Ashe
It had to happen sometime
Sam
Ellie, did you find out where the book is?
Ellie
Damnit, I lost count
Sam
Ellie...
Ellie
1....2....3...
Ashe
Ellie stop counting and answer the question!
Ellie
Outside...in the woods...
Ashe
The book is in the woods. Why am I not surprised?
(ELLIE LEAVES)
Hey, Ellie, wait for us
SCENE TWO: WOODS. ASHE AND SAM ARE FOLLOWING ELLIE THROUGH THE
WOODS OUTSIDE THE HIPPI COMMUNE IN HOPES OF FINDING THE
NECROMONICON.
Ashe
(TO SAM)
Was it my imagination, or was Ellie talking to the trees a minute ago?
Sam
Well, considering she's hugging one now, I don't think you're too far off
Ellie
(WHILE HUGGING THE TREE)
You give oxygen so we can live....thank you
Ashe
Why did we come out here again?
Sam
She said she knew where the book was
Ashe
Yeah well, she's freaking me out. She better know where the book is...we're wasting time
TWO HOURS LATER
Sam
Why are we still following her?!
Ashe
She said she knew where the book was
Ellie
(LOOKING AROUND AT ALL THE TREES)
These are the pages of history...
Sam
That's it! Ellie, take us to the book or I'm gonna kill someone!
Ellie
Shhh...(LOOKS AROUND)...This way...
(SAM AND ASHE LOOK AT EACH OTHER, SHRUG AND FOLLOW ELLIE. THEY
FIND AN OLD DOOR AND WALK INTO THE BUILDING)
Ashe
Ah Hell...
Trent
Welcome, friend...
Sam
We spent two hours roaming the woods, only to end up back here?!
(SEES THE HIPPIES WATCHING TV)
And when did they get a tv?
Ashe
Anyway. Since when can hippi's afford things like tv's?
Trent
It's on! (MOTIONS TO ASHE, SAM, AND ELLIE)
Come, join us...
Ashe
What are we joining this time?
Sam
Hey look, they're watching the Top of the Pops
(THEY WALK OVER AND SIT DOWN TO WATCH TV)
Oh my god!
Ashe
How does he do it?!
Sam
How did Richard get separated from us and end up on tv?
Ashe
God only knows
Ellie
(LOOKS AROUND HER)
Ashe
What's wrong with you now?
Ellie
Somebody's watching me...
Ashe
What?
Ellie
Somebody's watching me....I can feel it
Ashe
Ellie, you're acting like a delusional freak, of course people are going to be looking at you
Ellie
So many faces, watching me, judging me...
Ashe
Ellie, you...
Sam
Ashe, relax...she's suffering from paranoia...one of the side effects of LSD
Ashe
It frightens me that you know so much about this
Sam
Well excuse me for being educated
Ashe
Well, not every educated person knows all there is to know about mind expanding drugs...is
there something you're not telling us?
Sam
Yes, Ashe, in a past life I was a highly successful drug dealer...
Ashe
Sarcasm isn't necessary
Sam
Who said I was being sarcastic?
Ashe
(ELLIE HIDES BEHIND ASHE)
Ellie, what are you doing?!
Ellie
Protection
Sam
And you think Ashe has it?
Ashe
Well, I am the Colonel
Sam
Don't start
(LOOKS AT RICHARD ON TV DANCING)
So how do we get to London?
Ashe
Say what now?
Sam
Richard is in London with the book...we need to get there
Ashe
How do you know Richard has the book? Ellie might still know where it is...buried
somewhere in this cloudy mind of hers
(HE GOES TO TOUCH HER HEAD AND SHE SHOES HIM AWAY)
Ok, ok, relax
Sam
Ashe, Richard has the book
Ashe
Are you going to back this theory with some proof, or are you just....(SAM POINTS TO THE
TV. RICHARD IS SEEN DANCING WITH THE NECROMONICON)...Oh..anyone could've
missed that
Sam
(SMIRKS AT ASHE)
Ellie, where is the Necromonicon?
Ellie
The man in the box has it...
Sam
(SAM SMILES AT ASHE)
Isn't that interesting...
Ashe
Lucky guess. We need to get to London, and fast...(LOOKS AT ELLIE)...I don't know how
much more of Ellie's acid trip I can take
Trent
I can get you there in a flash, man
Ashe
How's that?
Trent
In my plane, man
Sam
Plane? How is it that a bunch of Hippies own a plane?
Trent
The value of love, man
Sam
Drug dealing wouldn't get you that much...
Trent
It doesn't hurt to have a father who's loaded with all the luxuries life throws at you
Ashe
And I suppose you know how to fly it too
Trent
Of course
SCENE THREE: ON THE PLANE
Ashe
(BANGING ON THE BATHROOM DOOR)
Ellie! Ellie! You've been in there for almost thirty minutes!
Ellie
(FROM INSIDE THE BATHROOM)
No! I'm not coming out!
Ashe
Why not?
Ellie
It's safer in here
Ashe
Safer? What is the matter with you?!
Sam
Do you really need to ask that question? She's still on her paranoia streak...just leave her
alone
Ashe
I would if nature wasn't calling...no, make that screaming
Sam
I'm telling you, just give it a rest...she's not coming out of there
Ashe
Ellie, get your paranoid ass out of the bathroom
Ellie
No! This is my fortress of solitude
Sam
Oh God, now she's stealing your delusions
Ashe
I'll deal with that later. Right now, all I want is to get in that bathroom and do my business...
Sam
See, one come back and it's already way more than I wanted to know
(ELLIE BURSTS OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND RUNS TO THE SEAT NEXT TO
SAM. SAM STARES AT ELLIE CURIOUSLY AS ASHE RUNS INTO THE
BATHROOM)
Ellie
There was a snake in the bathroom sink
Sam
A snake?
Ellie
Just a little one...
Sam
So why'd you run then?
Ellie
It looked at me funny
Sam
What?!
(A CRASH IS HEARD IN THE BATHROOM)
Hmm...do you think we got lucky and he spontaneously combusted?
Ellie
He must have seen Reggie
Sam
Reggie? The snake has a name now?
Ellie
It's Trent's pet...I don't think Reggie likes me very much
Sam
....Because he looked at you funny...
Ellie
Uh huh...
(ASHE BURSTS OUT OF THE BATHROOM. HIS PANTS ARE AT HIS KNEES)
Sam
(AFTER LOOKING BACK)
Ah, something I REALLY didn't want to see
Ashe
(PULLS HIS PANTS UP)
S...Snake! There was a huge snake in the sink!
Sam
Really...Ellie said it was small
Ashe
Well, not huge in the sense of size....just big in...the sense of ...it was really creepy ok?!
Sam
I'll bet
Ashe
I hate snakes
Sam
Obviously
Ellie
(CURLS UP IN A BALL AND ROCKING)
The plane is going to explode
Sam
What?
Ellie
The plane is going to explode...
Sam
She's sharing her delusions with us again
Ashe
I'll shut her up...
(GRABS A PILLOW FROM THE OVERHEAD COMPARTMENT AND COVERS ELLIE'S
FACE WITH IT)
...How long do you think I'll have to wait?
Sam
Ashe, get off her...
Ashe
Fine...
(HE TAKES THE PILLOW OFF HER FACE AND SITS IN THE SEAT IN FRONT OF
SAM)
Are we there yet?
Sam
(TO HERSELF)
I could be at home enjoying my life, but NO, instead I'm stuck with two delusional freaks on
a plane trying to find the third freak
(LOOKS AT ELLIE WHO IS STILL CURLED UP AND ROCKING. THEN SAM LOOKS
UP)
Why me?!
SCENE FOUR: IN THE STREETS OF LONDON.
Sam
(TO ASHE)
Do you know where we are?
Ashe
Let's see, should I state the obvious, or should I...Oh what the Hell...Sam, if my calculations
are correct, I do believe we're in London
Sam
No, not the city ya nit, do you know where in London we are? The exact location
Ashe
(LOOKS AROUND)
The corner of a poorly lit street
Sam
No!
Ashe
Yes we are, this street isn't lit very well
Sam
No! I'll try another angle...Ellie
Ellie
The plane is going to explode!
Sam
We're not on the plane anymore ya moron! Now that we've established that, Ellie, do you
know where we are?
(ELLIE LOOKS AROUND FOR A WHILE)
Ashe
Do you want me to time her?
Sam
Ellie!
Ellie
Mars?....No, no...Venus
Ashe
(TO SAM)
And you really thought she was going to give you the right answer?
Sam
Well it worked last time
(CALMLY)
We are on Abbey Road
Ashe
(STARES BLANKLY)
And that's supposed to be important...
Sam
(TRYING TO REMAIN CALM)
The Beatles...
Ashe
Like the car? Oh my God, Sam, this is where the car was invented?! That is so cool, I
thought you didn't know anything about cars
Trent
No dude, the band....All you need is love
Ashe
Whoa, whoa..back off flower boy...I'm not like that
(CROSSING THE STREET TO THE ABBEY STUDIOS. RICHARD IS SEEN LEAVING
THE BUILDING SHOUTING TO SOMEONE INSIDE THE BUILDING)
Richard
...Yo John Leno, instant Carma's gonna get ya!
(LAUGHS TO HIMSELF)
Oh and I got an idea for your album...The white thing is cool and all, but I've got a
suggestion that it'll give it some spunk. Bare with me here, instead of white why don't you
go with maroon?
Sam
Oh my God! He...He's gonna change history...again!
Ashe
Sam...
Sam
He's gonna ruin one of the greatest albums of all time before they even create it!
(AN APPLE IS THROWN AT RICHARD FROM INSIDE THE BUILDING)
Thank God! They didn't listen to him
Richard
(PICKS UP THE APPLE)
Hey, (POINTS AT APPLE) great name for your company(TAKES A BITE OUT OF THE
APPLE)
Ashe
Richard what are you doing? Are you purposely trying to alter history?
Richard
I don't know what you're talking about. I was just talking to my new buddy John
Sam
John Lennon?
Richard
I prefer John Leno
Sam
John Lennon, YOU met John Lennon?! Where is he? Is he still in there? (POINTS TO
ABBEY STUDIO) I wonder if I could meet him...His autograph...I want his autograph
(SEARCHES HER POCKET)
Ashe
Sam, please stop. You're acting like and obsessed fan... you're not your cool level-headed
self...it's creeping me out
Sam
Damnit! I don't have anything for him to sign
Ashe
You could use your bra strap...
Sam
That could work...but I don't have a marker or pen for him to write with...oh I'm sure John
Lennon has something to write with...
Ashe
Sam! Stop this!
Sam
Stop what?
Ashe
(GRABS SAM'S SHOULDERS AND SHAKES HER)
Stop this obsession! You need to snap out of this!
Sam
(CALMLY)
I...I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me
(PAUSES)
But it's John Lennon!!!
Ashe
This must end
(SLAPS SAM ACROSS THE FACE)
Sam
(SHE RESPONDS BY PUNCHING ASHE IN THE STOMACH. SHE TAKES A DEEP
BREATH AND SMILES)
Thanks, I feel much better now. I should've been an actress
Ashe
(STILL CROUCHING)
What? You mean that whole show about being an obsessive fan was...
Sam
...just an excuse to punch you
Ashe
but....why?
Sam
If Ellie can knock you out, I at least wanted to have the pleasure of punching you
Ashe
Great...
Richard
(LOOKING AT ELLIE'S FEET)
Whoa, you guys must have been through a lot...Ellie even lost her shoes...
Ashe and Sam
What?
(THEY LOOK AT ELLIE'S BARE FEET)
Ashe
Ellie, where are your shoes?
Ellie
The man took them
Sam
I'm sorry...the man?
Trent
Damn the man!
Sam
Okay...that was...loud
Ashe
Ellie, what man took them?
Ellie
That man
(POINTS TO A HOMELESS MAN HOLDING HER SHOES)
Ashe
You just gave your shoes away to some homeless guy?! They won't even fit his feet!
Sam
Oh leave it alone, she's still coming off her acid trip. What we really need to find out is the
location of the book
Trent
Wow, you guys are really into the tree of knowledge...I respect that
Ashe
Thanks...I think...
Sam
Richard, where is the book?
Richard
What book?
Ashe
What book? What book?! The one you were dancing with on tv for the entire world to see!
Sam
You're a poet and don't know it
Ashe
Oh shut up
Richard
Oh, you mean, Little Richie
Sam
I don't think I wanna hear the reason for this name...
Ashe
Little Richie? You named a disgustingly hideous book of the dead Little Richie?!
Richard
He's not hideous, just misunderstood
Ashe
Richard, it's a book! It doesn't have feelings!
Sam
Richard, you'd better just take us to the boo-Little Richie, before Ashe explodes
Ellie
I'm thirsty
Ashe
(TO SAM)
Next phase?
Sam
Oh yeah
(CROSS THE CROSSWALK)
SCENE FIVE: RICHARD'S FLAT. THERE IS NICE FURNITURE, A BIG SCREEN TV,
SHAG CARPET, FAMOUS PAINTINGS ON THE WALL, AND A BIG DISCO BALL IN
THE CENTER OF THE CEILING.
Sam
Richard, how did you get all this stuff?
(LOOKS AT ASHE WHO IS STARING BLANKLY AT THE DISCO BALL)
Ashe? Everything ok?
Ashe
The disco ball I get...but...Dali? Why would Richard have one of Dali's paintings?
Sam
You know who Dali is?
Ashe
Hey, I used to be an art major
Sam
Yeah, and we both know how long that lasted...
Ashe
Damn art history! Damn art history to hell!
Sam
Okay...(LOOKS AROUND)...Um, did anyone see where Ellie went?
Trent
(RELAXING ON THE SOFA)
She went in search of the mystical liquid that keeps us alive
Ashe
Ya know, I'm really getting sick of these play-on words you keep using. Why can't you just
say, she's looking for water? Would it kill ya to be direct every now and then?!
Trent
It wouldn't kill me...words can't kill
Sam
(SMILES AT ASHE)
Sticks and stones man...
Ashe
(PUTS HIS HANDS ON HIS HEAD AND SCREAMS)
Sam
Richard, why is the Necromonicon on an elaborately decorative pedestal?
Richard
These guys wanted to put it in some building, and they'll give me money for it
Sam
Money for the book...
Richard
A LOT of money...(MOTIONS AROUND THE ROOM) See all this? This was just the
deposit
Ashe
Richard! You can't sell the book! We need that to get home!
Trent
Home is where the heart is, man
Ashe
Don't start!
Ellie
(CURLED UP ON THE SOFA NEXT TO TRENT)
Stop yelling...it hurts my eyes
Sam
Your eyes?
Ashe
When did she get back?
Sam
Who cares. Now lets just get the book and get out of here
Richard
You might want to be careful when you do that
Ashe
(CAUTIOUSLY)
Why?
Richard
Little Richie is boobie trapped
Ashe
Boobie trapped?!
Richard
I didn't want anyone taking my little buddy away from me
Sam
And yet you're selling him
Richard
I didn't want anyone taking him away from me before I got paid
Ashe
Why am I not surprised?
(TAKES A ZIPLOCK BAG OF DRUGS FROM TRENT AND WALKS OVER TO THE
BOOK. HE STANDS LIKE INDIANA JONES AND CAREFULLY SWITCHES THE
BOOK WITH THE ZIPLOCK BAG)
Ha! No boobie traps
(HE LOOKS UP AND TWO LARGE SATANIC EYES APPEAR, GLOWING RED. ASHE
SCREAMS AND FALLS BACKWARD)
Monster! Huge Monster! Run like Hell!
Sam
(Laughing)
You are such an idiot
Ashe
What?
Sam
You're "huge monster" is nothing but a pair of eyes with lights on them. No head, no body,
just a pair of eyes with lights in them
Ashe
(QUICKLY STANDS UP AND ACTS CALM)
I knew that
Sam
SURE you did
(ASHE, SAM, AND RICHARD STAND AROUND THE BOOK)
Richard
I feel like we're forgetting something...I can't put my finger on it, but I know something is
missing
Ashe
(LOOKS AROUND)
Ellie's missing again
Richard
No, that's not it...
(RICHARD RUNS OFF)
Sam
Richard no! Oh, damnit this was always Ellie's job
Ashe
If we find Ellie before Richard, do you think we could just pretend we forgot about him?
(SAM GLARES AT ASHE)
Ok, fine
Richard
(COMES BACK WITH ELLIE)
I found what we were missing
Ashe
I believe I was the one who stated that she was missing
Sam
Ok, now that we have everyone...lets get home...
Ashe
One minute
Sam
But, Ashe, we...
Ashe
ONE minute
(HE TIES RICHARD'S ARMS BEHIND HIS BACK AND GAGS HIM)
Now, lets get jumping...
(HE GRABS ELLIE'S ARM AND HOLDS IT ON THE BOOK. SAM TAKES RICHARD'S
ARM)
Sam
Klaatu Verata Nicktu
(THEY DISAPPEAR)
Tent
(LOOKING AT RICHARD'S RECORDS)
Aw...I love this album...(LOOKS AROUND THE EMPTY ROOM)...Dudes? Dudes?
SCENE SIX: SAM AND ELLIE'S DORM ROOM.
Sam
(LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM)
Is it true? Are we home? Are we FINALLY home?
Ashe
(NOTICES RICHARD IS GONE)
Oh my God! We forgot Richard! We left him in the sixties!
(PAUSES)
Oh well
Richard
(HEARD FROM THE HALL)
All your base are belong to us!
Ellie
He's here...He's fine
(ASHE AND SAM EXCHANGE LOOKS)
What?
Sam
So...she's better?
Ashe
Could it be true?
Ellie
Better? What are you talking about?
Sam
What do you remember from our last jump?
Ellie
We were in the sixties with some guy that looked like Tristan...after that it all gets cloudy
Ashe
That's because you were on a huge acid trip
Ellie
What? I was not
Sam
Yes you were, you took LSD
Ellie
Right...and I supposed you're gonna tell me that it was in the shape of a little cross too, aren't
you
Ashe
Believe me...you were on one major acid trip
Betsy
(ENTERS THE ROOM)
Where have you guys been?!
Ellie
How long has it been?
Betsy
You've been missing for six weeks...where have you been?
Ellie
Long story
Betsy
Tell me, I have time
Sam
No, it's a REALLY long story
Betsy
I have time...
Ashe
You don't understand...this is an extremely long story
Betsy
(WINKS AT ASHE)
I have all the time in the world...especially for you Ashe
Ashe
(SHUDDERS. TO ELLIE)
I think I liked her better as a deadite
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