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Date Posted: 4/10/08 1:04pm
Author: Professor Malcolm Scheinblanks
Subject: Re: Hadron Collidor issues
In reply to:
Harold Smyth
's message,
"Re: Hadron Collidor issues" on
21/09/08 11:51pm
Dear Harold
Since your last correspondence, which I thank you for, there has been a significant development with regard to the Hadron Collidor.
Taking your very kind advice we dispatched one of our able assistants to purchase some fancy hamsters from the local pet emporium. Some days later Dilbert returned with a cageload of said fancy hamsters at the knock down price of 25p each. I fancied they wouldn't have been too fancy at that sort of price but who am I to judge when a hamster does or does`nt come in to the bracket of `Fancy.`In any case I ordered Dilbert to commence wrapping the fancy hamsters in some towelling and Dilbert set about the task at hand, under my watchful eye.
Dilbert is`nt too quick at the best of times and to cut a long story short eventually I had to fire him. It almost broke my heart, Dilbert had been with me for over 30 years, and how I cried when I found out via a local news report that he had thrown himself off beachy head - along with his new wife and mother-in-law. But, as they say, business is business and life goes on.
At this point I had almost given up hope of the Hadron Collidor ever being back on track again, until on Tuesday of last week when three travelling Irishmen happened to knock on my door.
When Mick, Paddy and Seamus heard of our plight they said that they might be able to fix the HC, but at a small price. To be quite frank I would have gladly paid many thousands of pounds out of my own pocket and when their quotation was for just £1,999.99, well,I knew the heavens had smiled upon us.
Seamus seemed to be the boss as he was the one who snatched the money from me and proceeded to count it, in quick fashion, you know, as if he was an old hand at that type of thing.
As I waved goodbye to the three of them, and my money,
I wondered if they would `be back later`to sort out the Hadron Collidor, as they had promised, or had I been duped again like the countless other times.
Taking my plight into account I wondered if you would be so kind as to keep an eye out for the three Irish gentleman.
Their description as I recall is below:
Mick: Lean build, 5` 8" tall, spoke with a Kilkenny accent and had a habit of saying `Bejesus` occasionally.
Patrick: Obese, 5`2" tall, Dublin accent, a nosepicker, very shady, minimal eye contact.
Seamus: Muscular build, 6`5" tall, Tipperary accent, boxers nose, fearsome looking, swore compulsively.
All three had ginger hair and were scruffily dressed. Border line tramps one might say.
Looking forward to your reply
Sincerely
Professor Malcolm Scheinblanks
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Re: Hadron Collidor issues -- Harold Smyth (If I had a Goat...),
7/10/08 11:25am
My good professor Scheinblanks,
While your well meaning assistant Dilbert may have been trying to solve the problems of the Hadron Collidor, he was obviously oblivious of the difference between the “standard” fancy hamster and the superlative fancy hamsters that I can provide. My long haired 5th generation, genetically interbred, fancy hamsters are specifically breed to absorb any caffeine products either containing sugar or cream or any other additives either common or obscure. They have even been observed taking the full force of a pot of Earl Gray not seconds after infusion with hardly a scald!
As for the Irish lad’s fixing your woes I’m thinking your money is as good as gone. Might find them down the lane putting a thin coat of macadam down but I would not count on it! Now if your done fooling about and want some fancy hamsters I can supply all your needs at 20p Ea, and that is a cost savings of 20% over your last failed attempts.
Sincerely,
Harold Smyth
Bugger of Toadstools and some other organic matter, as well as Owls… when I get a chance!
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