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Date Posted: 7/11/06 11:03am
Author: Professor Barnswallow (Howler monkey epidemic)
Subject: Re: Ministory of Domestic Munitions - Product Warning
In reply to:
Mr Twoddly Bobshonks
's message,
"Ministory of Domestic Munitions - Product Warning" on
6/11/06 10:10am
My good Mr. Twoddly Bobshonks,
Please do not furtively furter any more, we have a cure for your rash, as mentioned in the previous post "IT" is capable of most everything ! It can remove warts off your eyelids while you sleep, make a prefect cup of coffee in less ten seconds and also remove unwanted tattoos in mere weeks without scars. It’s not surprising that you have not heard of the miracle "IT" is, as a responsible member of society you probably go to bed by 10, no so for the poor unfortunate’s who suffer from late night insomnia and watch our infomercials all night long and call the toll free number.
Let me assure you that "IT" does not emit Gamma rays or flames unless ordered with the "option package" nor will it cause receding hairlines or psoriasis unless you are prone to these already. In laboratory tests mice have shown a 700% increase in sperm production and there is no reason why you could not benefit from this technology. While hair growth on billiard balls has not been fully evaluated by the medical society, it is a leap forward in faith in technology curing the ills of mankind.
To counter your arguments …
1. "IT’s" hair remover does not employ any flammable liquids, it works on gentle microwaves to urge the hair out of your body.
2. "IT’s" oven cleaner does not use hand grenades, IT relies on a patented foaming action to strip "tough oven grease"
3. "IT’s" drain cleaner clearly states "point at clog and pull trigger"
4. "IT’s" "fly-B-gone" only uses DDT a proven pest killer
5. "IT’s" vegetable chopper is manufactured to strict tolerances and is incapable of chopping anything but a small child’s or Asian’s hand
I don’t know why the Ministry of Domestic Munitions is going after our products while there are still others out there like the Manja Sklodowska radium alarm clock, Glockenspiel underpants by BORK and the impending Howler monkey epidemic.
Professor Barnswallow
Senior Sales Representative
Bedbeger International
Industrial Supply Sales
Nottingham Region
PS- Please use the enclosed cream with caution, may cause burning if applied to sensitive areas.
PPS- No known cure for burning sensation, lasts for years.
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