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Date Posted: 18:55:13 07/16/00 Sun
Author: hellboy
Subject: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly #47

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly #47

THE GOOD

Tony Blair - For making a stand and saying that drunken loutish behavior, such as vomiting in gutters, would no longer be tolerated by his Government. Blair went on to suggest on-the-spot fines for such offences be implemented as soon as possible and that no one would be out of reach of this law. Tally Ho Mr. Blair. Let's tackle the important issues first.

Euan John Blair - For being the good son and showing complete disregard for his father's words and being arrested by police while vomiting drunkenly, or should that be drunkenly vomiting, in a Leicester Square gutter on last Thursday Night. According to reports Euan gave a false name and old address to police in order to mislead them. We think it was more likely that he was so drunk he couldn't remember who he was, where he was or where he lived. Seems much more likely to us.

'The Naked Chef' - The British population is seemingly made up of comedians, chefs and the badly behaved sons of parliamentarians. However from amongst the rabble rose a golden child and his name would be Jamie Oliver. ABC has returned with a second series of 'The Naked Chef' on Wednesday's at 8.00 pm. Jamie's food is simple and exceptional. We like his stuff a lot even if he is too handsome for his own good and sends females into a swoon……the bastard.

'X-Men: The Movie' - A nine inch dildo shoved into the sexual organ of the comic book movie genre. It buzzes around causing all sorts of delight amongst the masses and reinvigorating a seemingly dead concept.

http://acw.activate.net/roughcut/x-men_intrvw1-300.ram - Once you've seen the film then go see this magical piece of footage that was remarkably cut from the film. It's a touching moment between two of the characters that would have lifted the film to a whole new level. Heh Heh Heh.

'Hot Six' - Author Janet Evanovich gives her creation, inept female bounty hunter Stephanie Plum, another run around in her sixth novel. Where things had sagged over the last couple of books Evanovich kicks it back into gear and gives the 53 Buick a good old rev resulting in a nice pulpy detective novel with a wacky set of support characters and an ending that can't be good.

'Planet of the Apes' - With all the news buzzing around at the moment about a supposed remake it's time to go to your local video store and go grab the original. Why? Because once you see it again you will realise how stupid an idea it is to remake it. You will then tell this to your good friend Matt Damon, Mark Wahlburg of Tim Burton who are all considering making the film who will then watch it themselves and thus save them all from future embarrassment. GBU HQ saving the world from itself.

www.whowouldyoukill.com - Feeling stressed? Take a few shots at Seinfeld. Always makes us feel better.

John Newcombe - Declaring after the Aussies win the Davis Cup tie that "The only thing that would make this day better would be for the Wallabies to kick the All Black's Arse". Yep now that man is certainly an aussie.

Friday Night at Gypsy Bar - We danced like maniacs, played pool like gods, drank like politicians and witnessed the foils of human endeavor. Not bad for a couple of hours.


THE BAD

Starbucks has landed - The infamous American mass coffee chain with it's double strength extra large low fat chocolate lattes and other crimes against coffee opens it's first store in Sydney this Monday. Now if it was Dean & Deluca it would be a whole different story you see at least then we would be able to chat up Felicity while she made us a coffee.

The death of A.D. Hope - The grand old man of Australian poetry passed away this week. Old A.D. has been ill for quite some time and those in the poetic circles of life knew the event was imminent. It still brings a tear to the eye and a nod to the heavens to say farewell to a great old man of letters.

Boxing - GBU HQ has no problems watching two individuals (men or women we don't care) turning each other black and blue when inside the ring. However with the Tyson thirty-seconds from last week and the Mundine Minute this week it has become a sport of all hype and no hustle. Hemingway must be turning in his grave, we say dig him up then and put him in the ring, he would most certainly last longer and we think even Tyson would balk at taking a bite out of the crusty old bugger.

University lecturers who change their minds at four o'clock on a Friday afternoon - Miserable bunch of old goat shagging bastards.

Jonah Lomu - 110kg of six foot five New Zealand muscle who single handedly (again) ran over an opposing player to win another Rugby Union game for the New Zealand All Blacks. While we quite enjoy watching Lomu in his prime it is only when the team he is mauling is not our own beloved Wallabies like he did the other night resulting in a 39 - 35 New Zealand win.

Friday Night at Gypsy Bar - Specifically about an hour after we walked out the door. Human endeavor is all well and good but what a tangled web we weave.


THE UGLY

'The Dream Factory' - More reality TV, it's fucking dreadful and also resulted in forcing us to go out and buy another TV after unloading a Glock into the old one that was showing the program.

Friday Night at Gypsy Bar - Come Sunday afternoon we had heard so much about Friday Night at Gypsy Bar we all just wished it would fuck off. Which it will. Until next Friday night that is.

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