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Date Posted: 10:51:56 11/06/06 Mon
Author: Levi F. Araujo
Subject: I'm A Virgin and Proud!

I'm A Virgin and Proud!

"I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months, and I love him with all my heart. Fairly early in our relationship I made it very clear that I intend to be a virgin until I get married [...]

My problem is what everyone else thinks. Anytime I tell anyone that we've been going out for 9 months, they look at me "knowingly" (yeah right) like no one could be dating for that long and remain virgins. This upsets me quite a bit.

Both of us are almost bombarded with very personal questions by people we hardly know: "So, how far have you gone?" "Is he good?" "Have you ever, ahem, you know. . ."

These questions piss me off quite a bit, to say the least. It is incredibly rude for people to pry into our personal lives like that. But at the same time, whenever anyone asks, or gives me one of those smiles, I want to just scream out to the whole world that I would never even consider having sex with him. But most of the people who imply things I do not know well enough to tell them that we are not sexually involved. I of course always answer the questions negativly ("not that far" "I wouldn't know" "No, and I'm not going to")

What can I do about the people who don't ask outright? How can I give them an answer that doesn't just come right out with a piece of very personal information, but lets them know that I'm a virgin? Is there any way to ward of the implications? Thanks for the help."

female 15 yrs. USA


First of all, I want to congratulate you for your decision in stay virgin until you get married. This is not easy to get nowadays, once the whole world seems to be against this decision.

Standing a virgin nowadays requires standing up to immense pressures. Why should a youth like you do so? Are there advantages to remaining a virgin?

“Virginity has become like baby teeth, something to lose before graduation.” Statements like this reflect the permissive, free-wheeling attitude that many youths have toward sex. Nowadays, a youth who is still a virgin is likely to be viewed as a curiosity, an oddball. Some boys admitted that they were “desperate” to lose their virginity. Virgin girls admitted to feeling “abnormal.”

Many youths think of sex as simply a way to express love – or to be loved by someone. It’s only natural to want to be loved. And youths often have particular needs in this regard. True love, however, “does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests.” (1 Corinthians 13:4,5)

Within the context of an honorable marriage, sex serves a dignified and beautiful purpose. But outside of marriage, it often serves as little more than a salve for emotional wounds, an escape from pressures, a way to bolster a sagging ego, a response to peer pressure, or a chance to enjoy the intimacies of marriage without accepting its responsibilities. “For the most part, the sexual act of a young adolescent is hostile, angry, and self-destructive; it is not a demonstration of caring, sharing, or feeling,” concluded Dr. Louis Fine in his book “After All We’ve Done For Them – Understanding Adolescent Behavior”

Even when no dire consequences, such as pregnancy, result, illicit relations often leave one feeling hurt and empty. The book “The Private Life of the American Teenager” says: “Some feel exploited by boyfriends who threaten to walk out unless they agree to have intercourse. And if they do agree, they often end up feeling used, especially if the relationship ends or if it continues on a purely sexual basis.”

Some feel that sex can help a couple to draw close to each other. But if a couple is too young to marry, what purpose does getting so close serve? The result can only be emotional pain when the relationship suffers its virtually inevitable breakup. In his book “How to Raise Parents”, writer Clayton Barbeau remind us that “adolescence is when you’re putting yourself together, finding out who you are.” He asks: “If you don’t know who you are, how can you love and therefore know, someone else?”

Besides, sex in a courtship tends to squelch, not promote, meaningful communication. At the same time, feelings of guilt can work to drive a couple apart. Writer Clayton Barbeau thus summed it up well when he said: “I think teenagers playing with sex are like infants handling nitroglycerin.

Some youths feel that gaining sexual experience will better prepare them for marriage. The facts show otherwise. For one thing, intimate problems in marriage are usually related to emotional factors – not a lack of sexual experience. If anything, premarital sex is destructive to a marriage. It tears down mutual respect and teaches a couple to relate to each other primarily on a physical basis; emotional intimacy is neglected. As the book “Building a Successful Marriage” observes: “Premarital intercourse must of necessity be chiefly on the physical level, characterized by selfishness rather than mutuality.” In the long run, a selfish view of sex results in marital misery. Marital satisfaction comes when a married couple apply Bible principles and are more concerned with giving than with selfishly receiving.

The book “Why Wait Till Marriage?” points out another problem: “Men and women who have been permissive sexually before marriage cannot be expected to change miraculously when they marry. With few exceptions, they continue to manage their sex impulses as they did before they married.” The book concludes: “If fidelity in marriage is important to you, then recognize that it is tied in with fidelity before marriage.”

Remaining a virgin until marriage can help you develop the moral strength needed to obey the Bible’s command: “Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4)

It is clear that virgins have a better predicted chance for marriage success because they often have other virtues, such as greater devotion to duty, more ability to delay gratification, increased concern for following the rules, and similar characteristics. Those who foolishly discard their virginity will thus have much to regret.

There is one final advantage to virginity that you should consider. The Bible shows that those who flout God’s laws are “wronging themselves as a reward for wrongdoing.” (2 Peter 2:13) How could premarital sex result in such a wronging of yourself? Consider, for example, the growing spread of the AIDS virus among teenagers. Yet, in spite of all the publicity surrounding this deadly disease, just a few youths had altered their sexual behavior as a result of fear of the disease.

Such youths also fail to realize that immoral behavior may result in pregnancy, a score of sexually transmitted diseases in addition to AIDS, emotional trauma, a seared conscience, and – worst of all – a damaged relationship with God. Do not wrong yourself. Proverbs 14:16 says: “The wise one fears and is turning away from badness.” Do not be lulled into believing the myth of “safe sex.” As far as God is concerned, the only sex that is safe and acceptable is within the bond of marriage. Until then, treasure your virginity. Don’t let others make you ashamed of it or persuade you to toss it away. Just tell them straight that this is your personal decision and that you are really proud in being different from others.


Levi F. Araujo (from Brazil)

P.S.: Although you claim your decision has nothing to do with religion, I could not help myself quoting the Bible.

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