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Subject: Re: Hope (Untitled) - Chapter 6


Author:
Nestra
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Date Posted: 12:10:38 07/23/03 Wed
In reply to: Athena4 's message, "Hope (Untitled) - Chapter 6" on 18:29:14 07/20/03 Sun

A hand on her shoulder pulled her out of her thoughts and she opened her eyes

Comma after thoughts.

At the oddest times, he reminded her of Paul. Paul

Need a period after that second "Paul".

But, as she opened her mouth to speak

Cut the comma after But.

Madeline nodded, then turned towards him. Something else had been troubling her, something other than George; something that, in some ways, seemed far more important.

Semi-colon here needs to be a dash, or maybe start a new sentence.
she still wasn’t completely convinced she hadn’t made a mistake taking on George; that there hadn’t been some other way to bring her team out alive.

Semi-colon should be a comma.

She could feel her own desperation and fear eating away at her, and worried that it was that, not reliable intel, that had drawn her into a confrontation with him.

You could rephrase to make this clearer. "it was that" - "that" has a tendency to be confusing.

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