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Date Posted: 23:33:52 11/21/01 Wed
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 152.163.207.74
Subject: I can completely relate (hope this helps)
In reply to: EEward56 's message, "Need someone to talk to" on 10:40:35 11/21/01 Wed

You have different circumstances most likely, but I am one of three children, and yet I consider myself an only child with the exception of two friends I made here online and I have come to care for them and we mutually accept each other as brothers. That is a big healing factor to me.
Regarding my brother, he could not accept our parent's divorce, he was bluntly a mama's boy who blamed dad when the divorce happened, then he was shattered when our mother couldn't mentally handle taking care of us and she moved out and our father moved back in. I guess that right there is the one thing I try and keep in my heart not to take it personally, but after years of theft, lies, troubles in school, and constant verbal and physical fights with our father, he left. That was many years ago and I haven't seen or heard from him since.
Regarding my sister, we had a falling out about three years ago when her husband admitted he didn't want me and my problems "exposed" to his children, my only niece and nephew. I had always spoiled and loved them like a true uncle, there is a thing as total complete ignorance when it comes to depression and my brother in law takes the cake when it comes to that. However, my sister backed him and took it out on our father and I saying we were lucky if we heard from her on birthdays and christmas.
I was honest with her and flat out said I felt like I'd been knocking on her doors for years searching for something that wasn't there and I just couldn't knock on her door anymore, I was tired of calling and always feeling as if I was bothering her, that every time I visited her, there was tension as if I was welcomed only out of obligation, not because I was wanted, that I loved her, apologized if I had hurt her in any way, and that I wished her peace and happiness. She's been down a tough road in life herself but my family has never been a close one and I had to face the sad fact that I had to stop trying to change everyone and let them live life by their own decisions as I do mine. It's been three years later and atleast she does acknowledge me on birthdays and christmas with cards and I do the same, but that's it. My brother and sister have been down hard paths in their lives and I guess they survive according to their capabilities and realizing the lonliness of their brother just isn't within their energies. I accept it although it took me quite a while to and it is hard every Holiday season especially. Sadly enough, I can't say there's a lot of feeling at all when it comes to my siblings. There's just been too much distance. That's why aside from my online brothers, I survive by considering myself an only child in the present and just remember the good times I did have with my siblings.
I don't know if any of this helps you, but if there's anything in here that atleast provides you some comfort that you are not alone, that's what I wanted for you.
Please take care,
and wishing you peace,
Bill

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