| Subject: Santa’s yuletide calendar. |
Author:
Paul
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Date Posted: 04:24:33 11/25/07 Sun
Author Host/IP: 82.19.147.103
“ I need a gimmick this year for sure!”
Santa to his wife did expound,
“Something to raise my profile a bit”
“The solution I think I have found”
Mrs Santa she listened intently,
As her jolly faced husband explained,
About his new Christmas Calendar,
Though her expression became rather pained,
“NUDE!” She gasped in amazement,
As Santa regaled on that night,
His plans to be photographed naked,
With his ‘jingle bells’ tucked out of sight,
She told him that it would be foolish,
To put his round flesh on display,
“It will be tastefully done though my dearest”,
Was all the old man had to say,
A photographer was called to the grotto,
Whilst Santa stripped bare to his skin,
For twelve stunning shots of his torso,
Soon they were set to begin,
The first saw Santa all smiling,
A stocking taped fast to his belly,
For another he laid on the hearth rug,
Discreetly posing behind a huge jelly,
The reindeer looked on in amazement,
As the portly old chap did his bit,
To try and look like a true model,
To be honest - he looked like a twit,
The final shot came and they used as a prop,
Christmas Pudding that Mrs Santa had handy,
But she made an error of judgement for sure,
When she decided to ignite the brandy,
The flames scorched Santa’s old ‘sleigh bells’,
Singed all the hairs on his bits,
“ OH! OH! OH!” As he roasted his chestnuts,
He cried at the end of his wits,
“Brilliant!” His wife whooped in wonder,
“A Catchphrase if you did but know”
“ Deliver the presents as usual this year”
“Ring your bell and then, Ho! Ho! Ho!”
As Santa smeared cream on his privates,
He realised that his wife was quite right,
“It’s just the thing I need to promote me!”
“ I will try it this Christmas eve night!”
So this Christmas as you lay in the darkness,
Waiting for that jolly saint Nick,
Remember the old fella’s catchphrase,
He discovered when he burn his…….pudding!
© Paul Osborne 2006
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