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Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Tracey [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 04/16/07 6:04am In reply to: jaye 's message, "guilt and regret" on 04/ 6/07 12:01pm Hi Jaye~ I know you are hurting right now...abortion goes against all that is sacred to womanhood and true femininity. There is nothing this side of heaven that compares to the wonder of conception, the development of life in the sanctuary of the womb, and the miracle of birth. It is a woman's nature to give life and abortion violates all of this. The past is over; you can't change it. But you can move away from the pain of the past and face the future with hope if you Repent of your sin, accept God's forgiveness, and forgive yourself. God loves you and cares for you, Jaye. He wants to help you...to heal you. He wants you to receive mercy and forgiveness through repentance and confession. The Bible says that God actually delights in mercy (Micah 7:18). He wants to be merciful to you. He paid a great price in order to help you. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16) Your aborted baby has already passed into the hands of our loving and merciful God. You can't bring your baby back, but you can move away from the pain of your past by placing your life in God's hands.You don't have to fear One who loves you so much. You won't see condemnation in the eyes of the Savior who died on the cross for your sins. He knows your pain and He is willing to share it: if you will let Him. He knows your sin and He is willing to forgive it...if you will acknowledge it and seek His forgiveness. Jesus died on the cross that you might be forgiven, healed and restored. The bible says, "Surely He hath born our griefs, and carried our sorrows...He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healed" (Isaiah 53:4-5) Jaye, you may not be able to completely forget your sin as God does, but you can believe that you are truly forgiven- if you believe what the Bible says: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9) Jaye, I am praying for your comfort and for your healing. While you will never forget your abortion, know that God forgives you...and He loves you SO very much! Please feel free to continue to post here. And if you ever feel the desire, we'd love to have you back to post to other women who may need to hear from someone who's been there. Please know that I am praying for you! God bless, Tracey [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/24/07 8:53pm Hi, Jaye! I hope you get a chance to read this; it has been a couple of weeks since someone last posted. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Knowing God has forgiven you is not the same thing as being able to forgive yourself. This can be a huge struggle. Let me tell you about the awesome God we have. King David of the Old Testament coveted Bathsheba, so he arranged for her husband to go to the front of battle so he would be killed. Effectively he murdered her husband. So what did God do? In the long run, God allowed David to be one of the ancestors of Jesus, and said, David was a man after His own heart! And a man named Saul in the New Testament was going around killing Christians. He was involved in the martyrdom of Stephen. And what did God do? He appeared to Saul on the road to Damascus and turned his life around. Saul became Paul the Apostle. What phenomenal grace this is! And I owe my faith to the preaching of Paul, because he preached to my ancestors! So if God will forgive and use these men after they had murdered, He can and will forgive you. Because of your sorrow and shame, He already has, and He has paid the price for your sin. ALL of it. All you have to do is accept. God is our loving Father. If your earthly father gave you a gift, he would be happy if you accept, and unhappy if you refused it. Salvation is God's free gift to us, with no conditions attached. Accept it! As for forgiving yourself, just tell yourself that if God can and does forgive you, you also need to forgive yourself. It may take time; it may take a lot of time. But it can happen. Just keep telling yourself that God has given you the gift of forgiveness, and it would be an affront to Him not to accept it! Because of the fact it's a free gift, paid for by Jesus' blood, that just makes this gift such a gift which is past understanding. If they tell you in church that it is a free gift, and you can't add anything to it, you are in the right place. Jesus said, "It is finished." What was finished? His death and the gift He gave us. If the church tells you that you have to DO something to finish your salvation, find another church! For by grace you are saved through faith. It is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9. We love you and will pray for your healing. Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 04/28/07 10:07am "If they tell you in church that it is a free gift, and you can't add anything to it, you are in the right place. Jesus said, "It is finished." What was finished? His death and the gift He gave us. If the church tells you that you have to DO something to finish your salvation, find another church! For by grace you are saved through faith. It is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. Ephesians 2:8-9." Amen! Thanks for the encouragement in the truth, Pat. It really does set us free. Amazing grace wouldn't be amazing if it were something we earned or deserved. :) Heather

[> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Tracey (Jaye, how are you doing?) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05/ 1/07 3:50am Jaye~h Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing? How are you feeling? If you ever need to talk, we are here. You are in my thought and prayers! God bless, Tracey

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: jaye (hopeful of grace) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05/ 6/07 6:28pm Hi guys thanks for all the great warmth and support. I know for a fact that I can be hard on myself, but my abortion was for selfish and really stupid reasons. I know God has frogiven me and that the child is in a better place to be, and now its up to me work out my salvation. I haven't been to church since easter Sunday. I just find it difficult to really come back to God after everything I have done, its so many promises Lord I'll be straight and serious get my life on track then when something or someone is taken from me I just fall again. 'There's no stablity" but I realise am quite focus and discipline to do anything once I change my mind set. This month was my due date and I am all about emotions . I will survive. Jaye

[> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 05/ 7/07 10:17pm Jaye, I meant to say on the other thread that your post(s) have been a joy to read, too. You are an amazing woman and I can really see God working in you. You say that it's hard because you're aware of the promises you make to God to 'get back on track' and feel defeated when things do go as planned. You're in company! Christians throughout time eternity have struggled with that discouragement. Our hope, though, is a sure foundation in Christ. He said at the cross, "It is finished." That means that our salvation, from start to finished, was secured for us at that point in history when he conquered death for it. Practically speaking, this means that while you and I should do our very best to live our lives "in a manner worthy of that which we've been called" as the Bible says, we should in no way think, even for a minute, that anything we do (good OR bad) adds or subtracts in any way to our salvation in Christ. Because it's HIS righteousness that secured it for us, not our own, and we are simply being clothed in His grace. We miss this a lot. It comes to mind readily enough for the Christian to know that when Christ died on the cross He did so to forgive our sins. But how often to remember that He didn't just leave it at that? In addition to wiping our slates clean he gave us something else in sin's place. He imputed HIS righteousness to us so we could be reconciled to God, which is what the desire of our hearts is. Of course we still sin, and will until we are finally at rest at home with the One who made us. But we grow in grace, and you my dear sister are a shining testimony of this. Just hold on to the heart of the gospel! Found well summarized in Ephesians: "For it is by GRACE we have been saved, through faith, and that not our ourselves it is a gift of God, NOT A RESULT OF WORKS lest any man should boast. For we are HIS workmanship." (Caps are mine.) So when you're discouraged when you blow it, just confess your sin, repent, and move on knowing you're wholly forgiven. The same God that is holy, perfect, and who we stand condemned before rightly for our sins apart from Christ, is also tender, forgiving, and compassionate to those who come to Him. And He loves you! Don't let having a sin nature like the rest of us keep you out of church. There is a great family of support for you there. Thanks for being willing to share a little bit of your life and journey here. It's very good to read. Love, Heather

[> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Sandee (at a loss) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/13/07 7:08am My 17 year old daughter is 2/12 months pregnant and has already set her mind on abortion. I am very upset with her decision. I remember considering the same with my second child but didn't have the courage to go through with it and am glad that I didn't. I now have two beautiful girls. I've read the horror stories and how the experience had left traumatic scarring in all aspects. I don't want that for my daughter. I don't think that she even realizes what abortion does to a woman's body amd mind. Just the thought of knowing that my grandchild wasn't given a chance at life is unfair and disheartening. I pray that God will forgive her. Her procedure is set for Friday, 6/15/07.

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/13/07 11:19am Sandee, Here is one place where you will need to show her some tough love, and it might or might not work. Tell her that she is threatening to abort your grandchild, and that this is unacceptable. Tell her that if she has an abortion, they will slice up her baby, and this will cause your grandchild excruciating pain. Tell her that abortion is NOT safe, and she could bring harm on herself, up to and including death. Tell her that if she does, you will disown her. Mean it. Tell her that you won't have a murderer in your home. (If she is not living in your home, you can still tell her that she is not to call or visit you at all, if she goes through with it.) I don't know if this will work, but it's the only thing I can think of. Or, hijack her and have someone who can show her what abortion is talk to her. And if she still persists, go back to disowning her. Feel free to yell and scream at her. Let her SEE how you feel. It's not that you want to reject her. But the fact is, God will reject her if she does that and doesn't repent, so it is certainly appropriate. And obviously, if she does it and repents later, you will want to take her back. But right now, she needs to be stopped by any means possible. I can think of only one thing to do and that is to make your opposition EMPHATIC. She needs to know that even if she gets away with it (emotionally and medically), there will be consequences. It might or might not work. All I can tell you is that I told our children that if they ever got involved in abortion, they would be disinherited, that it is in our wills. And nobody did. One thing also to keep in mind that I learned is that sometimes we aren't meant to save a particular baby, but the next baby that woman conceives. She may also be getting pressure from the father of the child, so if you can read HIM the riot act, you should also do that. Tell him that if he is pressuring her in any way, you will sue him for wrongful death. You can find an attorney who will do this pro bono, in all probability. It's not an angle that I know of has been tried. But there are attorneys out there who will do pro bono work on abortion cases. We can help you find one. You can even tell your daughter you will sue HER for wrongful death if she does it. If possible, enlist him to tell her that if she does it, their relationship is OVER. It's even possible that he would like to protect his child, but thinks he doesn't stand a chance. I realize this will make it difficult for her to reconcile with you, so think of a way of letting her know that you love her, and that's why you have to do this, and that if she has medical problems or whatever, or wants to be reconciled she may contact you, but NOT UNTIL she has repented and sought God's forgiveness. Maybe a crisis pregnancy counselor can help with that. This is the hardest part for me to wrap my brain around. We will pray for her. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/13/07 11:37am Sandee, My heart goes out to you! I was wondering, what state do you live in? Does your state require parental consent? Why does your daughter want to abort? Does the baby's father want the child aborted? Does your daughter know what her baby looks like? Is she aware of the development that has taken place? If she isn't, she'll most likely learn later and be devastated. A lot of girls are lied to by the abortion clinics. They are told, "it's just a blob of tissue at this point". Your daughter should have all the facts. Here's some fetal development info: 10 weeks 10 weeks pregnant:eight weeks after conception *From this week until birth, the developing organism is called a fetus. *The fetus is now the size of a small strawberry. *The feet are 2mm long (one tenth of an inch). The neck is beginning to take shape. *The body muscles are almost developed. Baby has begun movement. *While still too small for you to feel, your little one is wriggling and shifting. *The jaws are in place. The mouth cavity and the nose are joined. *The ears and nose can now be seen clearly. *Fingerprints are already evident in the skin. *Nipples and hair follicles begin to form. The unborn baby is now called a fetus. Though the fetus is constantly moving, you will not be able to actually feel fetal movement for several more weeks. All of the organs, muscles, and nerves are in place and beginning to function. As the hands and feet develop fingers and toes, they have lost their paddle like look. The touch pads on the fingers form and already have fingerprints. I'd like to talk to you more, but first, I'd like you to answer the questions above. Please post here as often as you like. And feel free to direct your daughter to this board. I'd love to hear her thoughts. Take care, Shellie

[> [> [> [> [> [> [> Subject: Re: guilt and regret Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 06/13/07 2:37pm Hi Sandee. I think you are refreshing. I have, in my time, seen a lot of moms literally pushing their daughters in the door of the clinic. The daughters sometimes even protesting, but then when they are asked they will usually give in. As for tough love, you know your daughter. I would definitely consider a tougher approach, but you know her personality. Ask her if she has seen what happens during an abortion. Tell her she will see someday, even if she doesn't want to know now. Sometimes that works and other times they will do pretty much the opposite of whatever you want. Has she talked to you about it much? Obviously you at least know. I would want to know what the boyfriend is saying. If he (and possibly his parents) are having a say in this, then perhaps it would help if you didn't make any immediate financial demands on them. I think a lot of guys and their families just see 18 years of child support and don't consider the long term effects or consequences. Just let her know that she and her baby will be very supported, she doesn't have to give up her dreams (if you are willing and able to help her.) She also will not be the same. If she has an abortion she doesn't just go back like nothing happened. I think a lot of young girls don't realize this - they may know it, but they just want things to be like before. You don't just become unpregnant. You always know. It will change her either way. She can meet the challenge of being a new parent or harden her heart and have that process affect here that way. Also, you might let her know that most relationships do not survive an abortion, if she still wants to continue a relationship with the baby's father. Obviously having a baby is difficult as well, but an abortion seems to kill a relationship very quickly. Pregnancy has a way of testing a guy's committment level real quickly. I will say one thing, if you know where the clinic is, it would be good to be there, even though it would be difficult, but you should under no circumstances take her. You probably know that already, but some parents will take their daughter to show love, but if she has problems later, then it often backfires. My heart really goes out to you. Sometimes, I know it would be nice to painlessly knock sense into them. (Not advocating violence here, but I think you'll know what I mean.) I can see that you love your daughter. If she does not listen to you, then we can point you in the direction of support hopefully for both of you. Hang in there and don't give up until it's over.