Author:
Jerry Allen - Tales From The Pit
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Date Posted: 07:43:27 02/15/02 Fri
This was the eulogy I gave Paul at his memorial at the DNA Lounge on the 12th
At about 8 am on the morning of Friday, Feb 1st 2002, my phone rang. It was Gary Holt from Exodus. I sensed something bad had happened by the shaky tone of his voice but I was in no way prepared for the news he was about to give me. Gary informed me that my good friend, Paul Baloff was in the hospital. As he told me the details of what happened to Paul, he got pretty choked up. I knew serious was an understatement for this situation but there's always that surrealistic denial that you go through whenever something fucked up like this happens. Here I have Gary Holt telling me Paul is pretty much gone but yet it's not really sinking in. Obviously it's because I didn't want to believe what I was hearing.
A few hours later I got to the hospital and saw Paul on life support. I guess that's when reality finally set in....and it set in hard. Paul's girlfriend Lita was with him. She was looking at me with tears streaming down her face and wth a look of disbelief that this was all happening to Paul.
I stayed with Paul for the whole day. Many people showed up to be with him as well as the day progressed. The doctors we spoke to showed us his catscans and explained how Paul had suffered 3 other minor strokes over the last year. We asked if Paul had any consciousness. They said absolutely not but there were times when we'd all talk to him and hold his hand to let him know we were there for him. I swear, Paul knew. He moved his leg or gripped your hand slightly.
The next day Paul died.
later that night we had a small get together at Paul's studio. On the wall were all kinds of pictures of Paul over the years. People who were Paul's friends from over the years were signing the wall and leaving messages for him. Metallica's fade to black was playing on the stereo. Paul's dog Level was walking around making small whimpering noises as if he knew Paul was gone.
That was one of the most saddest days of my life. I'm not ashamed to admit, I lost it...bigtime.
At least he didn't suffer and at least he went out surrounded by people who truly loved him. I know it's a fucked up situation for Exodus because they were just starting to get some momentum toward a comeback...not to mention losing their friend. Anyways, I thnk it was better that Paul went out with a full plate than if he died with nothing happening in his life. He had a girlfriend who really cared for him and I believe his last days were happy ones.
I still can't believe he's gone though. It's a very empty feeling. Paul was my friend. I thought he'd outlive us all. The guy was the original survivor. He was a tough fucker and lived a lifestyle that would have killed any mortal human being years ago. He was also the funniest guy I've ever met. Around 7 years ago, we both found ourselves between homes. Paul made a grim situation seem like a camping trip. No matter how depressing a situation was, Paul Baloff could always make you laugh. He was also one of the most talented people I've ever met. Paul could've done anything if he set his mind to it.
There were three things Paul Baloff loved more than anything.....His dog Level, Exodus and indoor barbecue.
I first met Paul around 13 years ago. I was living in Los Angeles and made a trip to the Bay Area to interview all the members of Exodus for Tales From The Pit. The video magazine that I produce. Paul and I became instant friends. A year later I moved to the Bay Area because all the bands that I love are from here. Over the years, I've tried to do everything in my power to promote Paul. Keep him in the spotlight during his downtimes and hopefully distribute some of his genius to the people who were in the dark about him. The guy was a natural performer. He was an improvisational genius and I just fucking loved the guy. we all did. Hell, the guy could pick your pocket and steel your bike but you'd still fuckin love him. I'm glad I got to know Paul. I know he considered me his friend. I will miss him.
So, where ever Paul is right now....I'm sure he's breaking shit with a baseball bat and making our other lost friends, Cliff Burton, Chuck Schuldiner and others laugh their fucking asses off.
Jerry Allen
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R.I.P. Paul