| Subject: ((Cherish the Moment) |
Author:
Charity
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Date Posted: 16:34:30 07/08/03 Tue
In reply to:
Fox
's message, "+meets her look+" on 12:04:36 07/08/03 Tue
“Fox, you just don’t get it, do you? I love you.”
“I can’t help it. You mean everything to me. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you.
“But I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m afraid that if I allow myself to feel what I know I’m capable of feeling, sooner or later, I will get hurt. I know you’d never mean to cause me pain, Fox. And it’s not like I’m blaming you.”
“I don’t want my fear to hold me back either. Maybe I’m more afraid of that, of living an unlived life, than of anything else. I don’t know what to do about it though? I know I made a mistake, one that might cost me my best friend, by running away.”
“It was a stupid thing to do on my behalf. Here I am, running away from the one thing that I want most in this entire world. I didn’t intend to hurt you, Fox. Please believe. That’s the last thing that I wanted to do.”
“But if I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. And I told you how I felt. Things would have to change; our relationship would have to change. Change isn’t always good. It’s not always the answer to our problems. I was afraid that you’d think of me differently afterward; that things would be awkward. And I didn’t want that to happen. If I stepped out on a ledge, and you didn’t feel the same about me that I felt about you, I could loose you. Now I think I have.”
“You’re the only horse that I have left in this world, the only horse that cares whether I live or die. If I lost you, I’d have nothing left worth living for. And what’s a home without a family? Destiny Falls is where you are, Fox. But if you weren’t here, I could just as easily make another territory my home.”
“I’m not as proud of it as you are. And I’m ashamed of that. But there are so many memories here; memories of my mother, of you, of what my life used to be like. It’s painful for me. When I’m here, I have to live those memories over again. I’m forced to remember. The tiniest object, a word or phrase, the falls, especially the falls, you, and the rest of the herd. It all means something to me.”
“I doubt if I’d be happy anywhere else. There’s as much chasing me away from this place, as there is keeping me here. I feel like a traitor. And you might think of me as one. But I’m not, you know. I’m proud of the herd of Destiny Falls, of its horses. And I love them. Each and every single one of them, because they each have something, which makes them special. I’m proud of the fall’s history. I’m proud of being able to call myself a member of this territory. –I’m proud of you, of your accomplishments, of the stallion that you’ve become. You don’t know how proud I am of you, Fox. So very proud.”
“But I’m ruining your life. I’ve probably already ruined it. You had a life before I came along. You had a mate. It amazed me that you were able to find someone to replace me. It was like a slap in the face. You’ll never know how much it stung. Not that I’d deprive you of happiness, even at the extent of myself. I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me. I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
“I realized, however, that you weren’t mine. I don’t think you’ve ever been mine. I always wanted you to be though. I still do, Fox. But I want you to be happy more. I’ll never stop loving you. You’re my soul mate; I knew that the first time I met you. And I don’t mean the kind of love that’s between brother and sister. I love you as only a mare can love a stallion. I want to be close to you. I want you in every way imaginable.”
“I want to be the mother of your children. I want us to grow old together. And when the time comes, I want to die in your arms. But before I do, I want to live a long live with you, with you by my side. I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Fox, I love you.”
“But I’m also realistic. I know now that you’ve never, that you will never, love me like that. I had to tell you though. You were right, I couldn’t keep running forever. You see, I thought that by running away, it would put distance between us. That somehow, I might stop loving you. I really wanted to stop. Because my love for you was the cause of, of all of this, this complication.”
“I was being foolish. You were right about that too. You can’t stop love; it has a mind of its own. So now I told you. And now I know that, even though you’ll never be mine, I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll always be yours.”
“I don’t know what else to say? There’s nothing else that I can say.”
((OOC: ‘tay, as you can see, I didn’t put any actions in. My post was already long as it was, and I didn’t feel it necessary to make it any longer. But there we have it; Charity finally got it off her chest. It took a while, and who could blame her? Now I guess I’ll just sit back, and see what comes of it.)
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