- Happy Mothers Day... -- Dustin, 13:17:41 05/07/16 Sat [1]
To all moms, I hope you'll have a great Mother's Day.I'm not sure of April's plans, but I'm making her breakfast (and it will be in bed).
Jake (with Drew) is planning something special for Ryann, since Drew call Ryann his second mommy, so Jake his cooking something for breakfast. He bought a necklace with a heart on it, with Drew in it. Jake got his mom a necklace, too and Megan said he got April a gift, too. Jake is a great 'son in law'... :-)
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- It's back!!! -- Ryann Case Forbes & Jake Forbes (happy), 18:39:21 06/17/16 Fri [1]
Yes... It's back...Thanks...
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- Hello All -- April_Case (Glad... and busy), 09:05:47 06/19/16 Sun [1]
Hello all...We wondered what happened to Voy.com. I'm glad to see it up. Dustin (being Father's Day) is relaxing and so is Jake (Ryann and Drew) are celebrating with Jake - they are making him a special dinner.
Have a great day all...
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- Nancy, what's wrong?? -- Bev (Wondering), 06:05:09 07/04/16 Mon [1]
Nancy, what's wrong?? You still moderating this forum?? We haven't seen any new messages on here. Hope you didn't give up??
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- Boys as Cheerleaders -- Corey, 03:25:44 07/16/16 Sat [1]
I really like this video, apparently two boys in a Spanish-speaking country try out as cheerleaders and are quite successful. They dress entirely as girls with their parents' full approval and seemingly with the support of everyone involved.
Well worth watching.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw5xNeaiucc
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- : Mom and Son Wear Identical Dresses to Wedding to April. -- Jamie, 20:28:40 04/22/16 Fri [1]
April, true...if boys are more comfortable is a dress, who cares. I think people should get a life and stop acting like they know better.
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- Boyfriend's birthday... -- Jamie, 21:03:39 04/22/16 Fri [1]
Hello, my fiancé's son has a birthday tomorrow. Since he has a party planned - we went to dinner. My daughter and I let him open a present - and he did, so he saw what it was. It was a dress that daughter saw him looking at. When he smiled, we got him to look like a 5 year old girl. (He is small for his age).
When we went to the restaurant, my fiancé was told that he had a beautiful wife (me), two very cute boys (the twins) and two beautiful girls. We (fiancé and me) told the host that it was our youngest daughter's birthday, so the host asked him if she was getting a doll for her birthday.
He had a fun time being a girl and fiancé thought he was cute.
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- UK Mom Who Lost Custody Of Girl Being Raised In Stealth Mode -- Aelita, 12:47:14 12/27/16 Tue [1]
Hi...sorry to hear about Nancy. Does anyone know of this case in the UK?
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/oct/21/boy-living-life-as-girl-removed-from-mothers-care-high-court-judge
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- Nancy -- Michelle S. (Very sad.), 21:31:39 12/15/16 Thu [1]
I was very saddened to hear about Nancy's death. She and I had become friends for the last few years while she helped me with my child's gender issues and transition. From what she has told me about you and your's, I certainly believe you may do well as our new moderator. It will, however still take me some time to get over Nancy's loss.
Michelle Stanwood
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- Just wondering -- Xander (Skyler's boyfriend) (in love), 10:38:33 05/12/16 Thu [1]
Hi all... I'm Xander. My girlfriend is Skyler who was born a boy. Skyler showed me this site and I love it. My question is that how would you react when your daughter brings home a boy. My (so called) dad is not like Mr. Case (Dustin), but he hate anyone that is different.
I'm glad mom is open minded - and divorced from that jack--- - but my dad do threaten to call DCF on my mom because I'm a 'fag' (sorry, to say it). My mom tells me that she loves Skyler, so I wish my (so called) 'dad' would get lost. I'm not macho enough for him.
Anyway, have your daughter met a boyfriend? How did you react?
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- my 10yr old son competing in beauty pageant Update -- Carrie and Lindsay, 05:29:37 03/18/16 Fri [1]
Yes, they love being girls. My twins 4 year old and Lindsay's 5 year old are mostly girls, Our older boys are more of a fem boy, however they are starting to enjoy being girls, too.
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- Should I help my grandson? -- Erin, 17:46:22 04/03/16 Sun [1]
I'm a 47 year old mom and grandmom. I want to know if I should help my daughter's 9 year old son be a girl? I believe my daughter sees that her son is unhappy. I can see that my grandson is like her oldest youngest brother, and I would like to help.
My oldest son told me and his dad when he was 18 that he was a girl, so we supported her and she is now happy, but daughter is not talking to her.
My daughter and her two sons (she has a 3 year old, too) lives with us (her dad and I along with her 16 year old sister, 12 year old brother (who told us that he is unsure of his gender) and 10 year old brother). Daughter is more closed minded than we are.
Hubby and I wants to help grandson, but should we. I know he hates being a boy.
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- Older messages -- Kelsey's mom (Wondering), 02:35:21 04/06/17 Thu [1]
I'm wondering why we can't reply to older messages. I would like to reply to some of them.
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- Babysitting and cakes...and falling in love -- Penny, 09:54:11 03/16/16 Wed [1]
Ryann: My daughter (who was unhappy as a boy) told me that she wants to bake a cake for a boy in her class. I looked at her and asked if it was one of her friends from when she was a boy, she blushed.
I told her that the way to a man's heart is through the stomach, and we talked. She invited him over and he was dressed up nicely. When he was over, he had ripped jeans on, but he had a nice pair of jeans and a polo shirt, so I know HE is in love with Janet.
By the way, how was your cake for Jake??
I just hope they won't be broken up by bigotry. His dad is not like him.
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- Scholastic Expectations,Girls vs Boys -- Corey, 02:11:57 05/17/16 Tue [1]
Julie Wilson makes an interesting point when she says that men should address their immaturity by accepting the moral guidance of women in their lives.
Several years ago, I read of a proposal from an ardent feminist who suggested that a school be established that would treat all students as if they were girls. The staff would be all-female, and girls would outnumber boys. But boys would be required to wear the girls' uniform and take secretarial, dancing, sewing, and cooking classes, while the girls would be encouraged to take more science, engineering, and math classes.
Her thought was that if society is producing more women who are prepared for positions of leadership, it should also produce some men who are prepared to support them. And educating boys in an all-female environment could encourage boys to be better communicators and less prone to violence.
Is this social engineering? Hardly. There is dignity in all forms of work, and encouraging some boys to become secretaries and homemakers merely reverses what many schools still teach (boys play football and girls are the cheerleaders).
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- Bad news and Good News... -- Dustin, 21:12:27 05/01/16 Sun [1]
Hi all...i have sad news and good news... Sad news is my grandmom died this past week. Good news is April and my family will be expanded and our twins will be big siblings. On Friday, when I took April out to dinner (celebrating her birthday) when she told me.
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- Question... -- Seth (Nervous), 02:34:13 05/30/16 Mon [1]
Hello all...Wife and I just found out (a month and a half ago) that our 10 year old son is a girl. We are supporting him, however, we are foster parents to twin 8 year old boys, and we don't know how to tell the social worker. Anyone a foster parent and if you are, how did you tell the social worker?
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- Boys and Guns (v2.0) and Beauty, Redefined -- Corey, 14:49:30 12/30/16 Fri [1]
I always enjoy Julie Wilson's posts. She is provocative and visionary, exactly what we need. This is a follow-up to her post of last July.
We have about one mass shooting a day in the US. The shooter is usually male, and the victims are usually perceived as weak - female, gay, or young. Male resentment becomes male violence, and the gun becomes the amplification device. In the mind of the shooter, eliminating the weak elevates the strong.
We have any number of intervention and behavior modification strategies available to address these issues, save lives, and reduce pain for all those concerned. But since they involve core values of sexuality and gender identity, we won't touch them. The results are obvious. Crime, mass incarceration, and widespread use of mood-altering drugs like Ritalin.
Ms. Wilson is correct - we have a huge societal problem with male aggression, and it is getting worse. To be fair, not all males are violent. But the attributes most often associated with maleness create a framework within which violence flourishes.
The problem is that we have forgotten how we raised girls in the 1950s. Most women who then sought post-secondary education attended career schools that taught administrative skills like typing and shorthand. But they also taught wardrobe planning, poise, charm, and office skills like coffee making. The notion was that a woman needed to create an image that was appealing to a man, and that she would only work until she married and became a housewife. Of course, many women rebelled against what they felt was a limitation on their growth potential.
But today, our economy is reversed from the 1950s model. We are now service-based, and the skills women naturally have (communication, collaboration) allow them to excel. Men, who by nature seek to dominate and control their surroundings, need a new behavior model. Hence male resentment - they feel as if their world has been stolen from them by people weaker than them, so they lash out as a way of re-establishing dominance.
The solution is to raise boys today as we raised girls in the 1950s. They need to be taught how to create an image that is appealing to, and supportive of, professional women. When they find this new identity, they will no longer try to re-capture their old one.
Redefining beauty is the key. Men love beauty. They eagerly admire beautiful women, and will pay handsomely for the privilege. But the male perception of beauty is flawed. Men perceive beauty as something to fight for and possess. Instead, they need to view beauty as something to achieve and share. Beauty is a lifestyle and not a commodity.
So introduce boys to beauty at a young age. The more they experience femininity and beauty, the more they will reject coarseness and violence.
Someday, if humanity survives our modern era, we will live in a barrier-free world. Decoupling our notions of feminine and masculine from birth genders will be a necessary step along the way.
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- My child -- Adeli (?), 22:23:53 02/16/17 Thu [1]
My little boy (7) has always seemed to be interested in girls things. I know he really likes to play with girls much more than boys. The other day, we started playing around with some makeup and he seemed to really love his image all made up. Now he knows he can really look pretty and wants to wear some makeup and especially lipstick any time I'l let him. I'm not sure where I should go with this. I'll listen to any advice.
Adeli
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- Funny thing at my 3 year old daycare -- Wendy, 10:01:54 04/14/16 Thu [1]
Hi all..as you know I have a 9 year old transitioning girl who is happier as a girl than as a boy. Sawyer, my 9 year old loves her girl time.
However my 3 year old is at day care, so I decided to dress him as a girl. The Day care knows that I guess him up as a girl, but yesterday, he had a doctor's appointment so I had to dress him as a boy. Anyway he isn't toilet trained yet, so when I had to get him from day care, he was in a dress. The day care worker said that she was sorry, but he wanted to be in a dress when he was changed.
The doctor smiled when she saw my son in a dress. She told me that she seen more boys in dresses.
I guess next doctor appointment he'll be in a dress...
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- Babysitting... -- Ryan Case/Jake Forbes, 13:27:49 02/26/16 Fri [-2]
Just wondering to parents of new girls, do they babysit? Do they like it? I think it'll help me be a mom (Jake said and him to be a dad). Just wondering...
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- pronoun should I use him/her -- Kelsey's mom (Wondering), 16:29:38 03/19/17 Sun [1]
I'm wondering instead of using the male pronouns for Kelsey, should I used the female pronouns? Any advice?
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- Moving Forward With This Forum -- Barbara (Hopeful), 12:14:52 01/31/17 Tue [1]
Thanks for all of you who have taken the trouble to reply to my message about our moderator Nancy sadly passing away. I know that the subject of this forum was close to Nancy's heart and that she would have wanted the forum to continue.
I am happy to act as moderator so that we can carry on but we will need to have some posts and discussions running to attract people back again, so please post some messages and we will see if we can get things going again. I will still act as moderator as Nancy did, but I allow any reasonable messages through.
Best wishes to all mothers out there.
Barbara
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- Boys need to be raised as girls -- Julie Wilson, 09:41:45 07/02/16 Sat [1]
Boys and guns: Here is an article I wrote 20 years ago and it is still relevant:
Recent months have seen a series of incidents in which children have opened fire on other children, killing or wounding them. Although academic specialists who study youth violence have noted this, the press in this country generally has paid little attention to the fact that all these violent children have been boys. None has been a girl
Historically, boys have always had an interest in soldiering, guns, bombs, fires, says Delbert Elliott, who teaches at the University of Colorado. That fascination, along with a tendency toward more aggressive behavior, often results in violence. According to Elliott, the only new element is the severity of injury inflicted.
The end used to come after fists caused bloody noses and bruises -- now it's not the end until someone is shot dead, he says. Boys' fascination with weapons and violence is part of their genetic inheritance from their prehistoric ancestors. During the Upper Paleolithic, man was the hunter and warrior, and it is this genetic endowment boys have today. Males are well adapted to the demands of life in a technologically primitive tribe, but they are not so well adapted to the complexities of modern society. This is why violence is mainly a guy thing. Psychologist David T. Lykken, in his 1995 book The Antisocial Personalities, writes that the most effective way to reduce crime would be to put all able-bodied males between the ages of 12 and 28 into cryogenic sleep.
All societies have to deal, one way or another, with male violence. This is what anthropologist Margaret Mead, in her book Male and Female, called "the recurrent problem of civilization." And now it is young boys who are picking up guns. "We need ongoing prevention strategies" observes Larry Cohen of The Prevention Institute in Berkeley, California, "but people only get worked up after a crisis."
That crisis is now. Everyone should now realize male violence has gone too far. But what to do? Myriam Miedzian, author of Boys Will Be Boys, concludes: "If there is a biological predisposition that boys are drawn to guns and aggressive behavior -- and there is evidence that there is -- then we need to deal with the fact that boys are at risk already and design a society that discourages boys from becoming violent. It's like keeping sugar away from a diabetic." What is the sugar of violence that must be kept away from the male diabetic? It is masculinity. The masculine virtues are the military virtues. They are the virtues of the prehistoric warrior who fought for his tribe. Today, however, when we no longer live in small tribes and when our weaponry is such that it can destroy our civilization, there is no longer any place for the warrior.
Males grow up alienated from their genetic essence: They are programmed to be warriors, but our society tells them that they cannot find fulfillment that way because it is too dangerous. The problem is that our society fails to give males an alternative model, an alternative to the old masculine ideal.
There is an alternative model for males. It is one that already exists and needs no social philosopher to invent it. It's femininity. On one hand, our male supremacist society tells boys they must not be feminine, but on the other, it condemns them for following the old masculine ideal. This condemnation is unavoidable; masculinity is too dangerous to be tolerated any longer. But the male supremacists who control our society have nothing to put in its place.
There is an interesting essay on the Internet that touches on this dilemma. It is "My Son the Cross-Dresser" by Lisen Stromberg. Stromberg's son is only three-and-a-half-years old, and he likes to dress in girls' lacy panties and frilly dresses and play with dolls. She has gotten a lot of criticism from other adults for letting him dress as he likes, but she has a relevant point: "It's not just in my house that the days of 'boys will be boys' are over. A few months ago, the Wall Street Journal ran an article that claimed prescriptions for Ritalin are at an all-time high, and increasingly, boys are expected to be less rambunctious and more docile (that is, more girl-like). A guest commentator on an NPR program about youth violence expressed concern that the rise in the births of boys would result in a coming 'deluge of testosterone-laden young men' creating havoc in our society. "My mind reels: Is the conclusion that a three-and-a-half-year-old should be more like a boy but a 12-year-old should be more like a girl?"
Stromberg has put her finger on the dilemma of the male supremacist: Male supremacists do not want boys to be feminized, but it is too dangerous for them not to be. Dr. Lykken's admittedly humorous proposal to put all young males from 12 to 28 in cryogenic sleep was not meant to be a practical proposal. But the feminization of young males is eminently practical. Put them in panties, ladies before it is too late!
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- Hi, just found this forum -- Maisie, 05:37:34 04/28/17 Fri [1]
Hi all, I recently found this excellent little group, I was not aware other mothers were practicing this fine traditional of helping their boys explore their natural femininity. I could rant on about the corrosive nature of hyper-masculinity and the damage patriarchal notions do to both genders, but I’m guessing you’re already clued up on that!
Anyways, just thought I’d post an introduction and perhaps ask for a little advice.
My (now 13 years old) son was named Brad by his (absent, divorced father) but his true name is Britney. My son and I collectively decided this could be his name as he used to love dressing in one of my skirts and dance around the house singing Britney spears songs.
Noticing his like of wearing skirts, I asked him if he’d like me to give him a Britney style makeover. He loved it. And I was shocked at what a pretty girl he was. It was time to go to a friend’s birthday so I told him that he’d need to change back but he refused and cried. He wanted to stay a girl.
I’ve been careful not to force him but also be very encouraging as I believe femininity is a progressive force for good. I’m so proud to see my son embrace this and reject the patriarchal notions that his awful father had.
Britney has an extensive wardrobe all chosen by him when I take him shopping. That’s one question I had for the group: when buying underwear, Britney has developed a preference for very pretty (and damn expensive!) frilly underwear, with bows and lace etc. He will refuse to wear anything less and have a bit of a strop. But on several occasions when Britney has been shopping for underwear with me, shop girls or other women will be scathing towards him. The last time we asked if they have any tie-sided knickers in his size the young shop girl looked disgusted and said ‘he can’t wear them!’
Two other issues. Being such a pretty girl, Britney gets a lot of boy attention. Including a sweetheart called Luke. I have a few worries about Luke’s randy behaviour. I caught him rifling through Britney’s knicker drawer and sometimes I sport his hand trying to get up her skirt. How to deal with this?
And the third issue. Britney is getting older now, and even though he stills insists I help him shop and dress him, he is starting to get involuntary erections in his knickers. I don’t mention it and pretend its not there but I was wondering how you would all handle this issue? Many thanks. Maisie.
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- Follow-Up to Julie Wilson's Post -- Corey, 15:56:33 05/09/16 Mon [0]
Julie Wilson's recent post got me to thinking about a dialogue on another message board several years ago.
A woman who was about to give birth to a boy saw nothing desirable in males and asked for advice and support on feminizing him. She did not get many positive responses, but one woman in particular, an ardent feminist, was very enthusiastic. Her point was that a patriarchal society cannot be made equitable without addressing the validity of patriarchy. Taking risks and pushing boundaries are essential triggers of change.
I think our society is slowly decoupling the concepts of beauty, softness, grace, and cuteness from the female and viewing them as desirable in their own right. As proof I would offer the growing fondness among heterosexual men for the ultrafeminine "ladyboys" we often associate with Thailand. The long hair, lipstick, clingy dresses, and heels create a framework of desire that the wearer can step into, and pursue a fulfilled life. Also consider the popularity of the cosplay cafes and "brolitas" in Japan, where men and women embrace cuteness and femininity, work side-by-side, and are often indistinguishable.
So in my estimation, the notion of a powerful female figure feminizing a young man as her preferred lifestyle choice is valid. A male who is inherently "macho" is just as likely to reject femininity as a male who is inherently feminine will resent being forced to play rough sports.
I saved my response to the inquiry and share it here:
++++++++++++++++++++++++
I agree with the original poster, "G", on this.
Social traditions and gender-based behaviors are just long-accepted ways of doing things that have no real basis in law or nature. We just feel comfortable with prevalent expectations, and find discomfort with those who challenge or flout them.
Most fathers would happily give a daughter a baseball glove and blue jeans, but when a mother gives a son a pink dress and tights, society flinches. That is because we equate femininity with weakness, and we abhor weakness. Since we discourage young males from exploring femininity, those who desire to do so must suppress their desires, which emerge as fetishes in later life. Since we equate fetishes with adult behavior, the cycle of discouraged childhood behavior becoming underground adult naughtiness in later life continues unabated.
Anything that suppresses human flourishing is bad. Anyone who is uncomfortable with his or her identity, clothing, behavior, or sexuality is wasting human potential by either trying to conform, trying to hide, or both. Traditional family values and religious beliefs are all good, so far as they promote social cohesiveness. But when they are used to judge or exclude, (as they so often do with regard to nontraditional family structures and gender-based behavior), they lose all moral authority. They become frameworks of hate.
I think "G" is perfectly correct when she states that there is no clear advantage to raising a traditional dominant, alpha male in today's society. Women perform, competently, every job men used to exclusively do. The job market of the future will lean heavily toward women. And male aggression is demonstrably linked to most of our criminal behavior, wars, and other human suffering.
So I think "G" is exercising her right as a parent to raise her son as feminine, and instill in him the values and promote the behaviors she deems fit.
A respondent made the point that real social change is, by definition, painful. If we weren't willing to absorb pain and discomfort in the quest of widespread social equity, there would have been (as but two recent examples) no civil rights or women's liberation movement. So perhaps a sea change in the values we instill in boys may seem threatening or even fetishistic, but in reality, this is just another step in our societal evolution.
All established cultures view provocative thought and progressive change with suspicion. Those who are not comfortable with the status quo have the right to pursue change.
We are not going to run out of football players anytime soon, so fitting our concepts of gender-based behavior to the natural variations in humanity hardly seems threatening.
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- Why All Boys Need to be Raised as Girls -- Julie Wilson, 12:28:36 05/02/16 Mon [-2]
For every 20 criminals in our society, 19 are men while only one is a woman. There are some female criminals, but they are few and far between. Crime is overwhelmingly a male activity. This is the theme of an important new book, Men Are Not Cost-Effective, by June Stephenson.
Dr. Stephenson, who has a Ph.D. in psychology, marshals the evidence that shows how criminally destructive men can get. Of course, most men are not criminals, but crime costs some $300 billion per year, while women are far more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators.
Most of Dr. Stephenson's 469-page book is taken up with the basic facts about male crime. She documents the rapid growth of male criminal activity and makes it clear that this growth has itself made the threat of prison a less effective deterrent because prison overcrowding has led to shorter sentences and early releases. Then these early releases lead to more crime, which exacerbates the problem of overcrowding.
Dr. Stephenson devotes her last chapter to a discussion of proposals for reducing male crime. Some of her proposals are for various reforms which have been suggested many times before, but she also has a few new twists based on her analysis of crime as a predominantly male phenomenon. One is a proposal designed to educate men about the male nature of the problem; she calls this "gender equity in taxation."
"Many women pay for male crime with their lives," she writes, "but all women taxpayers pay for male crime with their tax dollars." Her proposal is that there be a substantial income tax deduction for being female; in this way women would not have to foot the tax bill for male crime. Such a policy would certainly be more fair than the present system, and just proposing gender tax equity would serve to educate men about the fundamentally male character of the crime problem. Of course, a lot of men are not going to like it, but bringing up the topic of tax equity for women should help men to come to see that women tend to be more emotionally mature and self-disciplined than they are and that it was time to start doing something about male immaturity.
The best thing to do about male immaturity is for men to accept the moral guidance of women in their lives. But Dr. Stephenson doesn't propose that they do this. This is because she prefers to believe that there are no innate differences between men and women. If that were the case, then the only differences between the sexes would be due to differences in social conditioning.
A lot of feminists believe that there are no innate gender differences. In fact, this view is so widespread that it deserves to be called "the official party line." These feminists have a reason for taking this position: they are afraid that if they admit that there are any innate differences between men and women, then the male supremacists will twist the facts around to try to prove that women should be kept in their traditional subordinate role. So these feminists just ignore the evidence for innate differences between the sexes.
The problem with this tactic is that most people are very much aware that there are such innate differences. So when feminists deny their existence, they end up looking more than a little silly. Well intentioned as it is, the tactic of pretending that all gender differences are merely cultural is not going to work in the long run.
On the other hand, writers like Dr. Stephenson are perfectly right when they say that a lot of the differences in behavior between men and women are due to cultural conditioning. Boys and girls are raised differently; they are given different role models, and this explains much of why men commit so many more crimes than women. So what does she propose to do about it?
Here her basic concept is androgyny. This means that every person has both a masculine side and a feminine side to their personality. Dr. Stephenson's proposal is that we help boys to develop their feminine side: "We're talking here about helping boys value and develop the feminine side of their personalities." Since girls seldom grow up to engage in the destructive behavior that so many boys do, teaching boys to act like girls should cut down on the amount of crime. To the extent that male crime is due to social conditioning and does not derive from innate factors, the best thing we could do for boys would be to help them develop their potential for femininity.
Of course there will be resistance to such a proposal. As long as our society continues to view women as inferior to men, any effort to teach boys to be feminine will be condemned as degrading boys to the level of girls. Such efforts will be criticized as making "sissies" out of the boys. But here Dr. Stephenson asks: "aren't 'sissies' better than murderers?"
The fact is that many parents tolerate a great deal in the way of potentially antisocial character traits in their sons because they believe that girls are inferior to boys and that therefore it is better to run the risk of the boys growing up to be criminals than to give them lessons in femininity. The results of these parents' attitudes are reflected in the shocking crime statistics in Dr. Stephenson's book.
June Stephenson has written an important and timely book. Our prisons are overcrowded, and the cost of law enforcement in this country continues to skyrocket. As the back cover of Dr. Stephenson's book observes, "Men Are Bankrupting Our Country!"
Men Are Not Cost-Effective: Male Crime In America by June Stephenson, Ph.D. Diemer, Smith Publishing Company, Inc. 3377 Solano Avenue, Napa, California 94558. $18.00.
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- Advice on dealing with uncooperative husband -- Poppy B., 20:37:48 11/15/16 Tue [1]
Hey all. I've been reading this forum and being inspired for some time now, but have never posted. However, I think that you all might be able to offer me some good advice. I'm a mother of one, my son Dylan. My husband Chad and I agreed before we got pregnant that we only wanted one, and we're sticking to that. I started introducing Dylan to feminine things very early. I started painting his nails as soon as he stopped constantly having his fingers in his mouth, starting putting bows and headbands in his hair when his hair was long enough at about 9 months, and had 3 hand-me-down dresses for him before he was one.
Why did I start doing these things? Really, there was no plan or motivation in the beginning other than that it came naturally to me. I'm a very feminine woman and passing along some of that femininity to my offspring came as naturally as breastfeeding. But Dylan just recently turned 4 years old, and as he's grown older, as I've thought about things more, my motivation has evolved into something tangible. I'm partly motivated by the noble cause of wanting to expose my son to feminine things, so that they won't be strange or foreign to him and so that he'll always be more understanding of the women in his life. But I've also come to admit to myself that some of my motivation is selfish. I desperately wanted a daughter, a child I could completely relate to and who I could first help to have a wonderful girlhood, and who I could later rear to be a fierce-yet-feminine young woman, and, as selfish as it might be, it brings me enormous joy to have Dylan fill that role, even if only part time. One thing to make perfectly clear is that Dylan is happy and enjoying all of this. Above all, I love my son and the day that he decides he wants short hair or no longer wants to wear dresses, we will do exactly that. I'll hate it, but I will not force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
Anyway, back to my issue. My husband Chad has never really been thrilled about my guiding Dylan towards feminine things, but he initially tolerated it with little more than an eye roll when he found his son with pink nails or in a toddler dress. However, things have gotten a bit more heated as Dylan has gotten older. The major reason is that, Dylan is now a very willing and active participant in his own feminine explorations. He very much loves spending time with me, doing girl things. He loves having his hair and nails done, wearing dresses, watching Disney princess movies, and has at least 2 Barbies mingled in with his Star Wars. We also moved last year and are now only a half hour drive from my sister who has a 7 year old daughter, so Dylan has a constant supply of hand-me-downs now. My sister also completely approves of these explorations and we'll often retreat to her house for an afternoon or weekend day so that Dylan can be a girl with his cousin who loves teaching Dylan the ins and outs of being a girl.
However, it probably won't surprise many of you that my husband is growing more and more resentful of Dylan's girlish explorations. I think that part of this growing resentment is nothing more than kowtowing to classic gender stereotypes, but I think another part is that he wanted a son as much as I wanted a daughter, and I think he feels like this is robbing him of that. However, so far he hasn't really made a huge issue of things and whenever we've disagreed, he's caved in. Him letting me call the shots isn't really a surprise. While I wouldn't call myself "dominant", I have always been the more assertive member of our marriage. I bring in more income and am definitely the primary decision-maker on most things, so when a disagreement has sprung up, he's always given in. The thing that he's complained about most steadily has been Dylan's hair. Understand, Dylan’s hair is gorgeous and my pride and joy. It's thick, stick straight, and a gorgeous glossy chestnut color. Right now, we're keeping it down at mid-back, about 10" below his shoulders. Dylan loves his pretty hair too and he gets constant compliments on it, even from my mother in law who objects to me treating him like a girl, but who also admits that she wouldn't cut his hair either :) But his hair is a huge source of bonding for us. We’re constantly brushing, braiding, doing all sorts of ponys or pigtails, and while he hates sitting still to have his hair curled, he always loves how it looks, though it won’t hold curl for more than an hour without gross amounts of product. But most recently, the subject of controversy, and the thing that may end up being a real argument is that I had Dylan’s ears pierced. I didn’t do it in secret or anything. Chad knew I was doing it, and Dylan even asked for it. Of course, Chad has his ears pierced too, so once Dylan said he wanted his ears pierced like his daddy, then the argument was over. But I can tell that Chad is really not pleased about it. It doesn’t help that Dylan wants to show them off to everyone, and I admit that I already bought the cutest pair of heart-shaped earrings that we’ll put in as soon as the piercing studs come out. But I’m afraid that Chad might blow up before then.
But this has turned into a novel. I didn’t intend to write this much, but it’s been kind of cathartic for me to sit and write things out. But now comes the question. Does anyone have experience dealing with husbands who aren’t thrilled with your feminine sons? Or wives for those husbands out there? The last thing I’ll say is that, even though I’m not exactly painting Chad in a favorable light here, he and I love each other earnestly and intently, so any suggestions of “why don’t you leave him” or some such are really not what I’m looking for. Truth be told, if I really thought that all of this would create a permanent rift between Chad and myself, I’d take Dylan to have his hair cut tomorrow. But I’m looking for a slightly more elegant solution. Any advice?
And really, if anyone wants to talk in general about anything, please let me know. Like I said, I’ve been lurking on this group on and off for a while, so I’d welcome the chance to become part of the group!
Poppy
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- Update on This Forum -- Barbara, 17:51:22 12/12/16 Mon [1]
A message to all members of this forum.
I am sorry to report that the moderator of this forum Nancy passed away quite recently. She had been ill with stomach cancer for sometime but had hoped to over come it.
My name is Barbara and I have been a friend of Nancy for over 14 years. She was a great encouragement to me when my son was growing up as a girl and I will miss her dearly. before she died she asked me to take responsibility for running this forum for her and I would be happy to do so, if there is still a demand from mothers to keep the forum open. I am sure that Nancy would want to keep it running.
Please let me know what you want to do, either by posting to the forum or emailing me directly at barbara_blake65@yahoo.co.uk
Thank you,
Barbara
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- Note from Moderator re unapproved messages -- Nancy, 16:35:49 05/12/16 Thu [1]
To All:
Some of you may be wondering why some of your recently submitted messages have not been approved and posted to the forum.
My general policy is not to approve messages that include political issues (particularly partisan political issues), or that include issues about racial or ethic groups.
Having said that, I think that several of such messages that were not approved for the forum were well stated and well founded.
However, the problem is that if these kinds of messages get on a forum about transgender issues, they tend to take over the discussion and distract from the other very important topics. Also, those kinds of discussion threads (re politics, race, etc.) often become so emotional that further rational discussion becomes difficult.
I hope that those who submitted messages that have not been approved for posting will consider resubmitting their messages without the aforementioned references (i.e. politics, race, etc.) I am not suggesting that those submitted messages were not well stated or well justified. But I do not want the focus (or the tone) of this forum to be sidetracked into those very complex and difficult issues.
Thank you all for your understanding and for your participation in this discussion forum.
Nancy (Moderator)
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- My Son is Now Dressing as a Girl -- Amanda (love), 10:56:04 06/28/16 Tue [1]
Hello,
My name is Amanda. How is stumbled on this site I will never know. I had no idea anything like this existed. Word of warning: I use some explicit language some may find offensive.
I am a 36 year old mother of a 12 year old boy, Michael, who now goes by the name of melissa, but we use missy for short. My husband and I divorced shorted after Michael was born, and he is out of our lives entirely after he revealed himself to be gay. Fortunately his family is very wealthy, so the settlement left me wanting for nothing, but I did choose to work in my profession as an attorney. It is just missy and me in our household now.
This all started over a year ago when I noticed my things were out of place in my drawers. I smiled to myself, knowing full well that Michael must be experimenting with his feminine side. He is a small boy, thin but healthy looking. He would often comment on what I was wearing and how pretty I looked. He enjoyed shopping with me, certainly rare for a boy in puberty. Since I am always in a rush to leave for the office, I thought I would have him help me dress. Since it is just him and me, he has seen me naked occasionally so I really didn't think a thing about it. So, one day I asked him if he would like to help me, he didn't hesitate in saying "yes!" Soon he was fully into it. I showed him how to roll up stockings, place my foot carefully into them and unroll them on my legs and fasten the garter straps to them. I love stockings, they just feel so nice on my legs. Of course he zipped up my skirt or dress, and even helps me with my bra. He showed an eye for fashion also. It wasn't long before he was picking out my clothes for me!
One day during the "morning rush," I glanced down and noticed that he was sporting a little erection in his pajama bottoms. I asked him how long that had been going on and he said for a while. When he asked me what it was, I know we had to have a little talk, so that evening we sat down and I told him it was called an erection and boys started getting them at his age and they were entirely normal. He told me he got them when he was helping me dress and after he went to bed. I then asked him what he was thinking about when he got them, and he told me it was when he started thinking about about wearing pretty girl clothes like I wear. I then asked him if he had been sneaking and wearing my clothes. He turned beet red and replied, "yes maam." At last we were in the open on this. "Do you get an erection when you are wearing my things," I asked. "Always," he replied. I then asked if he knew why that was, and he said he didn't know why. I told him you get those when you are excited, which I went on to explain excited is a special kind of happy.
I then asked him if he would like to be pretty like me. His face just lit up and he said "I would so love that mommy." We talked about it a while. I told him if he really wanted to do that it would have to be all the time, not just now and then. He couldn't go back to being a boy. I would quit my job and we would move where no one would know us so he could start out fresh. I then found some things of mine for him to wear, which was difficult as I am quite a bit taller than him, but I was able to fit him out in a skirt, stockings and garter, bra, panties of course, and some stiletto heels a friend had left at our house. I styled his hair into a cute blunt cut until he could let it grow out more. It was obvious a major shopping trip was in order but this would do nicely for his initiation into girlhood.
He became so nervous, shaking all over after seeing himself in the mirror, but he was so cute! We smoked some pot in order to calm him dow. We walked around the room so she could get used to the shoes. He had a little erection sticking straight out of the skirt. I thought now was the time to show Michael what to do with his excitement. I had him lie down on the sofa, pull his panties down to his ankles and hike his skirt up. I gently started to message his little thing and he instantly started to moan. Before long he had orgasmed, squirting a river of semen all over (my!) lined skirt. He enjoyed it immensely.
We had a long chat after that. There would be rules: skirts and dresses only; no shorts or pants. If he wished to masturbate, he must always ask permission. He must take care of the house, as a maid. Last but certainly not least, we must choose a new name for him.
This was how it began for missy about a year ago. So much has happened since then I couldn't possibly write it all at one sitting. Hopefully I will be able to return and add to it.
Loving written,
Amanda
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