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Date Posted: 16:39:58 01/07/02 Mon
Author: Ozmandayus
Author Host/IP: adsl-66-72-103-193.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net / 66.72.103.193
Subject: Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink. (2/2) Part 2 of Creeping Trilogy
In reply to: Ozmandayus 's message, "Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink. Part 2 of Creeping Trilogy" on 16:38:22 01/07/02 Mon

Title: Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink
Part 2 of 2
By: Ozmandayus

Summary: Spike exposes the affair to Anya, Dawn observes Buffy's strange behavior. Anya gets her powers back and seeks revenge.

Category: B/X, humor, romance, sexual innuendo, language.
Rated: A Hard R

Spoilers: For season 5 up until "Into the Woods", then the story before this one. "A Little bit of uh huh and a Whole lot of oh yeah!!!"

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns everything. I own the write feed the B/X starved people of the world. That is my crusade.

Feedback: send all you have to mrsinister@mailhost.chi.ameritech.net
Distribution: You may archive this fic anywhere as long as you tell me first.

Authors Notes: This is the second chapter in the "Creeping" trilogy. The last chapter, "Telling the truth is just an excuse for a lack of an imagination." will follow shortly.

Authors Notes 2: This is the Spike I love to hate. He is without a trace of Buffy love. He is filled with sarcasm, wit, wicked revenge tactics. The one true Big Bad is back.

Authors Notes 3: One of my favorite Authors makes a cameo in this story. I hope he thinks it's kind of funny. That is how I intended it to be.



******


******


Dawn puts her binoculars up and heads back to her bedroom. She picks up the journal laying on her bed and documents mounting evidence she is building against her sister.

(Day 9. Subject: Buffy A. Summer's entered the house at 7:17 AM Thursday January, 11, 2001. This is the third day this week and ninth over all that she has left the house for Slaying the night before and not returned until the very next morning.

(I have no doubt she is having a secret love affair with someone. I don't believe it is Riley because she would not have to hide that.

(So, the question is, just who is her booty call? Who is this mysterious stranger?

(If anything ever happens to me I wish to make it known now that my theory as to the identity of the man I will now refer to as 'Slayer Lover' is disturbing.

(On no less than three occasions I have found while washing clothes, items from a B.W. Motel. Two business cards and a receipt. Obviously this is the house of ill repute where the fornication takes place.

(I have not scouted said establishment yet do to the icky wicky feelings that come over me when dealing with my sisters sex life.

(I have also observed that her secret condom box is being depleted at a rapid pace, much more so then during the Freak-a-Riley days. While I am pleased at her responsible outlook on said 'affairs', there is the problem of lying.

(Buffy's doing the mattress mambo and doesn’t want anyone to know with who.

(But I, Dawn, know what lurks in the hearts of men,...ah, women that is. I have identified the identity of the 'Slayer Lover'. My findings are startling to say the least.

(Let me start by first eliminating the other possibilities.

(Riley....there would be no reason to hide there relationship, so it can't be him.

(Giles.....Mom would pop a can of Armageddon whup ass that none of us would survive is Buffy was bumping uglies with her Watcher.. Plus the ewwww factor is off the charts.

(Willow/Tara/Anya....Sis ain't gay. She might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she is the straightest.

(Ben, the doctor.....We don't want anything to do with the hospital anymore.

(Angel....getting into another relationship with Deadboy would be as smart as holding an AA meeting at a bar.

(Spike......Sexy, yes. Witty, yes, Handsome, yes. Fun to be around, yes. Dead, yes, Drinks blood, yes. Murderer, yes. Nuff said.

(Xander.....not even remotely possible.

(So, who then is the 'Slayer Lover'.

(It's our next door neighbor, Nick Hucik. He's also known around the neighborhood as 'Mr. No-Pants, mostly for his answering the door, checking the mail, and mowing the lawn with no pants on. I sincerely hope that he has one hundred pair of white boxers with the triple XXX sex symbol printed on them. Because if he doesn't, that means he only has one pair of shorts.

(Ewwww!!!

(Let me repeat that.

(Ewwww!!!

(The reason I believe it is him is because he owns an adult book store called 'Bitches and Wenches'. My mom calls him 'That Nasty Man' because she has to pass his store when she drops me off at school. He also owns a rundown motel connected to his nasty book and movie store. I heard Xander mention it once, but it was probably to agree with my mom about the nastiness of the store.

(Anyway, this Nick No Pants does drive a Mercedes Benz and may have seduced my physically strong, emotionally dumb sister with promises of money and shopping. While I hope this is not the case, the evidence continues to mount that the 'Slayer Lover' could be no other than Nick Hucik.

(First you have the B.W. Motel evidence. Then Buffy coming out of his backyard. The fact that he is never home at night. The fact that Buffy is something of a horn dog, remember the Riley days, leads me to believe that she is doing the sticky with Nicky No Pants.

(Now the only thing left is to catch them in the act. I have arranged a false sleep over this evening with a friend. I will double back into the house and wait in the basement until my slut sister and her 'Slayer Lover' arrive. The camera MY Xander bought me for Christmas will provide the evidence to mom that will end this torrid, soap opera like, relationship.

(Tonight, Dawn takes charge.

With a smile on her face she closes her journal and hides it under her bed in a whole she made in the mattress. She then takes the fake diary she uses in case mom or Buffy got nosy and placed it where they could find it if they decided to invade her privacy.

******

The Kitchen 30 minutes later

******


"Mom, are you sure you're ready for this?" Buffy asked while eating a bowl of cereal. Joyce leaned over and kissed her daughter on the cheek.

"I'll be fine, dear. The only real driving I'm doing is dropping off Dawn at Kim’s house. Then I'm heading over Angie's house. She going to do the driving to L.A."

Buffy reluctantly knew she had to trust her mothers judgment. "Okay. I just worry about you."

"Well, you don't have to anymore. I'm fine. Besides, I know you have other things on your mind now." Joyce didn't want to pry, but she needed to let Buffy know she was healthy enough to confide in.

"Mom, I'm not worried about Riley," Buffy said while finishing her breakfast.

Dawn kept her mouth shut on the other end of the table. She watched her sisters demeanor, how she seemed to be smiling more. How she seemed to have an extra pep to her step.

It was making her sick.



"Dawn, dear. Are you alright?" Joyce asked.

Dawn quickly produced a smile, easing her mothers fears. "I'm fine. I have to sell some boxes of snacks today for my band club and that really sucks." Then she gets an idea. "What do you think I should sell, Buffy. I have Nestle Crunch, Snickers, or SUGAR DADDY'S!!"

Joyce and Buffy looked up, each with a curious stare.

"Dawn, I could care less what you sell," Buffy replied with a smirk.

"Are you sure. I hear SUGAR DADDY'S are very much in demand."

Buffy thought as she grabbed her mothers car keys from the counter. "Lets go Dawn. Mom needs to get ready for her trip."

Dawn snorted, then rose to her feet and kissed her mom on her cheek. "I'll be home right after school." She then grabbed her bookbag and walked past Buffy to the living room. "I think I am going to sell SUGAR DADDY'S." Dawn accentuated her comment by staring directly into Buffy's eyes.

Buffy turned to her mother and pointed to her head, twirling her fingers in a crazy motion. Joyce smiled and waved her off.

"Bye, sweetheart."


******

******


Outside of the Sunnydale Police Station
Thursday, January 11, 2001 7:50 PM
Sunnydale, Ca



"I hate you," Anya growled under her breath. Last night her and Spike were arrested for lewd conduct in public when two cops drove by and saw them in the back seat of Spike's car.

"You weren't screaming that last night, baby girl," Spike tossed back as they walked to the car impound. "I had everything under control last night. The coppers were going to let us go, but no. You had to open your big flappin mouth and say 'Why don't you Barney Fife wanna be's go stop a real crime. News flash, Sunnydale has the highest amount of deaths related to blood loss in the United States of America. Why is that? HELLO!!"

Anya followed close behind Spike, each angry for having to stay in jail all night and most of the day. "Us getting arrested was not my fault. Your car was not sound proof enough for sexual relations. This is all your fault."

Spike just shook his head in annoyance.

"Will you hurry up and get your barely adequate automobile. I tired of standing here and I need a shower."

Spike signed the necessary paperwork and paid his fine. The impound managers drove the car up front and one of them tossed the vampire his keys.

"Bout bloody time," Spike muttered under his breath. "Get in big mouth," Spike ordered his partner in crime.

"I shouldn't even work with a second rate hack like you." Anya got in the car with a frown.

"What do we need to do to get your powers back so that we can get revenge on the Bitch and Xander?"

"I can summon a spirit and ask for my powers back. We need to get something from my place, a medallion. I should be able to perform the spell myself. Then Xander and Buffy will regret ever crossing me."

"I couldn't agree more."

"Spike, can I ask you a question?"

"No."

"How could you fall in love with Buffy?"

"It gets ten miles to the gallon. Oh, wait a minute. You asked me a personal question. You know I don't do personal."

"You are pissed off because she won't give you the time of day. You thought that since you told her about vampire 7-11 Riley Finn she would fall into your ice cold arms."

"The Bitch can go to the same place she sent her first boyfriend to for all I care. If she wants to bang Mr.Tool Time until the cows come home that's her business."

"Then why do you want to get back at her if you don't care who she's with?" Anya asked with a grin, feeling she had in him a corner.

"I PUT MY ARM AROUND HER SHOULDER!!!"

Anya sat back at his outburst. "Okaaaaay."

"I was there when her mom was first diagnosed. I put my arm on her shoulder to comfort her. I COMFORTED HER. I WAS THE ONE THAT TOLD HER WHEN RILEY WAS USING HIS BODY AS A BLOOD FOUNTAIN. SHE DIDN'T EVEN CARE!!"

"Okay, you're wiggin me out now. I'm not asking you any more questions. Xander cheated on me with Buffy and has been hiding it. For that he will pay. He will no what it is like to be a woman scorned."

"I put my arm on her shoulder," Spike whined. Anya put her hand on his thigh to comfort him.

"We'll get them. We'll get our revenge. There, there, Spike. She ain't worth it."

"I know you're right. It's just....I...I..."

"It's alright, Spike. Soon, we won't have to worry about either of them ever again.


******

******


The Summers Home
Thursday, January 11, 2001 8:00 PM
Sunnydale, Ca



Xander laid across the couch with Buffy on top of him. They were wrapped in her grandmothers blanket.

This was the quiet time they wanted to spend with each other. No pressures or questioning eyes. No ex boyfriends or girlfriends.

Nothing other than the couch, tv, and each other.

Buffy couldn't understand why Xanders neck tasted so sweet to her. She kept kissing him there, tickling him with her tongue. This was the playful, affectionate part of a relationship that she loved so much.

"Are you trying to give me a hickey," Xander asked as one hand laid across Buffy's back and the other held the remote control.

"Yes. Yes I am trying to give you a hickey. With all the negative experience I've been around when dealing with mouth to neck relations, I thought I might start the new year with something different. Mouth to neck relation can be a good and wonderfull thing."

"College is certainly rubbing off on you in a positive way. Your theory on mouth to neck relations is brilliant." Xander caressed her hair, running his fingers through the golden strands.

Buffy sighed in contentment. Something was playing on tv but she didn't notice. The only thing she was aware of was that the man she loved was with her and everything was right in her world.

All because of New Years Eve.

That magical night has not strayed far from her thoughts since it happened.

"What do you think Willow will say?" Xander asked before turning off the tv that neither of them were paying attention to.

"I think she will be surprised. I think she will give me the 'rebound' speech. But in the end she will be happy for us."

"I think so, too."

"I think Giles will be shocked," Buffy laughed against his chest. "I think Riley will take this badly, though."

"Love hurts everyone at some time or another, Buff. That's just a part of life,
unfortunately." Buffy snuggled up to him even closer. "Personally, I like Riley. But what we have right now is the most important thing in my life."

"Me, too. And even though Anya annoys me, I hate that she will be hurt in all of this, too."

"But you have to remember. Riley decided to leave. At that time you went after him but he didn't hear you when he took off. And all the time I spent over here with you and Dawn, nothing happened between us. Anya still thought something happened and walked out on me. Riley and Anya made their own beds and now they have to lay in them."

"I love you," Buffy said before capturing his lips. Long, lush kisses were exchanged. Mouths parted, hearts were exposed through soft moans and gentle caresses.

Buffy traced her fingers over Xander's chest until they hovered over his heart.

"What am I spelling," she whispered even though they were alone.

Her fingers began to move, forming each letter slow enough for him to figure out.

"Buffy's," he whispered back, acknowledging what she had just written over his heart. Her finger's didn't stop though. She continued to write her love with a pen of emotion.

"Friend."

"Teammate."

"Confidant."

"Lover."

"Hus.... Hey, you didn't finish," Xander whined playfully.

"Let's leave something for the future," Buffy kissed against his lips before rising to her feet and extending her hand. He took it as she led him upstairs to her bedroom.


******


******

Anya's Apartment
Thursday, January 11, 8:30 PM
Sunnydale, Ca


Spike leaned against the kitchen table as Anya finished her chant. The bright multi-colored light that shimmered around her body began to fade.

"You done yet. Even us immortals get impatient."

"Regaining demonic power's ain't like beating Super Mario Brothers."

Spike shrugged and took another sip of blood from his glass. "So, can you put the whammy on our favorite couple, or not."

Anay smiled, her eyes carrying a mystical glow. "I already have."

"Whatever do you mean, luv."

Anya walked around the room, grinning maniacally. "I have already put a spell on them. Two on Buffy and one on Xander. It will take effect the next time they make love."

"Hey, I wanted to help in deciding the Bitch's fate."

"Trust me, Spike. You will like what I did to them," Anya said as she started to run her hands up Spikes chest. "There's an opening that needs to be filled, Spike my boy."

"I am more than vampire enough to fill that position," he replied as the fell to the kitchen floor.

******

******

The Summer's Home
Thursday, January, 11 2001
Sunnydale, Ca


Buffy might have her augmented Slayer strength and senses, but she lacked one thing.

Youthful exuberance.

Dawn had it in spades.

Her plan, which she now called Operation Expose-a-Hoe, was progressing without a hitch.

Her mother was out of the way. The entire home was dark except for Buffy's bedroom. Dawn moved through the kitchen with her camera around her neck. She slowly crept upstairs. Buffy's nightlight shined underneith her door.



Taking a deep breath, Dawn prepared to shove the door open and start snapping pictures.

One.

Two.

Three.

"YOU ARE SO BUSTED!!!," Dawn screamed as she kicked the door in and turned on the lights.

What she saw was not prepared for.

she thought as she dropped the camera.

"Da...Dawn. What the hell are you doing here," Buffy screamed as she rolled off the bed.

Dawn could only point at her sister. She could not find any words for the sight in front of her.

Buffy got off the bed and immedietly grabbed her robe. The she walked past the mirror that sat on her dresser.

Her voice caught in her throat.

Her eyes felt like they were about to fall out of there sockets.

In the mirror, Buffy saw a woman without one hair on her head or face. Her blonde locks and eyebrows were gone.

"AHHHH!!!!"

The cover's rustled on the bed. Then a head popped out. "What's going on?"

Buffy expected Xander's voice.

Not the voice of a woman..

A woman that was not Dawn.

"Buffy, you're gay."

The Slayer shook her head. "I'm not gay. Willow is the gay Scooby member, not me. "

"Then why is a naked woman in your bed?" Dawn asked.

"What are the two of you talking abo....AHHHHH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!," Xander screamed as he caught sight of himself in the mirror. The reflection he saw was of a woman with long dark hair and 38 dd breasts.

Dawn looked form Buffy to Xander and back. "Buffy, Buffy, Buffy..." she pointed down while turning her head. She turned back for a moment, saw what shocked her the first time, then fainted.

Buffy looked down and saw that her robe was slightly protruding in the crotch area. She slowly loosed her robe and looked inside.

Then she fainted.

Xander now knew that the world was against him. He didn't even faint. He just looked from Dawns unconscious body to Buffy's. Then he picked up the phone.

"Willow."

"Oh. hey Xander. You sound different. Are you sick?"

"Are you sitting down?"

******

The End. Be back for the last chapter in the "Creeping" trilogy called "Telling the truth is just an excuse for a lack of an imagination."

Thanks for all your support.

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  • LOL!! -- Caroline, 18:01:18 01/07/02 Mon
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