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Date Posted: 09:41:36 05/21/00 Sun
Author: Chloe
Subject: Re: I don't know what to do or think
In reply to: Melodie 's message, "I don't know what to do or think" on 05:51:29 05/20/00 Sat

Melodie,

I am very sorry to hear about your Dad's troubles with depression. My mother has a serious mental illness, and I know how hard and painful it is to go through all of this, and especially all of the worrying that you do for a parent that you love so much and are scared about losing. You and your mother sound like very strong, compassionate and wonderful people. While understanding that neither of you are responsible for his current state of mind nor his behaviour, I would suggest doing your best to encourage your father to get the professional help that he will need to get through this (threats of suicide are often masked cries for help and this seems to be a recurrent problem in your household).

I have personally found that the best approach is often the most gentle one -- having you, your mother, this family friend, etc talk to him as a group about your concerns for him that spring from your love for him -- and to come up with a plan that will enable him to get the help. I think that most people are rightly afraid of being "committed" because they see this as their family turning again them and abandoning them, as well as an indication that they are "nuts." There is also a fear that, once hospitalized, they will lose all control and rights to self-determination over their own future and treatment. Reassuring him that his hospitalization or out-patient therapy would be something that you would all undertake as a team and which could be stopped or revised at any point that he wants may help encourage him to consider this option.

I would have emailed you so that we could talk more about this, but since you email from your father's computer I realize that this is not a good idea at all. I will be thinking of you and hoping for all the best for you and your family. Be strong. Lots of (((((((HUGS))))))

Chloe

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