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>>Came across this site while Googling. It looks like >>there are some women/moms on here that might be able >>to answer this question, because I'm stumped. >> >>I am divorced and remarried. My current wife has been >>in my children's lives since they were 5, 3, and 1. >>Their bio mom has struggled with mental and substance >>issues and has always been in and out of their lives. >>She is doing better now and the kids, 14, 12, and 10 >>currently, stay with her a few days a month. Bio mom >>has some jealousy toward my current wife and her role >>in the kids lives. >> >>Bio mom recently took my 14 year old son for his >>yearly checkup. Once there, my son refused to let bio >>mom go back to the exam room. He actually took the >>option of having a medical assistant present over his >>mother with my permission by phone. Bio mom was hurt, >>furious, and blamed my current wife. >> >>Bio mom called me later in tears telling me that she >>and my son argued about it all the way home. They were >>still arguing as they came in the door when my two >>younger daughters asked my son, "what's the big deal, >>mum (my current wife is British) sees you naked all >>the time". >> >>Bio mom was really crying at this point because that's >>when "she knew" my son loved my current wife more than >>her. That my current wife was his mother, not her. >> >>I told all of this to my wife later and she just gave >>me a knowing nod like she got it. I don't get it. Why >>was the issue of nudity and comfortableness the aha >>factor in this? > >Hi Phillip, >I am going to say regarding your Ex wife's reaction >this may not have anything to do with the nudity >itself, she may just be upset over the fact that she >is losing complete control over her son. The funny >thing is, this is not even due to your son's bonding >with your current wife, it's just a natural part of >kids getting older. Can I ask if your ex was somewhat >of a control freak? > >My mother was a control freak, and she had similar >reactions when I attempted to assert independence in >my pre teen and teenage years. The guilt tactic of >"you doing this means you don't love me anymore was >used by my mother very often." > >If you think this is the case I implore you to do >several things. > >1) Please talk with your son and explain he did >nothing wrong. Let him know that as he is getting >older, decisions like this one, especially ones >concerning his body, are his to make. Explain that his >mother (your ex wife) has problems with giving up >control to other people and he should not feel guilty >in making decisions that are best for him despite her >attempts. > >2) In any future conflicts like this, look at the >situation, and if you agree with your son please >support his side. My own father did the "I know your >right, but it's easier to just go along with your >mother" and the effects of both being controlled by >one parent and not supported by the other have caused >lifelong damage.
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