Looking back. -- The PM Refugees' Forum

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Date Posted: 03:40:38 12/24/08 Wed
Author: Johnny Reb
Subject: Looking back.

Winter solstice has just passed by and I did not find one place quiet enough in this town to be outside at midnight and look at the sky to let the year pass thru my mind. There are these moments when I do not want to live here anymore.

Albert Hofmann, Charlton Heston, Robert Rauschenberg, Sydney Pollack, Bo Diddley, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, Isaac Hayes, Rick Wright, Paul Newman and Bettie Page enriched my life and died this year. I survived my own first half of a century and almost died inside from a broken marriage. I lost my wife after less than one year of marriage and became an uncle for the first time in my life.

I quit smoking after 30 years and gained 14 kilos. I have graduated university in the mid-eighties and I am unemployed now. I have done so many different jobs that I hardly can follow my own curriculum vitae any more.

I have never bought a house and never made kids. I have had no plans nor dreams in my life. I have been treated lovingly by accidental lovers and been abused to the max by the ones I trusted most.

I have traveled the globe already once before the age of 21, traveled the States on my own with 17 and hitchhiked all over Western Europe with 15.

I have survived a dysfunctinal family and more than a fair share of situations threatening my life, healthwise and socially, self-induced and exogenous. Many people who accompanied me in my life, walked a while with me or crossed my path are dead already.

Do I have wishes? My hair will not get more, my lost teeth will not grow back and my dick is not what it used to be anymore, too. I have to wear glasses now for reading fine print, too.

Yes, I have wishes. A bearable job which will keep me living on a humble level i.e. not to go to sleep hungry and not to freeze in winter, and good health adequate to my age. I do not need riches, my wealth is my friends.

I am still not sure if life has been good to me so far. Feeling good is not the absence of pain. But there are millions of really hapless people out there.

Wishing you all a merry yuletide and twelve days, and a great 2009 from all my heart.

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Replies:

Re: Looking back. -- iteo, 13:45:25 12/24/08 Wed
Re: Looking back. -- Johhny Reb (-additional info-), 23:28:55 12/25/08 Thu
- Re: Looking back. -- Michael, 18:41:18 12/28/08 Sun