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Date Posted: 08:13:10 02/23/06 Thu
Author: Liz
Subject: Re: mental illness and child custody
In reply to: stephanie 's message, "mental illness and child custody" on 02:21:16 08/29/03 Fri

> I just finished reading your article in the August
>issue of Honey magazine, Super Women and Suicide.
>Being a single mother of five, three under eighteen
>and still at home, I was able to relate the issues
>addressed in the article.I do feel you have left out
>an very important issue, child custody.
>
>I have struggled with depression for years, reluctant
>to seek serious, continuous help for fear of the
>stigma associated with mental illness. After reaching
>a "burnt out, melt down state" which reduced me to
>merely functioning, I sought help. I was diagnoised
>with bipolar disorder. I am currently in therapy as
>well on medication. I will have been out of work 10
>months this months and do not have job to go back too.
>Should all go well, I will be working a new job by the
>end of September.
>
>The problems is that I have now given the
>non-custodial parent grounds for modification of the
>child custody order. No one told me that my chances of
>losing my children were so high by the mere diagnois
>of a mental illness.
>
>My illness caused me to take a leave of absence from
>work, creating a financial burden. The children's
>father was unwilling to temporarily give additional
>financial help or any other help for that matter,
>during my period of treatment. I petitioned the courts
>for an increase in child support, in turn the father
>petitioned the courts for custody due to my mental
>illness. The child support was increased. Now I must
>face my ex in court this November for custody of our
>children.
>
>I am unable to afford legal representation. Legal Aid
>will not take the case because they represented my ex
>in an unrelated case over 10 years ago, conflict of
>interest they tell me. We have been separated almost
>10 years and divorced for almost three of those years.
>He is a former drug addict, only has vistation 2 days
>out of the month, because he said that was all the
>time he could give and he usually misses one of those
>days. For 10 years I did not work, i stated at home
>and raised the children wearing myself down being both
>mother and father.
>
>Now that I am faced with the real possibility of
>losing my children to a father whose sole motivation
>for seeking custody is that he is angry he has to
>finally pay the support that has been overdue our
>children,I am seriously wondering if seeking help was
>worth it. Was it worth me showing "a moment of
>weakness" by admitting that my mental health was at
>stake? If I had been out of work due to a broken leg
>or some other phyical illness and asked for finanacial
>help, would he have grounds or even asked for custody?
>
>Do you know of any organizations that would be willing
>offer me legal representation pro bono? That
>specialize in these types of cases and win?
>
>If I lose custody of my children due to this one
>decision to help myself, I can understand why so many
>women suffer silently through this illness.
I did lose custody of my 3 girls because of being diagnosed with deppression. It is real, you are discriminated against and treated like a criminal,. I was a stay at home mom,taking care of my girls, while my army husband was never home, hardly ever particiapted in their upbringing, was abusive to me, called me defective, never went to couseling to participate in sessions to help him understand about the medication or anything.
He had at least 2 affairs, I filed for divorce, and then my life was a living nightmare, He could afford the best attorney, My personal medical records were displayed as evidence, I had to get an alcohol assesment, and was told I was an alcohlic too.
Within only 6 months, I lost my childeren, house, I was out in the street no where to go.
I was awarded alimony that he refused to pay for awhile,
arrested for domestic abuse when he came over to the house and was abuseing me just because I pushed him away from me!
He put a restraining order on me for 2 years.
He moved away with my children, threatened me not to come near him and the kids, and the court just let him go.
Of course I didnt have representation, I couldnt afford it,
This was almost three years ago.
I moved back to my home state, went to school, hardly had any contact with my children ,A couple of visitations, that he was ordered to pay for and now,if I want to see my kids I have to cover the costs.
Hes getting remarried, moveing again, and I have to move where he is moving even thought he hasnt told me where he is moving to.
He has all the rights and I have none. I have to go back to court now just to get the visitation I was awarded, and since he is moving to another state, I have to wait 6 months to file a motion there.
The Family court system is a joke, my kids are suffering everyday, I feel helpless and controlled by this man who controlled me thruout are marriage, I feel abused by the system especially, 6 months, 30,000.00 atty fees! OUTRAGIOUS! I feel for you, and I hope the system works for you.

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