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My childs situation -- Linda B, 21:26:10 06/17/15 Wed [1]

Now that school's been out for a week or so, I convinced my child's, Shawn, to let me take him to my hair dresser for a really cute haircut. In fact, what i did was to get a special appointment at our house so it could be done in private. this worked out for the best as I thought it would in that Shawn was really shy about everybody looking at him in a big shop. We came up with a really cute feathered look that is totally gorgeous and she even did an eyebrow waxing to boot. Shawn just couldn't believe how he looked and I did a follow up with showing him how he would look with some light makeup and some clip loop earings that I picked up for just this reason. I want to thank Becca for her encouragement with this. Shawn just could'nt believe how he looks so I told him that just the right clothes he could go out as a girl in another area where he wasn't known and I'll bet that's what everybody would think and see. We tried it later that afternoon in a mall in the next county. I had him just wear some girls jeans with fancy pocket trim, a plain white blouse, girls white Keds and a sporty little shoulder bag. Nothing really spectacular, mind you and although he was really nervous at first, he began to realize that everybody just saw him as a teen age girl out with her mom. You should have seen the look on him the first time a saleslady called him "Miss". Priceless. We even had dinner at a Red Robin restaurant and he was just treated as a young teen girl all the way. By that time he was really getting used to his new skin so to speak and wanted to do some real shopping. We ended up with a couple of really cute sundresses and a pair of high heeled wedgie sandals. We both are really surprised with how this is turning out. I guess the next thing will be a pro pedicure and maybe some really pretty nails to boot. I never knew he would go for this in such a big way. Thanks, Becca!

Linda

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Becca, 22:09:45 06/18/15 Thu [1]

Hi Linda. Thanks so much for the compliments! I think your Shawn will find this fun if I read what you say right. You mentioned clip earrings. Do you think he might go for a piercing? I think that some pretty nails will actually encourage feminine hand gestures. It always seems to. I also hope you encourage him to wear those cute wedgies all the time at least indoors. You'll find that it'll shorten his steps plus make sure he develops a habit of keeping his knees as close as possible when he walks. I'll bet he can look adorable.
Encourage femininity!
Becca

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Corey, 21:34:22 06/21/15 Sun [1]

Hi Linda: It sounds like you have a remarkable son. Kudos to you for recognizing the path he wanted to follow and giving him the support he needed.

If he hasn't yet worn sheer hosiery, I would suggest getting him some pantyhose and shaving his legs. There is nothing more exhilarating and transformative for a boy his age than legwear. He will absolutely love the feeling, trust me, I did when I was his age.

Have you thought about getting him some loungewear for around the house? Here is an excellent website:

http://lingeriebychristine.co.uk/

Ultrafeminine, cute, and adorable creations that I am certain your son will love.

He enjoys the liberation and self-determination he feels. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing your experiences.

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[> [> Re: My childs situation -- Nancy, 10:19:50 06/22/15 Mon [1]

Corey,

With all due respect, I do not think that "sissy" sites like the one you recommended are appropriate sources for clothing for natal boys being raised as girls. In my opinion, it is much better for mothers to find nice things for their special daughters via sites that sell pretty clothing for (natal)girls.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> [> Re: My childs situation -- Michelle S., 21:58:16 06/22/15 Mon [1]

I agree with Nancy here. The wisest things we can do is to show our children how to look in the most age appropriate and peer fashionable way. They don't need to stand out in ways that might call the wrong kind of attention.

Kindly;

Michelle S.

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[> [> [> Re: My childs situation -- Richard, 13:56:08 06/23/15 Tue [1]

I have to agree with Nancy. As one who spent time living as a girl while a teenager, I wanted to wear clothing and styles like my peers--I certainly didn't want to stand out, especially when you think I was in high school and how cruel kids that age are about anyone 'different'.

Depending on the child and how old/mature they are, there is certainly nothing wrong with letting them shave legs and get used to pantyhose or stockings. It's all part of living life as a girl. However, the "sissy" aspect is not one for those who want to live as a girl and not be humiliated.

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[> [> [> Re: My childs situation -- Corey, 16:28:29 06/24/15 Wed [1]

Your points are well-taken. But there are plenty of teenagers into the Lolita/Cosplay/Anime dress-up lifestyle, girls mostly but a few boys as well (just poke around YouTube). I only mentioned the link because the outfits are made specifically for men, so they will fit properly, and are available easily by mail order without having to travel or deal with embarrassment in a retail setting. This might not be a resource most people would think of, but it looks like a woman-owned company with a good reputation.

Certainly there a few risque items there, but I would say 80% of the content is "PG" and suitable for a fun afternoon at home, though I agree certainly not beyond that. I think if a boy exhibits some feminine tendencies and has the requisite curiosity, a harmless costume is appropriate and fun. I certainly felt that way when I was a teenager.

Another good resource, for example, is the Leslie Shoe Company in Michigan, they make women's shoes in men's sizes, very easy to buy at reasonable prices, and they fit well.

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[> [> Re: My childs situation -- Franchesca, 21:21:09 06/26/15 Fri [1]

Ok, guys. Some of your ideas are so out of date! Teen girls and most young women these days don't wear pantyhose. We do, however work to make sure that our lower extremitys, so to speak are finely detailed from the pedicure up. Usually when an employers dress codes mandate is where we really have to wear pantyhose. If you have noticed, there are quite a few products advertised in the media for just this purpose. For myself, i sure don't envy women in the past who were required to wear these things. They didn't keep you warm in the winter, ans for sure didn't help for summer comfort. My child loves to look really nice and believable as a girl, and I'm happy to tell you that he really brings it across. It helps that he's got a very nice friend who's a year older and is into her transformation big time and lives 100% as a girl and is going to start high school this fall. I have my child in therapy, but he's not making any serious decisions for right now. I'm not going to push him either way, though.
Franchesca C.

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[> [> [> Re: My childs situation -- Corey, 16:12:07 07/03/15 Fri [1]

You are correct, very few women today wear pantyhose. Also, very few wear girdles or corsets, but both are available to those who want the experience of wearing them.

We view this issue from very different perspectives. Which is great - if we feel that this chatroom is a forum for sharing thoughts, experiences, and resources. If we only use this chatroom as a place for like-minded people to agree with each other, I think we are losing out on the full potential of a good discussion. That could help someone like a parent or a young man grappling with conflicting emotions and desires.

Most people here feel that Shawn wants to live today, as a girl lives today. That may indeed be true. However, true transgender people are only about 0.3% of the population. There aren't many 14-year old boys who enjoy wearing heels and shopping for dresses with their mothers. But I think those who do, have a wide variety of reasons for doing so.

I think that if Shawn really wanted to be a girl, Linda would have seen a wide variety of signs going back to his early childhood. She may have, but if so, she didn't choose to share them here.

I think instead he is simply exploring his identity and experimenting in areas that intrigue him. And if he does indeed admire women, have a powerful female authority figure in his life, and feel comfortable being feminine and with girlish things, then why not allow him to flourish within his comfort zone?

At 14, he certainly has some sense of self-determination and a desire to explore sensations. I wasn't much older when I bought a wedding dress at a thrift shop, just to experience the sensation of separating fully from myself and feeling glamorous. Let him play Dita Von Teese and see where it takes him! She got a job in a lingerie store at age 15. Who says girls should have all the fun?

I was lucky. When I was a teenager I found a pansexual boutique outside Philadelphia that sold ultrafeminine lingerie, with a staff that varied from knockout-level women, to obvious drag queens, to flaunting gay men and women who felt entirely comfortable in their own skins. How refreshing it was to see, as a young man, that there was a community of people like me, who wanted to be themselves, unrestricted by social norms.

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[> [> Re: My childs situation -- Linda, 21:25:50 06/26/15 Fri [1]

We have done some shopping for these sort of things and he now has and is enjoying the look of wearing PJ's and other sleepwear that are really popular with girls his age, thank you.

Linda

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My childs situation -- Linda B., 18:48:37 04/15/15 Wed

Hi,everyone! this is a little scarey for me to do this, but I think i'm going to have to.

My son is just turned fourteen and confessed to me that he's been trying on my clothes when I'm not at home. I confronted him about this when I found a couple items missing and later found them under his matress. I also found some girls teen mags and saw that he wrote comments on some pictures and articles saying that that's the way he wanted to look/be. Now when my ex was with us, he was always upset that his son lacked real boyishness and was an embarrassment to him. well, yes, OK! So he's not looking like a football player, not interested in hunting, or fishing, baseball, or what not. He does, however have beautiful lashes, though. But anyway, now he admits that he wishes that he could look like a girl as much as he can. So now I think you can see, I have a situation that I really never expected to have and it's staring me right in the face. Any ideas?
Linda

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Nancy, 07:24:27 04/16/15 Thu [1]

Hi Linda, Thanks for your message and for telling us about your situation with your son. I think that your approach with this depends very much upon whether your child wants to remain a boy, but be able to express his feminine feelings via part-time dressing as a girl, OR whether he really wants to be a she. If you think it is the latter, you will need to seek counseling soon from a qualified gender specialist. (and make sure you find a specialist who is sympathetic and understanding AND who really does have expertise in dealing with transgender kids and teens.) Since your child is already 14, time is of the essence if full transition is a possibility. The ultimate outcome of physical transformation from M to F is usually much better if started prior to, or at the onset, of puberty. Again, it you think that your child wants/needs to make the full transition, the first priority would be to get started on blockers to prevent any further masculine development.

Hope this is helpful.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> Re: My childs situation -- Linda, 20:15:57 05/21/15 Thu [1]

Hi again. it's been over a month now since I made my post. I've now had some time to think about this and I thank Nancy also for her good advice as well as Corey. I've been working hard to help my child not to see me as an enemy on this and being very open to listening more than answering.I'm doing my best to try and encourage him to really explore this side of who he is and I'm also beginning to get into some independent study about this issue. I'm finding a lot on line through google mostly but there's so much and some of it is actually porno which I find very troubling. a couple weeks ago I sort of pulled a fast one on him and had all his jeans in the laundry so he had to wear a pair of mine to school instead. well, Big woop! They look like any common jeans and he found that it got passed everybody. since there was no problem with that, I've encouraged him to include some t shirts of mine and a couple of sweatshirts all rather unremarkable as to style. Now since i have him cured of anxieties and he now doesn't need to hide anything from me anymore, I think I'll take Becca's advice and show him how cute he can look with a really pretty girls short hair do. I saw some really neat ones in a hair do mag I bought for that purpose. Once school is out I think this just might be the start of a fun summer, I hope.

Thanks everyone.

Linda

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[> [> [> Re: My childs situation -- Corey, 15:49:31 06/04/15 Thu [1]

Hi Linda: Thanks for taking the time to share your experience here. I'm quite fond of two websites, dress2015.com and dhgate.com, perhaps you might like to sit with your son for a while and just look at dresses and see what sort of look and style he likes.

Here is my personal favorite.

http://www.dress2015.com/short-length-scoop-long-sleeves-applique-beautiful-prom-dress-p-119624.html

It might be a good way to get him to open up and talk more. The dresses are all reasonably priced.

When I was his age (in the 1970s) I used to love just browsing through department store dress racks and lingerie. On occasion, when the money from my odd jobs allowed, I would make a purchase. The smirk I would get from the sales lady was part of the fun. I always wore a bra and pantyhose under my male clothes, and made it obvious that I did. Luckily, I lived in a large city so I had anonymity.

BTW, here's a great mother/son photo:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/359021401518753193/

I like your idea of giving him a feminine hairdo. Some light makeup and clear nail polish would look great too. Most importantly, have fun.

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[> [> Re: My childs situation -- Nancy, 09:42:27 05/22/15 Fri [1]

Hi Linda, Delighted to see your new message today and the progress you have made with your son in the past month. It sure looks as if you are on the right path to help him express his true feelings, and to form an even closer mother-child relationship based upon this higher level of trust, knowing now that he does not have to hide anything from you.
Glad the advice you have received here has been helpful.

And I hope you have a really fun summer ahead with all of the opportunities to help him express his feminine feelings more fully.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Corey, 16:20:44 04/16/15 Thu [1]

Hi Linda: Based on my own experience, it sounds like your son is very much intrigued by beautiful women and wants to enjoy the experience and sensation of being beautiful.

That's pretty much the opposite of what our society so often teaches boys - to be conquerers and takers - so that explains his furtive behavior. He couldn't understand why he, as a boy, didn't have what "should" be boyish urges, so he hid his activity. But not so well as not to be "caught", so perhaps he does indeed want you to play a role here, though he can't quite find the words to say so.

It sounds like he is exploring himself and looking to establish a unique identity that might be outside traditional gender boundaries. You never know, you might have a future dress designer, makeup artist, or husband to a very successful female CEO or politician on your hands.

My guess is that he is just intrigued by the look and fit of women's clothing, which is fun and unlike anything boys have. So my suggestion is to give him a play date, take him to a shopping mall (or to a place like New York's Greenwich Village) where he can indulge himself. Get him some hosiery, heels, a party dress, and a wig, and let him really feel transformative, and convinced that he can be whomever he wants to be.

Based on my own thoughts and experiences at his age (admittedly, about 40 years ago), he is probably already thinking about such an experience himself. Make certain to have fun. And bring a friend if you can, the more he feels social acceptance, the better.

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Michelle, 20:39:56 04/19/15 Sun [1]

Hi, Linda. It sounds like your situation is a bit close to mine. My child "Came out" to me almost three years ago on her own through a breakdown of sorts. Highly emotional situation. Luckily we, through our very nice and comprehensive insurance program I've been able to get her in a top flight program in a renound children's hospital where we have received wonderful medical and psychological help. As it turned out, she was diagnosed as "Borderline" intersexed. She has been on blockers and hormones for over two years now and we are looking tword SRS surgery in hopefullu a couple of years. In the mean time, we were able to move to a new community where she is now going to middle school in total deep stealth. It's been the best thing ever for her in one respect, but offers some interesting challenges for both of us on the other hand. My suggestion to you, respectfully, is to seek professional help with those with a proven track record of working with children and young teens with gender issues.

Cordially;

Michelle S.

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[> [> Diagnosed transgirl -- Michelle Chevel (My (son) is also TG female), 13:55:17 05/24/15 Sun [1]

It is important for me that my third child told me at three years old. I found her, with her sisters - SITTER DOWNSTAIRS.Fired; in a dress and panties her older sister had dressed her in! They had been playing Barbies, my son/daughter. Carl, now Carley legally. Long story, but at 12, after much therapy, she started GnRH, puberty delaying medicine. This helped her in her teens develop a female puberty. She is homeschooled, by a hired teacher, and lives as any girl. At 15, she prefers dresses and skirts, and is subdued, but attracted to boys. She has had a pretty good girlhood and yes, we had the talk about SRS. She began therapy after that, my husband divorced me, but my tears were helped by praying for guidance and following her Doctor's advise as she grew older and other patterns of TG presented.
My heart goes out to you all. We All have probably found, this is very rare, but all we can do is love.

Michelle

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[> [> [> Re: Diagnosed transgirl -- Nancy, 13:16:21 05/28/15 Thu [1]

Hi Michelle, and thank you for participating on this forum. It sounds as if you made all of the right decisions to help your daughter, Carley, including getting the expert counseling as you and she worked through the process of her transition. Glad that the homeschooling is working out for her too.

Please keep us posted on how things progress from here on.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> [> Re: Diagnosed transgirl -- Michelle S., 22:12:07 05/28/15 Thu [1]

Hi Michelle: It sounds like your experience is somewhat of a parallel to mine. My child has always been rather feminine for the most part in her early ages. We hadn't made any connections with that, and after I lost my husband, I had him in the care of my sister and her daughter, who was a year older. As it turned out, my Stevie was being sort of a "Barbie doll" to my niece and her friends. Since he was a naturally pretty boy in the first place he was able to fit right in with my niece and her friends. I never took any of this very seriously until one day at the age of eleven he had a real mental meltdown after an extended period of being really "down" and detached. He essentially confessed to me that he really needed to be a girl, and REALLY a girl for sure. At that point with an initial visit to our pediatrician and her referrals we found that he was "borderline" intersexd. luckily for us, our family who lived close by sort of "Circled the wagons" around us, helped us move to a new nearby community and school district where my Stephanie is very successfully living in deep stealth and will continue till we can swing the SRS. She is under the care of a very competent medical/psychological team and is doing wonderfully well. This certainly is challenging for all of us and I tend to be a real "helicopter mom" because of it all. It sounds like you are doing well with your daughter and I wish all the best for both of you.

Cordially;

Michelle S.

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[> [> [> Re: Diagnosed transgirl -- Lisa, 08:42:36 05/30/15 Sat [1]

How did this start for her?

Did her sister force her to wear the dress and panties?

Can't you put this stuff on hold until she is older?


Lisa

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[> [> [> [> There's no time like now -- don't put it off till lather -- Aelita, 22:44:55 05/30/15 Sat [1]

I don't think it's too early. There's not a lot of research on this but many kids begin to express gender preference at age three or four. More and more (sadly not yet all) parents are allowing their children to live as their professed gender. I've met old men in their sixties and seventies who think they have some kind of compulsion to be female and wear women's clothing and they spend years trying to be "cured" because their family and society told them they had to be male because that's what they looked like on the outside. We now know of course they are really female -- just think of what their lives could have been like if their parents and family and society did not force them to be something they were not meant to be all those years ago.

Kids learn about gender at an early age and there is strong subconscious pressure not to deviate from the perceived norm. If a little girl dresses up as a pirate people smile and laugh. If a little boy dresses up as a ballerina alarm bells go off.

Human sexuality is complex but you can't change a person's gender identity. Ever try to give your cat a bath? Well that's how most boys would react if you try and put them in a bra, panties, and a dress. If your (externally looking) "boy" is allowing you dress her as a female, then she's a girl and should be raised as such.

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: There's no time like now -- don't put it off till lather -- Michelle S., 14:35:48 07/01/15 Wed [1]

I don't think it's too early if and when you have your child involved with competent doctors and therapists who have a proven track record in these matters. I'm not an advocate of doing anything on your own like this, ever. we are very fortunate to have professionals at Lurie Children's Hospital in Chicago to work with. If I understand correctly, they are one of if not the only children's hospital with an actual pediatric gender identity clinic. So far, we are very favorably impressed.

Cordially;
Michelle S.

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: There's no time like now -- don't put it off till lather -- Aelita, 22:02:17 07/02/15 Thu [1]

Dear Michelle:

I had to do it on my own. My mother was not like you. Things were different twenty years ago when I was in fifth grade. I was very tall and slim for my age and I was already wearing adult women's clothes -- tops, shoes and jeans -- and I had a shoulder length bob hair style. I don't know if my mother actually listened to what the psychologists told her but by the time I was thirteen I looked completely feminine and no one could tell the difference. One day a woman who didn't know our family saw us at the mall told my mother "my what a pretty daughter you have." After that, my mother freaked out, burned all of my girls' clothes, kept trying to force me to wear men's jeans that didn't fit, and so on. She even put my dad's old copies of Playboy magazine in my room so people would see them. I had a car in high school and I would drive to the nearest big city to go out on weekends. One summer one of my mother's friends saw me at the mall wearing a skirt and things got even worse. When I left home for university there was no going back. I was homeless and abandoned by my family. I went to school every summer as I had no home to return to. I spent Christmas break sleeping in the airport several times. After graduation I didn't have a job or anywhere to go. Even when I could find work eventually someone would say something and I would be forced out. I had go out of the country for surgery. It took years. Things got better eventually -- after a long, hard struggle. I don't want anyone to have to go through what I have had to go through -- ever.

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Becca, 21:40:15 04/20/15 Mon [1]

Linda: I have a suggestion you might try with him. since he's obviously into girl things and it sounds like in a big way, why not suggest getting a hair do at your favorite salon and keep it really mellow. something like what Miley Sirus is wearing now that she's gone back to a normal short but really cute do? See how he goes for it, then start encouraging him some more from there.
Becca

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[> Re: My childs situation -- Aelita, 09:34:14 05/23/15 Sat [1]

Hi Linda. I am writing you because I was your child fifteen years ago. You have a very short window of opportunity here. I can tell you what the doctors and psychologists asked me. The first one was a urologist (with a thick Austrian accent like a stereotypical German scientist in the movies). He asked me blunt questions about sex, girls, erections, masturbation and so on. I told him I didn't want "it" and "it" wasn't good for anything and that "it" never happened and I didn't touch myself and I just wanted "it" gone so I could be normal and have a normal life. I saw the psychologist next. He asked me similar questions and also asked if I wanted to be a girl. I told him I didn't want to be a girl, I WAS a girl and had been female my entire life as far back as I could remember and for some strange, bizarre reason I looked like a boy. Then the psychologist told me "I don't need to talk to you -- I need to talk to your mother." He told my mother "You don't have a son. You have a daughter" and tried to explain to her how (for reasons that are still unknown) my brain was female (this was confirmed later with MRI scans when I was at university) and it all happened before I was born. Unlike you however my mother would accept none of it.


Talk to you child and simply ask what she wants. It doesn't have to be explicit. Get pictures of people in different professions and genders and ask her what she wants to be. Does she dream about being beautiful and pretty and glamorous? Does she ever think about boys and marriage? This doesn't have to be gender conforming -- you can want to be a female pilot, firefighter or engineer. Also ask what she thinks about "it" and if she wants "it" gone. If she's a "she" she will tell you.


Now you have to decide if you want your child to have a semi-normal life or not. If your child is a girl she will never live a completely normal life but what degree of normality she will have will depend on you. It is absolutely imperative that she gets evaluated for blockers and hormone therapy as soon as possible. The world has changed a lot in the last fifteen to twenty years but not that much. You have probably seen talk shows were audience members are interviewed and proclaim "they could always tell." That's not so true now but it was then. Trying to reverse the effects of secondary sex characteristics like unwanted hair is difficult and expensive. Some things like rib girth and shoulder width can never be reversed. People are more accepting now but can be very mean at times and it helps a lot if you at least look like the average girl next door.


I'm not a professional therapist but I am someone who has lived through this and if what you say is correct then you have a daughter. All of the legal stuff is a lot easier now -- getting a driver's license, passport, etc. Discrimination is still legal nationwide in the US except for local laws in a few cities and some states. Only a few states will change birth certificates. If you have a daughter it will mean a lot to her if you accept her as such. My mother didn't and I've not seen her in over ten years. She's going to come home crying sometimes and life will be hard but with your help she will get through it and grow up to be a beautiful young woman.

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How would you respond? -- Richard (curious), 09:23:41 06/19/15 Fri [1]

Hello all, I've posted here before the reset. For me, I was a teenager when I asked my mother one evening what it was like to be a girl; her response was that it was just something you do. Later, she asked if I still wanted to know and suggested that if I did, the best way to understand was to do it myself.

She had me dress up in her things since we were close to the same size and we talked about my thoughts on it. Admitting I liked the feeling of the clothes, she asked if I would dress up again if she made clothes available for me. I said I would, and the next day she took me shopping for my own things (she didn't think sharing underwear was sanitary, and also felt my sister wouldn't want to share clothes with me).

I dressed on and off for years, so I got to see what life was like from the feminine side, and I do feel it has made me appreciate women better and made me a better husband and father.

With this all though, my wife knows what happened and doesn't agree with how my mother handled it. So my question is, how would you answer the question if your son asked you? Would you just talk about it? Or have him experience it to understand?

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[> Re: How would you respond? -- Joanie,, 13:29:18 06/19/15 Fri [1]

What an awesome question, thank you for asking it! This is close to my heart. First let me say I'm sorry that your wife doesn't see your mothers offerings as valid, especially since she is reaping the benefit of it!!!
I wonder to if she were raise in a chavanist family that the father dictated to her that her role as a women was nothing more then to be a submissive wife and mother would have registered in her mind as O.K.? After all doesn't she have a strict idea as to what a "man" can or can not do?

Naturally if either of my sons came to me with the same questions you did with your mother I would do my best to answers them. And one great way of getting that answer is to experience the at question activity. I always emerge my boys in what they desired to try, with the caveats that they give it all and make the commitment. If they wanted to play soccer they were given the opportunity, but they had to fulfil their obligations, if they didn't like it, they needed to finish the season before trying something else. Now neither of them asked to try being a girl. But had they, I would have immersed them into that making it a commitment. No not full time, but I would have insisted that they don't kid around and take it seriously. As so much as to experience what a young girl may have had to endure in the dealings with males. But that wasn't the case. What was the case, was they saw and heard their father take on the role of female, mother, wife very seriously. And we're constantly given choices and admonished if they made sexist choices. As a result I have two very loving understanding and dedicated husbands and fathers. My daughter in laws are very pleased and consider me a surerget mother in law.

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[> [> Re: How would you respond? -- Richard, 17:15:23 06/19/15 Fri [1]

Joanie, thanks for your response. I think a lot of why my wife is as upset about it as she is doesn't revolve so much around the way my mother chose to help me understand, but that there may have been other motivating factors that had my mother wanting me to dump my male side. Specifically, my mother and father had an extremely bitter divorce and I was a lot like him. He's not a bad man in any way (he's not perfect either) but it was such a rough divorce that they did not speak more than a few sentences to each other for over twenty years.

My wife isn't against gay or transgender people in the least, our best friend is post-op TG. My wife is a strong woman, and maybe that is why she and my mother never saw eye to eye.

Even so, I really asked this question out of curiosity regarding what I went through. I wanted to see if others had similar thinking or not. I remember distinctly sitting on the couch in mom's clothes, head to toe, both under and on top, while she asked me if I liked the clothes or not, and told me I would pass for a pretty girl if my hair were done up and I had some makeup on. I did want to see if I could pass, and she said we didn't have time to do it that night which was when she offered to make clothes available for me to dress again.

My stepfather was out of town on a business trip, I guess she called him when I went to bed and they decided that the best way to make things available to me was to get me my own things, so mom took me shopping the next day. She had much the same attitude that you do--no half-measures, you give it your all. She expected that from me, so I learned much of what it took to live life as a girl. The thing that sticks out most in my head was that it was all about details: making sure your dress was beneath you when sitting, keeping your knees together to not show off your underwear, getting makeup right so you look good, walking right, good posture, even things like how the butt on a bikini constantly needs readjusting so it doesn't ride up.

In a lot of ways, it has helped me. My job is one where paying attention to little details is important. Even my wife understands that I'm a better father and husband for it, though I think a lot of her disapproval comes from a different source. Hell, our son has come out as gay, and our biggest upset that day was that his math homework wasn't complete.

While the question I asked my mom wasn't about whether or not I could try being as a girl, I'm curious if I really left her an option other than that?

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[> [> [> Re: How would you respond? -- Joanie, 03:37:41 06/20/15 Sat [1]

Thanks for the details Richard,
I can certainly see two strong women having opposing opinions, and glad that your wife isn't of the opinion that gender expression/curiosity isn't wrong. As to motivations. I didn't get the feeling in the way you presented your story that your mother was doing anything but allowing you an opertunity to best find an answer to your question. And from a mother who was an open enough person to say why not do it through emmercing yourself in that question. I do believe experience gives the best answers. I think you would have included the disdain your mother had for your dad if that was her motive. I can see that your wife might see that, because she has been exposed to the after divorce world that existed between your dad and mom. She did see her as you did during your youth. And because there is that "concept of "revenge or determination" that can preoccupy an already made up mind. Your wife's conclusion makes the most sense.
My biggest pet peeve as I have mentioned in previous posts is that cross in gender guidelines for boys is always thought of as a negative, but when we cross gender lines with our daughters we are providing them with strength courage and determination. There would never have been a consideration had you been a girl and your dad was weak and your mom wanted to teach you that being a girl could mean being strong and doing so by emmercing you into a boys world.

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looking for help -- Amy, 18:48:06 04/15/15 Wed [1]

Hello, im not sure if anyone is interested in my story but my partner and I have a 13 year old girl who was born male. Tara lived as a boy until the age of 7. Long story short my partner Deb's ex husband was not a good man and after she finally was able to get away from him we made a decision Tim would be better off as girl. It really was the best thing for my partners child and for Deb and i as well. Our situation just didnt and doesnt suit having a boy. Tara has done really well accepting her new gender. It was very hard at first but we were very lucky in that an ex partner who Im still close to is a gender specialist so that was a big help. Tara was able to start her medical treatments young enough that male puberty will not be a problem for us. She has developed a very girly figure we very happy with the results.
She has accepted she is a girl and is starting to enjoy attending school as a stealth girl

Anyway im wondering if anyone has any experience with SRS which she will be having in the next few years. Im wondering how we mentally prepare her for this.

Thanks for reading.
Amy

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[> Re: looking for help -- Nancy, 07:30:45 04/16/15 Thu [1]

Dear Amy,

Thank you for joining the forum, and for giving such a nice introduction.

It sounds as if things are going very well for your family and for your special daughter and her being happy being a girl.

You are wise to want to do some planning ahead re SRS, now that she is 13.

I don't know whether others on the forum would have advice as to your specific question.
But I would be happy to correspond with you directly on that issue, if you'd like.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> Re: looking for help -- Amy (thankyou), 12:38:08 04/16/15 Thu [1]

Thankyou for the kind words and lovely support.
I will get some details together and email you to chat about Tara's SRS. Her mother moves to slow in my opinion. It was at the start hard to convince her Tara would be better off as a girl. It helped a lot that I am the bread winner and simply couldnt see our relationship working with a boy in growing up in the house. I started out slowly getting Tara into more fem style clothing and over time moved her to skirts. Shewas very hard to mannage at the sstart but things have improved a lot over the past 3 yesrs now the female hormones are working their magic. I just Tara will have a better life as a girl. Even if her she and sometimes her mom cant always see it yet

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[> [> [> Re: looking for help -- Nancy, 17:17:14 04/16/15 Thu [1]

Thank you Amy.

Please contact me via the "contact forum admin" tab.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> Re: looking for help -- Aelita, 00:17:45 05/15/15 Fri [1]

Hi...Here's my advice. Get it done as soon as possible. I don't enough about the new health care laws to know if insurance will pay for it now (most US insurers ceased doing so in the early 1980s) but you will will be giving your daughter the greatest gift a parent can give to a child. In the US it costs $30K and $15K at Dr. Suporn's clinic in Phuket, Thailand. He is the best in the world. There are several known cases of twelve to sixteen year olds having surgery -- go look up Kim Petras.

Why am I saying this? My parents were the opposite of you and your partner. They were well educated but religious conservatives. They refused to allow me to have blockers or hormone treatment. Needless to say my life has been a nightmare that I wouldn't want anyone to live though. If your daughter is thirteen she will be in high school soon if not already and will want to participate in all of the social activities that goes along with it -- dating, parties, going out with friends, etc. What happens when she wants to go to the beach or the lake and can't or won't go because she can't wear a swimsuit or go in the water without the wrong parts showing? What about dating? Being a teenager is hard enough without having the wrong parts to worry about all the time. Dealing with unwanted body and facial hair, voice changes, unwanted muscle mass and so on is even worse. Even if people know about your background if you appear perfectly normal in every respect they are not as mean. I have lived through this (and worse) and I know what I am talking about. Please don't wait.

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[> Re: looking for help -- Lisa, 18:13:33 04/17/15 Fri [1]

Amy, so you and your partner decided that Tim would become a girl? How did he respond to this...

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[> [> Re: looking for help -- Michelle, 21:05:54 04/22/15 Wed [1]

Amy: I really wish you luck here, but I think you might need to realize that there's some histories about this approach seriously backfiring. I'm just sayen, please be aware of where your child is with this at all times. As they grow tward the teen years, they can change their personalities every couple of days.

Respectfully;
Michelle S.

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[> [> [> Re: looking for help -- Mrsjoaniebnh, 06:00:53 04/24/15 Fri [1]

Michelle, I also share your concerns. As our children and their persona, behavior, wellbeing and future should be paramount in or dealings with them and our love for them.
I though see it differently, and I do know how children change over time. I also understand that having a child like Tara as Amy as explained. Can be a little scary for a parent. Amy's partner my just be more conservative or weary in what others may think say or do, where Amy sees the true nature of Tara and wants to do everything possible for her and her future.
Our society is in the throngs of discovering gender and its many expressions. These expressions go out side the norm and do cause some discomfort. But I know deep in my heart not everyone who is born one sex should be held to the rigors of the gender stereotype associated to that sex.
Though I do believe HRS to soon before the onset of puberty is not a wise choice. The self expression of gender is the child's choice and should be encouraged. It's society's fault that children especially boys can't be who they think they need to be at each time of their lives.

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[> [> [> [> Re: looking for help -- Nancy, 08:49:57 04/24/15 Fri [1]

Michelle and Joanie, Amy seems to have disappeared. Hope she will return for further discussions. Both of you made good points in your comments.
Thank you.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: looking for help -- MrsjoanieBnh, 04:25:44 04/25/15 Sat [1]

Thank you so much Nancy! I hope so as well. Amy's situation is lovely and perfect for discussions here. And BTW, I love the new format and your moderation. Great job Nancy!

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[> [> [> [> Re: looking for help -- Michelle, 21:52:54 05/18/15 Mon [1]

Joanie: I can see your point. Since my child came out almost three years ago, I've had a huge learning curve adjustment. In my own independent research, outside of what I'm learning from our professionals, yours is certainly not an isolated case. It's known that this is the probable cause of more than a few suicides now and in the past. The point that I want to make here is that a parent or guardian must seriously seek out the best professional help available. luckily, we were referred to the new ( at that time ) gender clinic at Laurie Children's Hospital in Chicago which has been a Godsend. We were also very fortunate that our pediatrician was knowledgeable in these issues to be able to know where to refer us. I'm a very firm believer that to be responsible to your child, you must go through all the proper processes to make certain that this is the truly correct course of action. Even Dr. Suporn in Thailand requires that all facets of the Standards Of Care be documented before he takes any action. This is where it's so important that a first class pediatric gender clinic be involved.

Respectfully;
Michelle s.

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[> Re: looking for help -- alexis (mom), 05:37:26 04/29/15 Wed [1]

I really think this is a wonderful idea.my son is a 5 years old im a single mom so i think i will go ahead and begin raising him as a girl.i know he will be beautiful and grow to love being a girl. Does anyone here think ballet would be a good place to start? My sister is getting married in a year from now may he could be a flowergirl. Id love any ideas you all may have for me. I know he will fight it at first and throw a fit. What is the best way to get past that?
Thanks Alexis

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[> [> Re: looking for help -- Corey, 16:03:59 04/30/15 Thu [1]

When I was his age, the best way to coerce me to a certain behavior was to convince me that older boys behaved that way. That made be feel 'big". In your case, youtube makes this easy. Here is a great video of a mother dressing her son completely as a girl. There are plenty of links.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxvJufKlK1M

Here is another good resource.
http://www.thefrisky.com/2013-07-23/the-yes-you-are-camp-gives-boys-the-chance-to-be-the-girls-they-want-to-be/

If he resists, he may just feel that he is supposed to. All kids want to test parental authority, but parents make their kids do all sorts of things, from eating broccoli to doing homework.

You have some good ideas. I have heard of dressing a boy as a flower girl before, that is not so uncommon.

I think that once you get him beyond his initial shyness. he will enjoy acting and dressing like a girl. I did when I was about his age. I would suggest giving him a truly transformative and pampered experience, not just a dress, but something like an occasion dress with tights that will make him feel special. If you have a good network of friends, he will enjoy the attention.

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[> [> Re: looking for help -- Christia (Happy), 07:12:16 05/01/15 Fri [1]

Alexis,

Welcome to our forum!

I am so glad to read that you are considering feminizing your child. At such a young age, the chance for success is great. I share your optimism about growing to be beautiful and loving being a girl.

I think ballet would be great for your child, as it would allow for socialization with girls on top of being a feminine activity. I think that your sister's wedding forms a convenient goal. You could make it your goal to have your child fully transformed into a girl by that date.

As far as resistance goes, several of the more experienced mothers here like myself have some strategies for that. One is to provide your child with options when your child resists, but you "stack the deck" so to say by making all those options feminine. That way the child gets satisfied by feeling some autonomy, but stays on the right track.

There are other ways to prevent and deal with resistance. If you want to discuss those further, you can e-mail me at dimples092686@yahoo.com. We're all in this together!

Christia

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[> [> Re: looking for help -- Michelle (:)), 11:44:25 05/12/15 Tue [1]

YES! Ballet is a wonderful idea. A wonderful place to learn feminine gracefulness in a way that probably stick with him. Also pierced ears is good as well. Becca has some neat ideas about hair styles that I believe will work wonderfully.

Michelle

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what happened??? -- Becca (wondering), 20:00:49 04/14/15 Tue [1]

Hi everyone! I saw a while ago that some strange things started happening on this forum and then it sorta got blocked or something. I'm really glad to see it's back, but right now it looks awfully lite.
let me toss this in anyway. It's starting to get close to summer and school will be out. Now is the time to stop all haircuts and let your kids hair grow to where your favorite salon can really do something really pretty with it. You know you want to do it. Maybe he is hoping too.
Becca

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[> Re: what happened??? -- Nancy, 08:04:10 04/15/15 Wed [1]

Hi Becca, It's nice to see you back on the forum. Yes, this new version of the forum needs to involve more participation and more discussions. I hope more of the other moms who were on the forum previously will rejoin, as you did.

Thank you for your message and I hope this will help get things jump-started here.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> Re: what happened??? -- Amy (fantastic advice), 14:24:20 04/16/15 Thu [1]

I could not agree more. Years ago when we decided my partners son would be better off as a girl we let her hair grow out before telling the than boy that he was going to live as girl. Nothing sends a strong message that you are serious like trip to the salon and a pretty girly hair style. We had her ears pieced on the same day. For any mothers who are thinking that their sons are better off as daughters this is a great first step.
Amy

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[> [> [> Re: what happened??? -- Becca, 22:29:28 04/17/15 Fri [1]

Yes! this seems to work very well especially with boys that might be a bit feminine in the first place. I manage a full service salon and have seen this help a little guy start showing his girlie side and really enjoying it. My boy loves to have pretty hair and outside of school lives as a girl and everybody when seeing us together sees us as mom and daughter. He loves shopping for clothes and pretty things as much as I do.
I'm so happy for you and your little one.
Becca

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[> [> [> [> Re: what happened??? -- Nancy, 09:30:41 04/19/15 Sun [1]

Hi Becca, Nice to have you back here on the forum.

If I understand correctly, your child lives as a girl all the time except for school. I was wondering if you might consider changing the schooling situation, so that your child can dress as a girl fulltime? With the summer vacation approaching, this might be a good time to think about that possibility.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: what happened??? -- Becca, 22:16:37 05/05/15 Tue [1]

Nancy. Your description is pretty well on. At the moment I really don't have any alternatives, mostly because of financial issues. It seems to work ok for now because most of the girls his age dress mostly unisex themselves. I think that down the road, I may have to think about home schooling if I can figure how I can pull it off. Yes, summer is approaching and I'm looking forward th having some fun with Danni.

Becca

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Welcome Back Moms! -- Nancy, 13:09:16 03/26/15 Thu [-3]

I just wanted to welcome back the moms who have rejoined the forum, and also to welcome any new moms who have or will join.
Please post an intro, if you feel comfortable in doing so; that will help the process of people getting to know each other on the forum and could enhance the quality and relevance of the discussions.

You may notice that I have changed the format for displaying the messages. This way you can see the full message right away without having to click on the truncated version.

Nancy (Moderator)

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Replies:

[> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Christia (Happy), 06:23:29 03/27/15 Fri [1]

I guess I will get the ball rolling on the intros!

I'm a single mother of one, my precious daughter, who will turn four years old this August. She was born male, and for the first about two years and a half years of her life I raised her as best I knew how, which I guess I'm still doing, but that first period of her life was spent as a boy simply due to her anatomy.

She started displaying behavioral problems about that time, and I thought more severe than just the old stereotype of the "terrible two's." A friend, who is m2f transgender, suggested that I give her more feminine options in her clothing and play times. I figured what do I have to lose? Nothing else I had tried was working.

My daughter took to it like a fish to water, and her behavior in the past months has been steadily improving. Oh she still has her moments, asserting her will, testing my resolve to deny her what she wants at the moment. I will be in trouble when she is a teenager I fear! However, the big difference is that she listens to me, even if it's not what she wants me to say. Before, she would tune me out as if I didn't exist and just do what she wanted.

Now of course I'm not saying that introducing girly things are the solution to the behavior problems of every male child, nor that every male child will take to girlhood as quickly and willingly as mine did. However, I would say this to other mothers who are in similar situations with male children who will not listen: what do you have to lose? If it has no effect, then you've successfully identified another strategy that won't work with your child. At the worst, you will give your son an appreciation for the girls around him and teach him that they are his equals in society. You just might be surprised like I was and find out that you've not had a son but a daughter all along and be thankful that you discovered that fact.

I'm looking forward to reading all the other intros that are posted here!

Christia

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[> [> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Joanie b, 03:19:26 03/30/15 Mon [1]

Thank you for being the loving mom you are! You did the right thing, I'm sure! Many trans children are angry and upset about not being able to freely display the image they see themselves as. In recognzng her inner self you've brought to life a person that of course will have moments. But they will be real. Not a mask or a guise because society refuses to see her as she sees her self!

Thank you, joanie

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[> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Nancy, 06:50:44 03/27/15 Fri [1]

>I just wanted to welcome back the moms who have
>rejoined the forum, and also to welcome any new moms
>who have or will join.
>Please post an intro, if you feel comfortable in doing
>so; that will help the process of people getting to
>know each other on the forum and could enhance the
>quality and relevance of the discussions.
>
>You may notice that I have changed the format for
>displaying the messages. This way you can see the
>full message right away without having to click on the
>truncated version.
>
>Nancy (Moderator)

Thanks so much Christia. It's wonderful to have you back on the forum. And thank you for being the first to post an introduction.

How is your new daughter doing now in terms of general behavior (besides at least listening to you now)? I think you said she has been fulltime as a girl since you started with her. Is that right?

Do you have plans in place yet for her schooling when she reaches school age in the next year or so?

Welcome back!

Nancy

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[> [> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Christia (Determined), 07:47:50 03/28/15 Sat [1]

In your response to your questions, we had to work up to her being full-time. I was very cautious of not pushing her in any direction, just offering options that she was free to choose, and I didn't want to overwhelm her with changes either.

I am looking at moving out of Indiana to a more friendly state for girls like her. I have friends in Illinois, one of which has recommended a preschool that she believes would have no problem with my daughter's situation.

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[> [> [> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Nancy, 12:02:37 03/28/15 Sat [1]

Dear Christia,

Thank you for your reply to my question. I think you have taken a very wise approach in the way you are raising your daughter. You said that she does listen to you now, but there are still some challenges now and then in her behavior. Could you say more about that, and how you deal with those episodes?

Yes, for moms with MtF daughters, it is sometimes necessary to relocate to a more accepting, supportive, social environment. You mentioned Illinois as a possibility. And if you can find a supportive pre-school for her there, that would be great. I don't know how close that location would be to Chicago. But there is a (still relatively new) gender clinic in Chicago that is helping transgender kids to get the necessary counseling and medical treatments. I have heard nothing but good things about the clinic.

Again, welcome back and thanks for your continued participation in this forum.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> [> [> [> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Christia (Happy), 05:57:31 03/29/15 Sun [1]

I think that she's just like any other four-year-old girl in that she wants what she wants now and doesn't like to be told no in those situations! After a few exchanges of no, she will relent. I have found that distracting her with something else that she likes works well too. She has recently started this thing where she will try to work out a compromise, which in most cases is a great idea and makes me proud of her intelligence, but I fear that might lead to her trying to manipulate me when she gets older! She is her mother's daughter for sure! I'm not too worried about it, however, since I wrote the book on manipulating your mother ;)

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[> [> [> [> [> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Michelle S., 17:11:06 03/30/15 Mon [1]

Hi, Christia. I know exactly what you mean. My thirteen year old "New girl" daughter virtually owns me. We do, however have an understanding in that she/we are both living in a deep "Stealth" mode in our new school and community that we must very carefully adhere to certain social protocols. The school knows about her and is the picture of discretion. Physically and personality wise she presents herself as the real thing. However, there are limits where she can go with things such as how to remain secure at sleepovers and other such things with her girlfriends as you might imagine. she does have some boy admirers already and they must be kept in check as well. Yes, I'm a real "Helicopter" mom but I think its clear why. Our journey started together only a couple years ago when she came out to me. It then became known to me that everyone in our immediate family already knew this, reason probably that I was totally pre occupied in working and learning our family business after the loss of my husband in Afganistan. I felt that my child was all I had to connect me with Blake, but his obvious femininity seemed to escape me. Now we are working through this properly with a great medical and psychological team and planning the permenant change in the next couple of years, hopefully.

Cordially;
Michelle

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[> [> [> [> [> [> Re: Welcome Back Moms! -- Nancy, 07:30:35 03/31/15 Tue [1]

Hi Michelle, and thank you for posting such a great introduction/re-introduction.

And thanks also for helping to start the rebuilding of this forum!

Nancy

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For Alexis -- Nancy, 09:07:13 05/02/15 Sat [1]

Alexis, To find your messages, and the replies to it, look under the discussion thread started by Amy.

On this forum, only the initial message in each discussion thread is immediately visible. To view the replies under each main topic, click on each of the messages there; that way you will be able to read them.

(I also left a message for you under the new thread you started when you were asking what happened to your first message. So please look there as well.)

Hope this helps.

Others might have this same question, so it's good that you asked!

Nancy (Moderator)

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my son -- alexis, 04:53:54 05/02/15 Sat [1]

I recently made an entry speaking about my son and i don't see it posted was curious why.please email me to let me know thanks.
Alexis
Alexis0190@live.com

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[> Re: my son -- Nancy, 09:03:01 05/02/15 Sat [1]

Hi Alexis,

Your initial message was, indeed, posted. Look for it under the discussion thread started by Amy. You will see your name there, and if you click on that item, you will see your original posting. Further down on that same discussion thread, you will also see a reply from Christia.

Thanks.

Nancy (Moderator)

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Hey -- Sally (Hello), 15:35:02 04/25/15 Sat [1]

Just wanted to say congrats on getting the forum back up. Someone told me it was hacked or something. Im glad you got it back.

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[> Re: Hey -- Michelle S. (:)), 12:37:48 04/26/15 Sun [1]

Welcome back Sally! Good to have you here again.

Michelle

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[> [> Re: Hey -- Sally (Thank you Michelle), 15:34:35 04/28/15 Tue [1]

It's good to be back. It's even better to see the forum back up. I been letting my sons hair grow really long it's down to middle of his back now. Since he's really shy about going out dressed I've found a girl who cuts hair and I just pay her to come here every so often to give him a really pretty style. Mostly for school though I have him put it in a pony tail. There's a lot of boys at school with long hair so it's actually good. I been enjoying being able to give him really pretty styles at home. But I also don't push him to do the same for school so he doesn't feel to shy. But all is well hope all is well with all of you too. I'm always around and always willing to give advice and help in any way I can. I always welcome new friends to chat with so don't be shy. Thank you for the welcome back and I hope we can do some good.

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Brolita -- Corey, 21:44:29 04/24/15 Fri [1]

The term "Lolita" refers to a (mostly) Japanese fashion trend of girls who dress very elaborately in ultrafeminine, often historically-themed outfits. They are undeniably cute.
"Brolitas" are boys who do the same thing, and it seems as if there are a lot of them.

Here is a good photoset of "Brolitas" who seem to be very much enjoying harmless roleplay and dress-up fun. All the pix are family-friendly. They could be a good way to make a boy feel comfortable exploring his feminine side, as he certainly would have company. Some of the outfits are so beautiful, they are irresistible, and would certainly feel exhilarating to wear.

https://www.pinterest.com/SissiChloe/brolita-beautiful/

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hello? -- Aelita, 12:07:02 02/24/15 Tue [1]

Hello?

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[> Re: hello? -- Franchesca, 16:16:55 03/28/15 Sat [1]

Hi, we are still here and welcome. The forum had to be remade because of someone from some small isolated country discovered us and kept coming in here to make trouble. Our moderator, Nancy, had to temporarily close it down and re make it with better security. Now I think it should be better and safer for all of us.
Franchesaca

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[> Re: hello? -- Franchesca (:)), 19:46:26 03/31/15 Tue [1]

Hello to you. We're all glad to see you here and hope you make a post to us so we can get to know each other.

Come back soon.
Franchesca

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[> Re: hello? -- David Joseph Marks, 06:40:56 04/14/15 Tue [1]

How do I get back on the forum ? I found it very helpful raising my "tween".

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[> [> Re: hello? -- Nancy, 07:14:33 04/14/15 Tue [1]

Hi David, The forum is open, but each submitted message requires approval by the Moderator before the message appears on the forum page. Although this forum is intended primarily for mothers, others are welcome to participate in the discussions, provided that their views and comments are appropriate and on topic.

Please tell us more about your situation, and how the forum was helpful to you before.

Thanks.

Nancy

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Hello again! -- Karen Marie, 15:30:53 04/02/15 Thu [1]

Hi all, It's Karen, I'm just checking in here for a quick moment... Glad to see the forum is back up... I'm the mother of an 11-year-old new girl who discovered herself last year -- she's the one who wanted to be a bride and I was able to set up a pretend wedding for her. We've been making steady progress since last summer. She goes to a private school as her new self and is known to be transitioning to female. Lots of challenges! Hope everyone is doing well!

Karen :)

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[> Re: Hello again! -- Nancy, 14:24:40 04/03/15 Fri [1]

Hi Karen, Thanks so much for posting your (re)introduction to the forum. As I have said elsewhere, I think you have done a really marvelous job of helping your daughter to be/become her true self. And it's great that you have helped her to be even happier than she was before. Having an awesome mom like you, and also having a very supportive extended family, are things I would wish for every transgender girl to have.

Nancy

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[> Re: Hello again! -- Corey, 15:27:24 04/10/15 Fri [1]

Hi Karen: Glad to see you back on the forum. Your pretend wedding story is about the most beautiful and inspirational I have ever heard.

Your son/daughter is hardly unique, as you can see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=gYXZuUVFLsg#t=0

I actually had very similar thoughts and desires as a young man.

Thanks for being brave, and being an agent for positive social change. The world will never run out of football players. Boys who prefer high heels need self actualization too.

By having good discussions, and promoting awareness and acceptance, hopefully we can bring the world to a better place.

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trouble signing in -- Joe Cook (; - (), 18:40:50 02/25/15 Wed [1]

how do I get approved?

Joe

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[> Re: trouble signing in -- Michelle S., 11:17:38 04/10/15 Fri [1]

Well Joe, I think you'll need to contact Nancy, our forum moderator for an interview. Sorry, but this is the way it needs to be done now because of a few "bad actors". I hope you can understand.

Cordially;

Michelle S.

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Can I get in here? -- Linda B. (?), 20:24:21 04/01/15 Wed [1]

Hay! What happened to this really neat forum? I discovered it a little more than a month ago and just about when I thought I'd make a post...POOF! it's gone! Now I see that the format is a bit different. Is this a complete restart?

I've got a 14 year old with some issues that may be relevant here but I don't see any of the old posts that I saw before. Just when I thought I might learn something, everything was gone. Where is everybody with this now?

Sincerely,
Linda

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[> Re: Can I get in here? -- Nancy, 07:01:39 04/02/15 Thu [1]

Hi Linda, Thank you for (re)joining this discussion group! Yes, this is a complete restart of the forum, but still with the same focus as before: To help mothers who are raising their bio boys as girls, or who are interested in that subject.

Sorry that I had to delete the wealth of information that was in the archives prior to the attempted interference with the forum. But it was a decision I had to make at the time.

As of now, the 'new' forum has a number of moms here already, some who were here before and some who are new to the forum. It is our hope that the forum will thrive and grow again, and be of help to many more moms out there.

Please tell us more about your situation.

Glad you are here with us.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> Re: Can I get in here? -- Corey, 15:29:49 04/08/15 Wed [1]

I was a bit gender curious when I was 14 myself. If you would like a little support, or the perspective of someone who has been there, feel free to ask.

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[> Re: Can I get in here? -- Franchesca (?), 20:56:24 04/09/15 Thu [1]

Hi, Linda. We're here now and I'm sure that all of us that are here in the new forum would be happy to help if we can but you could help you need to tell us more about your situation.
I have an almost 13 year old with some vexing gender issues and I might be able to help by sharing with you.
sincerely,

Franchesca

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thank you -- Becky, 18:03:45 04/08/15 Wed [1]

Hope you stay ancy

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For Christia -- Nancy, 14:17:13 03/30/15 Mon [1]

Hi Christia,

I wanted to let you know that I sent you an email yesterday, but have not heard back from you yet. So I was wondering if I have your correct email address. (I used the same email address from our correspondence last year.)

Anyway, if you receive my email, please reply so I will know that I have your email address right.

Thank you.

Nancy

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What happened? -- Torrey, 20:45:56 03/08/15 Sun [1]

What happened to the wonderful and well-moderated forum?

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[> Re: What happened? -- Torrey, 21:25:27 03/28/15 Sat [1]

Thank you for putting the forum back on line. I hope to contribute occasionally and want to see the discussions stay positive and on topic. Managing trolls is a challenge. Thanks again.

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Re-opening the Forum -- Nancy, 09:59:41 03/24/15 Tue [1]

Greetings to all of the good people on this forum, and especially to the wonderful moms who have participated in previous discussions.

After some serious difficulties (see Michelle's comments), I have decided to re-open the forum on a trial basis.

So please feel free to post again here and to continue the discussions.

I now have control of what appears on this forum. So, hopefully, things will go fine here.

Welcome also to those who are new to the forum.

Thanks to all for your patience over the past month or so during the time that the forum was not available.

Nancy (Moderator)

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[> Re: Re-opening the Forum -- Joanie B, 03:03:22 03/25/15 Wed [1]

This is wonderful, I'm sorry that Nancy had to go through what ever was the issue but, am glad to see a reset and more controls in the site be that the case.

I do hope there is room for differing but helpful opinion here now. I enjoyed reading and sharing but left because of differencing opinion. It would be so nice if the concept of teaching the softer sublties of gender to all equally, could be adapted here. I think it would compliment the moms who are raising their sons to be daughters. And create a more receptive environment for it.
Joanie
"We have begun to teach our daughters to be more like son! Not until we begin to also teach our sons to be more like daughters will we attain equality between the sexes" ~ Gloria Steinem

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[> Re: Re-opening the Forum -- Christia (Excited!), 08:57:59 03/25/15 Wed [1]

I'm SO happy to see that the forum has returned and with better controls. I loved interacting with the other mothers on here but became fearful of doing so due to some of the content. I was worried for the safety of my daughter and myself. I hope that the trial run goes well and that this forum becomes a wonderful safe haven for mothers like me, who are giving our children the precious gift of girlhood despite their biological circumstances.

Christia

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[> [> Re: Re-opening the Forum -- Michelle S. (:)), 21:31:06 03/25/15 Wed [1]

>I'm SO happy to see that the forum has returned and
>with better controls. I loved interacting with the
>other mothers on here but became fearful of doing so
>due to some of the content. I was worried for the
>safety of my daughter and myself. I hope that the
>trial run goes well and that this forum becomes a
>wonderful safe haven for mothers like me, who are
>giving our children the precious gift of girlhood
>despite their biological circumstances.
>
>Christia

Hi Christia! Happy to have you here. We really need some good moms to join our new circle. I hope you can stay here and help us rebuild it.

Michelle S.

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[> [> Re: Re-opening the Forum -- Joanie b, 03:28:52 03/26/15 Thu [1]

Hi,Christian, I'm hopeful as well that this forum can be a safe environment for moms to share in. And what a wonderful way to put it the precious gift of girlhood! Biological circumstance should never dictate to a desired gender of a parents child,and the way in which the child is raised.

I think so many more boys would be so happy if parents especially moms took gender constructs and the desires of an impressionable child more seriously. An introduction of feminity can create nothing but more options for boys in this world. Those who feel different could feel free and be encouraged that they don't have to be different just special. Those moms that would like having a daughter would be free to try and see if her son is a willing candidate.

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Forum blank? -- Sarah, 08:22:54 02/23/15 Mon [1]

What happen to the forum group

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[> Re: Forum blank? -- Michelle S., 21:23:28 03/23/15 Mon [1]

>What happen to the forum group
I think it got hacked by some creep over in Europe. Nancy had to shut it down to sort out the problems with it. The best thing you can do for now is to contact the forum administrator, Nancy, and see what she says. It's not dead, it's just going to be different.

Michelle S.

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What is going on? -- Gayle, 14:56:56 03/20/15 Fri [1]

I was out of the country for a while and now I'm having trouble here....did it finally close up?

Gayle

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Glad to see the inprovement! -- Dennis (glad), 14:05:28 03/12/15 Thu [1]

I am very happy to see this board has taken control of this board and what is being said. Now those of you who want sound advice can get it without having to fear what someone might say or if the trouble makers will just cause more trouble than it is wroth. Great Work Ladies and keep it up!

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