Author:
spelvin
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Date Posted: 08:24:58 11/25/25 Tue
Author Host/IP: 72.78.201.247
Piper was throwing kisses to an enormous, yet softly sighing crowd, at the annual homecoming parade. Piper has now served as mascot for several years, and the public attitude has made a 180-degree turn.
The homecoming parade was always a big event in Briceland. This year, as always, it showed a brightly colored float from every major business and every major organization.
A happily smiling boys’ swim team was waving at their relatives. Their relatives waved back. They waved at their girlfriends. Their girlfriends waved back. They waved at their Sunday School teachers. Their Sunday School teachers waved back.
Kevin waved at his Aunt Mildred and Cousin Gloria. His affectionate relatives had already seen him countless times but were happy for other people to see him also.
The mommies and children from ABC Kiddy Kottage smiled and waved at the crowd. The boys were stripped to the buff so the crowd could see their cute little weewee’s.
Harvey came in a carload with his friends. They were not on a float, but they got noticed. Their mommies had dragged their cargo shorts and Bermuda shorts out of the closet and took them to the sewing machine. There they raised the hemlines right up to where they should be.
After a half hour, the parade reached downtown. The ooh’s and aah’s were interrupted with cries of “Shame! Shame! Shame!” Captain Obvious and the Gymnopedomysts shouted threats as they ran to attack all the floats which they found offensive.
The police had heard word of their planned appearance, so they were prepared. They loaded CO’s men in a paddywagon and disembarked at the court of Margaret W. Wilbur.
Wilbur was a humanitarian judge, and a great believer of restitution, not retribution. She regarded gymnopedomysy as a psychological disorder, so she put the defendants under the care of Dr. Shrinck.
* * * * *
The disheartened club members were all ready to begin their first session at Dr. Schrinck’s office. “The first thing we’ll do is introduce ourselves. I am Dr. Schrinck. I have been studying gymnopedomysy for the last several years, so that is why the judge assigned me with this role. And now I would like to know each one of you, and why you chose to spend your time this way.”
The first member said, “When I was a child, I couldn’t go naked at the beach. I couldn’t go naked through the lawn sprinkler. When my cousins came to visit, I was watched every minute, so we couldn’t play doctor. The minute I got out of the bath tub, I was told, ‘Get your pajamas on! You look stupid!’”
“So if you couldn’t go naked when you were a child?”
“That’s basically it.”
“So you don’t want any other children to go naked either?”
“That’s basically it.”
The second member said, “I had a funny neighbor who came over whenever my parents weren’t home. He made me take my clothes off, and—”
“Yes?”
“And—”
“Yes?”
The member put his hands over his face and sobbed. “I can’t go through with this!”
Schrinck waited for his new client to regain his composure.
“So you think child nudity is associated with illicit activity?”
“Of course it is!”
“And you think the children you saw in the parade are going to get hurt?”
“That can happen any minute now! If it hasn’t happened already!”
The third member said, “I was brought up in an honest, trustworthy, God-fearing family belonging to an honest, trustworthy, God-fearing congregation. While the rest of the country was falling into the snares of sin and iniquity, my family and friends were walking the path of truth, justice, and righteousness.
"Since that time, nothing has changed. That swim team is going straight to Hell! That place for little kids is going straight to Hell! Those homecoming people are going straight to Hell!”
“And your mission is to save people from that terrible fate?”
“Absolutely.”
* * * * *
And so the session continued. Each member had the same goal in mind, but each member came from a different background and saw the goal from a different point of view.
From that maze of personalities and personality quirks, Schrinck was to do his best to design a course of action.
So where did we go from there? Did CO and his noble crusaders rescue this population from their terrible fate?
Or did these misguided souls suffer a precipitous downfall, like the Roman Empire?
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