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Date Posted: 13/04/06 5:45pm
Author: Mortimer Crumbcake
Subject: Re: Bedbeger
In reply to:
Beau Smithboulder
's message,
"Re: Bedbeger" on
13/04/06 12:32pm
Mr. Beau Smithboulder,
Perhaps you did not see the asterisk next to the quantity on your order sheet. At the last sales meeting we introduced the "New" weights and measures programme. Under the new programme all weights are measured in relation to moon gravity ie: 1 kilo = .6 kilo, quanity such as gross is in the Peruvian standard 1 gross = 133, and all colors are expresed as dog colors guaranteed to the nearest shade of gray.
So you see the order you received was correct, we of course cannot be held accountable for delays in shipping as that is either post or DHL.
We too appreciate vast profit and that is precisely the reason we have adopted the new standards, the change to the Peruvian gross yields a tidy 8.27% profit alone. Moon weight another 40%
Mortimer Crumbcake
>I placed a back order for one gross of belly dancing,
>pot-bellied, dust mite wigmakers, and was appalled to
>find that there was only 133 of the little buggers
>when my order finally turned up a day late. Because of
>the incoveneience I had to re-train one of my pet
>dog`s Lucifer`s Russian fleas to make up the numbers.
>I`ve got a business to run with the emphasis on vast
>profits at any cost so you will appreciate
>that time is of the essance when it comes to cheap,
>cheerful, miniturised labour:-) (Laughs hysterically)
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Re: Bedbeger -- Beau Smithboulder,
13/04/06 7:38pm
Dear Mortimer
I must admit I did`nt see any asterisk although I was`nt looking for one at the time but leaving that aside you do of course realise that we are now in the EU and under section (5) paragraph (29) of the "Weights and Measures" Act 2004 it is an offence to mislead (intentionally or otherwise) customers who purchase goods for use within the EU. If found guilty you could and would be liable of a term no less than 15 years imprisonment or a fine of £567,000 or both. Furthermore if your shoelaces are in breach of the "Oh my God look at those" law of 1968 you will be shot to death without trial or made to work in Macdonalds for more than 12 lunar years. This is of course taking into account the Peruvian Governments recently revamped Law surrounding Cornflake diametre; weight; and tossability values. As you are no doubt aware Cornflakes are like truffles in Peru due their scarceness and high salt content when compared to chip-shop-chips! I remain and look forward to your earliest reply
Respectfully...
BS.
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Re: Bedbeger -- Mortimer Crumbcake,
13/04/06 8:51pm
Dear BS,
Of course we are very aware of all those pesky laws that do nothing but put the burden on honest hardworking people such as myself and coworkers. With that in mind it was exactly why we chose the Cayman Islands as our registered headquarters and of course the voracious Cayman as the company mascot. Just like our founder who was known to bludgeon any competitor and then drown them.
Therefore that being said, you see we are not obligated by any of that EU rubbish to be either fair or honest. Just like the good old days we can set our sights on profit without government interference. Of course it has it's downside, always listening for the creak of a coppers shoe on the doorstep, crackles on the phone. But the retirement plan is in place, at the first sign of trouble we are off on the Lear jet to our corporate retreat.
Mortimer
PS- thanks for the tip on Peruvian Cornflakes, we will be sure to look into the marketing possibilities as I think we have a warehouse full that are too hot for the EU market.
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