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Date Posted: 23:50:18 06/30/01 Sat
Author: Sandy
Author Host/IP: 64.12.102.184
Subject: Re: I have been out of town on business... my apologies (& more)
In reply to: Jonathan 's message, "I have been out of town on business... my apologies (& more)" on 00:26:22 06/29/01 Fri

Good luck Jonathan. I really hope it works out the way you want it to. I hope you can make some kind of sense and peace with the past.

I think I've given up on doing that with my dad. I know he's never going to admit anything he did was wrong. He beat my mom, because she nagged him and wouldn't shut up. He screamed and cursed at us, well I don't know what his answer would be for that. He made our lives a living nightmare and scared the hell out of us, and he doesn't see anything he's done wrong. I guess I've been so disappointed in life...between what I grew up in and what the ex put me through that I've learned to keep my expectations low, so as to not get disappointed.

But still, inside I have days when I wonder what it's all for, why am I here, what is the purpose, is this all there is...etc, etc. I had one of those days today. I'm feeling stressed and overwhelmed right now, and that coupled with ADD is not a good combination..it makes me extremely depressed, which leads to much introspection on my part and only serves to make me more depressed.... I have no answers, don't know how to find what it is I'm looking for. And I'm not even sure I know what I'm looking for..but maybe some kind of inner peace, a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin, a cause to believe in, a purpose to strive for....just something.

Anyway...enough of my rambling. I really do hope all goes well with your dad.

Take care,
Sandy

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