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Date Posted: 29/08/06 10:28am
Author: Lester Kozloski (God get this thing off of me!)
Subject: Re: KZ-4X
In reply to: Hon. Roger Q. Shlockman III Esq. 's message, "Re: KZ-4X" on 26/08/06 5:21am

It was three weeks ago DHL brought the KZ-4X to my door, how happy I was to finally have the ultimate kitchen appliance. I had been to the fishmonger and brought home a right dandy mackerel. After priming and starting the KZ-4X, and with a little tricky adjustment of the choke whilst it was warming up, I set it for "scale fish" as suggested in the 457 page manual. The KZ-4X deftly scaled the fish, filleted it and removed all the bones in less than 2 seconds as advertised. With a deft move it launched the prepared mackerel into the frying pan. Satisfied that the KZ-4X was a "marvel of modern technology" as Professor Barnswallow had promised I retired to the garden to enjoy my Koi pond and meditate.

Without warning the KZ-4X rounded the corner and set to scaling the Koi, in less than 11 seconds the fish I knew and loved had been scaled, de-boned and flung across the garden. The remote control failed to stop it, I found out later was a mass of Wrigley’s gum cleverly molded into the shape of a remote control.

I cannot say I was sorry to see the KZ-4X amble off down toward the river after that, however since then the city council has contacted me and are planning on holding me responsible for the carnage along the river. Apparently my name and address was programmed in at the factory and the KZ-4X announces this every 14 minutes between 2AM and 5AM at 136 decibels.

I hired a local hunter to try and silence it but the KZ-4X is apparently resistant to bullets, not only that but it took the offensive and chased him into the marshland.


Lester Kozloski

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