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Date Posted: 02:27:16 07/20/02 Sat
Author: Jason
Subject: Speaking of drinking...

This is an excerpt from an article from the Baseball Prospectus website. One of the funniest things I've ever read... it's about "Drinking Games":
********

Here we go...

The basic rules are that one swig (of delicious Coca-Cola products) shall be taken for each occurrence of the event listed. In certain cases, more copious imbibing may be required—these instances are indicated by an asterisk at the end of the event description.


The ESPN Baseball Tonight Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Harold Reynolds speaks for more than 15 seconds without including any discernable content
-A "Web Gem" results from a poor or misdirected first step
-Any Baseball Tonight cast member contradicts themselves (only in same show)
-A ballplayer is referred to using only their first name or nickname ("Pedro," "A-Rod," etc.)
-A cast member refers to a movie connected with an Italian-American director or leading man
-Chris Berman uses a Bermanism that was already really old several years ago
-Baseball economics is mentioned, in any form
-A team still under .500 after a six- (or more) game winning streak is pronounced "back in it"
-Rick Sutcliffe or Rob Dibble touches their goatees
-Harold Reynolds leans back in his chair and demonstrably spreads his hands
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Cut away to Barry Bonds
-Obvious time-filler of more than 15 seconds
-American League derided
-Dilution referenced
-Contraction referenced
-Word "DuPuy" spoken
-Cast member imitates local announcer* (Double imbibe if not Skip Caray)

The Tampa Bay Devil Ray Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Greg Vaughn makes an out
-Ben Grieve grounds into a double play
-Someone who looks younger than 17 steps in the box or on the mound wearing a Devil Ray uniform
-Director cuts field shot overly close to avoid revealing empty Tropicana Field seats
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Promotional day (cap day, bobblehead day, etc.) announced with some premium item going to the first N fans, where N is a far greater number than will actually attend
-A 4-5-6 hitter with a career or season SLG of less than .400 steps into the box
-Struck ball careens off an ugly-ass, functionless overhang

The New York Yankee (YES Network) Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-A pretentious commercial for other YES programming is run
-Camera work allows you to identify individual pores on a ballplayer
-Nick Johnson hit by a pitch
-Sepia-toned footage accompanied by uplifting music
-Phil Rizzuto referenced* (Double Imbibe)
-Undeserving HoFer referenced (Do not double-count for Phil Rizzuto.)
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)

The Pittsburgh Pirate Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Bridge outside PNC Park displayed on screen
-Owner Kevin McClatchy referenced
-Pirate hitter grounds first pitch ineffectually to pitcher, second baseman, or shortstop
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Pirates praised for successfully executing sacrifice bunt or hit-and-run
-Pirate hitter other than Brian Giles hits home run (theoretical only)
-Pokey Reese or Jack Wilson makes spectacular defensive play

The Oakland Athletic Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Gapper hit against the A's
-Announcers reference A's failure to sacrifice or hit-and-run
-Miguel Tejada takes any pitch after a questionable strike call during the same plate appearance* (theoretical only)
-On-base percentage referenced by announcers in any form (patience, plate discipline)
-Ball lost in sun results in base hit* (one imbibe per base)
-Fan displays badly-made sign dedicated to bench player
-Mount Davis displayed on screen in full, looming menace
-A's blow save
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Barry Zito curveball causes left-handed hitter to consider retirement

Arizona Diamondback Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Player over 32 steps in batter's box or on pitcher's mound
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Hitter misses Randy Johnson pitch by more than 12 inches
-Reference to Byung-Hyun Kim's 2001 World Series meltdown
-Announcers refer to the swimming pool as if it's still novel
-Commercial break sandwiched by shots of the metalworks for the roof
-You mistake Jerry Colangelo for John Ashcroft

San Francisco Giant Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Hitter having mammoth fluke season steps in batter's box
-Barry Bonds hits a single
-A Giant player causes you to think "This guy's still in the majors?"
-Dodgers mentioned
-Jon Miller in desperate need of hair trimming
-Tim McCarver causes you to turn sound off/down/to Spanish (Es Muy Bueno!)
-Intoxicated or mentally ill boat occupants prominently displayed (not applicable if it's you)
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Mammoth home run dies as fly-ball out in front of the 421 sign in right-center field

Philadelphia Phillie Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Doug Glanville swings at a pitch out of the strike zone (for dedicated drinkers only)
-Scott Rolen dispute/trade rumors/squabble mentioned
-Phillie Phanatic clumsily hits on divorcee with ample decolletage
-Reliever warmed up and not brought into game
-Ball bounces on turf to a height higher than six feet (two meters if playing Les Expos)
-J.D. Drew is mentioned or even vaguely referenced

Atlanta Brave Drinking Game

Imbibe When:

-Andruw Jones camps under a ball Jim Edmonds couldn't get close to
-Don Sutton's perm visible
-Dale Murphy referenced
-Leo Mazzone shown for more than three complete rocking cycles
-Caddyshack reference* (Double imbibe)
-Tom Glavine pitch 7-15" outside called a ball
-Braves' middle infielder suffers injury that takes him out of game
-Braves' announcers vaguely imply that Javy Lopez couldn't catch a cold, much less a ballgame
-TBS's 93rd Clint Eastwood Weekend advertised

There's not really space here for expansive lists, but this should get you going. Create your own. If you e-mail them to me, I'll compile them and make them available online.

Of course, we at BP suggest that these games be played with delicious Coca-Cola products, and not alcoholic beverages of any sort. An interesting twist on this game is to play with a heavily caffeinated beverage.

***********

We compiled our own for the Padres on a message board I go to. If I can find it, I'll post it also. I'd be interested to hear any Cubs/Rangers/Indians/YourFavoriteTeam, drinking games :) And remember kids, no alcohol, or something.

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