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Date Posted: 19/02/08 1:38pm
Author: Fred Dinsdale
Subject: Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam..
In reply to: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. 's message, "Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.." on 16/02/08 6:12pm

Roger

It`s great to be onboard. Don`t worry about keeping things a secret, I have been sworn to secrecy in the past and only spoke with the neighbours and her indoors about it so our secret will be safe as the saying goes.

I am itching to know exactly what this powder is we keep talking about. My wife reckons it is probably an expensive talcum powder or something and having done the math she estimates the greengrocer-sized-parcel to be worth about £5.2 million?

Sorry to be pushy about the salary but there has been no precise mention about how much I will be getting. It really would be nice if you could pinpoint how much my salary will be.

Please elaborate when you say My associates Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. will be accompanying you in Zvonimir’s Sikorsky helicopter flying under the radar. This is just to provide added security and assure you reach international waters, and Vladimer will launch a flare indicating the drop off point. I take it I will be leaping out of the helicopter James Bond style. Sounds very exciting..

So, if you would kindly get back to me when you can regarding my salary I would very much appreciate it. To be truthful the wife has been badgering me to find out, saying we have lots of bills to pay etc so please let me know how much the salary will be ASAP. Many thanks.

Kindest regards

Fred Dinsdale

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Replies:

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.. -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 20/02/08 12:37am

Fred,

You seem to be a bright chap, I thought it was clear that there was no “powder” involved and it was a disposal not a delivery. You may have noticed that O’Brien the greengrocer’s has been shuttered for the past fortnight, that is unless you shop elsewhere. While the signage on the door indicates he was called away to Galloway to tend to a sick relative, let me assure you he is not coming back. The nerve of O’Brian to call himself a greengrocer and supply rotted produce for my staff party, well need I say more.

You will NOT be flying with my associates Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. As a matter of fact no one is allowed to board their craft not even myself, truthfully having watched their acrobatics there is nothing that would induce me to go with them.

Since O’Brian is becoming an, err, should I say a “storage problem” we need to act with haste and complete your task. So I will expect you at the docks at Midnight tonight to take care of this.

The salary as I mentioned is handsome and you and your dear wife Gerty will not be disappointed I am sure it will exceed your expectations.

Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.. -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 20/02/08 11:55am

MEMO:

Miss Jones,

Please inform my associates Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije of Vladimer, Zvonimir and Pankracije Ltd. that tonight at midnight they should collect a Mr. Fred Dinsdale and escort him and the parcel to international waters for disposal. Please make it clear to Vladimer that under no circumstance should Mr. Fred Dinsdale return, I know they have a special bond with the Zodiac but it may be necessary to strafe the craft in order to assure the security of our firm and make it clear I will personally replace the Zodiac with a current model if theirs is destroyed in the operation.

Also please make out a check payable to Mrs. Gerty Dinsdale for £ 10,000 as she requested.

Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.. -- Reginald Arbuthnot, 26/02/08 3:40pm

Hello

I thought it my duty to bring your notice a scam artist by the name of Seamus O`Flacherty who appears to be doing the e-mail rounds at the moment. Please read the e-mail below that I recently received from this charleton.

Begins:-
Well Elo there and how are we on this foin day?

My great uncle Finnius has left me 2 USD but oi need $467,000.00 to retrive the dough from the bank where its hat.

Will yur be koind enough to ship me the monies Asap loike, dat way oi can witdraw the dough and mabee send a few buks your way? Mabee not lokie but in fur a peni as dur sayen gose loike!

Answer me kwik loik becus dis emales going out tu allover loike so be huryin now won`t ya nowe.

Oi remane, sInceeerly

Seamus O`Flacherty
Irish Entropenure and Luver of the Irish Whisky loike
Ends

Well I hope you will agree with me that this guy comes from a refreshingly different angle, but my dilemma is, how should he die by bullet or rope?

Regards

Reginald Arbuthnot
Bat enthusiast


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.. -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 26/02/08 10:16pm

Reginald,

You present an interesting dilemma, bullet or rope?

While either will indeed bring the result you seek you may want to go for a more "hands on" approach, might I suggest a garrote it's quite, unlike bulets and there is no need to find a sturdy tree limb or street lamp. Not that I have any first hand knowledge of these sort of things mind you. I might also suggest not using too thin of a wire lest Seamus O`Flacherty loose his head. I think you'll agree it would be best if the remains were identified so as the send a message to others who may seek to try a similar scam.



Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.. -- Reginald Arbuthnot, 27/02/08 3:57pm

Roger

Sounds certainly worth pursuing. Sorry to be blunt but do you know, or maybe employ someone suitably burly and vicious-natured enough to perform such a task? I`d ask the mother-in-law but she`s a bit tied up at the moment overseas. An all expenses paid trip by me. I`ve heard the caves of Sicily have a certain charm this time of year:-).

I was thinking maybe Mr Kneebreaker would be a suitable candidate. If the name is anything to go by i`m sure he would make sure a thorough job is done and don`t worry too much about the evidence, I have an uncle who owns a pig farm in Scotland.

Please let me know by return if my plan sounds feasible, then perhaps we can discuss a verbal contract, fees involved
and whether uncle McDougal would need to be disposed of to tie up any loose ends after dear Seamus is taken care of.

I look forward to hearing from you and you have my word that I won`t mention this to anyone else.

Regards

Reginald Arbuthnot


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[> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> [> Re: New Kinda Nigerian Scam.. -- Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq., 27/02/08 6:42pm

Reginald,

Well you certainly seem single-minded in your desire to take care of Seamus, and the pig farm in Scotland would be ideal. It’s a shame your mother in law could not do this for you, as I am sure it would benefit you greatly in the future when the shrew started up all it would take is flashing the photographic negatives to quiet her down. Is she a bat fancier also, I wasn’t aware of Sicilian bats?

Mr. Kneebreaker would be delighted to take a trip to Scotland, he was asking if your Uncle McDougal could lay in a supply of single malt for the occasion. In that way there would be no need to “wrap up loose ends” as you say as your uncles memory would be fairly clouded the next day.

One of my other associates Hamidi Azzizi the sausage maker is also interested in your proposal as a matter of fact he suggested your Mother-in-law should be included in the plans. Is there a discreet way you could have the old Sow bundled up and delivered to your uncles pig farm? Hamidi says he would take care of both of them for one low fee and donate the finished product to the local orphans’ home. In that way everyone comes out ahead, you get what you want and Hamidi gets his charitable deduction credits.

Sincerely,

Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq.
Shlockman, Sueman, Kneebreaker and Stall
Attorneys at Law


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