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Subject: These Boots Were Made For Walking

Author:
andy

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Date Posted: 13:23:58 12/02/07 Sun

In the aging, hopefully, we become more accustomed to our defaults, more in tune
with ways of acceptance as we shed denials, insecurities, blame, and guilt.

The key word in that sentence is HOPEFULLY. I learn things about people every day
that leave me feeling heavy hearted. I invest in people and believe that they mean
what they say (and they believe it too most of the time, I'd guess).

I make deals and reach agreements believing in the spoken commitments and the
pacts that I subscribe too. So often I find myself in a space where I end up fighting
with myself. It's a very uncomfortable space because I know truth when I see it
and hold it in my heart. I also know deception because I lived it for so long and
therefore must maintain a forgiving heart or I would be nothing more than as in-
sincere as the people I am now here convicting in my blog.

I find it painful that people think its just fine to assume they are smarter than me
or somehow more connected to a game of cat and mouse. I am far too sensitive
at times and place unwarranted expectations on others which leads me to great
frustration.

How does one say, "I know what is happening and I know you are not completely
honest without sounding convictional?" Without hurting someone's feelings?
Is it better to just go on nodding a head and holding up your end of a deal while
others spend their time in private corners reaping the rewards of your hard work
and commitment?

Well, I have the answer to that question. At least my own answer, the one that
works for me. I say yes, it would be fine because I would never keep score so
long as the communication is based on honesty not defense and mechanisms
who's foundation is shallow and based on excuse.

It hurts me deeply at times when I invest in people and then find out that they
have no regard for my commitment to them. It hurts when they lie to me because
they are too insecure to speak the truth. It hurts knowing that once again I find
myself in the same strange place.

A place that I usually end up walking away from and later feel like I should have
forced them to walk away from instead.

I wouldn't be writing this blog except I find this situation going on around me in four
different corners at the present times.

For the first time I truly believe that rather than suffer from the pain of not being able
to convict with condemning I am learning from the repetition of dishonesty.

I have been dishonest myself in each of these situations because I haven't stood up
and said something in fear of hurting someone's feelings.

That's something that won't happen anymore with me.

I am going to demand respect and honesty from those that claim to be my
friend. If I can't get it, then ass and elbows is what I offer.

I want to chase the sun and write a poem a day in peace.
I want to have relationships that are based on trust and honesty.
I don't want to be the one anymore who gives more and gets less.

I want to be the man who speaks his mind when he is certain he is right
with no fear of retribution so that I feel balanced enough to rest
well with the passing of a day.

and that should be enough for any man,
especially a man like me.

ajs

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Replies:

[> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking

Author:
Tammy
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Date Posted: 15:04:52 12/02/07 Sun

((((Andy))))

I can completely understand this in more ways than one. I suspect some of my latest bout with depression stemmed from one too many being dishonest with me, or taking more than I could give, thus putting me in a place where I felt unacknowledged for my honesty, or taken advantage of and I said nothing until I realized what was happening and then I was put down for being who I am.

There was a time when "the spoken word" was a man's honor, and well, since the decay of our moral systems began a few decades ago, we will find more and more selfish minded persons, who speak untruths that they have falsely made into "the truth", but in essence is only "their truth".

One of the things that I truly admired about you in the first place, was your ability to speak the truth without hesitations. Kudos to you for this blog, for the truth and for being "real". Another thing I admire about you!

Big hugs,
Tammy

[> [> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking

Author:
andy
[ Edit | View ]

Date Posted: 06:43:26 12/03/07 Mon

Well Tammy,

After some time I guess we have ourselves to blame.
It is a fine line and often not easy to establish
but, when truth smacks you in the face you can either
react to it or deny it exists.

Denial is a deadly game.

Greatly appreciate your time and comments.

Now, face the south and suck in a really deep breath
(I know you have huge lungs) and then turn around to
the North and let it out.

I am told it is very good for the body and mind
to do such a thing.

It might also return this damn freezing Canandian air
to its rightful owners.

zoooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking

Author:
Sasha
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Date Posted: 20:42:25 12/02/07 Sun

~ you are a good man, smiley...

and you do have good people around you, too

I find myself in similar situations, and also, I find myself on the other side of the fence sometimes in that I don't always share myself with friends, not all of me, and that is purely because I don't want to add to anything that they may have going on in their lives at the time...but I still love them, and I'm loyal to the friendship, and dedicated when I commit to something or someone...

((((((((warm hugs for you))))))))))

I hope things sort themselves out for you, my dear friend

*kiwi hugs*

Sash xx

.

[> [> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking
Author: andy [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 06:45:47 12/03/07 Mon Sasha, Thanks partner for your time and kind words. I don't share much either even with close friends so I understand that. It's the lies that get to me not the fact that people for their own reasons don't tell me things. thanks again, andy

[> [> [> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking
Author: Sasha [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 14:04:19 12/04/07 Tue ~ oh I hear ya on the lies... I don't know why some feel the need to ((((((((warm hugs))))))))) hugs Sash xx .

[> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking
Author: Tammy [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 08:03:19 12/03/07 Mon Not this time..the damn cold air came from the southwest! LOL NOT Canadians LOL and besides..just because I live here in bright and snowy Canada, doesn't mean I'm Canadian...LOL ...North American is what I am. So take that!LOL LOL As for my lungs...hehem..I say no more! LOL Later gater.. Hugs, Tammy

[> Subject: Re: These Boots Were Made For Walking
Author: Christine [ Edit \| View ]	Date Posted: 10:25:58 12/03/07 Mon Amen...that is all I have to say about that...today..... AMEN