| Subject: Episode Five: Saving Major Sales |
Author:
Team Bravo
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 20:31:54 10/12/01 Fri
EPISODE 5: SAVING MAJOR SALES
SCENE ONE: Battlefield; bombs exploding, people dying, Sam and Ellie have taken cover in
a trench. Richard is holding up a corpse and hiding behind it, while searching the pockets.
Ashe is standing calmly in the middle of the field.
Ashe
(to Richard)
Do you have any idea how much I hate you? Do you?...My hatred for you exists on several
levels. Number one...
Ellie
Ashe, what are you doing?! Get down!!
Ashe
In a moment, right now I'm talking to...(RICHARD HOLDS THE CORPSE NEXT TO
ASHE'S HEAD) DAH!! Richard!! (TRIES TO PUNCH RICHARD. RICHARD STARTS
TO RUN AND TRIPS OVER A HELMET. HE PICKS IT UP AND PUTS IT ON. THEN
HE CONTINUES TO RUN WHEN HE TRIPS OVER ANOTHER GERMAN MAN'S
CORPSE. THIS TIME HE REMOVES THE PANTS TO THE BODY AND PUTS THEM
ON. THIS CONTINUES AS HE DISAPPEARS IN THE GUN SMOKE.)
Ellie
Where is he going now?
Ashe
Away from me, and that's all that matters.
US. Soldier
Halt! Identify yourself!
Ellie
Uh...um...
US Soldier
Answer me!
Ashe
(PROUDLY)
We're on Team Bravo
Sam
Oh no...
US Soldier
Team Bravo? I haven't heard of this strange team. You must be spies!
Ashe
No, no...we're not spies. Team Bravo is a super secret, top secret team. We recently returned
from a recon mission behind enemy lines. Please take us to your commanding officer.
US Soldier
And who are you?
Ashe
(STANDS TALL AND PROUD)
I am Colonel Bravo
US Soldier
Uh huh...
(ELLIE AND SAM CLIMB OUT OF THE TRENCH AND STAND BESIDE ASHE. THE
SOLDIER LOOKS AT SAM)
...and you are...?
Sam
I'm S-(ASHE NUDGES HER. THROUGH HER TEETH)...Commander Widowmaker...
Ashe
Oh you're too modest Widowmaker...she's recently been promoted to Lt. Colonel
US Soldier
Oh of course
Ashe
And this is Sgt. Dumbass
US Soldier
Dumbass?
Ellie
That's Sergeant to you buddy!
US Soldier
You know...if you really were spies, I think you would've come up with a much better story
than that...come with me.
Ashe
(SMILES PROUDLY) And the Colonel does it again.
(TO ELLIE)
And you thought it was a stupid idea
Ellie
I still think its a stupid idea
Ashe
You're tune will change when you see how they treat the Colonel
SCENE TWO: TENTS; SAM, ELLIE, AND ASHE ARE SITTING IN THE MUD IN
HANDCUFFS
Ellie
Oh yeah Ashe, my tune is really changing now!
Ashe
I don't like you're attitude
Ellie
I'm sitting in the mud in handcuffs, what do you want from me?!
Sam
The keys to the handcuffs would be nice
Ellie
Damnit Widowmaker, I'm a Dumbass not a miracle worker!
Sam
Yes, because if you were, you would have some special power that would get us out of the
predicament that our beloved Colonel got us into
Ashe
Lets not place the blame on anyone...I'm sure that this is simply standard procedure, you'll
see. Even if it isn't, I'm sure Ellie will find a way to free us.
Ellie
What?! What makes you think I can do that?
Ashe
With you're special powers of course
Ellie
Special powers? What is the matter with you?!
Ashe
I don't know what you're talking about. (GRABS A CLIPBOARD FROM A PASSING
PRIVATE AND BEGINS READING IT)
General
(TAKES CLIPBOARD FROM ASHE)
You are not permitted to look at those papers, prisoner
Ashe
Prisoner?! (STANDS UP) I am Colonel Bravo, I demand to be treated with some respect!
Sam
Sit your delusional ass down
General
Now then, Colonel, I have an assignment for you
Ashe
(GLARES AT ELLIE)
Yes, I thought you would
General
(MOTIONS TO THE PRIVATE TO RELEASE ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM)
Sorry about the handcuffs, it's just....standard procedure
Ashe
Yes, (GLARED AT ELLIE, THEN AT SAM) I thought it was...
General
You're assignment is to hunt down and kill the leader of the German forces; Adolf Hitler
Ashe
Ah...a difficult mission, General, but nothing that Team Bravo can't handle
(GENERAL SMILES TO HIMSELF AS HE LEAVES. TO ELLIE)
There you see, the General trusts us, we were even given a mission. And we didn't even
need the help of your witchy powers
Ellie
Wait, what?! Witchy powers?! Witchcraft? Like any of that is real
Sam
Besides, Ashe, the General doesn't trust us, he is sending us on a suicide mission
Ashe
What are you talking about? Colonel Bravo would never agree to a suicide mission
Ellie
Ashe, do you know what our mission is?
Ashe
Yes, we're supposed to kill Adolf Hitler....(EYES GET BIG AND GOES INTO SHOCK)...Oh
my god, I've just agreed to a suicide mission!
Sam
And the wheels are turning again...
General
(HOLDING SEVERAL ARMED WEAPONS)
Here are the weapons you and your team are permitted to use for this mission, Colonel
Ashe
General, you're sending us on a...did you say weapons?
Ellie
This can't end good...
Ashe
Oh shut up you're reading too much into this...(PICKS UP A RIFLE) Look at these cool
guns we get to use
Sam
The better to shoot your eye out with
Ashe
What was that, Widowmaker?
Sam
Oh, nothing
SCENE THREE: OUTSIDE NAZI HEADQUARTERS. ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM ARE
DRESSED IN MILITARY ATTIRE AND ARMED FOR BATTLE.
Ellie
(LOOKING UP AT A GATE FROM A DITCH)
All we gotta do is climb this gate. Although that barb wire at the top could pose a painful
problem
Sam
Ya think? Oh well, I'm sure we can talk Ashe into...wait...where is he?
Ashe
(RUNS NEXT TO SAM. HIS FACE IS PAINTED IN CAMOUFLAGE.)
Sorry I'm late...
Sam
(SEES ASHE'S FACE)
Oh my god...I told you NOT to put that crap on your face
Ashe
But I like it. It looks cool, and it helps me blend in
Sam
If we were firing in trenches, yes. Ashe, we are going to be sneaking into their headquarters,
painting yourself is going to drawl attention...unless you really do have a death wish
Ellie
He agreed to this mission didn't he
Ashe
That's enough out of you
Sam
(LOOKS AT HIS UNIFORM. HE IS COVERED FROM HEAD TO TOE WITH
WEAPONS)
What is with all the weapons anyway. You're like the human grenade, I thought the General
told you to choose one hand gun and knife to keep hidden and then one large assault weapon
to carry
Ashe
I couldn't decide
Sam
So you took them all?!
Ellie
(TO SAM)
Do you think Richard has rubbed off on him?
Ashe
I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, Dumbass
Sam
Shhh! Hear comes the guard
(ELLIE AND SAM DUCK DOWN IN THE TRENCH. ASHE STANDS IN A SUPER
HERO POSE.)
What are you doing?!
Ashe
They will fear me...
Ellie
Change fear to kill, and then you've got it right
Ashe
You watch, they will fear me
(ELLIE AND SAM GRAB ASHE AND PULL HIM DOWN)
Damn you two, you have foiled my plan
Ellie
And saved you're sorry ass in the process
Sam
Remind me again why we did that?
(ELLIE GLARES AT SAM)
What?
Ashe
I refuse to held down like this! I am the Colonel!
Sam
Shut up, you're going to give away our location
Ashe
I am the Colonel, take your hands off me!
Sam
Ashe, I swear, if they find us...
Ellie
I got it covered
(TAKES OFF THE BANDANNA UNDER HER HELMET, FOLDS INTO A BALL, AND
SHOVES IT IN ASHE'S MOUTH. THE NAZI GUARD PAUSED WHEN HE CAME
NEAR THE GATE THEN CONTINUED ON HIS ROUNDS.)
Ok, the coast is clear
Sam
(SMIRKS AT ELLIE. TO ASHE)
Alright Colonel, now we need you to lead us
Ashe
(SPITS OUR BANDANNA)
You finally admit to needing my help
Sam
Sure, now we need to get over that gate. Lead the way Colonel
Ashe
Right-o
(ASHE CLIMBS OVER THE GATE WITH EASE, MISSING THE BARB WIRE. SAM
AND ELLIE LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN AMAZEMENT)
Ellie
How did he manage to avoid the barb wire so easily?
Sam
I'm beginning to think you're right, Richard is rubbing off on him
Ellie
Scary thought. (LOOKS AT THE GATE) Well, I guess we better start climbing
(THEY MAKE IT OVER THE GATE, WITH SLIGHTLY TORN PANTS)
Ashe
(SMILING)
Well well, look who had trouble with the barb wire. That's why I'm the Colonel and you're
not
Sam
Ashe, if we live through this, remind me to kick your delusional ass
SCENE SIX:HALLS OF NAZI HEADQUARTERS. ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM HAVE
MADE THEIR WAY INTO THE NAZI HEADQUARTERS AND HAVE BEEN
WANDERING THE HALLS LOOKING FOR HITLER'S BUNKER. THEY STOPPED AT
THE END OF THE HALL, TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHICH OF THE OTHER HALLS
TO CHOOSE.
Ellie
Alright, El Capiton, which way?
Ashe
I'll solve this dilemma (SILENTLY, WITH HIS EYES, USES THE EINY MEANY MINEY
MO METHOD, THEN POINTS TO THE LEFT HALL) This way
Sam
Wait, why that hall?
Ashe
Do not question you're Colonel!
(THEY RAN DOWN THE LEFT HALL. WHEN THEY ROUNDED THE CORNER THEY
WERE FACE TO FACE WITH OVER 20 ARMED NAZI SOLDIERS)
Ellie
I'm about to question the Colonel...
Ashe
Shutup Dumbass
Sam
Ashe led us here, I say he gets us out
Ashe
(TRYING TO ACT CALM AS THE SOLDIERS SURROUNDED THEM)
Not to worry, I speak some German
(ONE OF THE GERMAN SOLDIERS SPEAKS TO THEM. ASHE SAYS SOMETHING
BACK TO THEM. THE SOLDIERS BECAME ANGRY AND THEY ALL PULLED
THEIR WEAPONS OUT, AIMING THEM AT ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM)
Sam
Ah, hell
Ellie
What did you say?
Ashe
Uh...Ellie, quick, use your witchcraft on them!
Ellie
(STARING AT ASHE)
You've lost your mind, haven't you?
Ashe
Stop stalling and do it, Dumbass!
Ellie
That's it!
(SHE HOLDS HER RIFLE LIKE A BAT, AND SMACKS ASHE WITH IT. ASHE FALLS
DOWN AND THE SOLDIERS STARE AT ELLIE, CONFUSED AT HER ACTION. SAM
TOOK HER KNIFE AND THREW IT AT THE FIRE ALARM. THE ALARM WENT OFF
AND THE SOLDIERS BEGAN TO EXIT THE BUILDING, LEAVING ASHE, ELLIE,
AND SAM STANDING IN THE HALL)
Sam
Damnit, Ellie, why didn't you tell me you were gonna hit him?
Ellie
(SMILES AND SHRUGS)
It was kind of a spur of the moment action
Sam
Do you realize how long I have been waiting for an excuse to do that to him?!
Ellie
Since when do you need an excuse?
Sam
I do have scruples...I don't go around harming innocent people
Ellie
Well, those brainless soldiers are gone...I guess we should continue our search
Sam
You would think that they would be more intelligent than that...well, you'd think that anyway
(SHE STARTS TO LEAVE)
Ellie
Sam...
Sam
What are you waiting for? Lets go...
Ellie
Sam...
Sam
What?
Ellie
I can't believe I'm saying this, but we can't leave without Ashe
Sam
And why not?
Ellie
Lets not try to rationalize his existence....(GRABS ASHE BY HIS SHIRT AND BEGINS
DRAGGING HIM DOWN THE HALL)...But we both know that we can't just leave him here
Sam
Speak for yourself
Ellie
Didn't you just say that you don't go around harming innocent people
Sam
I think in Ashe's case I can make an exception
(ELLIE GLARES AT SAM)
Oh alright...at least this will rid me of a guilty conscience
Ellie
Lets find Hitler's office....
SCENE SEVEN:HITLER'S OFFICE. HITLER WAS NOT IN HIS OFFICE. ELLIE AND
SAM PUT ASHE ON THE DESK, WHILE THEY SAT COMFORTABLY ON A LEATHER
COUCH BY THE DESK.
Ellie
(LOOKING AT HER GUN)
Just think, a few days ago we were sitting in classes taking notes. Now we're sitting in
Hitler's office, armed and dangerous
Sam
Watching Ashe loose what little bit of a mind he had to begin with
Ellie
Do you think when we get back home, we could sell our story to Hollywood?
Sam
Like they'd believe us
Ellie
Good point
(ASHE MOANS AND STARTS TO SIT UP)
Ashe
What happened? Why am I laying on a desk? And why do I have this killer headache? I
remember being surrounded by the Nazi's....but how did we get here?
Sam
You mean you don't remember?
Ashe
No
Ellie
Are you sure? You don't remember anything that happened?
Ashe
Uh, yeah, that's what I said
(SAM AND ELLIE EXCHANGE GLANCES)
Sam
You save our lives. You sacrificed yourself to save us...you were a true hero
Ashe
I...I did?
Ellie
Yes. One of them hit you from behind, but Sam and I took care of him. Then we got you
out of there
Ashe
(LOOKS AT THE DESK HE IS SITTING ON)
And you put me on the desk? Why didn't you just put me on the couch?
Sam
We could have...but then, where would we sit?
Ashe
(GIVES A FRUSTRATED SIGH)
Have you found Hitler yet?
Ellie
No, but you're sitting on his desk
Ashe
(LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM)
Man, Adolf is a very messy guy. It looks like a tornado hit in here
Ellie
Oh that's kind of our fault
Sam
Yeah, we were looking for the Necromonicon
Ashe
Shouldn't be too hard. All you have to do is find an old disgusting book written in blood and
bound in human flesh...and what's on the cover? Oh yeah, A FACE! Any luck?
Ellie
No...(SMILES AT SAM)...but we did find this book...(HOLDS UP A BOOK TITLED THE
WINDOW OF MADNESS WITH A PAIR OF SATANIC EYES PRINTED ON THE
COVER. ASHE YELLED AND FELL BACKWARDS OFF THE DESK)
Sam
Calm down Ashe, it's just a book. Not a spec of blood or human flesh anywhere
(TO ELLIE)
You win, I'll pay you when we get home
Ashe
(CLIMBING ONTO THE DESK CHAIR)
What now?
Ellie
Nothing important. Sam and I had a bet going. I said that when I showed you this book you
would freak out, Sam said you wouldn't.
Ashe
(UNDER HIS BREATH)
Glad to be of assistance
(DOOR BURSTS OPEN AND NAZI SOLDIERS RUN INTO THE ROOM POINTING
THEIR GUNS AT ASHE, SAM, AND ELLIE)
Ellie
Boy, this seems familiar...
Sam
Ashe, this time, keep your mouth shut!
Ashe
Why would I say anything? I don't speak German
Ellie
(TO SAM)
I would say he got the sense knocked into him...literally
(NAZI SOLDIERS FRISK ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM, TIE THEIR HANDS BEHIND
THEIR BACKS, AND LEAD THEM OUT OF HITLER'S OFFICE)
Ellie
Where do you think their taking us?
Sam
To Hitler, probably
Ashe
I don't know...but I feel violated
SCENE EIGHT:HITLER'S BUNKER. ASHE, SAM, AND ELLIE PUSHED INTO
HITLER'S BUNKER AND FORCED TO THEIR KNEES. RICHARD STRUTS INTO THE
ROOM. HE IS DRESSED IN A GERMAN UNIFORM AND HAS USED BLACK
MARKER TO DRAWL A SMALL SQUARE MUSTACHE ON HIS FACE.
Ashe
What the?...Richard?! You're Hitler?!
Sam
(NUDGES ELLIE AND MOTIONS WITH HER HEAD TO THE BUNK)
Do you see what I see?
Ellie
(SEES THE CORNER OF THE NECROMONICON STICKING OUT FROM UNDER THE
MATRICE)
Yeah, but one problem...we're a little tied up at the moment
Ashe
Richard! What are you....how did you....w..what?!
Richard
(MOTIONS FOR THE SOLDIERS TO LEAVE HIM WITH THE PRISONERS)
There was a mistake...
Ellie
Mistake?
Richard
Ok...first there was an accident, and then there was a mistake
Sam
This should be interesting...
Richard
Ashe was going to hurt me, so I ran away...and I found some really cool stuff from these
guys that were asleep in the middle of the field
Ashe
Asleep? Richard, those guys were dead!
Richard
So I found this cool uniform. And these other guys that were wearing the same thing came
up to me. I waved to them and they took me back here and introduced me to this really cool
guy named Rudolf...
Sam and Ellie
(LOOKING AT EACH OTHER)
Adolf...
Ashe
How exactly did you wave to them?
Richard
Like this (DOES THE NAZI SALUTE. ASHE, ELLIE, AND SAM ROLL THEIR EYES)
Rudolf had this cool little mustache under his nose...so I grew one too
Ashe
Richard...that's magic marker...
Richard
Nuh ah...
Ellie
Just get to the "accident"
Richard
Ok...we were hanging out together when rudolf fell down the steps...and died
Ellie
He fell down the steps? Hitler didn't die from falling down the steps...he shot himself...in this
room!
Richard
(SLYLY)
Yes, he shot himself...that's what happened....
Ellie
So that's the accident...what's the mistake?
Richard
I panicked...so I hid the body in that closet..(POINTS TO THE CLOSET NEXT TO ASHE.
ASHE STARS AT THE CLOSET IN DISGUST) The rest of Rudolf's friends came back and
thought I was Rudolf. It's really cool, they do whatever I say. And I got to keep Rudolf's
girlfriend...
Ashe
Girlfriend?
(BITCHY ENTERS)
Bitchy
Adolf....
Ashe
(SHUDDERS)
I should've seen that one coming...Hey Richard...could you release us now?
(RICHARD RELEASES ASHE, SAM, AND ELLIE)
Sam
So how much do you think Richard changed history? Hitler didn't kill himself...
Richard
(PICKS UP A GUN)
I guess there's only one thing left to do...
(STARTS TO POINT THE GUN AT HIS HEAD)
Ellie
No, Richard!
Ashe
Do it
Sam
No, Richard, we have to shoot Hitler...the real Hitler
Ashe
Why bother? He's already history
Ellie
Interesting choice of words...
Sam
Richard already changed history, if we shoot Hitler in the head no one will know that he
didn't shoot himself
(THEY OPEN THE CLOSET AND DRAG HITLER ONTO THE FLOOR)
Ellie
Alright, who wants to have the honor of fixing history
(NO ONE MOVES)
Sam
I vote that our Colonel does it
Ashe
Why me?
Ellie
You're the one who volunteered this mission...therefore, you should complete it
Ashe
I don't remember volunteering for a suicide mission. Who would be stupid enough to do
that?
Sam
That's what we wanted to know when you volunteered us
Ashe
I don't believe you're making me do this...(TURNS AROUND AND SEES HIS
CAMOUFLAGED FACE IN THE MIRROR)...DAH!!! Alright, which one of you smartass's
did this to me?!
Ellie
Us? You did that to your self ya moron
Ashe
I did not...I think I would remember doing something like that
Sam
Like you remembered volunteering for a suicide mission, or having Ellie kick your ass...
Ashe
Say what?
Sam
Oh....nothing
Ashe
No, no...this is not nothing. When did Ellie kick my ass?!
(GRIPING HIS GUN)
Ellie
You know, maybe he shouldn't be holding that gun...
Ashe
Ellie...
Ellie
Shoot Hitler first, and then I'll tell you
Ashe
Fine
(SHOOTS HITLER. TO ELLIE)
Now, I believe you have some explaining to do
(US SOLDIERS BURST INTO THE ROOM)
US Soldier
They've done it! They've killed Adolf Hitler!
Richard
Adolf? Whose Adolf? That's Rudolf
General
Well, well, Colonel, it seems I underestimated you. You and your team shall be rewarded for
this. (LOOKS AT RICHARD)...And having one of your men pose as a Nazi soldier...that's
brilliant work. You'll be rewarded the Purple Heart of Bravery...
(SEVERAL HOURS LATER)
Sam
Here's the Necromonicon...lets get out of here
(ASHE, SAM, ELLIE, AND RICHARD TOUCH THE BOOK)
Ashe
(MUMBLES)
I don't know why we even bother...Richard is gonna screw it up. I just know he's gonna
screw it up
Sam
Klaatu verata...
Richard
(SEES A STACK OF WEAPONS)
Groovy
Ashe
(LOOKING AT ELLIE)
Who called it?
SCENE NINE:BACK IN PRESENT DAY. MIA IS FLIPPING THROUGH HER HISTORY
TEXT BOOK. SHE COMES ACROSS AN ODD PICTURE. THE CAPTIONS READ
"FOR THERE BRAVERY, TEAM BRAVO IS AWARDED THE PURPLE HEART OF
BRAVERY AWARD"
Mia
What the?....
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 