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Date Posted: 12:46:23 10/05/01 Fri
Author: Bill
Author Host/IP: 64.12.105.26
Subject: yes, easier said than done!
In reply to: {> 's message, "Re: This Life Review Stuff is NOT easy/ No but..." on 02:33:47 10/05/01 Fri

I've tried beyond words to keep the positive thoughts in mind, I get up every day and recite my list of things to be thankful for, I have health, a roof above my head, a car that for the moment is running, my cats who give me unconditional love, a family who is atleast alive and kicking as far as I know, some strong friendships, a job I hope will work out, a church I like, a new environment that is more beautiful in the nature aspect, yes, I have a lot to be thankful for and I know it.
And I know nothing in life comes easy, I've known that since I was a child and my parents had the nasty divorce, the fact nothing comes easy has been proven to me since that time and it hasn't stopped, while I have had time where I expected things to come easy, and that was wrong,
I guess I am just worn from the continued continued and continued struggle of trying to survive. As I have said before, I now know why at all of those funerals I went to while in geriatric social services, the pastor said "you may now rest in peace."
I know nothing will ever come easy in this life and I guess that I have managed to make progress in easing the doors closed on all of the painful chapters, but am now in grief over this one chapter that has surfaced due to regaining touch with former high school classmates. I don't regret making the contacts, I am glad I'm facing this chapter, for it would have resurfaced at another time had I not faced it now. So I guess I'm saying I know what you're saying, but am just feeling grief and yes, maybe a little self-pity as well but I'll come out of it, just that I'm feeling tired and worn right now.
I'm sorry if I sound defensive, and I think to some extent I am, but every one of your words rings true and I hope I can learn to live by them one day. Right now, I don't feel I can. It's up to me to learn how to.
Peace,
Bill

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