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Subject: someone please help Author: Samantha (sad) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 10/29/07 11:59am I am now 2 days until I am 11 weeks pregnant. I am 18 years old, and have been with my boyfriend for a year. I was on b.c and previously the depo shot within the last year. Well, reading up on the depo shot and all the facts, it said you can not get pregnant until after a year of taking the depo shot. I had no idea I would be pregnant now. At the time I first found out, I was scared and although I had a feeling I could be pregnant, and so did my boyfriend, when it was confirmed he said we were not ready only due to financial issues and all those type of problems. At the beginning I thought having an abortion would be a considerable option. After the first ultrasound at 7 weeks I really did not like thinking about abortions anymore. Both mine and his parents know, and with all the support from my mom, saying she will help me no matter what decision I make, she says she doesn't think we should have it. On the other hand, talking to his mom, she believes we should have it, as she says its a gift from God, and terminating it shouldn't be an option, only unless a miscarriage was to arise or something. I deep down know I do not believe in abortions, but still now I only have 1 week to make the appointment for an abortion, or tell me doctor for sure that I am continuing with the prenancy. Even though my mom and my boyfriend think I should get rid of it, thinking of doing that to something of my own almost makes me sick to my stomach, and I instantly almost start crying. I know that I am a girl full of ambition, and just graduated, I have lots of dreams to fufill and beginning a career. Please just someone tell me what to honestly do. I do not want to have an abortion, but also thinking of giving away a child that belongs to me seems wrong too. I think that if i do go through with it, ill hate my self forever, but not going through with it, I feel as if i'll have to rely on other people, and that makes me feel bad too. I love this man with all my heart, i've never met someone like him, but even though he says he's not ready, he says he doesn't want to grow up yet, but who does? When I think about having my baby I feel happy, not as if its a problem anymore. Should i follow my heart or should i do whats best? I DONT KNOWWWW :( :(:( But i need to know soon, and its killing me! [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10/29/07 7:58pm Hey honey. I think you know what you need to do here. But just in case you don't i will tell you~ I believe you should keep your baby. I think that abortion is wrong , but i have had more than one. I have felt less sure than you do now and had an abortion and have lived to regret that decision deeply. I know there are grey areas for some people regarding if and when abortion is right or wrong and obviously some circumstance are better than others for having babies. Your situation in my opinion is not as dire as some that i have heard of. I fully appreciate your fear and aprehension though, like i said i have been where you are now at a similar age. What i am trying to say is that with my vast experience on this topic i can tell that from what you write that you already love your baby and will make a wonderful mother. You try to hold that feeling back and in because you are not sure if you will or can have an abortion. I hope that the full realisation of this love doesn't come after you have an abortion like it did for me in the past. I am an intuitive person and i feel i have to say to you that i have a very good feeling about you having this baby. I know you're so young and there will be challenges but you have support and it's more than alot of people in your situation have. It does make a big difference to have that back up. You can do this, be brave honey- hold your belly and smile. You love your baby. Let go of the fear just walk right through it. Let yourself look at baby clothes. You're a mommy and your baby needs and loves you. Enjoy this time. Change this big is allways scary it's perfectly normal even for women who plan their babies, you can get through this. That scared feeling will ease when you decide to do what you feel is right and then you will be comforted. Deciding can feel like holding a hot potato sometimes can't it? Hold the abortion question and it hurts your heart so you toss it in the other hand which is the keep it question and thats scary also. However it's also got such a happy, exciting element too doesn't it? Thats because having a baby isn't meant to be doom and gloom it's actually really wonderful. Confusion is never really confusion you know. It's just a denial of what you know is truth trying to make is something else. You want your baby, so have her it's ok. I think you're waiting for permission to have and want her. Well you have mine :) It's completely natural. If you were to have a sonogram now you would see a minature human being complete with a tiny little arms and legs swimming around inside. When they turn to the side you can see a little profile and even guess to an extent what they will look like. I'm sure some women here can direct you to a place that can offer free sonograms.Maybe it will help the people around you who are pushing for abortion to see it too. In any case it's such a special moment to see your baby at this stage on a scan. I hope you are able to experience it with a light and happy heart, that is my wish for you. Good luck sweet heart -i meant it, what ever you decide. We are here to listen and offer advice- not to judge. Please will you let us know how what you decide and how you are? So often people come on here asking for advice and dissapear just as quick it's awful not knowing if they are ok or not.

[> [> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: Tracey (Welcome!!!) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/ 9/08 2:54am Samantha~ Hello and welcome to our pregnancy board! We hope to help guide and support you as you make this important decision. I think when you said, "I deep down know I do not believe in abortions" says alot! You are already a mother...now it's just time to decide which path you want to go. From what I gather from your post, an abortion would only complicate this situation even more. SO many women choose abortion in haste and then live for the rest of their lives to regret it--we have counseled and know MANY women who have gone through this nightmare. You sound like a strong woman who has goals and dreams and I am here to tell you a baby's not going to ruin these goals and dreams. My mother had three children and went to college while pregnant with me. She graduated and now has her Master's degree. She was able to create a healthy, happy environment for myself and my brothers as well as make her own dreams come true! You CAN do this, Samantha! You just have to set your mind towards your goal and be willing to seek help along the way. You're here and that's a BIG step! You're doing your research and asking for advice! That shows you already truly care about this little one! This little one will be lucky to have you as a mommy! :) Yes, this will be tough, I'm not gonna lie! But there are lots of places that can offer support and help for you during your pregnancy and even after. I advise you to contact your local crisis pregnancy center. They can offer support, help, and even financial help. The good news is, you are not alone! If you need help in finding a local Crisis Pregnancy Center, let us know. We just need your state and closest city and we will give you a list of centers that can offer you help! Samantha, please continue to come back and keep us posted! We promise to do our best to offer you support and guidance in the best way we know how. If you ever need to talk privately, feel free to contact myself, or any of the other girls via e-mail! Please keep us posted and let us know how we can help! In the meantime, you and this your little one are in my prayers!!! We're here for you!!!! God bless, Tracey

[> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: Jennifer (Hopeful) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10/29/07 8:20pm Samantha, Follow your heart! Please do not let anyone else make this decision for you but yourself!Because this is your body and your family cannot begin to feel the way that you are going to feel if you have the abortion. I would like for you to read my story on here the subject is "I let someone make my deciion." I had an abortion that I did not want because my fiance of 5 years thought that it was best! Everyone has their own views on abortion and I never thought that I would get one but I did and I regret it everyday! Please just read my story and try to really put some thought into it because it really is life changing. You will be in my prayers!

[> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 10/29/07 9:40pm Hi, Samantha, First, I would like to try to address some of your conclusions. You say you couldn't have an abortion. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! Feeling the way you do, it would be devastating. Don't assume that having an abortion is "what's best". It's definitely not. It is dangerous, and it could disable or even kill you. And you have a baby who is depending on you for your protection. Please protect your baby! You're right that most people aren't ready to begin with. That's why we are pregnant for nine months. It gives us time to prepare. You have obviously bonded with your baby. What would it do to you emotionally and spiritually for you to harm your baby now? Obviously, you have some people pressuring you, and that's wrong. Once you make your decision and announce it firmly, it might take a little bit, but people will accept it because they have to. I realize your mom wants to be supportive, but honestly, for her to suggest that she will support you no matter what you decide, is really, to my mind, a form of abandonment, and if I were in your shoes, I'd say so! That's her grandchild you are carrying! As for your boyfriend and his financial issues, the best thing to do, I think, is to get in touch with a crisis pregnancy agency. They can help you with financial issues, find you resources, help you plan. You can't really plan for the financial issues in a sense, because things never stay the same. We thought we would always be comfortable, and for quite a few years, we were, and then we went through quite a few years of real hardship. But now we're back to making good money, at least for now. So the more thing stay the same, the more they change. Your boyfriend needs to start thinking seriously about how he will provide for both of you. But with the help of a crisis pregnancy agency, you'd be surprised what you can accomplish. You're both a lot stronger than you think. Don't feel you have to tell your doctor anything. Let this settle in your own mind. Is he also suggesting abortion? I think it is despicable the way they pressure women to make such a momentous decision so quickly. By "they" I mean medical personnel, and it doesn't just include doctors. You don't have to think about adoption right now. If that is the right choice for you, you will know it later. Most women keep their babies, and you can do splendidly if you work at it. And you can still fulfill your dreams. I know, because I fulfilled mine, and then some, in spite of (and sometimes because of) the fact that we have seven children. Life for me has been unbelievably rich, in spite of the problems. Hang in there, and take one step at a time. And don't worry about relying on other people. We all depend on each other, and that's the way it is supposed to be. Seriously. We are all interdependent. Let people help you now, and later on, when you have more resources, you can help other people. Please be aware that if you have an abortion, it could destroy your relationship. So the right thing is to protect your baby, take it one day at a time, make the necessary decisions and adjustments and plans. Keep in touch. We'll be here for you. Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: someone please help Author: kali (lost!!!) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/27/07 12:16am hey im 16 n live w/ my bf whos also 16 .. i just found out im 3 weeks preg... n we told his family n there pushing abortion on us :<:< .. we both r strongly disargee ..our baby souldnt die because of our mistakes .. noone understands :< .. i feel so alone .. im lost :<:<, my bf works at tim hortons full time .. n im trying to get a job right now..i donno wut to do :<:< i say if we dont have susport from others this will be impossibe.. but if ppl r behide us on this .. then i know we can do it . can u plezz help me :<:

[> [> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/27/07 2:54pm Hi, Kali! You have come to the right place. We will support your decision to protect this baby. You probably will have some financial issues. It sounds like you already do. Please go to your local crisis pregnancy agency. They can help. Here are some lists of these agencies, where you can find one in your area: www.pregnancycenters.org You both have the right idea. We DO understand, and you are absolutely right: your baby should not die because of your mistakes. You are already head and shoulders above some people in maturity in spite of your young age. We will be here for you any time. Please keep us updated. Tell his family you have made your decision to have this baby. Keep telling them that. Don't discuss it. Just repeat your decision. If they start to hound you, leave the room or hang up the phone. If you leave the room and they follow you, just tell them that you won't discuss it because your mind is made up, you are going to leave the room again, and they are not to follow you. If they persist, leave the premises. Eventually they'll accept that you have made your decision. In time, they will almost certainly love their grandchild. If it will help, tell them that I have a two year old grandchild who was born to our son who is not married. I adore him! And he is very well behaved as well as very bright (he is learning two languages), and both his parents are taking excellent care of him. Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Hello Kali!!! Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/ 9/08 3:07am Kali~ Hello Kali and welcome!!! I know you are scared and confused right now, but the fact that you are taking a stand for your child(even when you're family's pushing you in the other direction) is admirable! :) You are young, but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't valid! And I commend your BF for standing by your side--he sounds like a keeper! ;) You are going need some resources, since you aren't sure how you are going to support your little one. So, first things first...we can help you in locating a pregnancy center in your area that will help you in many different ways. We just need to know your state and closest city. Crisis Pregnancy Centers are wonderful in providing women in unplanned pregnancies with things like, pre-natal care, financial help, items for the baby, etc. They also have wonderful counselors that want to offer you support and guidance in any way you need it. So, just let us know if you need help in locating a local center. In the meantime, we are here to offer you support, help, and guidance. You have found a safe place that wants to help in every way we can! I hope to hear from you and hope you continue to come back! I am praying for you Kali! God bless, Tracey

[> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: nadine [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05/14/08 12:31pm Hey Samantha ....I know what you are going through, because i am also 18 years of age and 6 weeks pregnant!I admire you so much because you had the guts to tell your parents about your pregnancy I am still struggling with that..The idea of dissapointing my family makes me blead inside, I am busy studying Law so it makes it even harder! Nobody can make you have an abortion or adoption this is our children and it is so scary because even though God blessed us with a tiny baby growing inside of us, i still feel that I am not ready for this step in my life...I hope we can communicate with each other.....Be strong

[> Subject: Re: someone please help Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/18/08 11:03am Samantha, I'm sorry I didn't run across your post until just now. It's been about a month and a half since you posted. I'm hoping that you decided to follow your heart and keep your baby. It breaks my heart when I read of women who sound like they will make wonderful mothers struggling with lack of support by those closest to them. Those around them should support them and help them to feel joy and anticipation! Instead, the pregnant women have to DEFEND their desire to protect their offspring! It shouldn't be that way. I will guarantee you that if you do choose to have your baby, your mother will come around to being VERY glad that you did when she holds her little grandbaby in her arms... Regardless of what you decided, be sure to post back to let us know how you're doing. This group is a very supportive bunch. Sharon P.S. Years ago, my mother encouraged me to have an abortion, but instead I took the advice of my stepmother and I chose to have my baby. He's now 29 years old! In fact, his girlfriend and he just had THEIR first child on Oct. 29 (the day you posted! ;-)