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Date Posted: 00:26:22 06/29/01 Fri
Author: Jonathan
Author Host/IP: 204.32.179.175
Subject: I have been out of town on business... my apologies (& more)

I am pondering "all" your warm messages... I just have not had time lately to wrestle with my inner thoughts. I have been sad, anxious, and content about many issues of these past few days.

I finished a book called "Fatherless America". The book describes the many types of fathers out there and how the good daddy is a concept that is eroding in our day. It gave me a deeper understanding of how my father thinks and helped me plan how to help him take steps towards healing in our family.

I plan to travel the 200 miles or so next week and attempt to get him to read the book. If anyone out there would like to understand the changing culture we live in and how it affects our male identities as parents, I strongly recommend the book. Just go to a public library and check it out!

At the same time... I am confused. Am I acting out through co-dependence in this area? I still crave a father that I do not even know! I ache inside... like all five of us kids have. We all want a more sensitive father who is not afraid to be "man" enough to be sincere with us. It may only be a dream, but I greatly fear that one day he will die and it will be too late to mend the wrongs in our lives.

My father says we must forget the past. I can not do so without confronting it first. He may not enjoy this but if he wants to heal this family, he must! My father seems to desire this. But will he follow through? Will he listen to me? Will my travels be fruitful? I am frightened that I will be rejected... but if there is ever going to be change, perhaps I must make the first steps. I must put aside my fears and be bold. For if I don't try, perhaps one day, it will be too late! That day, is the scariest day ol all!

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