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Date Posted: 20/10/07 2:25pm
Author: Leanardo Muragatroyd
Subject: Re: 138th annual Running of the Goats festival
In reply to:
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
's message,
"138th annual Running of the Goats festival" on
11/10/07 10:46pm
Roger
I am so excited at having taken first and second place in the 138th annual Running of the Goats festival which was held on the 12th through 14th October in Mevagissey. As you know Roger and Fredo were being thrashed by the irish import "Neddy-Da-Goat" when an unfortunate but well timed accident occured savagely killing Neddy-Da-Goat instantly. It`s academic really, but how a pigmy with a poison blow dart could have entered the fray is beyond me, but we would have won in any case and we were delighted to pick up the Cup after a well run race which also saw 29 of the other 35 competitors struck down mysteriously before the finish allegedly by food poisoning.
I do hope you had your very best wager on Roger and Fredo to come second and third as advised? I only had £25,000 on but managed to pick-up a tidy £467,000 from Jethro the bookie who sadly topped himself a couple of days ago I hear. "That`s life!" as the saying goes I guess and "Business is Business" to quote an old Cosa Nostra saying Lol.
One has to be ruthless these days and we must`nt let sentiments get in the way of profits and assets I think you will agree.
You may also be aware that the police had to be called during the award ceremony. Mavis Thistlethwaite (the owner/trainer of "Bristling Bertie" a hybrid Goat/Warthog) demanding a re-match was seen to throw a viscious punch at one of the stewards, Derek Bargenoin. Derek`s relatives piled in and during the ensuing melee Mavis was thrown into a vat of pigs-will. She lived to tell the tale but no one will go near her now as the stench is appalling. Even Marmaduke, her beloved pot-bellied pig turns his snout up whenever he comes within whiffing distance of her.
So sad.. so sad. I just hope and pray that she does`nt come to the same fate as Jethro, such a rotten, worthless end.
Anyway I have some good news regarding our friend Ding.
He was kidnapped never-to-be-seen-again by some heavy looking characters a couple of months back. I have received a ransom demand but (and again I think you`ll agree) 26 pence is too big a chunk to part with so nature will no doubt take its course.
Write soon
Sincerely
Leanardo Muragatroyd
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Re: 138th annual Running of the Goats festival -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.,
28/10/07 5:22pm
Leonardo,
Yes it was quite a weekend, as advised I placed a substantial wager with Jethro which probably contributed to his demise. I am a little disappointed at developments in the race the introduction of hybrids this year especially, what’s next petrol power mechanical goats?
It was fortuitous I was contacted by the pigmy orphanage in the weeks prior to the event, although when I sent over the truck to bring them there I had no idea they were the two legged variety with poison darts. Mavis Thistlethwaite is probably lucky to have landed in the pig swill as I understand she was seen arguing with some of the pigmy’s shortly before and they had gone off to cook something up from roots and berries they were collecting.
I’ve been talking to the Mevagissey council and working out the details of next years event they are understandably disappointed that persian, short haired, drooping-lipped, goats are no longer available due to the tragedy in Maidstone April last. Roger and Fredo were real crowd pleasers and the council would like to see them come back next year. In the event they are unable to compete I have been assured they will be welcome to ride with the Grand Marshal during the event.
Your news of Ding is encouraging and by now “nature” has probably taken its course. Aside from his inscrutable nature Ding was a very annoying individual that could easily torment his captors into deciding 26 pence just was not worth the bother.
Lest I forget I should tell you most of the pigmy’s will be in attendance next year, the Mevagissey council has sponsored them and provided employment in the sewer department. Their stature is ideally suited for such work and they are fond of the rats which make up a large portion of their diet.
Sincerely,
Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law
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