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Re: mental illness and child custody -- Sheila, 14:04:27 10/18/05 Tue
>> I just finished reading your article in the August
>>issue of Honey magazine, Super Women and Suicide.
>>Being a single mother of five, three under eighteen
>>and still at home, I was able to relate the issues
>>addressed in the article.I do feel you have left out
>>an very important issue, child custody.
>>
>>I have struggled with depression for years, reluctant
>>to seek serious, continuous help for fear of the
>>stigma associated with mental illness. After reaching
>>a "burnt out, melt down state" which reduced me to
>>merely functioning, I sought help. I was diagnoised
>>with bipolar disorder. I am currently in therapy as
>>well on medication. I will have been out of work 10
>>months this months and do not have job to go back too.
>>Should all go well, I will be working a new job by the
>>end of September.
>>
>>The problems is that I have now given the
>>non-custodial parent grounds for modification of the
>>child custody order. No one told me that my chances of
>>losing my children were so high by the mere diagnois
>>of a mental illness.
>>
>>My illness caused me to take a leave of absence from
>>work, creating a financial burden. The children's
>>father was unwilling to temporarily give additional
>>financial help or any other help for that matter,
>>during my period of treatment. I petitioned the courts
>>for an increase in child support, in turn the father
>>petitioned the courts for custody due to my mental
>>illness. The child support was increased. Now I must
>>face my ex in court this November for custody of our
>>children.
>>
>>I am unable to afford legal representation. Legal Aid
>>will not take the case because they represented my ex
>>in an unrelated case over 10 years ago, conflict of
>>interest they tell me. We have been separated almost
>>10 years and divorced for almost three of those years.
>>He is a former drug addict, only has vistation 2 days
>>out of the month, because he said that was all the
>>time he could give and he usually misses one of those
>>days. For 10 years I did not work, i stated at home
>>and raised the children wearing myself down being both
>>mother and father.
>>
>>Now that I am faced with the real possibility of
>>losing my children to a father whose sole motivation
>>for seeking custody is that he is angry he has to
>>finally pay the support that has been overdue our
>>children,I am seriously wondering if seeking help was
>>worth it. Was it worth me showing "a moment of
>>weakness" by admitting that my mental health was at
>>stake? If I had been out of work due to a broken leg
>>or some other phyical illness and asked for finanacial
>>help, would he have grounds or even asked for custody?
>>
>>Do you know of any organizations that would be willing
>>offer me legal representation pro bono? That
>>specialize in these types of cases and win?
>>
>>If I lose custody of my children due to this one
>>decision to help myself, I can understand why so many
>>women suffer silently through this illness.
>I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! I too suffer with mental
>illness.(BPD-Borderline Personality Disorder)And I
>lost BOTH of my kids after having a breakdown almost 2
>years ago. My daughter has since been returned (they
>are from different marriages) after about 6 months. My
>other husband lied and told me and my family that if I
>sign a paper giving him sole custody of my 4 yr. old
>son, it would just be temporary until I got
>better...well, now I am lucky if I see him once a week
>for 2 hrs.he does not let me see him alone, but HE
>insists on supervising. Iam re-married, but we don't
>make enough for a lawyer, whereas my ex is loaded! I
>am in full remission and have been for a year and
>half, and nothing has changed, so I forced to take
>matters into my own hands, by representing myself in
>court.(which I am TERRIFIED to do!)butI am losing so
>much time with my son that I can never get back, and I
>know that as long as I let my ex manipulate the
>situation to his advantage HE WILL...so I have to do
>this for myself and my son. I am tired of being
>treated as a criminal for a problem I cannot help.
>Would the courts take custody away from someone with
>diabetes?, I don't think so,yet everyday so many women
>just like us lose custody because of something we
>cannot control eithier. This is totally unfair, and
>against our rights! I am a good mother who NEVER
>abused nor neglected my children,so why is my son
>being raised in day care, and by someone without a
>heart?
> please e-mail me, I think we could really
>help each other, if nothing else,know that I understand
> GOD BLESS!-Christie
I can't believe I have found this site. I too am a mother of 2 daughters and was diagnosed as being bi polar.I raised my two daughters for 12 years practically alone. Not long after my diagnosis, my ex felon, abusive, husband left me for a woman he met at work. He kidnapped our two daughters one day from my brothers'home(where they had stayed the night with their cousins) and filed an emergency custody order. My psychologist and my counselor sent reccomendations of my stability and ability to raise the children, but still the court ruled on his behalf. My children have been suffering abuse for 3 years now by their father and stepmother and noone will do anything because I am labeled "bipolar" or "mentally incompetent".I have been in remission for 2 years now. The worst I ever done was smother my kids with love, while their father neglects them and their stepmother hits them and raises them to her standards. People like us are told to seek help, then we are punnished time after time for doing so. I feel the pain of both of you, and I know the pain your children must feel as well. If we are to ever bring this injustice to light, we will have to put our pain out their for the right people to see. I have written letters to Dr.Phil, Montel,my state governor, and to several bi polar awareness groups. I think if we stand together, we can make this problem known to the right officials and stop the stigma that comes with bipolar disorder. Please email me! I want to hear from you. Godbless and the best of luck~~~Sheila
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[>
Re: mental illness and child custody -- Liz, 08:13:10 02/23/06 Thu
> I just finished reading your article in the August
>issue of Honey magazine, Super Women and Suicide.
>Being a single mother of five, three under eighteen
>and still at home, I was able to relate the issues
>addressed in the article.I do feel you have left out
>an very important issue, child custody.
>
>I have struggled with depression for years, reluctant
>to seek serious, continuous help for fear of the
>stigma associated with mental illness. After reaching
>a "burnt out, melt down state" which reduced me to
>merely functioning, I sought help. I was diagnoised
>with bipolar disorder. I am currently in therapy as
>well on medication. I will have been out of work 10
>months this months and do not have job to go back too.
>Should all go well, I will be working a new job by the
>end of September.
>
>The problems is that I have now given the
>non-custodial parent grounds for modification of the
>child custody order. No one told me that my chances of
>losing my children were so high by the mere diagnois
>of a mental illness.
>
>My illness caused me to take a leave of absence from
>work, creating a financial burden. The children's
>father was unwilling to temporarily give additional
>financial help or any other help for that matter,
>during my period of treatment. I petitioned the courts
>for an increase in child support, in turn the father
>petitioned the courts for custody due to my mental
>illness. The child support was increased. Now I must
>face my ex in court this November for custody of our
>children.
>
>I am unable to afford legal representation. Legal Aid
>will not take the case because they represented my ex
>in an unrelated case over 10 years ago, conflict of
>interest they tell me. We have been separated almost
>10 years and divorced for almost three of those years.
>He is a former drug addict, only has vistation 2 days
>out of the month, because he said that was all the
>time he could give and he usually misses one of those
>days. For 10 years I did not work, i stated at home
>and raised the children wearing myself down being both
>mother and father.
>
>Now that I am faced with the real possibility of
>losing my children to a father whose sole motivation
>for seeking custody is that he is angry he has to
>finally pay the support that has been overdue our
>children,I am seriously wondering if seeking help was
>worth it. Was it worth me showing "a moment of
>weakness" by admitting that my mental health was at
>stake? If I had been out of work due to a broken leg
>or some other phyical illness and asked for finanacial
>help, would he have grounds or even asked for custody?
>
>Do you know of any organizations that would be willing
>offer me legal representation pro bono? That
>specialize in these types of cases and win?
>
>If I lose custody of my children due to this one
>decision to help myself, I can understand why so many
>women suffer silently through this illness.
I did lose custody of my 3 girls because of being diagnosed with deppression. It is real, you are discriminated against and treated like a criminal,. I was a stay at home mom,taking care of my girls, while my army husband was never home, hardly ever particiapted in their upbringing, was abusive to me, called me defective, never went to couseling to participate in sessions to help him understand about the medication or anything.
He had at least 2 affairs, I filed for divorce, and then my life was a living nightmare, He could afford the best attorney, My personal medical records were displayed as evidence, I had to get an alcohol assesment, and was told I was an alcohlic too.
Within only 6 months, I lost my childeren, house, I was out in the street no where to go.
I was awarded alimony that he refused to pay for awhile,
arrested for domestic abuse when he came over to the house and was abuseing me just because I pushed him away from me!
He put a restraining order on me for 2 years.
He moved away with my children, threatened me not to come near him and the kids, and the court just let him go.
Of course I didnt have representation, I couldnt afford it,
This was almost three years ago.
I moved back to my home state, went to school, hardly had any contact with my children ,A couple of visitations, that he was ordered to pay for and now,if I want to see my kids I have to cover the costs.
Hes getting remarried, moveing again, and I have to move where he is moving even thought he hasnt told me where he is moving to.
He has all the rights and I have none. I have to go back to court now just to get the visitation I was awarded, and since he is moving to another state, I have to wait 6 months to file a motion there.
The Family court system is a joke, my kids are suffering everyday, I feel helpless and controlled by this man who controlled me thruout are marriage, I feel abused by the system especially, 6 months, 30,000.00 atty fees! OUTRAGIOUS! I feel for you, and I hope the system works for you.
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