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Date Posted: 21/12/05 9:25pm
Author: Barry Wandless
Subject: Re: Tap Water
In reply to:
Mervyn Bustle
's message,
"Tap Water" on
21/12/05 8:43pm
Dear Mervyn
Royal Mail does`nt allow tap water to be sent by second class mail i`m afraid. I tried to send a glass of lemonade
once by second class mail but it did`nt turn up to my brother who coincidentally also lives in Sydney, Australia.
As a matter of interest I belive DHL offer a guaranteed "Non-Spillage Glass Of Anything Postage Service"
at a very reasonably priced £2.56. By even stranger coinidence my other brother Geoff works for DHL in the above department. Would you like me to drive round to his house right now, get him out of bed and place an order on your behalf?
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Replies:[>
"Why I never did your honour, it was`nt me it was that foreign gentleman with the turbon donned! -- Dr. Phineas K. Batsinbelfry,
22/12/05 1:10am
I read with interest your inquiry Re: Tap Water. It has been my experience that tap water does not travel well. Rather than send the entire Hydrogen/oxygen compound I usually just send the essence of tap water. To do this draw a glass of your favorite tap water, leave it around for two or three weeks. You will notice that the Hydrogen/oxygen part will evaporate leaving behind only the true essence of your favorite local beverage. Then it is a simple task to simply transfer the essence and any lint that may accumulate into a standard postal approved envelop and mail it anywhere. Upon receipt you or whoever only need to re-hydrate the essence by adding the essence to a common drinking glass (or hollowed out monkey skull or beverage container of preference) adding just enough of the local water so as not to spill over the top of the container. As I do not have a cat, could you substitute scrubbing my armadillo in trade?
Dr. Phineas K. Batsinbelfry
Happy Pines Sanatorium
Post Lobotomy Ward
Room 3
London
W12 OAE
>Hello
>I need to send a glass of British Tap Water to my
>brother who lives in Sydney, Australia. Could anyone
>send me a glass without it spilling by second class
>post? I can`t offer any money for said glass of tap
>water but i`m willing to wash your cat`s under
>carriage. Please reply with the subject line "Why I
>never did your honour, it was`nt me it was that
>foreign gentleman with the turbon donned!"
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Re: "Why I never did your honour, it was`nt me it was that foreign gentleman with the turbon donned! -- Mervyn Bustle,
22/12/05 1:25pm
Thank you for your very zany reply
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Re: "Why I never did your honour, it was`nt me it was that foreign gentleman with the turbon donned! -- Mervyn Bustle,
22/12/05 1:35pm
Thank you for your very zany reply
Would it be possible to transfer the "residue" to the rear of a 1st class stamp, stick it on to a buff coloured envelope and then post it to Martin who could then in turn post it to his brother in Sydney? I was just thinking, perhaps he could get that bitch of a missus of his to do all the donkey work whilst he (Martin) slumbered in front of the box watching Sky news or something similar?
In anticipation of you commenting: "Say we can`t get our hands on any buff coloured envelopes?" My reply would be "Second choice White; 3rd choice Yellow."
The only other option I could see would be to fly over to
Martin`s brother a Navahoe Indian to do a raindance for him to save on the hassle thatwould obviously be involved in setting all this up for him.
What say you, yonder scribe..?
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Re: "Why I never did your honour, it was`nt me it was that foreign gentleman with the turbon donned! -- Dr. Phineas K. Batsinbelfry, 22/12/05 7:39pm
Sir,
While it would be totally feasible to transfer said essence of local tap water to the back of a 1st class stamp, stick it on to a buff coloured envelope and then post it to Martin. Licking the aforementioned stamp would be problematic. Once Martins bitch of a missus licked the stamp she would be overcome with thirst, drink a glass of tap water and ruin the whole thing. Using a damp sponge to moisten the stamp would likewise rehydrate the essence before it reached Martins brother in Sydney.
As for your suggestion of a Navahoe Indian to do a raindance for him, pure balderdash ! Disregarding the task of obtaining visas & inoculations for said Navahoe Indian Etc. The resulting rain would be Sydney water and not the "local tap water" he requested in the first place. By now I am sure you are currently on tenterhooks awaiting my reply or slumbering in front of the box watching Sky news or something similar. Please leave this scientific stuff to professionals like myself, well I’m off for some kippers and a pint.
Dr. Phineas K. Batsinbelfry
Happy Pines Sanatorium
Post Lobotomy Ward
Room 3
London
W12 OAE
PS-You obviously take me for just another crackpot, I assure you I am as sane as say, Napoleon who is in room #2 here at the institute.
>Thank you for your very zany reply
>Would it be possible to transfer the "residue" to the
>rear of a 1st class stamp, stick it on to a buff
>coloured envelope and then post it to Martin who could
>then in turn post it to his brother in Sydney? I was
>just thinking, perhaps he could get that bitch of a
>missus of his to do all the donkey work whilst he
>(Martin) slumbered in front of the box watching Sky
>news or something similar?
>In anticipation of you commenting: "Say we can`t get
>our hands on any buff coloured envelopes?" My reply
>would be "Second choice White; 3rd choice Yellow."
>The only other option I could see would be to fly over
>to
>Martin`s brother a Navahoe Indian to do a raindance
>for him to save on the hassle thatwould obviously be
>involved in setting all this up for him.
>What say you, yonder scribe..?
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