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Date Posted: 1/07/06 2:00pm
Author: Domingo Sanches Murphy
Subject: Message to this website owner!
Please don`t take this the wrong way but I have listed some points below with regard to the improvemnet of your website:
(1)
Place some pot-plants in the four corners. I think Dhalias, Roses, Dandelions and Sunflowers would work rather well.
This would also freshen up and improve the aroma of the site and attract more visitors of the fairer sex and possibly Dale Winton.
(2)
Employ a couple of website doormen to ensure that there is no fighting or illegal drug-taking going on amongst your website vistors.
(3)
I notice that there is is no clearly marked "EXIT" door. Under EU intenet regulations this is against the law, you have 3 months to rectify this otherwise I will have no option but to report you to the relevant EU internet authorities. I don`t like to be a labelled a "grass" but one does get used to it over-time.
(4)
landing pad for alien crafts. Nothing too expansive, something along the lines of 10 metres x 10 metres should suffice. Irish travellers (Gypsies) are a recommended source for installing said pad. They don`t come cheap but are very reliable, bags of fun, and expert craftsmen more or less.
(5)
Creche. Self-explanatory really but you`ll be amazed at how many people are put-off because of the distinct lack of childcare facilities on websites.
(6)
No smoking sign. Everyone hates smoking even smokers themselves. I notice that your website is completely devoid of no smoking signs. Again you are probably losing a lot of visitors down to this one little oversight.
(7)
Swear box. I`ve noticed that a lot of your visitors like using expletives. Perhaps a few handily placed swear boxes would put a stop to this.
(8)
Buffet bar. Everyone loves a ham or spam salad sarnie, particularly vegetarians, why not employ a top chef to run the buffet and also offer a free bottle of champagne to every 3 millionth visitor.
Anyway once again I do apologise if you think i`m being a bit interfering but I do like to put my oar in where it`s needed.
Sincerely
Domingo Sanches Murphy
"Internet Overseer and All-Round Good Egg!"
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