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Date Posted: 15:15:36 01/08/02 Tue
Author: Day
Author Host/IP: adsl-66-72-100-154.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net / 66.72.100.154
Subject: Fic: Telling the Truth is just an Excuse for a lack of an Imagination (4/4)
In reply to: Day 's message, "Fic: Telling the Truth is just an Excuse for a lack of an Imagination (3/4)" on 15:13:10 01/08/02 Tue

Title: Telling the truth is just an excuse for a lack of an imagination.
Part 4 of 4
By: Ozmandayus

Summary: This is the final chapter in the "Creeping." trilogy. Please read "A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah!!!" and "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink." first.

Category: B/X, Romance, Revenge, Wicked Humor
Rated: A hard R for very course language and sexual innuendo's
Spoilers: Up until the episode, "Into the Woods," then the "Creeping" universe.

Disclaimer: Joss got a Benz. Joss got a Rolex. Joss got a mansion. Who do you think owns the show????? I live in an outhouse. I pop in a shack and I eat what I kill :)

Feedback: Much like Brittany Spears covered in honey, I want it real bad.
mrsinister@mailhost.chi.ameritech.net

This trilogy is dedicated to, in my humble opinion, the finest B/X authors today: Joanne W, Melissa, Evil Willow, Michelle, Nick Hucik, Serenity G, Me Jeffrey Patrick, Brooke, Xand, Laura, Jason Thompson, Rick, Jai L, Lucky 13, Amy, Katie, Mean Cris Gump Brittany, Stephanie, Greydon Creed, Nicollete Marquis Mcfadgen, Mistress Angel, Ashley, Queen Angel J. Hallmark, Lori Bush, Vamppyr64, Stephen Howe...Whether they continue to write B/X or just tried it out once they are, IMHO the best writers of BX today. You can just about rest assured if you see their name as the author the story will be high quality.

Authors Notes: I sincerely hoped that you laughed a few times during this trilogy. I wanted to write something funny and without a lot of angst. From the feedback I have recieved so far it seems that I have done pretty well. Thank you again to everyone who wrote to me about this story.

Authors Notes: 2 This fic will feature two guest stars and a flashback to the New Years Eve scene where B and X got together.



******

******


Xander's Car
Enroute to Anya's apartment
Thursday, January 11, 2001 10:50 PM
Sunnydale, Ca


Xander had many things on his mind at the moment. From leaving Buffy's ex in the house with her to being a woman, he wondered what other surprises this night held for him.

"Xander, everything's going to be alright," Dawn said from the backseat.

"Thanks," he replied. He had reassured her many times about her mothers recovery and she was repaying the gesture.

"Xander," Willow said next to him.

"Yeah?"

"You need a bra. That T-shirt is so tight around your chest when you get out this car you're liable to cause a riot."

Xander looked down briefly at his 38 DD breast, stretched inside his white cotton T-shirt. "I hope that by the time I come in contact with a bra I won't need one."

"Hey, Xander?" Dawn called again.

"Yeah, sis?"

"Isn't that Angel's car?" Xander looked as Dawn pointed two streets over to a parked car where three women were leaning into the drivers side window.

"That's North Ave.," Willow whispered in Xander's ear. "You know what kind of people 'work' on North Ave."

"I know, Wills. I mean I don't know from experience, mind you. But I know." Xander looked harder trying to see if it really was Angel's car. "As much as I want out of this women’s body, if Angel is in town we have to follow him. No telling what's going down. Xander pulled into a restaurant parking lot and did a U-turn. Then he headed down North Ave.

Ladies of the night covered the street from one end to the other.

Dawn had never been on this side of town before. "Those girls really have bad fashion sense," she noted. Way to short mini skirts and bra's much to small adorned the bodies of the women on that street

"Those are nasty girls, Dawn. Very nasty girls," Willow added. Xander pulled up behind the third car parked behind Angel's.

"I'm going to go and see if it really is him. He might be working a missing persons case or something." Xander exited the car and Dawn jumped in the front seat. Looking in his glove compartment, she pulls out the dark shades she liked to see him wear.

"So, Willow. What's so nasty about those girls?"

"Well, Dawn. It's like this......"

******

"So, you're Mocha and you're Chocolate," Angel said with a sly smile. This new compulsion of his pained him, but he was unable to stop.

"Yeah, daddy. That's our names," one of the two black hookers said as she leaned into his face so he could see inside her blouse.

"What we talking?" Angel asked in John lingo.

"Oh, for a strong, handsome man like you, we'll charge $250.00 for the both of us."

Angel was just about to reply when his eyes caught sight of the most gorgeous dark haired woman he had ever seen. She was dressed in a simple white cotton T-shirt and faded blue jeans.

"Ah, ladies. Some other time."

For wasting their time one of the girls flips him the bird and they walk off.

Xander had waited until he was close enough to recognize Angel. After he did he waited until those girls left before he approached him.

Just before Xander could speak, Angel spoke first. "Name your price?"

"What?"

******


Dawn was surprised at the deviant knowledge Willow kept in her little spell casting head. "Geez, those girls are really nasty."

"I told you," Willow commented.

Just then a fat, badly balding man carrying a sandwich approached the car. "You working or pimping," he said.

Willow was shocked at what this man was implying. Dawn seemed curious.

"Come on, I ain't got all day. I saw that dark haired chick get out the car. Is that yo bitch or what."

"Yeah, that's my bitch," Dawn added while Willow continuously elbowed her to stop.

"What we talking?"

Dawn thought for a minute. "Ah, $300.00 dollars."

"300 bones, girl that's crazy talk."

"You better not be disrespecting my pimping, mister," Dawn fired back, now smirking in the front seat.

"Well for 300 bones, how about you throw Red in too," he leered, looking at Willow.

"You trying to short change me on my bitches," Dawn said with venom in her voice.

"Nall, but a man gotta eat."

"Alright, alright. I'll give you Red for $200.00"

"Dawn," Willow cried out in shock at her. "You don't think I'm worth $300.00?" she said in a soft tone.

"Shut up bitch or you ain't getting your rent paid."

Willow cowered back in her seat.

The man laughed. "That's what I'm talking about. Keep them hoes in line." The man then high fived Dawn. "As cute as Red is I still want that one over there," he said pointing out Xander.

"$300.00, take it or leave it," Dawn said with sass. She was really having fun now.

The man took a good look at Xander. "You drive a hard bargain, little lady. $300.00 it is." The fat man pulled out three one hundred dollar bills and a motel key. "I'm across the street in room 1013. It's on the key."

He dropped the bills in a very surprised Dawn's lap. "I'll get my bitch over their as soon as she's done with that guy."

The fat man nodded, then waddled across the street. Dawn held the money up and smiled. "Ain't nothing like pimping. Why am I even going to school."

Willow said nothing. She continued to look out the window. "I'm worth $300.00 dollars," she whined, slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry, Willow. Here." Dawn handed her one hundred dollars. Willow stared at the money for a few moments then looked all around the street.

"Maybe we shouldn't fix Xander right away. There is this leather coat in the mall I've been wanting."

******

"What?" Xander said, weary of the weird looking grin on Angel's face.

"Name your price?"

"Listen, I'm not who you think."

Angel pulled out his wallet and flashed a few hundred dollar bills. "Let's get a room. I need to unwind."

Xander now knew that his life would never be normal. me. I thought something like this could only happen in fan fiction on the net. I think Angel has finally gone stark raving mad. But he does have good taste.> "Um, wait a minute. I will be right back."

"Hurry," Angel called after Xander.

******

As Xander approached the car, Dawn rolled down the window. "Hey, why are you wearing my shades? And what are you doing in the drivers seat?"

Willow pretended she didn't hear anything.

"Xander, here." Dawn handed him a key. "There's a guy waiting for you in room 1013. He'll have sex with you for $300.00 dollars."

Xander looked at her like she was growing a third arm. "Please do not tell me you are pimping me on this corner."

"Hey, the guy approached me. He even paid up front. Look," Dawn said as she showed him two one hundred dollar bills.

"I can't believe you would....hey, you said three hundred dollars. Why is there only two hundred in your hands?"

"I insulted Willow and had to give her a hundred dollars."

Xander stood in the night air, wondering if things could get any crazier than they already were. Suddenly an idea comes to mind. "Dawn, sit tight." With that, he turned and headed back to Angel's car.

After he left another man pulled up along side Dawn in a Mercedes Benz with J.W. on the license plate. "What we talking?"

Dawn quickly assumed her new pimp persona. "$400.00 dollars for either of my bitches."

"Done. I want Red." the guy tossed another motel key and the money into Dawns car. "I'm across the street." Then he pulled off.

"WOO HOO!!!," Dawn laughed as she counted the money.

"Ah, Dawn," Willow said with a smile.

Dawn handed her a hundred dollars.

Willow wasn’t buying it this time. "Hey, wait a minute. I want half."

"Bitch please. I arranged the date. You're the hooker."

Willow thought. She put the money in her purse and sat back in her seat.

Another car soon pulled up and Dawn sold her again.

******

Xander walked toward Angel's car with what he hoped was a sext smile. "Hey, baby."

"Hey, yourself," Angel replied.

"You want a date, right?"

Angel looked around to make sure this wasn't any kind of a police sting. "Yeah."

"$400.00 dollars. Up front. Then I'll make you come harder than you ever have before."

Angel looked over the woman in front of him. "Done." Angel counted out the money and handed it to Xander.

"Here's my room key. I'm in 1013. I'll be there in a minute after I square away things away with my pimp," Xander said with his most fake smile. Angel pulled off the curve and Xander ran back to his car.

******

"She'll be there in 15 minutes. If you like her, holla back," Dawn pimped while counting her money. The Asian business man nodded and walked away from the car and toward the hotel across the street.

Xander saw the exchange and had to admit he was impressed with Dawns pimping skills. Xander got into the back seat. "Drive Dawn."

"What?!!<" Willow screamed.

"I've been teaching her on the side. Dawn get us out of here. Remeber everything I taught you. Drive four blocks down then pull over and I'll drive."

"Why can't I drive," Willow whined. "I've been driving for over...ah, okay" Xander handed her another hundred dollar bill and the matter was settled.

"RESPECT MY AUTHORITA," Dawn screamed, using Cartman's famous line. The pimps across the street cheered.

"Just drive, Dawn."

"I got no problem with that. Soon, those guys are going to come looking for us."

"Dawn."

"Yeah?" She slowly pulled off the curve, shades still on her face.

"How much money have you made off me and Willow tonight?"

"Well, I have $1.500.00 dollars in my pocket, and Willow has another five in her's."

"You're one bad pimp, Dawn."

She smiled at the stop sign, leaned out of her window and gave the peace sign to the other pimps, then pulled off. "Tell me something I don't know, Xander."

******

******

The Summer's house
Outside
Thursday, January 11, 2001 11:30 PM
Sunnydale, Ca



Spike instantly became angry when he saw Riley's car parked outside of Buffy's house.

Anya looked all around for Xander's car. "Where is that cheating bastard?" she wondered out loud.

"He's probably out looking for you, luv," Spike explained. He was still smiling from his encounter with Angel.

Suddenly, Buffy's front door swung open.

There stood the Slayer, her baseball cap pulled over her non-existent eyebrows.

"Oh Shit," both Spike and Anya said as Buffy shot off the porch, running at them with a wild, almost feral look in her eyes.

"Drive Spike, drive," Anya begged as the Slayer closed in on her prey.

"You are so dead," Buffy screamed as she reached the passenger side door. Anya turned to Spike, only to find the drivers side door open and the sound of footsteps moving swiftly.

Buffy was enraged. She saw Spike's car pull up and ran to the front door. "You like fucking with peoples lives, Anya." Buffy used her Slayer strength with reckless abandon, tearing the door completely from the car, then dragging a screaming Anya by the hair from the car.

Buffy pushed Anya against the car and looked her in the eyes without blinking.
"You gave me a dick."

"It's...it's a pretty big one."

Buffy smashed her fist on Spike's car near her head, leaving a huge dent. "You like humiliating people, do you. Let's see how you like it. Strip."

Anya was starting to get scared. She had never seen Buffy like this. "Wh..what?

"I said strip. Take off your goddamn clothes. Everything except your bra and panties," Buffy began tapping her finger's against her side. "So help me God, it you don't start in the next ten seconds I am going to re-enact the Rodney King beating. YOU DON'T WANT TO FUCK WITH ME RIGHT NOW!!!"

******

Spike watched the scene unfold while sitting in a tree across the street.

"I see you up there," Riley said from the ground.

"Shit," Spike cursed under his breath. "Riley, my boy. How they hangin?"

"You were in on this weren't you?" Riley asked with his arms crossed.

"Me, no. Anya said she needed a lift. Being the swell guy that I am, I gave her one. What is it. Did Anya do something?"

Riley shook his head in disbelief.

******


Anya finally finished stripping.

"Get in the middle of the street," Buffy ordered. Anya complied. Buffy got in Spike's car and looked in his glove compartment. He had an assortment of new and old CD’S. "A, Spike?" Buffy called across the street.

"Yeah, luv?"

"What track number is Thriller?"

"The last one," the vampire hollered.

Buffy loaded the CD and got out the car. "Do the Michael Jackson," she ordered again.

Anya didn't know what she was talking about. "I've only been human a little over a year. What's a Michael Jackson?"

Buffy picked up the car door and held it like a bat. "You are going to dance, half naked, in the middle of the street, to the highest selling album in record history. You are going to dance to ever track, do you here me? And after enough people drive by and laugh at you, then I'm going to threaten you with bodily harm again. Then you're going to say 'Buffy everything is fixed. I just un-did the spell. Please don't kill me.' Then I'll say, 'Run. I don't ever want to see you again. And If I catch you anywhere near Xander. MY XANDER. Let me repeat that. MY XANDER!! I will go PSYCHO on you. Vengeance will be mine and it will come from the sharp end of Mr. Pointy'"

Anya began to sway to the music as if her life depended on it.

Because it did.

******

"Uh, oh. Buffy found Anya, look," Willow pointed out as the vengeance demon danced in the middle of the street.

"What's that song?" Dawn asked from the backseat.

"Billie Jean," Xander replied as he pulled over and ran out of the car.

"Billie who?"

"Come on, Dawn. We have to stop a murder." Willow and Dawn ran from the car.

******

"Buffy, are you alright?" Xander asked as he reached over and took his girlfriends hand into his.

"I'm fine. Just having a little fun, that's all." She squeezed his hand and gave him a smile.

"Buffy, shouldn't you just tell Anya to fix us?"

"Oh, I will. After she learns her lesson."

"Buffy, it's been a long night." Buffy leaned against Xander's shoulder. "Alright. Anya, stop."

Anya looked sharply at Buffy and Xander standing so close together. "Well I guess you got what you've always wanted, Xander."

"Don't try to turn this around, Anya. I’m sorry you got hurt, but you're the one who broke it off with me. You're the one who moved out of my apartment. This is all your fault."

Something suddenly clicked in Buffy's mind. "Anya, what the hell are you doing here in Spike's car? And why is he across the street sitting in a tree?"

"Oh, that's simple it's because....."

"Faqar Daquer Leset," Tara chanted as she ran up to the group while Giles parked the car.

Anya's body began to glow. She slowly faded away. "I hate you guys," she said as her formed disappeared before their very eye's. Then a bright gold glow surrounded Buffy and Xander's body, returning them to normal."

"That spell just sent Anya back to the vengance demon dimension," Tara explained.

No one seemed to mind that she was gone.

Spike ran across the street clapping his hands. "Good show, Tara. And Buffy, I'm so sorry. If I had known that she did something to you I would have informed you sooner. She called me for a ride and I said okay. Are you alright. Just what did she do to you?"

"Go away, Spike" the Slayer said firmly.

Realizing that he had gotten off easy, Spike picked up his car door and tossed it in his back seat. He waved his goodbye, jumped in the car and drove off.



******

******

The Summer's house
Saturday, January 13, 2001 1:00 PM
Sunnydale, Ca


Buffy and Xander walked through the front door, each carrying five bags. They had just returned from shopping.

Willow and Tara's matching leather coats hung from the stand near the front door. The girls themselves sat on the couch while Dawn played Tekken Tag Tournament on her new Playstation 2.

"Looking good, Dawn," Xander winked as Buffy began to show off all the new clothes Xander bought her.

"Right back at cha, Xander," she smiled.

Buffy wrapped her arms around Xander from behind and began kissing his neck. "I love you so much."

"You also love to shop."

"I love you more than shopping. But when you take me shopping, the love increases."

"I love seeing you happy," Xander said as he turned in her arms and kissed her, long and deep.

Dawn watched the couple with a smile on her face. Xander told Buffy he won the lottery. $2.500 dollars. He told her he wanted to take all of his friends shopping.

Xander, Willow and Dawn decided they would tell Buffy the truth on a later date. An angry Slayer is not someone any of them want to see for a while and informing her that her boyfriend was pimped by her 14 year old sister would not sit to well with her.

Xander sat on the couch and shared a knowing grin with Dawn. Buffy jumped on his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. She leaned over and whispered into his ear. "When you stopped in that sporting goods store I walked in Victoria's Secret and picked up a little something for tonight."

"Buffy, are you telling me the truth."

"Telling the truth is just an excuse for a lack of an imagination. But yes, I'm telling you the truth. You're gonna love it. I love you, Xander."

"I love you, too. And my love will increase tonight when I see you in whatever you bought at Victoria's Secret."

******

THE END

FEEEEEDDDDDD BBBAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!!!!!

Author's End notes: I never intended this chapter to be anywhere this long. It just came out that way. When I write I envision a huge room with lots of tables and people sitting at them I am the chef. I want to give everyone a large satisfying meal. I hope you enjoyed this. I had fun writing it.

Shawn...a.k.a Ozmandayus

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