| Subject: Re: Request for Maddie |
Author:
Kniwm
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Date Posted: 22:51:35 08/18/14 Mon
In reply to:
Maddie
's message, "Re: Request for Maddie" on 05:03:39 08/18/14 Mon
Thanks for sharing! I'm looking forward to reading more. I can definitely relate to some of the things you mentioned. I too was always behaving and seeking approval, which doesn't work well when part of you wants to be punished. It didn't help that my parents didn't believe in spanking. It's funny that you mention begging your parents to spank you, without coming right out and saying it. I recall once, when I was young, actually directly asking my mom to spank me. (I'm sure I was quite young and I honestly can't believe I did it but I clearly recall it.)
I don't remember all of it but I know I asked her to spank me and climbed over her lap. She gave me a few taps and I asked her to do it again. She just gave me a few more taps. I was confused and knew that wasn't a real spanking. I asked her why and she said that she didn't believe in spanking. I felt confused and disappointed but I gave up. I didn't push the issue further and I may have felt a bit ashamed. Worst of all, I still wanted a spanking.
Like you, I always listened for anything spanking/bottom related but my friends didn't talk about it much at all. I do know one of my friends got spanked a bit because I spent a lot of time at his house and saw a some. They weren't the kind I tended to imagine. When he was really bad his mother or father would just grab his arm and give him a couple whacks. Nothing OTK or long and drawn out. I would always wonder about other people I knew, just imagining that maybe they got this or that. I would just passively listen for any indications. I didn't dare actually ask anything because, back then, I was extremely embarrassed by my interests. I guess I missed out on playing spanking games or playing doctor, both of which I'm sure I would have loved.
Honestly, my anal fixation is even stronger than my interest in spanking. I understand your reluctance to talk about it and I don't want to make you uncomfortable. If there are aspects of it that you are comfortable discussing, I'd love to talk about them. Let me share a bit about my experiences.
My story starts at a very young age, around potty training time. There was a period of probably only a couple weeks where I was given glycerin (laxative) suppositories every night. I'll spare you the gory details (unless you want to hear them) but, back then, I hated getting them. I found them painful, humiliating and often ended up crying. I'm not sure why but, a while after I stopped getting them, part of me started to crave them. I started to fantasize about getting them, or other things, up my rectum. Like you, I would insert anything I could get my hands on that I thought would fit. I'd use things like fingers, pencils, pens, paintbrush handles, candles, ice cubes, and probably other things I'm forgetting. When no one was around I would sneak into the fridge and look at that old jar of suppositories, which still had a couple left. I just loved looking at it, thinking about getting them. Eventually I would end up stealing and using the last few. I remember there were a couple occasions where my mom would threaten to give me a suppository or rectal temp and I of course emphatically refused. Secretly, part of me really wished she would.
Keep in mind that I was young and very confused and embarrassed by my cravings. I seriously thought I'd die if anyone ever found out. At the time, I thought it was my sick brain that came up with the idea of using suppositories as a form of punishment. It wasn't till I was in my teens that I found some stuff online that showed me I wasn't alone. I was even more amazed when I found out that some people did get suppositories, enemas, and such as punishment. I would seek out stories about it and always try to imagine what it must have been like for them. I admit, part of me is kind of jealous. I know, it's such a weird thing to be jealous of.
When I was younger I did try numerous times to ignore/get rid of my desires but I always failed miserably. I eventually realized they are going to be with me the rest of my life, so I may as well try to enjoy them. Even so, it still presents issues because it can be hard to find others who are interested in such unusual things.
So, that's my story. I'd be happy to answer any questions or hear any comments you may have. I would love to hear more of your story but I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I think I understand most of what you said but I am a little unsure of what you meant by the "obsession with poor hygiene" comment. If you're comfortable discussing it I'd be interested to know what you meant. Also, I recall in one of your posts about when you got the punishment suppositories, you mentioned getting lectured on the connection between constipation and misbehavior. This is another thing that fascinates me.
Well, I look forward to your next message and I hope you enjoyed reading mine.
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