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Date Posted: 06:55:03 07/28/01 Sat
Author: SiTi
Subject: non-training saturday

i survived it man~
my first saturdae alonE~

my apologies to all the gers whu went for the NDP community service thingie... heh... i felt very bad that i didnt go with u all in the end... but i juz felt that i needed to spend time alone... juz wanted to see how it feels to just be alone and not do anything in particular lor...
its not too bad reali... juz occupy myself lor... and sleep :)

i noe alot of girls are like still clinging on to the past... like.. cannot let go of everything yet... i feel the same way... just feels abit empty to suddenly have so much free time... but the fear of being alone HAS to be felt and conquered at some point or another lor..

i remember after NS i refused to touch my logbook at all...
my logbook, the printed out copies of the msgs on the msgboard, mental training book, the book compiled by mr yong... they were things that i even refused to LOOK at...i was so afraid of what i would feel just flipping through the pages.. smelling the sunblock on the pages...imaginig the scene at klssc...smelling the kallang water and sand... and looking through all the scribbles about training plans and evaluation of the day's training...
i was afraid that i would juz break down coz i was sure i havent gotten over training and just spending time with u guys yet..

but i finally did it today. my logbook and my file containing all the canoeing stuff was just staring into my face the whole afternoon... waiting to be read...
so i read it.. starting from my very first training till the day of the NS when i stopped writing into the logbook... i read all the speeches and debriefs that mr yong gave us... i felt a sense of amazing peace and comfort that we had achieved so much the past 1.5 years

and the irony of it all is that the NS was just a week ago.. ONE WEEK.. but to me it feels as tho it was weeks/months away... this was probably because i tried to forget all that happened last weekend fast... trying to erase the sad way that we ended our canoeing career...
but i realise that was something that i shdnt haf done, coz it would just come and haunt me sooner or later

then i read the past msgs on the msgboard before the NS
we were all so excited... we all made promises to the team... going to give our very best... and i believe that we all kept those promises...

i read this written by adrian a few days before NS.. and juz wanna say is that i reali hope u meant wat u said...
""There's something special about NJCanoeists.

What differentiates from the others...is our mind...Somehow, we have a mindset that is so different from others. We never ever surrender and never ever throw in the towel when the going gets tough, or even when the task seems impossible.

NJCanoeists, never give up....Are you willing to carry on this tradition and pass it down to your juniors?""

i dun even noe if adrian comes to the msgboard anymore..but this part is directed to him>>>
u noe... now i feel very scared to talk to u.. coz u always seem like u haf alot of things in your mind... den i dun wanna bother u...
but u haf a tough mind adrian... u did things that nobody thought was ever possible... but it pains me at the thought that i wd never be able to see that crappy joking adrian ever again...

i noe wat i'm saying may not be a true reflection of what is reali happening.. and i know we'll never be able to train again... and go out as a whole team as we used to
but the friendship that we developed along the way can and IS still there...

so
i strongly urge everyone to stay happy.. and most importantly remember the good times that we had.. and continue to be the same pple we were before NS.. because we ARE still the same people... nuthing has changed...

remember wat we said abt keeping together after NS.. lets do that... remember wat we said abt contributing to the team even after we left the club... lets help our juniors... remember what we said when we said we wun let each other down... this applies to after NS too...

aiyoH.. my initial thoughts of writing one short paragraph kinda became many many long ones... :)

we're a great teaM, team.. and we'll always be that
live life wif NO REGRETS

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