| Subject: Untitled - Another Edit |
Author:
Athena4
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Date Posted: 20:59:31 05/18/03 Sun
In reply to:
Athena4
's message, "Untitled" on 21:45:41 05/04/03 Sun
Madeline awoke in the darkness. For a moment she lay there, eyes closed, breathing steady, trying to identify the source of the intrusion.
No sound came from above; there was no soft breathing to accompany the feel of being watched. That removed Charles from the equation. He often stared at her when he thought she wasn’t awake, seemingly to convince himself she was real, that he hadn’t dreamed her.
Madeline smiled inwardly at the thought – at Charles’ innocence. He was a good man; he just couldn’t believe their situation. She often had trouble believing it herself.
“I know you’re awake.” Madeline’s breath caught. Paul. “You’ve never been able to fool me.”
“Paul - ” She sat up. He was seated in the leather wing-back chair in the corner of the room, gazing intently at her.
“Tell me again why you’re here – instead of with me?”
Madeline glanced to the right side of the bed. The blankets were thrown back carelessly; the sheets were cold. Where was Charles?
“Did you – “
Paul sighed, exasperated, his eyes glinting, for a moment, with anger. “No. You know me better than that.”
“I’m sorry.” And she was. For so many things.
She could see his shrug in the darkness, could see the way his shoulders slumped as he ran his hands through his hair.
“I know what you said,” he said, raising his eyes once again to meet hers. “I know you asked me to stay away. I can’t.”
“You have to. Paul - ” She paused, realising she was moments away from telling him the truth. Sitting up fully, she threw her legs over the side of the bed and turned on the bedside lamp. “You can’t be here.”
He cringed away from the light, squinting, but he made no move to rise. Madeline noticed the empty glass in his hand and the bottle on the table next to him. Her anger increasing, she stood, quickly pulling her bathrobe to cover her flimsy nightgown.
“How long have you been here?”
He grunted, putting the glass down on the table, and looking up. His eyes followed every curve of her body under the silk. “A couple of hours.”
“And Charles?” Her tone was sharp. Sober, he would have met her gaze, but in his current state, he flinched.
“Conveniently called away. Walter’s keeping him busy.”
“Walter.”
“Yeah.”
“And what did you hope to accomplish with this?” She crossed the room towards him, pushing the bottle and glass to the far end of the table, out of his reach. He shrugged again, dropping his eyes to the floor.
“I wanted one more chance.”
“Dammit, Paul. Be a man.”
The shock and hurt on his face cut deeply. But renewed anger quickly replaced her sympathy. Whether Paul realised it or not, he wasn’t the only one suffering. She hated this as much as he did – perhaps more so. She’d sacrificed her freedom, her privacy, for him. And the secret ate away at her.
“You sneak into our home, sending my husband away on some errand, and you presume I’m going to fall to my knees for you? Who the hell do you think you are?”
He stood, fierce anger glinting in his eyes. “I thought I meant something to you,” he said roughly, taking a step towards her. “I thought we’d gotten past your fear. But right now, all I see is you hiding again, hiding behind Charles, using him as another barrier to keep me from getting close to you.”
It was Madeline’s turn to flinch, sitting down hard on the edge of the bed. If only she could tell him the truth, or at least some semblance of it. Instead, she had to perpetuate the lie – and if he believed Charles was yet another emotional barrier, let him.
“If I denied it, would you believe me?” she said quietly.
He sat next to her on the bed, his hand brushing her thigh. “No.”
“I won’t do this again,” she muttered. “I can’t.” She had to cut the ties, sever them completely if need be. She paused, meeting his eyes, the lie catching in her throat before she could say it. She swallowed painfully. “The reasons don’t matter, Paul. Whatever you think they are. I love Charles. You and I don’t have a future.”
“Madeline - ” His hand drifted towards her crotch, and she felt him stroking her with a finger. She bit off a moan, fighting the urge to writhe at his touch. “We were so good together.”
Placing a hand atop his, she slid it off her thigh, suppressing a sigh. “No. I’m sorry. But this just can’t be.” Standing, she turned away, taking several steps towards the washroom, before turning back. “I’ll request Adrian reassign you to another team. It’s a shame to lose you.” She paused in the bathroom doorway. “I expect you to be gone when I come out. Goodnight, Paul.”
As she shut the door behind her, Madeline leaned heavily against it, fighting to quiet the sobs that threatened to wrack her body. She slid to the floor, head on her knees, and tried to breathe silently.
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