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Date Posted: 16:08:42 08/21/01 Tue
Author: gem
Author Host/IP: 166.102.234.99
Subject: Some of my story

Maybe......telling....will help me with the pain. When I worked the library....my supervisor.....called M.....used to be mean to me......lock....the office door so people couldn't come in. She used to tell me....horrible.....stories.....of child abuse.....she used to tell me....what a good job I was doing.....then......try to have me talk to her.....and tell her stuff...about the other employee's....then....she used......to tell me how they were to her......(how mean they were)--the looks she gave me......would have sent anyone....crying from the room....I put up with so much. The other girl in the office...hated her......and....it was obvious......the room was full of tension....and dispair. She would tell me to one thing...and then tell me.....I did it all wrong make me do it all over agian. She'd take things I'd said....and made it sound like.......(I was talking about other people in the offices)--they didn't like me......or if they did talk to me......(it was hardly ever).

Nothing....made comments about my religion, my wieight......my husband...and other such things. She'd accuse me of stealing.....her job....trying....to cast her out.....etc......paranoia.....etc. Mr. Hales.......Our director......said.......we had to get along. Finally she left.....and I felt better...and thought life would go on...better.......but I started.....to cry at work ....for no reason....if...even.....after she wasn't there. I felt worthless....and.......ughly inside.

then......the other supervisor....started leaving me....alone.....and I did the work....of 4.....people...I had so much energy....but I wasn't eating or sleeping...I would stay up till....4-5.....am......cleaning the house....but.....then go to work....and sometimes....I'd collapse at work. I didn't know what was wrong with me? I'd lost.....150 pds....and everyone tole me how good I looked.....my clothes were falling off....I'd go home....shut the door in my room...and cry like a baby.

The worst...was going to work.....and thinking.......everyone hated me......and then......having people watch me.....from afar......watching.....and....knowing they were watching...and I didn't know why? They'd change things on my desk....to make me think.....I' was losing it. I'd go to lunch and find things....messed up. You know??

Anyway....I was crying on the phone to my husband....and.....Mr. Hales....heard me....and.then....he started..screaming....at the top of his lungs...to Sherry...my supervisor.......I could hear him....!! I was terrified! I couldn't figure out what was up??

I was..in the back....not in the front with the public....and......it was ok....but I felt like......I was....so alone...and abandoned....sometimes....no one would speak to me......for days...on end. I wanted to die.

Then......the I lost the job.....they said, I had quit...but I didn't. Then....I went home....and sobbing...I was hysterical...and Mr. Hales called my husband....and told him......to attend to me. People at work....where my husband was.....said.....(I was a nut)--etc....but...Berry took me to Tampa for a week.

We just disappeared......and no one knew where we were. I cried....the entire week....!

When we came back....people...were scared...acted paranoid. That was when I wrote letters to Tallhasse.......complaining...and to Waschington....when Berry came back....they told him....(he'd better stop me...or else).

So I stopped......I caved in....and drowned...in my sorrow.

I had no friends.....and still have no friends.....I work at walmart...and that is all. When I went to church with Berry people....kept their distance. Later, someone told Berry.......the rumor was....at church......that he was beating me?? I don't know how that came about...Berry..went crazy...and said....he'd divorce me...!
I didn't know what to do.....and.....I lost it. I thought...I'd kill myself...and put an end....to my misery....and let everyone be happy.

I had started the meds by then...but.....it didn't matter....my life.....was so hellish....by then. I tried....to keep a stiff upper lip.....but......Sherry....my ex- supervisor was telling people....I had once...tried to run her off the road. I never did.....she happened to drive by me.....and wouldn't move her fat...car! I skirted by her.....and thats not my fault as the road was narrow.

Anyway......I just recently wrote two letters to ALA....complaining.....one to a person in paticular....who didn't respond. Another.......to the organization.....and I don't think anything will come of it. But Mr. Hales...ex-secretary....went thru my line....once......and Mr. Hales went thru my line once.....and......another girl from the library....and again yesterday......Mr. Hales secretary.

I have to tell you....that Mr. Hales secretary.is the god-mother to Sherry's...daughter....(my other supervisor). Its like a tangled web......in this town..of connections...and other connections.....one..doesn't even know? You know??

Other people tell me....when they job hunt....they ask.....(Who's your relative?)--etc...and thats how you get good jobs in the town. Otherwise....you don't. You wind up...at...walmart....or Burger King.

Plus......the pain.......of living here....and knowing...what they did to me....my family.....and....no one cares. No one.

I could die tomarrow....my tale....would be untold....and...no one would ever believe I even existed.

You know?? The sadness....of it...all......I live in a prison without bars....and whatever I do......(someone is always watching).

Gemini

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