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Date Posted: 14:07:41 07/31/15 Fri
Author: Richard
Subject: Thoughts for the parents

Hello all, my name is Richard. I posted a while back, trying to get some idea for myself about the thought process my mother might have used when I was a questioning teenager. I had asked what it was like to be a girl, and her response was that it was just something you did, later asking if I wanted to try doing it myself to learn.

When I was first asked if I wanted to try, I had little idea that I would find myself liking it or be wanting to dress again. Sitting across from my mother that first night, when she asked if I would dress again if the clothes were available, I admitted I would.

For a teenager who is finding themselves in a situation where they are learning to live life as a girl, there are a number of things that can be nerve-wracking. I went through these myself, and it took quite a while to learn that once you can pass as a girl, nobody will give you a second glance. Until then, there's constant worries. Teenagers (especially going into high school) live in cliques like crazy and are usually worried about fitting in, or being made fun of, or getting bullied. These worries get magnified until you gain your female confidence. You worry whether or not anyone will know you're really a boy, whether friends or school mates will find out, and what reaction others will have.

My first shopping trip was probably the worst thing I went through. Going in to the department store as a boy and having to try on skirts, dresses, and blouses almost brought me to tears. I have seen accounts of parents who thought about it more in advance and bought their child a female outfit so that it doesn't seem so out of place, but my mother didn't think of that. My life still turned out OK.

If you look at it, there are plenty of things that get nerves up for the child: their first time dressed out in public, the first time visiting with the rest of the family, and even things like the first time having to use the women's restroom while out are just a few. To the same end, there are some things that also make you feel much more so like a girl: getting your first training bra, getting heels (even low heels), learning to do hair, make-up, and nail polish.

I would recommend that people look at Lynn Conway's website at http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway. She is a successful electronics engineer who is also transgender. For parents of MTF teenagers, you can also read "Mom, I Need to be a Girl" on the website at http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html.

Keep up the support for the kids as they make it through this rough age.

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