Re: biological father confusion -- Advices and Vices

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Subject: Re: biological father confusion

Author:
Pat Erickson

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Date Posted: 15:05:51 07/03/02 Wed
In reply to: Hayden 's message, "biological father confusion" on 08:35:58 05/31/02 Fri

Hayden, you have a beautiful name. I am old enough to be your mother. As I was researching "jewlery making" I came accross your message asking for something from a stranger. I don't know if I can help but here goes: You are definitely looking for something that may or may not be possible with your biological father. What is important is that you are human enough to know that you deserve what you are seeking. What struck me the most in your message is that you think of yourself as a "mistake." I have learned something in my fifty years on this earth, and one thing is that children are precious even at your age! You may not have been expected or immediately welcome but you were not a mistake. You are a gift to this world and to both parents, who came together and brought your beatutiful life to us -- yes even to me a stranger. I am not a pervert or a wierdo. I actually teach school in the Alaskan bush. I have a daughter who is your age,too. She came to us late in life and has had all the benefits of a child born to more mature parents. What she has given me is an awareness that a child is a gift, a wonderful gift, that parents who are young or immature often fail to appreciate. You must learn to appreciate yourself and to maintain the humanity that you may find (at times) beaten out of you when you experience periods of depression. Feel free to email me if you ever feel so low again. I don't know you at all, but your beauty is evident in your longing to be appreciated, loved, and welcomed into your biological father's life. By the way, I have a loving husband who wasn't sure he was ready to be a father when my daughter was born. He was scared! He didn't think he was able to be "up to it" or financially able. Even though he was in his later twenties when our Stephanie was conceived. He loves her dearly and we give her everything that we can -- knowing that she is all that we have truly contributed to this world when we leave it. Now keep in mind my father was not able to appreciate me! He wanted a boy and eventually he did have one. He was distant and inaccessible even though he was in the next room! Perhaps you need to accept that others can love you and fill his role as a parent. A father need not be biological. A father is a male who loves you unconditionally and champions your causes as he would his own. Let me know how you are getting on in life. By the way, my middle name is "Thomas." Can you believe it?

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Replies:

Subject	Author	Date
Re: biological father confusion	feeling guilty	21:30:01 04/07/03 Mon
Re: biological father confusion -- feeling guilty, 21:31:07 04/07/03 Mon