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Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 14:27:47 01/17/26 Sat In reply to: Caitlyn 's message, "Re: Caitlyn, do you come around?" on 11:59:33 01/14/26 Wed Hello! I’m sure a little self-deception is needed for us to go through life. The dosage is the problem, isn’t it? How do you know if you’re over- or underdoing it? Mom said something interesting to me, when I (with a little help from my bf) made a nice dinner for her and dad by Epiphany. It was something like ”you’re getting good at this! Maybe I should have known that you would, and should have gone easier on you. Had you been a son, I might have, but that’s stupid because boys needs to be able to take care of themselves, too” Good for you, Caity! Would you say that hanging out with celebrities is more interesting than fun, or is it the other way around? I’m sorry to hear that, Bodack. Maybe you should go here? Winter is the best time for many with allergies, I believe. The skiing was great fun! One day it was misty, but that’s fun, too! All my best! Leona [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 08:09:56 01/19/26 Mon Hi! The stories we tell ourselves, maybe especially when we’re younger, can definitely be important for making sense of our lives and the world. I suppose that can be a form of self-deception. I’m not sure how we know whether we’re overdoing or underdoing it. Maybe if we keep coming up against facts and truth that contradict those stories and deceptions. What do you think your mom meant by that? Maybe that she wouldn’t have spanked you, at least not as often, if she’d recognized that your behavior was just part of growing up? Not that it helps now, of course! I think if my mom could relive those days she’d probably do some things differently. Your mom’s thoughts about how she’d might have handled things if you’d been a boy is interesting. I did read something in a sociology class that many parents make that kind of distinction between their daughters and sons. I don’t get to interact much with celebrities at these kind of events, so being around them is more interesting and a little exciting than fun. I spend most of my time hanging out with industry people. But the parties themselves are always a lot of fun. My wife doesn’t enjoy them as much as I do, but she’s a good sport about attending them with me. I’m glad it was fun! Do you plan to try to ski more often? Take care! Caity

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:31:38 01/21/26 Wed Hi! We keep oscillating, don’t we? As kids, we can see ourselves being everything when we get older. Then we get more realistic, but sometimes too realistic? So we forget to envision new possibilities? Caity, about self-deception: Your stepsister (I always come back to her) Do you think she might have portrayed you as ”bad” in your high school years, because she needed to justify the part she played, to herself? I believe mom maybe thought something like that, but it was wider in scope, like how parents in a way always sees the small kid in their children, because it’s with the little kid they start to learn parenting, and much of the rest is seen through that lens. Bodack, would you (having lived longer in the world) say that it was easier for people to be satisfied with who they were, when you were young? In the sense that they needed think they had to be outstanding at something, but appriciating being able to play an instrument badly, engage in a sport just for fun - that kind of thing? Caity, I’ll absolutely try skiing more! For me it’s fun to go to Austria in other ways, too. A place where they speak my language, feels like home, but yet different. I suppose Canada or UK makes the same kind of impression on an American? Leona

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 16:37:48 01/23/26 Fri "say that it was easier for people to be satisfied with who they were" I would say no. We had something called keeping up with the Jones's'. If your neighbor bought a new car you needed a new car. You couldn't really do things for fun. Even Little League baseball was supposed to be just for fun but too many parents made it more important than it was. Getting a 99 on a test was not acceptable. If you had tried harder you could have gotten 100. You had to have a degree, being an hourly worker was not acceptable. I might expand on it more later but Cedar is giving me a massive headache and it hard to think.

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:09:50 01/26/26 Mon Good evening! 😊 Caity, I don’t think my mom thinks she should have been more strict with when I was younger, at least not so much. In those years we didn’t have much conflict, in fact I think it was less than what my friends had with their parents. What happened in my case, I think, is that mom felt the burden of running the house with dad absent, her own mother in not-so-good health, and me not being as helpful as I should have been. I can see now that she had a point abt that! The problem was that she mixed that with complaints about the friends I choose and other things, that I think was unfounded and made the conflict less clean that it could have been. Would you say that you would have re-evaluated your highschool years now, if you hadn’t being forced to look into that? That question makes me think of something it’s strange I’ve never asked you before: Did you any way ”learn” to handle the actual spankings, so that they could be less hard or long, by anything you said or did before or during the spanking? I know I never did, I was too preoccupied with other thoughts and emotions to think of ”tactics”, but you (unfortunately) had a longer experience, involving more spankers, so did you notice you could influence the outcome in any way? Bodack, I don’t think my bf listened in to that conversation. He was busy talking about wines with my dad. Thanks for your take on how people thought about themselves when you were young! I agree with Caity that it’s logical that we get more goal-oriented as we grow older, but I sometimes feel that a work-logic invades the rest of our lives. Would you, or Caity, or anyone else say that Americans define themselves through their work somewhat more than we Europeans usually do? All my best! Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:36:45 01/29/26 Thu "Would you, or Caity, or anyone else say that Americans define themselves through their work somewhat more than we Europeans usually do?" Not anymore. When I was young the focus was taking pride in you work.Every body wants to be an influencer now or use politics to move up in the company.I have worked for a number of companies that were at one point in the top of the industry. They all started off with people who wanted to get the job done right and then the politicians as I call them starting moving up and taking care of themselves and thier buddies and the companies slowly fell apart. Hewlett-Packard was like that. At one point they were not only top in the industry but considered one of the best places to work. After the founders retired Carly Fiona moved in and the place went to hell in a hand basket. Just a side not about words. Genius at one time meant a spirit that was assingned to you at birth.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 09:48:27 01/31/26 Sat Hi! That makes sense. It sounds like your mom didn’t have any reason to be concerned. When I was talking about my parents wondering about being stricter, I suppose that’s more just a recognition of the tendency when something goes wrong to think about how doing things differently might have prevented it from happening. I do think Americans define themselves through work more than Europeans do, although that’s based on things I’ve read more than anything else. If circumstances had been different I doubt if I’d have thought about my teenage years in the same way. Therapy has forced, or at least caused, me to look at why I acted like I did during those years, which I realize became a steady progression from when my mom got remarried to when I came home from my freshman year and things fell apart. There are so many things I would do differently if I knew and understood then what I do now. There were times I tried to talk my way out of spankings, especially early on with my mom and then with my stepsister, but those attempts at manipulation were never successful and were occasionally counter-productive. I sometimes could explain my way out of what could have been a spanking with my mom, but that wasn’t often. I can’t recall ever saying anything during a spanking, or immediately before or after, that made it less hard or long. But there were times I was my own worst enemy, and said things that made them harder or longer. The result of my longer experience was mostly that I learned to resign myself to what was going to happen, and tried to handle it emotionally as best I could. Those thoughts and emotions must have sometimes caused you to try to manipulate the situation, right? And do you feel like you ever got better at handling the emotions, or did that possibly get worse as time went on? Take care! Caity

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12:36:48 01/31/26 Sat Hello! No, I wouldn’t say mom had no reason to be concerned - she did have! When things get heated up, we all do, don’t we? That’s why I think you should be at least a little more forgiving abt yourself. Did your therapist go into that? I would also do things differently, if I then knew what I know now - don’t we all? But to know that in another way, is one of the things that makes me think that the whole experience wasn’t just a waste of everybody’s time and energy. No, I never got to a point where I clearly had the thought ”this is how I can manipulate myself out of this”. Probably because too much else was going on, and I didn’t notice that changing over time. If anything, I’d say it was more like mom going easier, not in the spankings themselves, but under what circumstances and how often they happened. What makes you think that the things you said were manupulative? All of them? The things you said that made your spankings longer and harder, how do you know that was the case? It’s that judging from the outcome that happened, or did they say something that made you think so? And how much slack did they cut you, thinking that it’s always reasonable to try to defend yourself? Did that change, depending on person or over time? I get the impression that your aunt did move her position over time? My best wishes for you, and all of us in the dark times we find ourselves in! Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:03:27 01/31/26 Sat I suppose that what I just wrote is not that much different from knowing what’s coming and accepting that, in a way. But do you remember thinking that as a conscious thought? Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:26:21 01/31/26 Sat "There were times I tried to talk my way out of spankings, especially early on with my mom and then with my stepsister, but those attempts at manipulation were never successful and were occasionally counter-productive." This reminds me of a spanking I heard of a teenage girl many years ago. She was trying to explain her behavior and the last thing she said was " but all of the other kids are doing it" then I heard six quick licks.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: PPS Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01:45:39 02/01/26 Sun Caity, I stupidly misunderstood your first sentence. You meant that my mom didn’t have much reason to be concerned when I was in junior high, right? I do think that was the case, yes! Bodack, I dropped ”all the other kids” around twelve, when I realized 1. That I always got some ironic answer, and 2. I didn’t want to be like all the other kids.. Leona

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: PPS Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05:10:54 02/01/26 Sun Saying all of the other kids are doing it might mean you are hanging out with the wrong kids which might have been what pushed her mother over the edge.That is the biggest problem in trying to talk your way out of it is that you might push the wrong button,

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Caitlyn [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 13:16:38 01/24/26 Sat Hi! I think most people begin to close themselves out to different possibilities as they get older, but that’s practical as much as anything. At some point we need to decide on a path and particular goals, and devote ourselves to achieving those. I suppose there are advantages to not being “too” realistic, to not closing ourselves off to new possibilities. But don’t you think we also have to be careful not to let the wide range of possibilities overwhelm us, andlimit what we’re able to achieve? My stepsister might have used that as a justification, but to be fair she wasn’t wrong. I definitely was difficult during those years, and although I don’t think I got away with as much as she thinks I did I know that my stepdad thought he and my mom should have been stricter with me than they were. That certainly factored into the resentment my stepsister felt towards me, which then played into how she handled the responsibility she was given. It wouldn’t be surprising that any of them, including my aunt, might have felt that the spankings I got were discipline that should have happened years before. I’m sure your mom may have felt the same way. Canada is definitely like that for me. Technically foreign, but very comfortable. Take care! Caity

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 00:55:49 01/26/26 Mon I have found that siblings feel that the other siblings get away with more than they should have. Normally the older siblings feel that the younger siblings get away with things they never could have. I don't have a lot of experience with step siblings but I could see how the feelings could be worse.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: bodack [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 14:23:46 01/21/26 Wed Eleanore, Was your BF around when she said it and how did you react? My Dad once expressed regret about something he did when I was growing up and I had to bite my tongue not to really get mad.

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: Caitlyn, do you come around? Author: Eleonora [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01:30:15 01/27/26 Tue I misplaced my reply (to both you and Caity), see above! Sorry! Leona