Author:
spelvin
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Date Posted: 23:32:35 11/09/25 Sun
Author Host/IP: 72.78.201.247
Election time was coming up. A conference was taking place at the party headquarters.
A conversation between Smith and Jones took place. Smith said, “The first thing we need is a good scapegoat. How about the Jews?”
Jones said, “Nah, that’s an oldie.”
“How about illegal aliens?”
“Nah, that’s already been tried and the people didn’t buy that.”
“How about naked children?”
“Hey! That’s it!”
Conner said, “I agree. We’ll even call ourselves the Antipedogymnists Party, anti for against, pedo for child, and gym for nude. How about that?”
Everyone agreed.
Conner said, “Then we need a candidate who has been a strong fighter in the crusade against child nudity.”
Without a word being spoken, all eyes turned on Captain Obvious.
* * * * *
Pamphlets were printed, signs were put up, and rallies were held. Flags were waved, bearing a silhouette of a child overlaid with a prohibition sign. The airwaves blasted with “Go go go with Captain O! Dress your child from head to toe!”
Thanks to the worthy Captain’s brilliant campaign, the Republican and Democrat Parties were reduced to a tiny minority. Captain Obvious easily carried all fifty states.
As President of this great nation of ours, our noble patriot was tireless and loyal. Every building, public or private, was installed with electronic devices to detect anyone showing the slightest sign of pedogymnism.
Hardly a day went by without shocking front page news. A pediatrician was thrown into the paddy wagon for touching a bare-chested child with a stethoscope. A boys’ basketball coach was carried off for letting a player shoot baskets with no shirt on. A struggling mother was grabbed and toted off for not making her children wear pajamas to bed.
As time went on, the name of Captain Obvious appeared more and more often in the international news. Politicians all over the world saw that the Antipedogymnist campaign strategy was effective, so they copied their methods. Like CO’s administration, national leaders overseas began invading their citizens’ privacy and destroying innocent people’s lives.
* * * * *
Captain Obvious was succeeded by a like-minded candidate, who was in turn succeeded by another like-minded candidate. For an entire generation, the textile industry strangled day in and day out.
The international influence also continued to go strong. People all over the world continued to live in constant fear lest they allow their children to show too much arm or too much leg.
During all this time, the population began to dwindle. Lacking healthy nudity in their childhood years, a psychosexually normal upbringing was now impossible. Adults everywhere molested vacuum cleaner hoses and impaled themselves with water faucets.
They got their jollies in nearly every way except that in which Nature intended. Because they did not act as Nature intended, all of the cities became mere ghost towns.
Did this mean the end of the human species? Not quite. In their racism, nationalism, and bloated egotism, the powerful elite forgot all about the people of the isolated villages. That left the village boys to swim naked in the river, play soccer naked in the field, and tease their fully dressed female peers for being so modest, just as they always had.
The village people, seeing the cities deserted, moved in. They learned to drive vehicles, to operate machinery, and to practice all the other skills left behind by their more elegant compatriots.
Yet their time-honored customs endured. Boys still swam naked in the river, played soccer naked in the field, and teased their fully dressed female peers for being so modest.
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