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Date Posted: 12:06:02 12/12/05 Mon
Author: Gayla
Subject: Extra Quotes
In reply to: Gayla 's message, "Name That TV Show" on 19:45:00 12/09/05 Fri

1)"Just be wrong. Just stand there in your wrongness and be wrong, and get used to it."

**Extra quotes

-"What are you taking?"
-"I don't know. My wife hands me pills, I swallow them with water."
-"Sir?"
-"Vitamin C, Vitamin B. Is it possible I'm taking something called euthanasia?"
-"Echinacea?"
-"Ah, that sounds more like it."

"I was watching a television program before, with a kind of roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends - apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends' mothers. And they brought the boyfriends out, and they fought, right there on television. Tell me: these people don't vote, do they?"

2)"Luck has always been on my side, it's like I was born with a horseshoe... right up my ass."

3)
-"You are American?
-"No, I'm a Canadian. It's like an American, but without the gun."

**Extra quote

"Today after work, I went out and bought you that puppy you've been wanting. But on my way home, I got hungry and I ate him! I'm joking. I'd never buy you a puppy."

4)
-"We all have secrets, for example... Tom, you are on..."
-"Speed.
-"Oh. I was gonna say 'probation'. "
-"Whatever. hehe whatever, what-ever..."

5)
-"Ten bucks if you go over to that guy and ask him where the lettuce is... only, you don't say lettuce.
-"What do I say?"
-"Letoos."

**Extra quotes

"Lewis and Clark had a journal. You, my friend, have a diary."

-"I've always wondered where that phrase came from - speak of the devil."
-"Well, according to ancient legend, if you said the devil's name three times... he would appear."
-"According to ancient legend? Dude, you got that from "Beetlejuice"."

-"I figure I'll go downtown once a month, maybe work the hotel lobbies, sell my body to aging divorcees."
-"Well, honey, you really think we can live on thirty-eight cents a month?"

6)-"Don't let a suitcase filled with cheese, be your big fork and spoon."

**Extra quote

"How about I beat you with your own wife???"

7)-"I reject your reality, and substitute my own!"

8)-"Oh my God! My TiVo thinks I'm gay!"

**Extra quote

-"Hasn't anyone said you look like someone?"
-"Oh, you mean like every famous fat guy in every movie ever?"

9)
-"Haven't you ever heard the expression, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?'"
-"Haven't you ever heard the expression, 'When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until they give you the oranges you originally asked for?'"

**Extra quotes

-"I take the complaint box very seriously and I seem to be the only one who does."
-"A complaint about the complaint box, delicious."

-"Hey I have an idea. I'll give up coffee, if you give up cigarettes. Huh? We'll go through this together."
-"But you should have to give up something of equal difficulty. Like going to the bathroom."

-"I wanted a house just like Xanadu, but without a dorky name."
-"So what did you call it?"
-"Fort Awesome."

10)"We are men. We are different. We have only one word for soap. We do not own candles. We have never seen anything of any value in a craft shop. We do not own magazines full of photographs of celebrities with their clothes ON!"

**Extra quotes

"You've never understood about bottoms, Jane. Having a bottom is living with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we're looking the other way."

-"In the event of Steve's death, the first thing I will do, upset though I will be, is go straight to his house and remove all the pornography before his parents can find it. And he's pledged to do the same for me. That's how close we are!"
-"You guys have seriously made arrangements to destroy your dirty mags?"
-"Who said destroy? 'Remove.'"
-"Yeah, well you wouldn't keep them... would you?"
-"It's a perk."
-"Oh, Jeff..."
-"That's the beauty of it, you see? Your best friend's dead, but there's a bright side!"

12)
-"Look. Monkey. And he has a little hat. And little pants."
-"Yeah. I see."
-"The monkey is the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? So I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sort of ripped? Like, is the hippo going 'hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity.' And you know the monkey's just 'I mock you with my monkey pants,' then there's a big coup at the zoo."
-"The monkey's French?"
-"All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?"

**Extra quotes

-"Look, I know you find me attractive; I've seen you looking at my breasts."
-"Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open."

14)"If you really need a knife that can cut through a shoe, then maybe you're not buying the best quality meat.

**Extra quote

"The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus."
-"Wow""You're Batman."
-"Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop."
-"You kept making all the stops?"
-"Well, people kept ringing the bell!"

17)
-'What's this?'
-'Clam chowder. I remember Mom used to make it for you when you went ice-fishing, and I hated the thought of you sitting out here cold and hungry.'
[opens Thermos]
-'This is clam chowder!'
-'Well, what'd you expect?'
-'Irish whisky! Your mother always filled it with coffee and Irish whisky! We just called it clam chowder in front of you kids.'
-'Is that why you got so mad that day I crumbled oyster crackers in your Thermos?'

**Extra quotes

-"Is that your idea of appropriate baseball-watching attire?"
-"Obviously, you failed to detect the subtle diamond pattern in my tie."

-"Well, as some illustrious person said, 'popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.'"
-"You just made that up, didn't you?"
-"Yes, but I stand by it."

18)
-"Copy. Radio silence until task complete."
-"Listen, I know we just met on the flight over, but do you have to talk like such a robotron?
-"Radio silence requested."
-"I guess you do."

**Extra quote

-"Now nothing should change. When you get your assignment, you'll detail your mission on a paper bag. [Takes out a bag] Bag. Then you'll call this number. Memorize it. After three tones, press the appropriate digit, one through six. Each corresponds to a trash can in a specific location. Now we'll review your information, create a counter mission, and we'll contact you posing as a wrong number: Joey's Pizza. Any questions so far?"
-"Yeah, can you show me what a bag looks like again?"

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