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Date Posted: 23/02/06 7:11am
Author: Marvin Philip Van Weasel , noted ratcatcher and author.
Subject: Re: Signs of Bird Flu
In reply to:
Prof. Wendy Saintsgo; Ornithology expert.
's message,
"Signs of Bird Flu" on
20/02/06 12:59pm
(1)
Wheezy chirps.
HA, all birds wheeze all the time, nothing to be worried about
(2)
Runny beaks.,
beaks are made of carotene so they cannot run, let alone walk!
(3)
Male birds may have a jaundiced or purple bill,
This is caused by self abuse, yes self abuse!
(4)
Female birds will have displaced hipjoints and/or bruised ankles.
Perfectly understandable with the way street crossing lights are these days
(5)
Some birds may appear to behave strangely, hopping about a lot, and whistling erratically.
Well now don’t birds always act "strangely" ?
(6)
All contaminated birds will have sunken, bloodshot eyes, particularly after chucking out time.
Don’t know about you but I rarely ask a bird for the time, lying bastards!
(7)
Their feathers may react oddly when coming into contact with water ie changing colours, wilting, or drooping.
Well obviously Wendy has studied cheap imported birds who’s feathers have been artificially enhanced.
(8)
Male birds amy become impotent. A tester for this is to hold a picture of a semi-clad female bird in front of the offending birds gaze and scrutinize the genitalia area for
erection power of said bird.
Is Wendy really sick, come on now showing birds porn?
(9)
.. and yes the always popular ... I almost won a Pulitzer in '57 for my ...
Marvin Philip Van Weasel
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